Proper parenting: child psychology and advice to parents

Raising children is a complex task that lasts from the moment a child arrives in your family. Sometimes the behavior of their beloved child confuses loving parents, and it seems that there is simply no way out of the current situation. However, there is always a way out, you just need to think about your actions towards the child, analyze your child’s behavior, find out why he behaves intolerably, try to look at the problems of education through the eyes of the child.

Parents should know the basics of child psychology

Communication between parents and child plays an important role in education. Many experts claim that this is the most important and effective way to influence behavior and character in childhood, which will subsequently play a great role in shaping the future personality and outlook on children’s lives.

Trusting relationship between parents and children

Below are articles on the topic “child psychology”, “raising a child”, which all parents should read so as not to make mistakes in raising a child.

What is child psychology - definition

An article about how to calm children during conflicts

Most parents have no idea how to convince a child to behave calmly, or how to find an approach in childhood with their child.

Raising children who have reached adolescence is a headache for many parents. The child’s psychology changes dramatically, his mood often changes. A few minutes ago, communication with the child’s parents was very pleasing; he was telling adults about his studies, his achievements and his life in society, but after a while the child seemed to be replaced. He begins to be capricious, demand to buy him expensive things or ask to go for a night walk. Don’t let this behavior scare you, since the child’s psyche is changing, this is considered normal behavior in children.

What to do in case of conflict? Keep calm

At such a fairly young age, children themselves understand on a subconscious level that they are behaving incorrectly. But still, the stubborn character and stubbornness of the child prevails over reason. Usually in such a situation, parents give up, citing a difficult age. Sometimes they make mistakes in parenting, showing their weakness, giving in to the whims of a teenager. The worst thing is when adults lose their temper due to stress and raise their voices at the child.

A radical change in mood in children, disgusting behavior in childhood can drive anyone crazy, even the most balanced educators.

You should absolutely not shout at a child, because in this case the child’s psyche may deteriorate.

Children's negativism is a temporary phenomenon

To avoid quarrels, you need to follow a number of rules:

If your child has uncontrollable behavior, try to take matters into your own hands. Give him more time, do his favorite things with him;
Articles about psychology tell us that it is important for children to have free time. Give him a break from everyone and be alone, take care of his worries and affairs;
If you do lose your temper and yell at your children, then you need to correct the situation as soon as possible. When the situation calms down a little, the child’s psyche returns to normal, you should explain your behavior.

Punishing a child should not be scary and inadequate

Infant age (2 months – 1 year)

At this age, the leading type of activity is direct emotional communication with adults.

The development of children in the first year of life lays the foundation for its further formation as a personality.

Dependence on them is still comprehensive; all cognitive processes are realized in relationships with the mother.

By the first year of life, the child pronounces the first words, i.e. the structure of speech action emerges. Voluntary actions with objects of the surrounding world are mastered.

Until one year of age, a child’s speech is passive . He has learned to understand intonation and frequently repeated phrases, but he himself still cannot speak. In child psychology, it is during this period that all the foundations of speech skills are laid; children themselves try to establish contacts with adults through crying, cooing, babbling, gestures, and first words.

After a year, active speech is formed. By the age of 1 year, a child’s vocabulary reaches 30, almost all of them have the nature of actions, verbs: give, take, drink, eat, sleep, etc.

During this time, adults should speak to children clearly and distinctly to impart correct speech skills. The process of language acquisition occurs more successfully if parents show and name objects and tell fairy tales.

The development of movements is associated with the child’s objective activity.

There is a general pattern in the sequence of movement development:

moving eye, the child learns to focus on an object;
expressive movements - a complex of revitalization;
moving in space - the child consistently learns to roll over, raise his head, and sit down. Each movement opens up new boundaries of space for the child.
crawling – this stage is skipped by some children;
grasping, by 6 months this movement from random grasping turns into purposeful;
object manipulation;
a pointing gesture, a completely meaningful way to express a desire.

As soon as a child begins to walk, the boundaries of the world accessible to him rapidly expand. The child learns from adults and gradually begins to master human actions: the purpose of an object, methods of acting with a given object, the technique of performing these actions. Toys are of great importance in the assimilation of these actions.

At this age, mental development begins and a sense of attachment is formed.

How to properly encourage a child so as not to spoil him

When children are 3 years old, he is already well adapted to the world around him. They start to think about what they are doing. Basically, all their actions are aimed at attracting the attention of their parents. He does not always manage to achieve what he needs by behaving exemplarily. Sometimes the child’s psyche understands that bad behavior is a sure step towards attracting the attention of adults. You should not immediately scold your child if he has committed a bad act. Better analyze your actions.

How to encourage a child - tips

Most children at this age behave impulsively. He can laugh and play calmly, and a minute later start crying for no apparent reason. At an early age, children do not yet know how to control their behavior. Parents should not forget about this. If he does not fulfill the requests of adults, for example, does not put away his toys, he is not demonstrating his harmful character, but is simply busy with his own affairs that are important to him. So far, he still does not know how to instantly think about his actions. The correct reaction of parents in the current situation affects the future development of the child.

Types of rewards in the family

The formation of a child’s personality, the child’s healthy and strong psyche, largely depends on the parents’ attitude towards him, as well as the time spent playing in childhood, and the reaction of adults to the child’s bad behavior.

Child psychology: child psychology and development

Child psychology is a branch of developmental psychology that studies the psychology of the child, his behavior and the patterns of his mental development.

A child's social development begins with his relationship with his parents

One of the first manifestations of a child’s recognition of others is a smile. Opinions about what causes a baby to smile are controversial, but it is generally known that by the age of two months it can appear at the sight of a human face.

At this age, the baby does not distinguish the mother’s face from others, but by 6-7 months the child’s smile becomes selective. Now he smiles at his mother and those he knows well, but greets strangers with reserve. For children of this age, fear and embarrassment when unfamiliar faces appear are typical. This indicates the development of a socially important ability to distinguish “us” from “outsiders.”

Already for babies, father and mother perform different functions. According to research, kids perceive dad primarily as a toy. For both boys and girls, dad is the best toy: an interactive toy from which you can learn everything. Babies perceive their mother differently: as a subject from whom they can receive food, warmth and protection.

No matter how different children are, all young children from 9 months to 9 years have common, at least similar, traits and characteristics. Which?

A small child has natural energy and intelligence. Talking about the fragility of a child’s soul is a myth; a child has a stronger psyche than adults. The child is small, but helpless - not. This is a lively animal, this is a prepared combat unit, a small energetic predator and manipulator, taking advantage of any mistakes of adults, easily jumping on the parents’ neck and seizing power over them. A child’s arsenal of influence is significantly poorer than that of an adult, but the child has more energy, imagination and perseverance. Cm.

A small child is proactive in taking care of his own interests. The child has his own tasks regarding life and regarding you. While. when an adult approaches a small child with his tasks, the child does for the adult what is included in his plans and interests. Children know what they want and they get it.

Situation. I'm at the airport, flying on a business trip. I see a family, four adults: mom, dad, grandparents. There is a small child in the father's arms. The child, shooting with lively eyes in the direction of his grandmother, reaches out to his grandfather. Shows his grandmother that he is more interesting with his grandfather. The grandfather is happy, reaches out his hands to the child, the child ends up with him, the grandmother is upset. But then the child turns to face the naive grandfather and cries in his face. Grandfather is washed... Mom takes the child from grandfather, he clings to her, but is already looking at dad... The child plays with these adults, pits them against each other, has fun to the fullest. At the same time, it seems that the adults themselves included in this situation did not really understand who was actually controlling them in this situation.

From the very first days of his life, a child actively uses his emotions (innate, learned and invented) in order to achieve from others what he wants from them. At least some children have been consciously controlling their parents and other adults since the age of one.

From people’s early memories of their childhood, the story: “I remember, I was two years old, I was lying in my crib, my grandfather came in and smiled at me, wanting me to smile at him too. I loved my grandfather and treated him well. I played with him and smiled at him. But I didn’t love my grandmother much, I didn’t smile at her, and often cried in her face.”

Most of children's emotions are not reactions, not mechanical reflections of your actions, but their little creative projects. Once an exploration, once a game, once a test of your strength, once a pleasure to take revenge.

A small child is active management of relationships. A child always has a lot of ideas and plans, and what will happen to him is not only decided by you, it’s already your common romance. And it is possible that it is not you, but the child who will determine who will learn from whom and who will put up with whom.

If you didn’t buy your child a game at his request, he will cry to you, but this is not an unfortunate insult, but an attack on you and revenge for your bad behavior. When a child forgives you, he will decide for himself, and in the history of your relationship, the main player is often the child, and you are a puppet in his hands.

It’s good that children are usually quick-witted and forgive us quickly enough.

Each child initially has his own world. The child was born and created his own world. He now lives in his own world, with his own characters and his own stories. Will he let you go there? Ask him. You won’t be able to get there by force, but if your child wants to, he will open the doors slightly and you can look in there.

Interaction between children

The process of interaction between children develops with age. Until one year old, two children who are together usually do not pay attention to each other at all. As they get a little older, they begin to interact, often because they both want to pick up the same object at the same time and are simply forced to pay attention to each other. Play by two-year-olds is not essentially a cooperative activity—each person plays on their own. During the preschool period, play gradually becomes more socially oriented. By the age of five, children in kindergarten play alone less than half the time; they already begin to play together, in which four to five people participate. In subsequent years, the social structure of games becomes more complex; already established social roles are developed and supported.

As people age, specific types of social behavior also change with age. For example, in the preschool period, when children begin to compare themselves with others, competition between them intensifies. The number of fights and quarrels almost does not depend on the age of the child, but their nature changes. Instead of short-term, purely physical conflicts, older children start more sophisticated, verbal quarrels, in which the resentment lasts much longer.

The stability of friendships changes in a similar way. The friendships of young children are fleeting. According to one study, even at age 11, only 50% of children still had the same best friend they had two weeks ago. In a similar survey of 18-year-old schoolchildren (in the same study), 80% of them named the same person both times.

One of the most pressing social problems at present is the formation of negative social attitudes, especially national and racial prejudices. Children from families and social groups with strong prejudices begin to internalize the same negative views during early school age; in adolescence, these views are consolidated.

Development of sensations and perception

It has been proven that a newborn distinguishes speech sounds (phonemes), i.e. he is already developing an ability that will allow him to understand speech in the future. The newborn apparently perceives the constancy of form. When a baby is shown the same object over and over again, he gets used to its shape, and the time of visual fixation on it becomes shorter and shorter. Despite these first achievements, the infant is still relatively undeveloped. But gradually his sensations become more clear. Thus, with age, sensory abilities improve: color and depth perception, hearing acuity. Some early-onset abilities then disappear and reappear a few months later in a more complex form. Whatever abilities a child displays, they improve with age, becoming more differentiated.

Development of emotions and feelings in childhood

According to one of the most interesting hypotheses, there is a limited number of so-called. basic emotions, apparently innate, although not all of them appear immediately after birth. These include fear, dissatisfaction, anger, joy, surprise and a number of others. Anger, for example, is caused by interference with a child's actions; facial expressions and behavior that express anger can be recognized at a very early age. The same emotional manifestations are found in different cultures, which confirms the idea that they are innate.

Children's emotions and feelings are a product of social learning, and this social learning goes in two directions: while children master those states that most effectively protect them from their parents or allow them to control their parents, adults teach children those states that are comfortable and interesting for adults. The child, with the help of the adults around him and the influence of culture as a whole, masters the feelings accepted in a given society, in particular, he becomes familiar with the feelings of friendship, love, gratitude, patriotism and other high feelings. It is thanks to socialization that children develop composure and willpower, boys master the role of a man and lay the foundations for the future role of a father, girls master female roles, internalize the values of being a wife and mother, and master the skills necessary for this.

The value-semantic sphere of the child and the formation of life values

How do life values appear in a child’s life? Differently. Sometimes it is a gradual ripening, the crystallization of something initially amorphous into something definite; sometimes it happens abruptly, suddenly, like an epiphany. Sometimes it comes from within, sometimes it is set from the outside, by the traditions and rituals of society. The birth of life values usually occurs as a result of the combination of several factors: 1) existing or ready to develop behavior, 2) an internally or externally motivating situation and 3) semantic forms that tell a person the name and status of his new life value. If a child begins to behave like a “boy”, if his “boyish behavior” is supported by others; if everyone calls him “boy” and especially those he would like to be like, soon the child will develop masculine values...[/CO]

However, the same question can be posed more meaningfully: how are future life meanings and values of a child formed (or not formed)? The main sources here seem to be the children's subculture, (still) the family and the virtual reality of the media and computer games, which already has a serious influence.

Exploratory behavior

Healthy children are usually curious, although there is no evidence to suggest that children have a natural tendency to develop themselves. Rather, the evidence suggests that children develop only when their parents develop them.

From the moment of birth, a child actively explores, primarily those objects that move or change in some way. The baby explores its environment, although at first not very skillfully; He begins to follow large moving objects with his eyes very early. At the same time, auditory and visual perception are already coordinated to some extent. The visual field does not remain a blur for long - the infant is trying to make it clear. If the experiment is designed in such a way that rapid sucking of the pacifier causes an object to move into the focus of the infant's visual field, he will suck very quickly; in the opposite situation, i.e. when, during rapid sucking, the object goes out of focus, the child begins to suck slowly.

In early infancy, exploratory behavior is unsystematic and not very well controlled, but by five months the baby is already able to reach for objects and put them in his mouth. After a few more months, he begins to look for objects on his own and by the end of the first year he is actively exploring everything that surrounds him. When a child begins to walk, his research activities expand significantly.

Speech development

From the moment of birth, the child begins to make sounds, but he does not really begin to use speech until he reaches about two years of age.

A gradual change in baby talk occurs under the influence of both congenital and environmental factors. Many sounds of modern languages are difficult to pronounce, and at first only simple articulatory movements, such as closing and opening the lips, are available to the child. Therefore, the syllables “pa” and “ma” or, when repeated, “dad” and “mama” appear early.

During the first year of life, a child's articulation becomes more complex, and the number of sounds he can make increases many times over. In the second year of life, the sounds made by the child already correspond to the language that he hears around him.

Between two and five years of age, a child truly masters his native language. He begins to designate with words the actor, the action itself, what is being acted upon, and masters various figures of speech found in his native language. The child learns to correctly change words (for example, to decline and conjugate), can transform an affirmative sentence into an interrogative one, and write questions starting with the words “what,” “where,” and “when.” Finally, he masters complex sentences.

The fact that there are different languages and children in different cultures learn the language spoken by those around them would seem to exclude any innateness of speech. However, it has been proven that the development of some fundamental speech features is innate. For example, a variety of languages have common features: they all have nouns and verbs, as well as parts of speech, such as prepositions, indicating the connection between an object and an action. These common features form the fundamental basis of speech, which is innate and constitutes the basic, or deep, structure of language. The so-called external structure of a language is formed through various transformations of the basic structure.

When language is extremely simplified, as in small children, or when people speaking different languages communicate, it is the basic structure that is used to convey the underlying meaning. The similarity of children's speech to the basic structure of language is supported by the fact that many of a child's first phrases are remarkably similar across languages. Two-word sentences composed by American children in the second half of the second year of life, when literally translated from English into Russian, turn out to be the same expressions used by Russian children of the same age.

Moreover, these children's utterances do not imitate phrases that parents use. Not knowing or being unable to reproduce one or another correct expression, children often come up with their own (such as “runaway milk”), which they certainly could not hear from their parents.

Another amazing feature of children's speech development is the speed with which they acquire linguistic nuances. By the age of five, a child reproduces more than 95% of the specific phrases of his native language. This fact alone shows that children have an innate ability to master speech.

Children over the age of five continue to expand their vocabulary and acquire more complex grammatical structures, but most of the development of spoken language at this age is already complete. Now the child faces an equally difficult task of mastering written speech.

Development of intelligence

The most developed theory of intellectual development was proposed by the Swiss scientist Jean Piaget. He identified four stages in this development.

The sensorimotor stage covers the period of infancy. In the first months of life, the child behaves as if objects that he cannot currently observe simply do not exist, and only gradually begins to look for objects that have gone out of sight, beginning to guess where they are. He is also able to coordinate information coming from different senses, so that the tactile, visual and auditory perception of an object are not three independent elements of his experience, but three aspects of the same object. Another significant achievement at this stage is the development of the ability to act purposefully. At the first stages, the infant makes only those voluntary movements that in themselves are somehow attractive and interesting to him, but gradually he moves on to actions aimed at achieving the goal. Initially, they are based only on previously mastered voluntary movements; Subsequently, the child begins to independently and intentionally vary his behavior.

Stage of pre-operational thinking. At this stage, verbal and conceptual thinking begins to form. The first stage, or the first stage of the development of thinking, is characterized by the fact that the child masters the world around him at the behavioral level, but cannot foresee or verbally express the consequences of this or that event. For example, he recognizes an object if he sees it from a different angle, but is unable to predict what it will look like in a new position. In the second stage, the child begins to acquire knowledge, make comparisons, and predict consequences. However, his thinking is not yet systematic.

Stage of concrete operations. In the third stage, beginning around age seven, the child is able to consider problems at a conceptual level and acquires rudimentary concepts of categories such as space, time and quantity. If at the previous stage the child thinks that, for example, when pouring water from a narrow glass into a wide one, there is less water, then at the third stage he understands that the amount of water does not depend on the shape of the vessel. By the end of the second stage, the child can tell which of two sticks is larger, but cannot arrange several sticks along the length in the correct sequence. At the third stage, he acquires the concept of the orderliness of objects.

The formal operations stage begins around age 11. The child’s thinking is systematized, he is able to determine consequences based on the causes of any phenomenon. For example, if liquids A and B become red when mixed, when liquid B is added, the color disappears, and liquid D does not change anything, the child will systematically go through all possible combinations until he establishes the features of the action of each liquid. Thus, at stage 4, the child acquires the ability to formulate and test hypotheses through systematic scientific inquiry.

Development of a boy and a girl

The difference between boys and girls begins to manifest itself in earnest around the age of 6... Boys have their own stages of development, and girls have their own.

Literature

Karabanova Developmental psychology.docx - M.: 2005.

Proper praise and encouragement of children during parenting

It is important for parents not only to punish their child for bad behavior and actions, but also to praise them. You need to learn how to properly praise a child so that he will continue to do good deeds. If you constantly tell your child how good he is at every opportunity, the child will no longer like it. He will take such praise from adults for granted. Therefore, it is necessary to praise your child only for a job well done, for all possible help to adults, for useful actions that he performed, spending his personal time on it. Of course, you should give him compliments, tell him that he did well, that his parents appreciate him very much, but don’t overdo it.

About reward and punishment - when and how to use it

Praising children is only worthwhile. In this case, you should talk to him as sincerely as possible, so that he forever understands that doing good deeds for good is great.

You can respond to positive actions from a child by presenting him with desired gifts for this. In this case, you should also not forget about a sense of proportion. You can use not only sweets and expensive gadgets as a gift. Trips to the circus, theater or cinema will bring joy and bright emotions to the little man. Mom and her daughter can bake some goodies for a mini-holiday. It will be much more interesting than just buying sweets in a store, and besides, the joint actions of an adult and a baby will unite the family and help to better understand children and influence their character.

We need to spoil the children

Early childhood (1-3 years)

At this age, the lines of mental development of boys and girls are separated. Children develop a more complete self-identification and understanding of gender. Self-awareness arises, claims for recognition from adults, a desire to earn praise and a positive assessment develop.

Speech develops further, and by the age of three the vocabulary reaches 1,000 words.

Further mental development occurs, the first fears appear, which can be aggravated by parental irritability, anger and can contribute to the child’s feeling of rejection. Excessive care from adults does not help either. A more effective method is when adults teach the child how to handle an object that causes fear using clear examples.

At this age, the basic need is tactile contact; the child masters sensations.

Don't try to conquer chaos

It is useless to deny chaos and also useless to fight it. With the birth of a child, it will still overtake you. After all, children do not live according to the laws of adults. They create their own rules and are able to change the parent’s entire life plan. Be patient and accept the mess. He is now in your life for a long time.

“With the birth of children, the forces of chaos enter your life. At the same time, relying on some kind of schedule in your affairs is like navigating your way through a hurricane. When a strong wind blows, there is no time for routes. You need to understand this and come to terms with the inevitable. If you don't come to terms, you will fight chaos. You will complain about your failures, blame yourself and others for them, try to correct the inevitable, and be disappointed. Treat it with the calm of a true Zen Buddhist."

Junior school age (7-13 years old)

At this age, the child’s main activity is learning, and learning in general and learning at school may not coincide. For the process to be more successful, learning should be akin to a game. Child psychology considers this period of development as the most important.

The main neoplasms at this age:

intellectual reflection – the ability to remember information, systematize it, store it in memory, retrieve and apply it at the right moments appears;
personal reflection , the number of factors influencing self-esteem is expanding, and an idea of oneself is being formed. The warmer the relationship with parents, the higher the self-esteem.

In mental development, the period of concretized mental operations begins. Egocentrism gradually decreases, the ability to focus on several signs at once, the ability to compare them, and track changes appears.

The development and behavior of a child is influenced by relationships in the family and the behavior style of adults. With authoritarian behavior, children develop less successfully than with democratic, friendly communication.

Learning to communicate with peers, the ability to adapt, and hence, to collective cooperation continues. The game is still necessary, it begins to take on personal motives: prejudice, leadership - submission, justice - injustice, loyalty - betrayal. Games have a social component; children like to come up with secret societies, passwords, codes, and certain rituals. The rules of the game and the distribution of roles help to assimilate the rules and norms of the adult world.

Emotional development depends to a large extent on experiences gained outside the home. Fictitious fears of early childhood are replaced by concrete ones: fear of injections, natural phenomena, anxiety about the nature of relationships with peers, etc. Sometimes there is a reluctance to go to school, and headaches, vomiting, and abdominal cramps may appear. There is no need to take this as a simulation; perhaps it is a fear of some kind of conflict situation with teachers or peers. You should have a friendly conversation with the child, find out the reason for the reluctance to go to school, try to resolve the situation and motivate the child for good luck and successful development. Lack of democratic communication in the family can contribute to the development of depression in school-age children .

Don't dwell on bad behavior

Instead of constant reproaches, pay attention to the good. Praise your child and explain to him why exactly you rewarded him. This method is more effective than comments and dissatisfaction.

“If you feed something, it will grow. If you don't feed it, it will gradually fade away. It's a simple principle, but most who have trouble communicating with their children either miss it or have never thought about how or what behavior they are actually rewarding."

METHODS OF STUDYING THE CHILD'S PSYCHE

The study of children's mental development is based on the principles of general psychology: the unity of the psyche and activity, determinism, objectivity and development. In short, for the results of the study to be reliable, it is necessary to take into account the degree of maturity of the nervous system, have in-depth knowledge of the mental characteristics of the previous age, and conduct the experiment in the most natural environment possible. When making a comparative analysis, the socio-economic, ethnic and other differences of children should be taken into account.

There are 4 main methods of child psychology.

Observation. The method consists of tracking the behavior of children in familiar conditions. To achieve results, they set certain goals. A psychologist observes the child’s actions with objects, his statements, and movements. Afterwards, he interprets what mental processes are behind external manifestations.
Survey. In a conversation, the researcher finds out the child’s knowledge, his opinion about himself, other people, as well as about events, actions, and objects. Questions should be formulated clearly and interestingly. To prevent suggestion from happening, you need to ask without prompting (for example: “Are you offended by your mother?”). With preschool children, conversation time is limited, and up to 4 years old, pictures are provided for answers.
Experiment. It makes it possible to evoke manifestations of interest in the child’s psyche and then evaluate them. The experiment involves changing the operating conditions and setting certain tasks. By how a child behaves and what choices he makes, his psychological characteristics are judged. The method is carried out in a playful way (in uncomfortable conditions, children often act at random).
Assessment of labor results. Various drawings, applications, and essays reflect the peculiarities of perception of objects or people from the environment. Also, a child’s crafts allow us to judge the degree of development of his mental abilities. A product made according to the instructions of an adult indicates an understanding of these instructions, the ability to complete the task, conscientiousness, and attentiveness.

Additionally, testing and a sociometric method are used to study the child’s psyche, where relationships between children and the desire for friendly connections are studied. In preschool institutions, participant observation by the teacher is mandatory. In this case, the purpose of the study is to clarify the individual psychological characteristics of the child in order to identify the optimal approach to him.

Never deny your child attention

The child truly craves the attention of an adult. It is important for him to know that you are really listening and looking at him, and not soaring somewhere in the clouds, thinking through your adult affairs. Show your interest and spend quality time with your child without being distracted by your phone.

“Like real piranhas that can eat a cow in a few minutes, children pounce on any attention, which they never get enough of. They are ready to do anything to be noticed, even if it harms not only others, but also themselves. <…> For piranhas, the main goal in life is to devour everything that gets in their way. For children, the main goal in life is to constantly attract the attention of others, no matter what the cost.”

Crisis 13 years

In child psychology, age-related crises in children of thirteen years are crises of social development. It is very reminiscent of the 3-year-old crisis: “I’m on my own!” Contradiction between the personal self and the surrounding world. It is characterized by a decline in performance and performance at school, disharmony in the internal personal structure and is one of the most acute crises.

Symptoms of a crisis in a child during this period:

negativism , the child is hostile to the entire world around him, aggressive, prone to conflicts and at the same time to self-isolation and loneliness, dissatisfied with everything. Boys are more susceptible to negativism than girls;
a drop in productivity , ability and interest in learning, a slowdown in creative processes, even in those areas in which the child is gifted and has previously shown great interest. All assigned work is performed mechanically.

The crisis of this age is mainly associated with the transition to a new stage of intellectual development - the transition from visualization to deduction and understanding. Concrete thinking is replaced by logical thinking. This is clearly manifested in the constant demand for evidence and criticism.

The teenager develops an interest in the abstract - music, philosophical issues, etc. The world begins to divide into objective reality and internal personal experiences. The foundations of a teenager’s worldview and personality are intensively laid.

Create boundaries for your child

Children need boundaries, otherwise they simply do not understand how to live in our big world. Clearly outline the boundaries beyond which you cannot go. Then the child will not irritate you or confuse the people around you.

“It’s the nature of children to move forward until they hit some obstacle. For some children, it’s enough just to know that an obstacle exists, others need to push against it several times with all their might, but everyone needs boundaries. A world without borders is a very dangerous and frightening place for a small person.”

HISTORY OF ORIGIN

The psychology of children began to be studied relatively recently, only at the end of the 19th century. The rapid development of industry and a new level of social life created the preconditions for the emergence of modern schools. The question of the correctness of education by force - through physical punishment - has become acute. And then the task arose - to learn to understand a small child.

The impetus for in-depth research was V. Preyer’s book “The Soul of a Child.” A German scientist observed the development of his own son’s psyche and recorded the results daily. Particular attention in the book is paid to the gradual improvement of motor skills, sensory organs, reason, speech, and will. Today the scientist’s works are considered somewhat outdated, but it was they that laid the foundation for child psychology as an independent discipline.

Be consistent

You may not always be able to act logically and correctly. Therefore, when making this or that decision regarding his life, just try to control yourself.

“For me, consistency means that I consistently avoid the urge to throw my kids out the window, and that’s in a relatively good mood. Everything else is relative. Everything, even consistency—especially consistency.”

Authoritarian parenting produces infantile people

Methods of psychocorrection of childhood traumas

The psychologist will carry out correctional work with the child. In most cases, when working with traumatized children, specialists use the following methods:

Art therapy (drawing, reading fairy tales, sculpting) frees you from negative thoughts, gives you the opportunity to talk through your fears and look at the situation from the outside.
Sand therapy will help the child relax, imagine himself in other people’s shoes and think about different options for solving the problem.
Cognitive behavioral therapy will teach your child ways to prevent negative reactions to trauma in the future.

Group therapy is suitable for children aged ten and older. By attending such groups, the child will see that he was not the only one who had to endure terrible events, will feel supported, and will gain confidence.

Take whims seriously

Pay attention to your child's behavior and whims. In this way he expresses what he is not yet able to say in words. Every gesture, grimace and antics of your child is an appeal to you or a protest. Just be careful.

“Behavior is simply a form of communication. Climbing out of a window at night and running away from home is a kind of saying. Children are much more willing to express their thoughts and feelings through behavior than through words. The main reason is that they still have few words. They have a lot of feelings, but they don’t yet know how to choose the right words and expressions to express these feelings.”

Age characteristics of children

Childhood at different periods is characterized by the presence in the child of certain formations in the structure of the psyche. What is incomprehensible to a one-year-old baby becomes accessible to a three-year-old. As brain structures develop and new skills are mastered, the child’s activities become more and more complex. It gains meaning through play.

The ability to communicate with peers is also formed during games, so this activity is considered the main one in childhood. It promotes the development of speech, thinking, attention and other functions.

Allow your child to argue with you

It’s normal to argue and defend your opinion. Teach your child how to conduct constructive dialogue and discussion by example. Then you won't end up with a typical, foaming-at-the-mouth debater.

“At the same time, you don’t need to be a dictator who suppresses the slightest signs of disagreement. It is natural to disagree and argue. Showing disrespect is another matter. Arguing proves that you are doing your job as parents. They show that children are growing up and that they have their own opinions about everything.”

Advice for parents: how to help your child?

Parents are the closest people to the baby, and they are the first to notice that their child is feeling unwell. How exactly can you help a child cope with psychological trauma?

First of all, the educational strategy should be changed to a softer and more benevolent one, for which you need to have a sufficiently high level of knowledge in psychology and pedagogy.

The main task of this difficult period should be to create the most comfortable environment for your son or daughter, in which he will not experience anxiety and fear, but will be able to fully develop and communicate.

To be sure of the correctness of your actions, you can take our distance learning course to become a crisis psychologist or seek qualified help from a child psychotherapist who will select the right correction method, taking into account the individual characteristics of your baby.

Act intelligently

Try to plan ahead how you will raise your child. What actions and decisions may be required of you in the future. What are you hypothetically willing to do, and what do you completely disagree with?

“The only thing that happens unexpectedly is surprises. It is unlikely that you will want to rely on chance in raising your children. I've seen parents leave things to chance—you'd better not do that again. It’s much better to approach parenting purposefully, with a specific plan of action.”

Types and causes of psychotrauma in children

In psychology, childhood trauma is divided into five types:

rejection (betrayal, ignorance, expulsion);
breakup of relationships (conflict, quarrel, parents’ phrases: “I can’t see you anymore!”, “Consider that I don’t exist for you,” “You are no longer my son!”);
loss (loss of loved ones);
poor health;
violence.

The causes may be traumatic events that are of great importance to the child. Often adults do not even understand that through some actions they provoke trauma to the child’s psyche, which is why it is so important to know these reasons.

The most common factors in the occurrence of childhood psychological trauma are:

Illnesses (constant colds that limit the baby’s walks, movement and communication, chronic diseases that cause pain and anxiety can cause uncertainty and helplessness, and, having matured, a person becomes pathologically suspicious and pays increased attention to the state of his health, constantly looking for ailments, abuses medications).
Violence, coercion from adults (when parents put pressure on a child “with the best intentions” so that he grows up to be a worthy and strong person, use physical punishment or shout, this can have the opposite effect, and the baby grows up insecure or aggressive; children, survivors of physical violence definitely need the help of a psychotherapist).
The fact of betrayal by a significant adult (divorce, unfair treatment) can cause a child to feel guilty, have low self-esteem and cause difficulties in communicating with adults and peers.
Lack of attention from parents (children who do not receive enough parental affection and care will themselves experience difficulties in showing love and attention to other people in adulthood).
The death of relatives can turn a child’s whole life, his entire worldview upside down, and cause him to become withdrawn and unsociable. In difficult cases, when the child is haunted by a feeling of guilt, he withdraws into himself, stops communicating, and the help of a psychotherapist may be required.

If a child’s mother or father is subject to harmful addictions, he is almost always left to his own devices, and regularly feels responsible for close adults, then the child’s psyche may suffer. With age, such children become distrustful people who do not adapt well to a new environment, strive to control everything around them, and are painfully afraid of making mistakes.

Learn to listen to your child

An extremely important and irreplaceable rule. Build a trusting relationship with your child. Try to have open dialogues on any topic and always listen to him. Your child, no less than others, needs respect and full communication on an equal basis with the adults around him.

“Communication, or lack thereof, is at the root of most intrafamily conflicts. In my office, I saw many people who shouted at each other for hours, and yet none of them even tried to listen to anything other than their own voice. If you can't communicate properly with your children, then you're just asking for trouble in the family."

Preschool childhood (3-7 years old)

At this age, the child’s play moves from simple manipulation of objects to story-based play - becoming a doctor, a salesman, an astronaut. Child psychology notes that at this stage, role identification and separation of roles begin to appear. Closer to 6-7 years, games according to the rules appear. Games are of great importance in the mental and emotional development of a child, they help cope with fears, teach them to take a leading role, and shape the child’s character and his attitude to reality.

New developments of preschool age are complexes of readiness for learning at school:

personal readiness;
communicative readiness means that the child knows how to interact with others according to norms and rules;
cognitive readiness presupposes the level of development of cognitive processes: attention, imagination, thinking;
technological equipment - that minimum of knowledge and skills that allows you to study at school;
level of emotional development, ability to manage situational emotions and feelings.

Creating the atmosphere of the game

Children sense tension between parents and other family members. Try to create a relaxed, friendly atmosphere at home. Where everyone is interesting to each other and does not cause discomfort. Exchange news, communicate in a humorous manner and be one team.

“Liking, as well as the general tone of relations between family members, can be judged by the spirit of playfulness and play present in the house. Ease and playfulness are a kind of lubricant of family life, without which its wheels and gears will turn with difficulty. When I see that there are strict, tense relationships between family members, I immediately begin to worry.”

What is included in this scientific direction?

According to the designations accepted in scientific circles, child psychology is a branch of science aimed at studying the mental and spiritual development of a child from birth to adolescence (up to about 12 years). Immediately after birth, the child enters into his first social relationships - he begins to communicate with his parents, in the first few months of life he learns to distinguish between “us” and “strangers”, use his emotions to achieve goals and forms his own worldview.

The next stage that every child needs to experience is interaction with peers. Certain social roles are formed in his head, and he begins to play some of them in certain processes. The first friendship, the first competition, the first joint games - children go through all these processes without fail. Scientists believe that most of a person’s negative social attitudes are formed precisely at this stage of life; in the future they only become stronger and become the cause of a large number of problems in adult life.

A number of mistakes made by parents in the process of raising their children

Sometimes parents insist on their own, forcing them to do things that the child does not like. “Do what they ask you, otherwise your parents will stop loving you” - these words can often be heard from tortured parents when the child is stubborn and does not want to fulfill the demands of adults. According to adults, it is useless to convince a child of something and have a heart-to-heart talk with them. He still doesn't give in to persuasion.

Advice for parents from a psychologist

Let's listen to the opinion of psychologists on the words of parents “if you do not fulfill my request, then I will stop loving you.” According to experts, children take this threat very seriously.

Firstly, deception is not the best method of putting pressure on a child. And such a threat is precisely a deception.
Secondly, such a statement is unlikely to have a positive effect on your child. It's better not to deceive your child. Try replacing this threatening phrase with another, for example this one: “I will always love you, but I don’t like your behavior, it makes me very sad.”

Parental support is the most important thing for a child.
Another not very good phrase that is used with children in order to reason with them: “I’m much older than you, I’m dad (mom). It will still be as I say.” Many adults believe that being strict with the younger generation is the best option for upbringing. Parents are much older and more experienced than their children, so they are always right. If you indulge a little person, he will finally “sit on his head” and will not fulfill requests coming from adults.

What will child psychology experts say to this? When completing tasks from adults, motivation is important for children; he must know that his efforts will be properly rewarded. The little person needs to be convinced that he is not trying in vain. If you treat children too strictly, this can lead to a situation where the child will listen and fulfill your requests only in your presence. But when there is no one at home, the baby will engage in sabotage, doing everything to upset the parents. A strict attitude is of course necessary, but you shouldn’t go too far. If you don’t have time to persuade your child, promise that you will definitely reward him for his work later, if he does all the work.

Stable periods and crises

Each child develops unevenly, going through relatively calm, stable periods, followed by critical, crisis ones. During periods of stability, the child accumulates quantitative changes. This happens slowly and is not very noticeable to others.

Critical periods or crises in the psychological development of children are discovered empirically, and in a random order. First, the crisis of seven years was discovered, then three, then 13 years, and only then the first year and the crisis of birth.

During crises, a child changes quickly in a short period of time, and the main features of his personality change. These changes in child psychology can be called revolutionary, they are so fast-paced and significant in the meaning and significance of the changes taking place. Critical periods are characterized by the following features:

age-related crises in children arise unnoticed and it is very difficult to determine the moments of their onset and end. The boundaries between periods are unclear; in the middle of the crisis there is a sharp escalation;
During a crisis, a child is difficult to educate, often conflicts with others, attentive parents feel his distress, despite the fact that at this time he is obstinate and unyielding. School performance and productivity decrease and, conversely, fatigue increases;
the outwardly seemingly negative nature of the development of the crisis, destructive work occurs.

The child does not gain, but only loses from what he acquired before. At this time, adults should understand that the emergence of something new in development almost always means the death of the old. By looking closely at the child’s emotional state, one can observe constructive development processes even during critical periods.

The sequence of any period is determined by the alternation of critical and stable periods. The child’s interaction with the surrounding social environment is the source of his development. Everything a child learns is given to him by the people around him. At the same time, in child psychology it is necessary that learning proceeds ahead of schedule.

Educational fairy tales. How to talk about feelings with your child

Education through fairy tales has become very popular lately. Mothers come up with fairy tales for their children depending on the situation and share them with each other on social networks. Educational fairy tales help you talk about feelings with your child, instill in him good habits, and together find a way out of difficult situations.

The ginger cat who couldn't purr

The ginger cat was a draw. Other cats hurried home in the evening to their soft cozy chairs, but this one was never in a hurry. She had no chair, no home and no owners. Of course, the red cat really wanted to have all this. But she did not even dare to dream about such a thing. The fact is that this cat did not know how to purr at all.

“I’m probably broken,” the cat thought, “or defective. No one will take me home. Every person wants to be purred. Who wants a cat that never does that?”

The cat was so embarrassed by this that she didn’t admit it to anyone. And she proudly told everyone that she lives on her own because she likes it that way.

One day a girl saw a red cat.

- Kitty Kitty Kitty! - she called. - Shall we go live with me? In my room there is a soft sofa with pillows, you will be warm and cozy there!

The cat jumped for joy, but immediately remembered her shortcoming. “As soon as she finds out that I can’t purr, she’ll immediately kick me back out onto the street,” she decided. And she answered, wagging her tail indifferently:

- No thanks! I love sleeping on a hard bench!

- Can't be! — the girl didn’t believe it. - Come on, let's go! I have chicken pate in the refrigerator! Very tasty! I'll treat you!

- No thanks! - said the cat, licking her lips. - I don't need any refrigerator! I love to hunt!

But the girl still didn’t believe her.

- I will stroke your back and scratch you behind your ear! - she promised.

No one has ever petted a ginger cat.

- Iron? - she was surprised. - How is it?

- That's it! — the girl took the cat in her arms and gently ran her hand along the back. And then something happened to the cat. It seemed to her that a little motor started up inside her.

- How wonderfully you purr! - said the girl. “Purring? I? — the cat was surprised. “I’m purring!” And then she hugged the girl by the neck:

- I really want to live with you! - said the cat. - You will stroke me, and I will purr for you!

Interaction between children

At different age periods, the interaction between children differs. If babies under one year old do not show any interest in their own kind, then closer to 1.5-2 years old, they willingly get acquainted with boys and girls of the same age. But not for playing together - peers are more likely to be of interest as living toys or an object for study.

After two years, children are already willing to play nearby, often sharing toys or taking other people’s. Conflicts may arise on this basis.

After three years, the game becomes socially oriented, and children include other participants in it. In a kindergarten or in the yard a whole bunch of children can play together. They distribute roles among themselves; if someone is dissatisfied with the one he has received, he can be indignant and demand another with his fists or tears.

Preschoolers often compare themselves with friends, and competition can develop between them. Short conflicts involving only physical force can escalate into long periods of resentment.

Until adolescence, friendship is situational. Even 11-12 year old children only 50% of the time call the same person their friend twice within two weeks.

Irina Sherbul

How psychologists work with adults who experienced psychological trauma in childhood

Often adults turn to a psychologist for help, complaining of various unpleasant symptoms. In the process of psychotherapeutic work, it turns out that the cause of the ailments is trauma received in childhood. In such cases, the specialist helps to work through the psychological trauma and offers the patient ways to solve the problem to eliminate negative feelings and return to a full life. Here are some of them:

"Empty Chair Method"
– a technique in which the patient imagines that an important person with whom the traumatic event is associated is sitting in front of him on an empty chair. The patient is invited to express his feelings to the “empty chair”, thus working through his trauma. After which he himself sits on this chair and answers his questions on behalf of an important person. In this way, it is possible to relive a difficult situation, but under the supervision and support of a psychotherapist.
"Scheme therapy"
is based on the theory that a person has beliefs (schemas) that he believes in automatically, without understanding what’s what. With the help of dialogue, the game method or keeping diary entries, the patient can change self-perception, overcome unnecessary fears and learn not to avoid situations that seem difficult or insurmountable, but to “face danger” and cope with it easily.
"Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing"
is a special technique that is used for post-traumatic stress disorder and helps to get rid of the patient’s habitual reaction to emotional trauma. During the session, the psychologist invites the client to imagine the traumatic events again and focus on internal sensations, while he himself moves his hand (or pointer) in front of the client’s eyes. Such movements force both hemispheres of the brain to engage in work, which contributes to the fact that a person does not perceive what happened as acutely as before.

Dear adults! To a huge extent, the happiness and successful future of your children depends on you, remember this and hug your kids more often just like that, without any reason. If a child is sad, put aside what you are doing and take the time to ask him what is the reason for his bad mood and how you can help him. Both trust and recovery begin with a warm conversation and sincere participation.