Help is assistance, support, participation of one person in the life of another. People ask for help when it is difficult or impossible to cope with life’s problems on their own.
Man is not omnipotent. Asking other people for help is natural and normal, it is a social skill. Don't be afraid to ask for help. But doing this is not always easy or simple. Having to ask for help sometimes brings up a lot of negative feelings.
When and how to ask people for help?
To ask or not to ask?
Why does one person ask for help without hesitation when he is too lazy to do something on his own, while another does not turn to people when it is absolutely necessary in difficult times?
The ability and ability to ask for help is formed (or not formed) as a social skill. This skill is acquired in childhood, when a child, having learned to speak, demands the benefits and attention of his parents that he needs. The child is taught to correctly ask for help from adults. The word “please” is the first “magic” word, the power of which a baby learns to use.
The ability to say to yourself and others “I am asking for help” depends on character and temperament. One individual takes the benefits provided for granted, while the other suffers need, being afraid to ask for help.
Shy, indecisive individuals are afraid to ask for help, especially from strangers. But the proud and arrogant believe that by asking for help, they will humiliate themselves and show incompetence.
People seek support when a problem becomes too difficult. The realization that outside help would be useful comes late.
Subjects who achieve personal goals at the expense of others use requests for assistance as a manipulative method. In this case, a request is a means to force a person to do what the manipulator wants.
People feel awkward when they have to ask for help. There is a feeling of one’s own inferiority and the superiority of the person who helps. These feelings are caused by existing stereotypes: a successful and independent person copes with problems and difficulties on his own, while a loser begs for help.
If asking for help is perceived as a humiliating necessity, the individual should work on himself and change his attitude towards support from other people.
Failure to ask for help can have irreparable consequences, especially if a person needs it urgently.
Often strong people endure physical or mental pain without turning to specialists who can help and without telling close relatives about it.
Special social institutions and services help in difficult and emergency situations, including providing emergency assistance. Every citizen should know where and what phone number or address to contact in case of a threat to life and health or if other people need help.
The theory of catastrophes, or How to look at the situation soberly
“There is a theory of catastrophes that, as if behind the scenes, calculates the pros and cons of actions, summing up both. And then it displays the result, and either success or failure happens in life,” says practicing psychologist and coach Oksana Tumadin
. – It’s the same in life. If you take an honest look at yourself and your everyday life, it will become clear where our thoughts are directed during the day. And if the focus of attention is mostly on the negatives, the emphasis on problems, then a lot of negativity accumulates and one day problems collapse on all fronts at the same time, dragging down one area after another.”
“In times of crisis, we either take an infantile position and think that perhaps everything will resolve itself, or we are overwhelmed by an omnipotence complex. We believe that we can solve everything ourselves,” says Tatyana Popova, associate professor of the department of psychotherapy and psychological counseling at the Moscow Institute of Psychoanalysis, senior researcher at the Federal State Budgetary Institution “PI RAO”.
. – Of course, one cannot do without a feeling of guilt: they say, I couldn’t, I couldn’t stand it, I didn’t have time, I didn’t finish watching. And asking for help, it seems to us, is generally impossible, moreover, this is not encouraged by society: “only the weak ask for help,” it’s scary that they will regret it, and someone will gloat. Eric Berne, the author of transactional analysis, described three ego states: the Child ego state, the Parent ego state and the Adult ego state. Undoubtedly, all states are valuable and necessary, but it is very important that at the moment when a person comprehends his problem, he takes the position of an Adult. And this means taking responsibility, assessing reality, considering risks and realizing your own capabilities.”
Algorithm for asking for help
Man is a social being. Society is built on the ability of people to interact. Help and mutual assistance are necessary and important social phenomena. An individual of any age, gender, social status has the right to turn to people for help. But it is not always possible to get help. How to ask for help correctly so that it is provided?
Algorithm of actions for someone asking for help:
- Awareness of need. Having become accustomed to being independent, people do not understand that they can and should ask for help, and sometimes this is the only way out of a difficult situation. Saying “I did what I could, but it wasn’t enough, so I’m asking people for help” is more difficult for yourself than for others. In emergency situations, such a decision must be made quickly.
- Formulation of the request. A person does not always understand how people can help him if he does not know what words to use to address them. When the subject experiences hunger, he will become aware of it and will ask a loved one to prepare food. Things are more complicated when a person feels and experiences previously unknown feelings, emotions, and needs. When a person is faced with the unknown, he first understands the situation and puts into words what is happening. We need to try to do this clearly so that people can help solve the problem.
- Finding someone who can help. They ask for help from a specialist whose professional responsibilities include providing assistance and support, from loved ones, relatives or strangers, depending on the situation.
Self-help is part of helping. No specialist can help a person who refuses to cooperate and assist.
You shouldn’t be embarrassed to ask for help, but you shouldn’t play the role of a “victim” in order to get the support you want.
- Actually a request for help. Convey a request for help in words clearly, briefly and politely, without unnecessary emotions. If the person being addressed agrees to help and asks to explain the situation in more detail, this should also be done calmly and with restraint.
A request made in a rude manner is perceived as a demand. I don’t want to fulfill such a request. There is no desire to help the person who asks dismissively or causes a feeling of guilt for not helping him earlier. People who ask too pitifully or in a panic also cause unpleasant feelings. Wanting to support another, you don’t want to “get infected” and “plunge” into negativity, since in such a state it is more difficult to provide the necessary support and assistance.
When an individual asks for help in a positive manner, containing pride and excitement, he shows strength, not weakness of character.
Negative emotions, fear of seeming stupid, insolvent, inadequate lead to the fact that a person asks for help in an undesirable form and, as a result, receives a refusal.
How to ask not to be refused
Good afternoon
Today you will find 7 rules on how to ask correctly and get what you want.
But before I share the algorithm for asking correctly, I want to ask you a question: do you know how to ask? Do you love it? Do you do it calmly and whenever you need something? Or do you put it off, hoping that you can handle it yourself or that someone will offer help?
As practice shows, our reluctance and inability to ask leads to disastrous results.
Really:
“We expect our loved ones to understand that we need help.” And as a result, we are faced with disappointment, resentment, the feeling that we were not understood and that they do not want to help. Alas, our loved ones are not psychics and are unlikely to read our thoughts. Therefore, you should not waste time on dreams, it is better to explain yourself.
- We dream of a surprise. An unexpected gift, help, sympathy undoubtedly makes you happy, but in this case you will have to wait until your next birthday or March 8th.
“We put worries and troubles on ourselves, instead of making just one request.
- We lose care and spoil relationships because we do not respond in a timely manner to the attention offered.
“We harbor resentment and anger, but our hint was simply not heard or not understood.”
Sound familiar?
Then let's figure it out
Why don't we like to ask?
There are many reasons why we don’t like to ask. You don’t like to borrow money and live by the motto: “I do it myself.” Your mother patiently took on responsibilities in the family, at work, and for loved ones. You sincerely believe that others will not do better. You may think that asking is awkward and rude. It’s easier for you to cope with difficulties yourself than to become dependent. Or maybe you are afraid of being rejected or causing inconvenience.
Of course, you can proudly and independently solve all your problems, of which there are usually many, but you can choose another path, more natural for a woman.
Why asking is important
1 If a woman does not make a request to a man, then he believes that she can handle it herself, and she doesn’t really need him
2 Having become accustomed to the fact that you never ask, your unexpected request will look to those around you as something unnecessary, as an encroachment on already planned time, as your ineptitude in some matter.
3 The more often you ask, the better you do it. If you rarely ask, then it looks somehow insecure.
4 In the process of requesting and fulfilling it, relationships are built. Partners become more attentive to each other.
5 Loved ones feel responsibility and trust. The fewer secrets, the more honest the relationship
Psychologists have long proven that when we do something for others, we perceive the person for whom we are doing it as part of our life. By investing time and energy in the affairs of another, we become closer. The more we know about someone and do something important for them, the closer and more interested we become.
How to ask wrong
1 Don't ask for what you can do yourself. This reduces the importance of the request and turns it into a bore.
2 Do not turn communication into a cascade of requests and instructions. Otherwise, it seems that you are burdening yourself with your problems. Alternate requests with other situations.
3 A request should be followed by gratitude. Do not say in response to the fulfillment of a request, “Well, this is better,” “It would have been like this a long time ago,” “I won’t ask you a hundred times yet...” Say, “Thank you,” or “You helped me a lot,” that’s enough.
4 Don’t ask directly, without preparation. Even if you are in a hurry, explain the situation, at least in a few words.
5 Don't overdo it. Excessive ingratiation and pretense will turn the request into a game and instead of help you will receive flirting in return. And in general, you may be misunderstood.
It is wrong to think that someone is ready to fulfill our requests because they have to. A sense of duty or responsibility will force you to help you several times, but then you will be refused. It is better to appeal to love and sincere feelings.
How to ask correctly
1 Your request must be clear. Vague requests lead to vague results. Indicate dates, quantities, names. Emphasize if the request must be completed on time.
2 Make requests in a timely manner. A request made in the back of someone leaving may not be heard and easily forgotten.
3. Be prepared for rejection. There is no greater insult than refusal where we are sure of a good outcome. If you have an alternative option prepared, you will relax and it will be easier for you to ask.
4 Start your request with a compliment. Say that you hope for help, that “no one can do it better”, that “you are still grateful for your previous actions”, “that you believe in strength”...
5 Justify your request. Tell us why this is so important to you, why you don’t have time or can’t do it yourself.
6 Do not use manipulation and do not turn a request into a demand. Speak calmly, even if they refuse. Expressing resentment or anger is a hidden manipulation, so don’t rush to pout, cry or say: “Okay, I’ll remember,” this will help no more than three times, and then it will only ruin the relationship.
7 The size of the gratitude should correspond to the size of the request. For small requests, just smile and say, “Thank you,” and you can offer your help in return. For great help, you should express your sincere gratitude, you can thank him with a gift. You can even thank them in advance, this will increase the feeling of need and responsibility.
If you are refused:
1 Express sincere disappointment, say that you are “Sorry”, that “you were counting on support.” Just don’t generalize or reproach “It’s always like this with you”... You could say that you get rejected so often that you start keeping a list of refusals.
2 Be honest with yourself. Analyze why you were rejected. The person really doesn’t have time and you came at the wrong time or he has other, deeper reasons. Often, in case of refusal, we shift the blame onto the person who refused, and do not want to face the truth. In fact, we may be talking about difficulties in relationships, but we don’t want to admit it.
3 Don't turn refusal into conflict. Better offer an alternative option. Ask when they can help you, maybe just rescheduling is enough. Or ask for advice on how to get out of a difficult situation. Often a joint search for an answer leads to a solution.
4 The statement: “Then I will ask someone else for help,” is manipulative. But if you are really determined to look for another assistant, then admit that you will look for “another option.”
5 Don't be afraid to repeat requests. Remember what results children achieve by repeating what they want. Instead of fuming from silence or refusal, it is better to cool down and try again. Perhaps your request simply was not heard or the man was too busy. It is important to make the request as if for the first time. It is quite possible that your interlocutor really paid attention to your request for the first time.
You can learn even more rules for the correct request and secrets of getting out of difficult situations from the video lesson “How to ask so as not to be refused” >>> https://clck.ru/BLBox
“Ask, and it will be given to you” - Matthew 7:7 >>> https://clck.ru/BLBox
Find out how long the collection will take
Charitable foundations are not a magic bag of money; few non-profit organizations have a reserve of emergency funds.
Typically, targeted assistance funds conduct targeted collections for a specific applicant - and this takes time. It will also take time for the foundation staff to prepare a publication for their website. In addition, there is usually some queue of applicants. Sometimes, when it comes to life and death, the fund may let the applicant go ahead in such a queue, and, making additional efforts, open the collection urgently - but this is rather an exception. It makes sense, when contacting the fund, to find out how long it takes on average to prepare a request and collect the money itself. This is especially important when planning complex treatment, such as cancer.
Provide the required documents
Decisions in funds are made based not on emotions, but on documents and certain procedures. The fund staff really sympathizes with you and wants to help, but the first thing they will ask for is documents confirming your problem and your inability to solve it on your own or with government help. And they are right.
Foundations are responsible to their donors for how they spend money - and whether they pay for what is already due from the state.
Carefully read the requirements for documents of applicants on the fund’s website and attach the necessary certificates, extracts, etc. to your first letter to the fund. This will speed up the processing of your request, which means help will be provided faster.
How to get Rod's help
Keep old photos, don't throw them in the trash...
The help of the Family is the most powerful force that you have from birth, it is your personal magical ability, your Inviolable Reserve of Power. This is something that no witch can take away from you, no sect and no most powerful magic can steal it.
The master can interrupt the connection with Rod artificially, and in some cases this is necessary, but only at your request. I will write about this in future articles... Negative magic can, of course, kill a person, but it is impossible to break the connection with the Family by someone else’s Will.
the magic of your Family with your life, only this way and always like this.
While you are alive, you have this opportunity - to call your Family for help through the call of deceased relatives.
But this possibility must be treated as the most extreme. Because help will come to you only once. My mentor taught me this: if you can help a person survive in a different way, then you need to do it differently. And if you can’t, then call Rod.
However, now, due to the spread of magical practices, turning to the Family has become almost an everyday technique. I had a client who managed to invite Rod to a love spell ceremony... It ended badly, Rod punished her with loneliness and illness.
Since now too many techniques have already entered the accessible field for the uninitiated, I have no obligation to keep this knowledge secret. Moreover, it is not enough to have technology, you must have the strength to use it...
I will not develop this topic here.
But I will write an approximate algorithm for contacting Rod: · First, about the reasons for contacting Rod.
- Traditionally, these reasons were divided into personal health and continuation of the Family. Of course, no requests for “holy love” that “knit two hearts to the grave” were out of the question. Rod is about birth, life and death.
- Now views have changed. This is understandable, life has become softer, the world is more comfortable, and people think that a broken heart and loss of money are “extreme cases.” Well, everyone decides for themselves. Just think before you ask: once Rod will respond, but the second time... not for everyone and not always.
Next, how to ask? What needs to be done for this? Let me give you the structure of the ceremony:
- It may be different, but the beginning is the same: remember the closest relative of the deceased, make sure that it is he, and that you had no one closer. This is a very important stage. If you mix it up, there will be no second chance.
- After you have chosen the closest of the departed, remember this entire branch of the family. Draw a tree directly, write names, neatly, beautifully. Spend more than one day on this, preferably three or more. Find all possible photographs of these relatives.
- Choose a nice bright day when you are healthy and energetic, a place where you can be alone. It is advisable to carry out the ritual at night, so there is less interference.
Keep old photos, now they are often thrown away... in vain
- Hang photos of your loved ones on the walls of the room or lay them out on the floor. Someday I’ll write a post about old photos, they are now undeservedly neglected, but in vain... Light candles, if you are a believer, then church ones, no, any kind. I compose a special runescript for this ritual for clients and conduct it according to tradition.
- But in the independent version, you need to kneel down and ask in your own words for protection and support in what you ask from Rod. Start asking with the closest deceased and then name everyone you wrote from the closest in time to the farthest.
- If you do the ritual yourself, do not get up from your knees or at least from the floor until the candles burn out. Try to meditate, remembering your loved ones, their best qualities, think about how you could be useful to your Family, think in a realistic, effective way.
- When the candles burn out, collect the photo and Family Tree and place it next to you for 40 days. Then burn it all, scatter the ashes to the wind with the words: dust to dust, living to living.
Usually during these 40 days you have strange dreams, there are breakthroughs into the astral world, and people who come from “the other side” also happen. In general, no matter what happens, you should not be afraid, if you asked for good for the Family, you will not be punished. Well, of course, unreasonable, stupid, selfish requests are not allowed.
In my practice, Rod helped best:
- young people to get well,
- infertile women to give birth to a child,
- Now there are cases of getting rid of severe addictions with the help of Ancestral magic.
But the latter must be done under the supervision of a master, since the altered consciousness of a person with addiction can lead into terrible jungle.
This is the Magic of the Family. Now you also have this Knowledge. Try to manage it wisely.
Good luck to my readers .
Inga Rayskaya
Use foot-in-the-door or door-in-the-face techniques
These tactics essentially help manipulate people, so they need to be used carefully. The “foot in the door” technique - you make a small request, which you definitely will not be refused, and then ask for something more serious.
The door-to-face technique works in the opposite way. When a big request is denied, you immediately ask for a smaller favor that seems more reasonable than the previous request. Because of this, the person feels guilty and tries to help.
For example, you ask a friend: “Could you give me a car ride to the center?” He says: "No." Then you continue: “And to the nearest metro?” This method is based on a social-psychological phenomenon - people tend to make a concession and agree to an unattractive offer if it is made immediately after they have refused another, more onerous request.
Don't go abroad
It is very important to understand that in the case of complex long-term treatment (for example, with an oncological diagnosis), the choice of going abroad is actually emigration, and funds are not able to finance such a choice. If help can be obtained in Russia, you will not be paid abroad. This is exactly how most NGOs work now, collecting money for treatment and rehabilitation. In a large number of cases, in Russia you can get high-quality help - if not for free, then for money, and it will cost less than going abroad. Funds take this into account when deciding on collections.
The most difficult situation finds itself in the applicants who, without the recommendation of their treating doctors, went abroad for treatment, and there the funds collected on their own have run out, and the treatment must be continued. Unable to obtain independent medical recommendations (after all, no one cares for such a patient in their home country), the funds are forced to refuse them. Therefore, do not go abroad without the recommendation of your attending physician or another very serious reason - if you plan to be treated using charity funds.
