Is there at least one person who is unfamiliar with this feeling? Probably yes. But in my life I have never met such people.
When a small child perceives parents as the epitome of perfection (and small children perceive mom and dad as such), it is very difficult for parents to live up to such a high standard. After all, they are just people.
As children, none of us analyzed situations, we just felt. And there was everything in the diversity of human emotions. Including resentment, aggression, pain. And this is natural. It's just life. But some people have mostly bright memories in their memories of this childhood life. While others are not so rosy. And this does not always depend on actual events. Sometimes people with childhoods that we would call tragic do not perceive them as such. And on the contrary, people with a “prosperous” past remember it in dark colors.
Why, when talking about grievances against our parents, do we begin to remember our childhood? The answer is obvious - most of the grievances against parents grow from there.
The shelf life of a grudge
We humans are created in such an amazing way that there is absolutely nothing superfluous in us. Including, there is not a single “bad” feeling. Even emotions that we are used to calling negative, at a certain point in life we need for something. They always point to where you need to pay attention and draw the right conclusion. They are always lessons for a person.
But the fact is that every emotion has its own expiration date. And if we have not promptly freed ourselves from experiences that have already fulfilled their mission and should have gone away long ago, then they, once useful, turn into poison and poison us from the inside. This is exactly what we do to ourselves, keeping old anger and resentment in our souls.
Very often they become old because they were suppressed at one time. For example, driven by the fear of angering or offending parents, the fear of violating dubious rules of decency (“good children don’t get angry!”, “You can’t be offended!”, “Boys don’t cry!”), the child simply “stifles” his feelings within himself. And not only are they not leaving, but they are also being supplemented with new members. That is why it is so important for parents to learn and teach their children to express any emotions competently and in an acceptable form.
Tip #4: Accept your feelings
Don't try to hide from your own emotions. Sooner or later they will find you anyway. Instead, let them spill out. I want to cry? Cry. Do you want to be sad? You're sad. After all, this is completely normal. A person cannot be a cheerful doll forever.
Try talking to your inner child and calming it down. You'll see, your soul will feel much lighter.
Why do we hold grudges
You can think about this for a long time. As a rule, there is more than one reason. Starting with a lack of understanding that somewhere inside there is still a painful feeling, and ending with a “conditional benefit” from such a situation.
However, here I would like to highlight three reasons why the old grudge has not gone away:
- The person is not aware of the insult. Outwardly everything is fine with him. Good relationship with parents, but with children it didn’t work out. Or diseases attack, often chronic ones. Or the relationship with your partner leaves much to be desired. Or he doesn’t find self-realization in society. Go figure out what is the reason for these situations. And often - precisely in a negative attitude towards the mother or father. Note! Here we are not talking about the negative attitude of parents towards the child, but rather the negative attitude of the child towards the parents. In fact, what is much more important is not how our parents treated us, but our attitude towards them. Sometimes children who grew up without parents or in difficult relationships with them sincerely retained (or healed) good feelings for their father and mother in their hearts. And such children have no grievances and no problems caused by these grievances. That is why it does not matter what conditions you grew up in. have the power to change your attitude towards the past and heal your life.
- When a child craves parental love but does not feel like he is receiving it, he may subconsciously “replace” it with another strong feeling. This feeling can become resentment. Sometimes this is the only thing (as it seems to the child) that connects him with his mom or dad. And then this child, often grown up a long time ago, is never ready to part with the offense. It seems to him that then he will have nothing left that could connect him with his parent.
- The resentful attitude has become a habit. And, believe me, this habit is more dangerous than one might think. It has a catastrophic effect on various areas of life.
"The practice of forgiveness." Upaya
We perform 15-25 minutes daily, it is important to do it alone if you are ready to work hard to improve your destiny
You need to have three notebooks. We write with our LEFT HAND, 3 times, 92 days in a row. Mark it on your calendar.
Notebook 1: (We write to dad and mom separately, starting with the parent with whom the relationship is worse).
Dad (MOM) forgive me. I forgive you. I thank you +10 bows.
Bow your head to the floor so that your mind is lower than your heart. For especially advanced cases, bow as low as possible, as low as you can; previously clogged strong emotions may also appear: resentment, anger, tears, laughter. This is fine.
Notebook 2: The main goal of my life is Divine love.
Notebook 3: Every day my life gets better and better in every way.
Mitigating karma is not easy, but it is possible. Following the chosen spiritual tradition, upaya, analyzing the readings of your natal chart with a Vedic astrologer and, of course, following the recommendations of a specialist helps us burn (digest) its consequences. Good luck to you! Goodbye and be happy!
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What is the danger of resentment towards parents?
The connection between a child and his parents is inextricable. Moreover, it persists regardless of whether the parents are alive or not, whether the child knew his mother and father or has never seen them. This connection with an invisible thread connects several generations in the family. We all know about genetics that are passed down through the family. In the same way, qualities of character, habits, principles, and beliefs can be transmitted by gender.
It is quite obvious that in this way there is always a part of mom and a part of dad in a person. At the physical, genetic, psychological, energetic and other levels. In turn, mom and dad also contain part of their parents, etc. So it turns out that each of us is a carrier of genes, skills, principles, beliefs, programs of all kinds.
What happens if a person experiences resentment or other negative emotions, for example, towards his mother? Since a part of his mother is also in him, he directs negative emotions not only to his mother as a real person separate from him, but also to that part of himself, his personality, which contains maternal programs. That is, he directs negative emotions to the mother’s part of himself. But the fact is that when we experience negative emotions, we seem to want to “punish” the one for whom we feel them. We (consciously or unconsciously) send out a powerful stream of negative energy designed to destroy another person. But if this person is our parent, then it turns out that we direct this destructive flow of negativity to a certain part of ourselves. As a result, this flow actually destroys various aspects of personality and life.
Main laws in relation to parents
The importance of a harmonious relationship with your parents and your family is so great that this topic is simply huge.
In this article, we will highlight three important aspects that form the basis of a healthy relationship with parents:
Gratitude
Sometimes it can be difficult to feel gratitude, especially when there are a lot of grievances, disappointments, and complaints. When there is a lot of pain inside, it is important to free yourself from it (with the help of psychotherapy, techniques, through personal and spiritual development). Because it is extremely important to feel gratitude to your parents. Think about what you can thank them for. If it seems like nothing, if, for example, you have never seen your parents, thank them for giving you life. This is something a child can never be grateful for. Because who you are, EVERYTHING you have done in your life, everything you are rich in (spiritually and materially) is only because your parents gave you life.
Respect
Oh, this can be even more difficult than gratitude... This is not about “pretending” that I respect you. Although it's probably good for a start. However, the point is to have genuine respect in your heart. Because only after you sincerely feel and show respect for your parents can you truly respect yourself. And only after you begin to sincerely respect yourself, other people will sincerely respect you.
Be in your place in the family system
This means remembering that you are your parents' child. And not vice versa! Under no circumstances should you change roles and become, for example, a mother to your own mother. You should not “jump over your head”, lecture your parents, interfere in their lives, “educate” them, or be arrogant. Such actions lead to the fact that the child loses a huge amount of energy in relationships with his parents instead of naturally receiving it from them. It is important to remember that parents raise and teach children, and not the other way around! There is a certain law of hierarchy, according to which the flow of vital energy flows from the past to the future, from ancestors to descendants. This stream cannot be turned and made to flow in the opposite direction. All attempts to become on the same level as parents or a level higher (arrogance, “teaching”) lead to the fact that the life energy of the family simply cannot flow through parents to children, grandchildren, etc.
“I'm excited about the future! What does my childhood have to do with it?”
Most people choose to go with the flow. They say: “The future does not depend on me,” and silently accept that “the waves will wash you to the shore.” If you are not one of those people, take the future into your own hands! Yes, it will take strength, all available will and faith in yourself. Keep in mind: this is where you will rest your forehead on complaints against your parents. It happens something like this:
Mikhail and Vladimir worked in the same design bureau for five years. They were paid regularly, but they both wanted more for their families. One day, Mikhail finally decided: he wrote a business plan, took out a bank loan and opened his own company. He called Vladimir with him. But he still hesitated to answer.
Vladimir watched his determined friend and kept thinking: “Why did my father insist that I study to become an engineer? After all, I could have gone to economics! Now these business plans would crack like nuts! And I would have opened my own business a long time ago..."
At the moment, Vladimir’s energy is directed towards the past. He does not openly blame his parents and, it seems to him, is not even offended. But his internal resources are aimed at claims against his father. Vladimir simply does not have enough energy for a decisive step, for a better life or a big goal.
Although being constantly planning the future is also a wrong strategy. Our main task is to get maximum pleasure, maximum buzz and happiness from what we have right now. Be aware of what you are doing and feeling, and be grateful for every pleasant moment.
Most of us definitely have a lot to be grateful for. Answer the following questions and you will agree with this statement.
—Are you healthy and active? Yes, most people after thirty have chronic diseases. Well, ARVI and flu are also in season. Maybe myopia or flat feet. But you walk, you think and you are able to change something in the end. This is a good reason to say thank you to the Universe.
— Do you earn your own food and clothing? Do you have a profession? Obviously yes. Otherwise, you would not be reading this text from a computer monitor or gadget right now. Another reason to say thank you. And by the way, you are quite wealthy, since you have money for the Internet and gadgets, so you are not very there with complaints! 
— At the end of the day, do you have somewhere to go back to? Take a shower, lie down on the couch, or go to the kitchen looking for a quick snack? So you have everything you need! Isn't that a reason to rejoice? Another reason to whine?
I don’t want to be banal, but all of the above is not available to every inhabitant of the earth. Your present moment is quite prosperous. So why are you willing to waste time and mental energy on regrets and complaints? To think about what you didn’t have, what you didn’t get, how you didn’t like it, why didn’t you straighten your brains out?
Focus these resources on the future, and not even an armored train can stop you!
