How to find your person? Tips and tricks

October 20, 2018
Psychology of relationships
Yulia Shishkina

All people want to love and be loved, but not everyone knows how to find their person. Everyone needs to find their own happiness, and time spent alone is far from happy and makes you feel unnecessary. If you want to quickly find true love and build a strong family, you need to act right now.

Start with yourself

Everyone knows that soul, character and interests are valued in people. But appearance is still important when you plan to impress others and find your person. Is it worth looking for it if you are not ready to show your best side? Take care of your appearance, carefully ensure that your clothes always remain neat and your hair is clean and shiny. This does not mean that you need to visit a beauty salon every day. It will be enough to create a neat image that will be pleasing to the eye.

Raise your self-esteem and give this moment the attention it deserves. After all, before you find your person in love, you must learn to accept yourself. People around you will not want to see next to them a person who is constantly dissatisfied with his life, complains about fate, or has endless complexes. Happy people are valued in any society. By loving yourself, you will create a confident appearance that will attract similar people to you.

As simple as it may be, not everyone uses this method. The way it works is that you should always be positive. A sincere smile will become your main decoration and business card, by which your future partner will understand that it will be comfortable and easy with you.

Decide on your goal

If you are thinking about how to find your destiny person, you should first decide what you want. If you want someone to share many years with you and start a family, don't settle for less.

Avoid those who are committed to short-term relationships. No matter how much you sympathize with such a person, it is better to immediately tell about your plans. There is no need to immediately run to the registry office after meeting, but it would not hurt to ask what desires and plans for life the future chosen one has. It is human nature to change your views, but if you start wasting time on frivolous and frivolous people, you will miss out on someone who has goals similar to yours.

Attract what you want to you

Even if you feel awkward and don’t know how to find your person, you don’t need to tell everyone around you that you’re okay with being single. This is a defense mechanism for those who do not want to appear more unlucky in love than the people around them.

Be honest with yourself and admit that you want a happy relationship, because there is nothing to be ashamed of. Tell yourself that you will definitely meet the right person, and don't stop thinking in a positive way. This attitude will not only set you up for success, but will also attract what you want to you.

Why are people lonely?

There are more reasons for loneliness than is commonly thought. About people over 30-40 years old who do not have a loved one, most often they put forward rather banal versions: a tendency towards careerism, an unpleasant character, a love of loneliness. Most often, such judgments about strangers are erroneous and one-sided. Even when analyzing their own loneliness, people often do not understand its true reasons:

Crown of celibacy. This version is often put forward as a joke, but in fact, it is quite real. If in a past life a person was a monk or nun, or died young and did not meet his love, in the next incarnation he can continue to carry this program. In addition, there are damage and curses on celibacy. In essence, this is a programmatic ban on having a happy personal life. A person with such a problem can start a relationship, but it does not become serious or long-lasting.
Psychological blocks and unconscious resistance on the part of the person himself, his psyche. Such blocks appear as a result of a painful experience in youth, or an unsuccessful example of parental relationships in the family, or because of a person’s dislike for himself. Many people, without realizing it, consider relationships to be something alarming and dangerous. It seems to them that there are no happy couples, and any romance will only make things worse for them. In addition, they may consider themselves ugly and unworthy of love. Often, such blocks arise to save a person from pain in the event of a real failure, but they do not allow starting any relationship at all.
Karmic prohibitions and oaths of fidelity in past lives. If in a previous incarnation a person had a soulmate, he could take an oath of eternal love and fidelity to her. Especially strong vows continue to operate in subsequent incarnations, which interferes with the search for a partner. Karmic prohibitions can be imposed on a person’s soul for his behavior in past lives. For example, he was a traitor, broke hearts, and for this he is punished by loneliness in the next incarnation.

All these reasons give rise to loneliness and lack of love in life. Because of them, a person behaves incorrectly and does not find his love.

Live more actively

How to find your person in a life that is devoid of entertainment and joy? If you constantly sit at home or work late every day, it will be impossible to meet your future chosen one for a simple reason - he won’t even see you.

Always show up at public events, go to the theater or cinema. An excellent solution would be to attend a lecture, exhibition or seminar on a topic that really interests you. And if you meet someone you like there, it will be easier for you to start a conversation, since you will understand what interests him.

If you are a very kind-hearted person who wants to find an equally open-minded life partner, you can try your hand at helping others. Volunteer or find any other activity that will benefit others. This way, you will get a chance to meet someone like you, enjoy doing good deeds, and begin to radiate even more positivity.

Attend interest groups

Finding your person, as well as starting a family with him in the future, is not an easy task. But it will be even more difficult to maintain mutual understanding and interest in a relationship with someone with whom you have nothing in common.

You can simplify the task and immediately start looking for something that will share your passions. If you love drawing, take a class that teaches this skill. There you will definitely notice someone who is interested in art as much as you are. A pleasant bonus will be that even if you don’t immediately take a closer look at the person, he will certainly return to class again, and you will get a second chance.

How to meet your person and not make the wrong choice

This question is quite complex, very individual, but there are some general rules. So, a woman falls in love not with the man himself, but with her feelings associated with him. How to interpret this? If you communicate with a man and you like the way you feel around him, then this communication is definitely worth continuing. For example, next to this man you can relax, you feel very feminine, soft, gentle, you are calm, you don’t feel fuss, you want to trust and submit to this man. BUT! With all this, you do not dissolve in it, do not lose yourself, but feel relaxed, confident, and feel like a real woman.

How to find a good husband

The man who evokes these feelings in you may well become a candidate for a life partner. Therefore, at the initial stage, at least two conditions must be met: a man likes a woman so that he has an incentive to conquer her; the woman likes herself next to this man. As you can see, it is not necessary for a woman to immediately fall in love with a man. Fortunately, at the first stages of building a relationship, our minds, on the contrary, wake up, and we can still sensibly assess the situation.

How to arouse a man's interest

A woman then becomes interesting to a man when she is interesting to herself, she has her own life, hobbies, she is not fixated on a man and relationships. Then the law of attraction works. A trivial, but illustrative example: at the beginning of a relationship, we don’t pay much attention to whether the man called or not, wrote or not. This is because we seem to be interested in him, but not very much. There is him, and there are several other suitors who also ask for dates and give compliments, so among this abundance we do not direct all our energy to just one.

Don't get hung up on a man

When a woman does not become fixated on a man, does not impatiently wait for news from him, but calmly goes about her business, then this is what makes him interesting. In contrast, when you have already been in a relationship for some time, of all the gentlemen there is only one He, then it is important to be able to disperse your focus of attention and treat the man with the same ease. But usually it’s the other way around, we start to get nervous when he calls back not in an hour, as promised, but in five, or even the next day. During the conversation we show indignation, and long live the “Friendship” chainsaw. From this moment on, lightness is lost, and you need to work on yourself to get everything back.

Ask friends for help

Feel free to share with your loved ones your dreams of how you want to find your person. The main thing is not to rely only on their help, but if they offer it, it will not be superfluous. Throw a party at home, and your friends can bring people from their group. This way you can meet someone and chat in a fun environment.

No one should force you to immediately decide whether you like a person or not. It is enough to make contact with him and show your best side. You can decide whether to communicate or not in the future, but the first step in finding your soulmate will already have been taken.

What is love?

A lot has already been said about what love is. Almost every great thinker has addressed this topic. And yet, it is worth clarifying this definition, since it is difficult to look for what you do not understand.

Love is a set of complex positive energies given to people by Higher powers. Love is a feeling that brings two people closer together based on their mutual positive emotions - friendship, joy, interest, devotion, unity and admiration for each other.

Unfortunately, love does not always turn out to be true, and many people at a certain period of their lives find themselves cut off from this feeling, deprived of it. Why is this happening?

Look in the right places

To find your soulmate, you need to know where to start your search. Online dating is quite popular, and you can use sites designed for this purpose.

But in this case, be extremely careful. After all, you are wondering where to find a person for life, and not for one night. And there are plenty of people on such social networks who want to have fun without thinking about the future.

One of the best places where it will be easier for you to make acquaintances will be the wedding of your relatives or friends. At the festive event, all guests will be provided with a romantic and cheerful atmosphere. When everyone around is talking about love and marriage, it is easier to try to find your person, as well as simply become more open to communication.

If you watch your figure and exercise, you'll love the idea of dating at the gym. There you can meet a lot of people who know how to take care of themselves, want to develop and look better. If you are satisfied with these qualities, sign up for training. But you shouldn't distract other people from their activities. If you like someone, wait until they take a break and start a conversation.

Go for a walk in the park or to the beach. This search option is quite banal, but it is not necessary to come up with something new when there is a long-known method. If you see a person sitting alone on a bench and enjoying nature, perhaps he himself is eager to make acquaintance with someone and is waiting for you.

Method three - attending trainings

Learning by doing is the most controversial activity. You never know in advance what the quality of the information offered is. Some “teachers” talk outright nonsense and fool desperate or naive people.

Give everyone the well-known information in a beautiful envelope, with a beautiful ending with Prince Charming, again give a fairy tale that you stopped believing in and came for real help.

In the end, only disappointment in yourself, in your abilities and a new discovery of yourself. Or, even worse, give false information about the opposite sex in advance.

It’s as if men and women get to know each other only for money, and men only for sex. This may be true, but this is a separate category of people. But they are honest about what they want from the relationship. For some, this is the best policy.

You should not participate in training because it is necessary, but to develop your personality. Who knows, maybe you and your future soulmate will have a common hobby.

An alternative training, answering the question - how to find a richer husband, would be coaching for the development of your “I”, for example:

drawing lessons;
literary clubs;
dance lessons;
free spaces where you can not only learn something interesting, but also meet people.

Mistakes when looking for a soul mate

Everyone acts in their own way and tries to use all methods to find their person. But it is worth adhering to some rules so as not to complicate this search.

If you are really committed to a serious relationship, do not start it with someone who already has a significant other. There is no need to take a person away from your family because it will not only ruin someone's marriage, but it will also not bring you any benefit. If he once decided to leave his person, then what guarantees are there that he will not do the same to you?

It will also be a mistake to believe that a person who does not love or appreciate you will change over time. If you care about him, don't try to force him to feel the same way. Most likely, this is simply not your person. When such situations happen, do not give up and continue your search, maintaining faith in success. Don't let one mistake ruin your mood, move on. Perhaps your soulmate is already very close.

Never be idle when you want to achieve results. You don’t need to sit on a park bench all day long and wait for someone to come up and invite you to build a relationship. This doesn't mean that you should always think only about finding a partner. But it is important to understand that no matter how beautiful and smart you are, if you do not take the initiative, no one will know about your positive qualities.

Don't think about how lonely and sad you are. Better imagine how great it will be when you find that very person! But don't relax when you meet him. Work on your relationship, support your significant other, and you will never be alone again.

Expectations from love and relationships

When we start looking for a relationship partner or entering into a romantic relationship, many of us have a certain set of expectations. For example, how a person should look or behave, how relationships should develop, what roles each person should fulfill.

These expectations are based on family relationships, influences from friends, past experiences, and even portrayals in movies and television.

Holding on to these often unrealistic expectations can lead us to dismiss potential partners or become disillusioned with relationships.

What really matters?

You need to understand the difference between wants and needs in a partner. Desires can be discussed, but needs are not.

Desires can concern such things as profession, level of intelligence, physical characteristics such as height, weight and even hair color. But even if these things seem important at the beginning, over time you may realize that you were unnecessarily limiting your choices.

For example, you will realize that it is much more important to find:

An inquisitive, not a highly intelligent person. Curious people become smarter over time, but very smart people remain unclaimed if they lack curiosity.
Sensual, not sexual
Caring, not beautiful
A little mysterious, not bright
Humorous, not rich
From a family with similar values, rather than a specific ethnic and social background.