We continue the theme of the last article “For a man to want to move mountains for you!” And even cook dinner"
about an effective model of behavior that makes your beloved man want to take care of you and do what YOU need.
And today we will figure out how to properly be offended by a man, so as not to ruin your relationship with him, and not push him away from you.
“When should you be offended?
Your latest article “For a man to want to move mountains for you!” And even cook dinner” helped me a lot. But! But having achieved my plan, I immediately ruined everything. When should you stop with grievances and claims? When should you forgive? And is it worth being angry at all?
The story is this: I told my man (the relationship was only 2 months old) that on March 8 I want flowers, a hotel and him for the whole night. The problem is that the car is not his, as I understand it, and his mother always calls him at 11 o’clock in the evening. In the end, I received - NOTHING. Only congratulations in the form of SMS. As it turned out, he was not given a car that day and he could not come. But he asked me to allow him to rectify the situation - to come and congratulate me three days later. To which I replied that I didn’t want to see him now, and that I was offended.
This is where I probably stepped - for me, being offended was more important than forgiving and enjoying the meeting. When should you stop taking offense? This is the first turn in life, in my opinion, when everything could be corrected and the situation turned positive. But I chose to be offended.
Secondly, after reading your article about proper manipulation, I simply wrote to him that I really want a bathroom with strong male hands now :)) Things started to get better - “with whose hands exactly, dear?” After three questions, I admitted that I wanted his hand :). Bottom line: he wondered where there are hotels with a beautiful bathroom? I didn’t know, so I instructed him to find... And then I ruined everything by writing that I would meet him in the evening only when I had a bathroom, a hotel and him :), and if all this doesn’t happen, then I just want to meet him, talk... Then she added that I’m on my period.
Why am I so stupid?! In the end, it happened: first, thanks to your recommendations, I managed to create a situation where he himself wanted to please me; and then I set a condition - if you don’t do this, I won’t meet with you.
How to learn to stop on time? Value yourself, perhaps, and not look like a capricious woman who blows her mind?”
Olesya.
Olesya, let's study the method of training men in more detail (by the way, this method also works great for women, as well as for children, fathers-in-law, dogs and others :)).
So, you write that you want a gift from a man. First, you need, as I have said many times, to take into account all the REAL capabilities of a man
(unfortunately, you didn’t know about them). As a result, he was unable to give you a gift, although he promised and intended to.
This always happens, and even happens in long-term family relationships, because we cannot take into account all the current nuances. For example, a wife asked her husband to go to the Maldives, but he could not get tickets - for a variety of unforeseen reasons. Either she asked him to renovate the bathroom, but he was not given leave, or a bonus, or, for objective reasons, he was not yet able to do something, buy, negotiate...
Often after this women behave like fools, i.e. they get offended and spoil the whole positive charge of a man.
Let's look at this using the example of the chicken from the previous article.
So, we give the chicken a grain as it turns left (so that in perspective it will start circling to the left). You fed him grains, and he began to figure out where to turn. And now you expect him to turn left completely. But he doesn’t turn and doesn’t turn, well, at least crack. Well, he can’t do it. What do you do?
You get offended
, turn away from the chicken, and wait for it to figure it out on its own - and start spinning to where you want it. But the chicken doesn't spin! (he’s not a telepath or clairvoyant enough to figure out what you want from him...)
And then what do you start doing? You swear at the chicken.
What do we get in the end? The chicken is confused, you are angry with it, you don’t praise it, you don’t give it grains... You yourself don’t get what you need from it - and everyone is a loser...
But they don’t train the same way! This does not work! And it will never work!
Let's look at Olesya's situation:
She became friends with the man and began to like him. She trained him with the help of her sweet behavior, praise, admiration for him, etc. And now this man began, just like our chicken, to do what she needed - to look after her and behave like her fiancé.
Next, Olesya decided to get it from the chicken, i.e. from her boyfriend, not just a turn, but a full circle to the left - she asked him for a gift, lured him with praise and the promise of something more - and began to wait.
But the man didn’t succeed for objective reasons. What then should Olesya do?
She needed to continue training further.
But she lost her temper, got offended (which, as we know, doesn’t work), and began to get angry and swear. Then she decided to continue training, and again fed the chicken grain, i.e. your man with affection, request and promise of pleasure.
There would be no need to sit and wait now. But she needs everything at once! So she took the unfortunate chicken and began to move it to the left, saying: “Look what I want from you!”
But the poor guy doesn’t understand this! And he won’t understand! He simply decided that he was being bullied, and therefore became confused, and generally stopped doing what was required of him. Falling into confusion, the trainee forgets even what he did before; even a small turn to the left has now become impossible for him. Why?
Because he was literally raped, and he lost the desire to obey the trainer at all. It’s the same with a man: when PRESSURE is put on him, he loses the desire to do anything at all for a woman.
What Olesya saw with her own eyes.
Causes of grievances
Women get offended quite often, and not only at their men. A lady can be annoyed by her acquaintances, relatives and friends. But the girl is not afraid to express her grievances to them. But for some reason a man is afraid to say the reasons for his dissatisfaction. The lady thinks that a man will leave a woman if she always gets offended by him and nags him for something. But men react normally to women’s grievances. It seems to the stronger half of humanity that ladies pout with or without reason. But still, no matter how men feel about women’s logic, it exists. And any offense has its logical basis. Why do women get offended? The most popular reasons:
- The man did not live up to expectations. A lady may throw a tantrum if she expected her husband to hang up the purchased shelf after work, but the man decides to put off this work for the weekend. After work, the young man is tired and needs time to rest. A woman who wanted to arrange books and vases today may simply boil with rage.
- The young man does not understand subtle hints. Women rarely express their desires directly. They veil their desires by throwing a thin veil of beautiful words over them. The male brain simply cannot discern a subtle hint in a web of phrases. But the woman does not understand how it is possible not to hear obvious things.
- Ordinary. A lady who has no hobbies and spends all her free time at home can be very jealous of her man. Moreover, a woman will be jealous not only of her female acquaintances, but also of the guy’s friends.
How to be offended in a relationship: what is prohibited?
How not to be offended?
Many people may think that constructive conversations are boring and ineffective. Of course, there is a more exciting option. But it doesn’t always work the way you want it to. So, we offer you a selection of harmful tips that it is better not to use.
- Never admit the reasons for the offense
This is the most important component. After all, a man must understand everything himself and come crawling with an apology. And you will sit all so proud and pretend that you will think about his behavior, although you have already forgiven him a long time ago. Cross your arms over your chest, turn away and sniffle. This will be the first hint that you are offended. After all, he should pay attention to you, otherwise why be offended at all?
- Be offended long and hard
After all, everyone knows that the offended is always right. Just imagine, the offender comes and asks to forgive him, they directly beg. But you must be unapproachable! It's so useful. If you are offended, it means you are superior to others. The most important thing is that you are right.
And what could be better than realizing the correctness of your position? After all, let a man rack his brain! And you just wait. Previously, cities could only be taken by a long siege. So be sure to be patient. But what a denouement it will be!
- Do not remember your desires and intentions
Do not tell a man the reason for the offense.
All psychologists talk about this topic. Resentment represents an unfulfilled expectation. You should not give in to it, because you may change your mind about what is really worth expecting. Your needs must be met first, but no action is required from you. Let others figure it out, they must figure everything out themselves.
So don't even think about how to achieve your goal. Everything should go to the offended person independently. And even more so, if they sincerely love you, they will guess exactly what you are thinking about and will do as you need. After all, loving people feel each other - this is a prerequisite for a relationship.
- Don't talk to your husband even if he asks
When you are offended, everyone should be running around. Well, how could it be otherwise, because you are on a pedestal. If you show a reaction, you will have to get down. Why do this if the situation will resolve itself anyway? It's boring! You have to be offended to make it easier to live at the expense of others. No responsibility!
- For maximum effect, don't show your feelings.
You need to sulk so as not to break down ahead of time. Wait a good amount of time, but just don't do it so often. A couple of times a month is enough. Choose the perfect time so that everything is fine for you and you return home after a walk together. After all, everything can’t be perfect. We need to somehow end this happy period.
This is where you start to throw out your grievances - get angry, yell, blame, and so on. Tell him how inconsiderate and not very caring he is. Finally, remember what you have accumulated over time. After this, you will definitely become a winner and he will be your slave.
As you can see, it is very easy to get hurt in a relationship. But only such advice is very harmful and doing so is very risky. As a rule, after a few months of such a relationship, the man will get tired and may leave you.
Resentment from boredom
The most common grievances of women occur due to too ordinary life. If there is no variety during a calm and measured life, then the lady will decide to add variety on her own. The girl will not ask herself the question of whether she should be offended by a man. Of course, one should be offended by the faithful if he does not take his chosen one to the movies or theaters. Therefore, the lady will make scandals every evening, and then effectively pout and go to another room. The reasons for the offense may not immediately reach the guy. After all, the reason and reasons for the scandal may well be different. For example, a lady will throw a tantrum over unwashed dishes, but in reality she will passionately want to take a walk with her lover under the moon. Tantrums don't work that bad. They tire the guy, and the man will think about how he can make amends for his guilt, for example, for unwashed plates. With a similar question, a man can turn to a girl, who, as a reconciliation, will tell the guy to go with her to the cinema or for an evening walk. Thus, hysteria and subsequent resentment will bear fruit.
How to apologize if you offended a man
I offended a man - what should I do? Psychologists always advise asking for forgiveness. But few know how to do it correctly. First of all, it is necessary to understand what exactly hurt him so much. Then try to calmly explain to your loved one why you acted this way, and promise him that if it hurts him so much, it won’t happen again.
If you have offended your loved one and he is very upset, you will have to take many steps in order to receive his forgiveness. He will deliberately ignore you, so get his attention first. To do this, give your partner a small gift, dress attractively, or cook a romantic dinner. And when you can talk, try to calmly explain your actions and apologize.
You can even prepare for such a conversation in advance. And the main thing you need to do is stay calm. Even if the man is very emotional. Resist the urge to respond in kind. You will achieve the desired effect only when you calm him down and your conversation becomes constructive. Otherwise, conflict is inevitable. He will make the situation worse, and your partner may even hurt you in return. As a result, the problem will remain unresolved. But if your couple has mutual feelings, you will definitely cope with any troubles.
What to do if you offended the man you love? Should I write first? Look for the answer in this video:
Resentment for the sake of reconciliation
But a lady is not always offended in order to receive some benefit or to achieve something. Sometimes a woman throws tantrums in order to add some sparkle to the relationship. How to show a man that you are offended? A lady can find a trivial reason for a quarrel, and then, depending on her mood, burst into tears, slam the door and go to her friend’s, lock herself in the bathroom, or stop talking to the man. Each of these methods is good in its own way. If a lady quickly develops a scandal out of nothing to do, then it will end just as quickly. The man will try to calm his wife down, but this is exactly what the woman needed. A stormy reconciliation will be the girl’s reward for her good acting work. And if the lady intends to perform her performance all evening, then you need to leave the apartment and not tell the man where you are going. Let him suffer and look for you. Such quests show a young man how much he really needs a girl.
What can offend a man
No two men are the same. Therefore, you should not make the mistake of viewing them within the narrow framework of a certain type or category. Everyone has their own rich inner world. And what may seem insignificant to one may offend another. Of course, there are common points between them too. Just like between women. But can you put yourself 100% into any category?
A man is offended by a woman, what should I do? There are thousands of different actions, words and situations that can deeply hurt him. And only a woman can understand each specific case. As a rule, a man gets offended if you didn’t do something the way he wanted. Perhaps you made an expensive purchase without consulting him? Or is the reason for his silence due to your incessant idle chatter?
What to do when your partner leaves home without explanation? Try to understand how you offended him. Angry screams after each other will definitely lead to a quarrel. Therefore, think about your actions and statements in advance. Remember the last conversation: how exactly could you offend your loved one so much?
You can offend a man not only by your actions and words - your social circle also plays a big role. Situations often occur when a woman’s friends behave too freely or discuss her partner in his presence. And then she pays for it. Therefore, remember well: relationships with your loved one should not concern anyone other than the two of you. What should you do in this case? Make it clear to your friends that it is indecent to discuss intimate moments. And the main thing is not to tell the details of your relationship yourself.
How to behave
Have you decided to put on a beautiful performance, but don’t know how to behave? If you are offended by a man, then you need to remain silent. Don’t tell the guy the reason for your offense, let him rack his brains. Representatives of the stronger sex are very logical and will look for an explanation for your behavior today. But girls are not such logical creatures. They may be offended by something a guy said a week ago. Therefore, you can subtly hint to your faithful one in what area and on what day to look for the answer to the question of your grievance.
In addition to riddles, the guy can be interrogated. You should, under the guise of a scandal, ask the guy what doesn’t suit him about you. When a person is in an excited state, he cannot tell a lie. Therefore, collect statistics on the changes that the young man expects from you, and change in accordance with his requirements.
You can leave home during major scandals. Be sure to turn off your phone so that the young man is more worried about you and goes to look for you, rather than conducting telephone conversations from the apartment. But for the guy’s search to be successful, he must know exactly the places you could go.
Take a time out
You feel burning resentment and even rage, tears are already treacherously coming to your eyes, you want to cry and succumb to a storm of emotions that will most likely spill out on your loved one in the form of hurtful words and insults.
Stop! The first thing you need to do is take a time out. Literally step away for a few minutes, go to another room if it’s hard to restrain yourself while being next to your lover. You can always pick up more counterarguments and soberly justify your own point of view if you communicate without being at the mercy of emotions!
Tricks of manipulation
What irritates the stronger sex the most? That's right, women's tears. This secret weapon must be used in the correct dosage during a manipulation scandal. How to be offended by a man? If you want to get some benefit from a young man, then you can put pressure on his subconscious and make the man guilty of something. For example, throw a tantrum on the topic: you don’t love me at all, but I’m trying so hard for you. Any man will be perplexed by these words and feel that he is really not trying as hard as he could. And the lady needs to cry to confirm her words. Such a scene will definitely touch the guy’s heart, and he will agree to any action that you currently need from him. When playing such grievances, do not go too far. All you can afford are tears and a broken voice. You can express only one grievance, and not all that have accumulated in your soul over the many years of life together.
Clearly define the problem
Before starting a dialogue, it is necessary to clearly determine what outcome is needed. “So as not to be late, don’t forget to call back” - the more precisely the problem is identified, the more constructive the dialogue will be. And more than 50% of claims will disappear on their own.
Often a man is not even aware that he has offended his beloved woman. The way male psychology is structured is that they are much more willing to accept direct speech. And from beating around the bush, they get tired before you have time to get to the point, and they simply stop hearing, considering the dialogue pointless. Be on his wavelength - talk directly about what worries and offends you, and how he could fix it.
The nature of the feeling of resentment. How to cope?
Psychological versus physical violence
In what cases can a woman deservedly be offended by a man? If a young man decides to prove his position with his fists, the woman should be very offended by the man. You can run to the room and collect your things. In this case, you just need to cry and lament. The lady should be told that she will not tolerate such treatment and move out of the house. You can run away to a friend or to your mother. The man will come with an apology that same evening. But you shouldn’t forgive the person who hurt you or wanted to do it on the first day. You need to wait two or three days and then return. And when you return, be sure to inform the man that if such a scene repeats, you will leave forever.
Be true to your word
I warned you - do it! We discussed all the points, but he again violated the terms - hold your position. This time your man will definitely take you seriously. Otherwise, your grievances will become a habit, and he will not respond to “ultimatums” at all.
However, don’t forget about the promised bonuses. If a man listened and heard, and also did everything that was required of him, encourage him. This will encourage him to compromise more often.
Using these techniques, you can profitably get out of any unpleasant and offensive situation.
Resentment as a learning tool
Your boyfriend can't understand how to behave? How to properly be offended by a man so that he understands what can be done and what cannot be done? You can use all available methods. Tears work best, but languid, judgmental glances will also help you achieve your goals. You can lock yourself in a room and not leave for a long time, or you can go for a walk around the evening city and not return home for a long time so that the guy starts to worry about you. The phone should remain at home at this moment. What can you teach a guy in this way? Punctuality, good attitude towards you, romantic actions and being true to your word. If the mother did not instill good manners in the young man, this does not mean that you cannot cope with such a task. It's worth a try anyway.
List of things to be offended about
There are reasons that serve as valid reasons for resentment. There are not many of them, so it’s not difficult to remember all the points:
- The guy didn't keep his word. A stranger who owes nothing, but not a loved one, can promise but not fulfill.
- Physical impact. The use of fists serves not only as a reason for resentment, but also as a motive for separation.
- Insults, humiliation. Hurtful words sometimes hurt more than physical impact, so it is unacceptable to allow such behavior towards yourself from a loved one.
- Manipulation. Holding grudges often serves as an interesting way of responding to attempts to exploit and emotionally suppress. However, there is one piece of advice: if a girl is dealing with a real abuser, then she should think not about resentment, but about breaking up.
READ What to do if a girl is offended: keys to understanding the female soul
Resentment towards husband's relatives
You can be offended not only by the guy, but also by his family. There is no point in reproaching people for anything, at least don’t do it directly. You can subtly hint to your boyfriend what exactly it is about his relatives that irritates you. How to be offended by a man? You must show displeasure whenever you return from the guy's in-laws. Don't say directly that the young man's mother hates you. Tell her that she disapproves of your relationship. You need to ensure that the man talks to his parent and instills in her the idea that you are a good woman, and not an evil witch who has set herself the goal of recapturing her son. In this case, there is no point in being demonstratively offended. Still, you should treat the young man and his relatives with warmth.
Speak, not be silent
It is unlikely that your man is a fortune teller or telepath who is able to voice your thoughts.
Therefore, there is no point in remaining silent and sulking for some time. Is there something you're not happy with? Then just tell your man about it, most likely he had no intention of offending you with his words or actions. Just don’t shout and swear, otherwise the man will take a “pose” and begin to renounce all your accusations. Explain in clear, simple phrases what hurt or offended you, this will allow your partner to quickly understand their mistakes and correct the situation.
It is better to react immediately than to accumulate grievances
A person should not harbor evil in his soul. How to be offended by a man? The girl must immediately express all the dissatisfaction she is experiencing at the moment. There is no point in accumulating negativity in your soul. Then, from unexpressed grievances, the nervous system will begin to weaken, and you don’t need that. Moreover, the frankness that is practiced in a couple will help you maintain a good relationship for many years and not hide anything from your partner.
Emotions are a dish that should be served cold
Resentment deprives you of peace and prevents you from thinking rationally. No matter how difficult it is, there should not be hysterics - the mechanism of retaliatory aggression will work instantly, and the situation will leave much to be desired.
No matter how illogical it may sound, you must first come to terms with it, and only then be offended. Sanity is an additional argument in your favor. In this case, the man is guaranteed to feel guilty, and he will definitely pay attention to the claims made.
Forgiveness does not mean forgetting everything
Why do men get offended by women?
How paradoxical is the desire to receive love.
Imagine that you have been harboring a grudge against someone for a long time. Your accusations are definitely directed at someone - one person or a group of people - it doesn’t matter. You hid it within yourself for a long time, keeping it inside, without giving it away or discussing it. Now imagine that:
- Everyone agreed with you;
- You're right;
- those others are guilty before you;
- You achieved what you wanted
So, what is next? What have you achieved? From whom did you want to receive recognition and what does this recognition look like?
Often, in such a situation, a person immediately begins to understand who exactly his offense was addressed to (often this is one of the parents), and what he wanted to get from this person:
- recognition that he is good,
- that he is worthy to receive love,
- that he understands from whom exactly he wanted to receive this love and recognition all this time.
That is, here the main goal of the accuser is to receive the love that he could not receive before. A person may suddenly realize that his accusations to other people are directed at the wrong address, that there is a primary source, the person from whom he expects love and recognition. He suddenly realizes that his accusations did not help him get this love, but rather prevented him from doing so.
But he sees no other means of achieving this goal. On a subconscious level, this person would like to punish the source of love for its lack and at the same time receive satisfaction, receive the desired recognition and love.
The point here is that a person, with his grievances and restrained accusations, blocks his ability to receive the love that he so desires to receive from a particular person. Subconsciously, it seems to a person that his resentment gives him some ghostly chance that he will finally receive this love.
Therefore, giving up your grievances can be very difficult due to strong resistance, due to the fear of losing this chance.
Consequences of Vulnerability
In addition to frequent conflicts and quarrels that lead to the breakdown of relationships, offended people expose their bodies to constant stress. No one has canceled psychosomatics, so any negativity that we accumulate inside can ultimately result in the development of serious diseases. Unwilling or unable to forgive, we occupy our thoughts with self-pity, accusations and anger. Definitely, this interferes with enjoying life, creates a feeling of chronic dissatisfaction, and becomes the cause of irritability and nervousness.
The man is offended and does not speak
Sometimes it depends on the type of man. Let's look at four types in a woman's life:
- A man for the game. A short or long affair with him always ends with your “favorite” bouquet of negative emotions. It is quite simple to understand that this is a man for the game: you will often catch yourself feeling that this has already happened in your life. Games tend to repeat themselves, only the faces change, but the plot and pain are the same.
- Script man. There are always a lot of emotions, passions and pain with him. It is with this man that your heart skips a beat and your legs give way. There are always a lot of tragedies and disappointments here. You can understand that you are following a script by immersing yourself in a childish state. Of course, it is better to do this with the help of a psychologist. The script man is bad because there is no deep true love here and there never will be. It is precisely such relationships that are said to be toxic.
3 important steps
which every woman should go through
Anika Snagovskaya
Author and presenter of women's trainings on harmonizing feminine energy. Master of removing limiting beliefs and master of constellations.
I have prepared three lessons for you that will help you better understand yourself, remove the restrictions that prevent you from feeling loved and living happily.
01
Video lesson with meditation: 5 states of femininity
You will learn about 5 female states that exist in every woman, how they manifest themselves and which archetypes are most manifested in you and which are not developed.
02
Video lesson + meditation: How to let go of past relationships
I’ll tell you what you need to do to free your heart from old feelings and break the energy threads connecting you with your past partner.
03
Audio recording: Neuro-af
Thanks to this neuro-affirmation, you can regain self-love and feel sincere gratitude and happiness for every day.
✕
Take your gifts!
- Karmic man - this was the case with your mother, your grandmother, and you. It hurts, it’s bad, but you can’t part with him. It’s unbearable to be with him, and there’s no life without him. This chain can be broken using transpersonal therapy techniques. Now there are many powerful techniques in psychology that work with deep role-playing scenarios.
- A man for life - everything is calm and smooth here. There are emotions, but they are always with a working head. In a relationship with such a man, you develop and blossom.
