How to get rid of psychological dependence on a person?

• Human addiction: what is it?
• Types of emotional dependence
• What is the cause of dependent relationships?
• Test: test yourself
• Step-by-step instructions for overcoming addiction
• When should you see a psychologist?

We are often afraid of developing an addiction to drugs, alcohol, smoking, gambling, but we do not take into account that a painful dependence on another person can also greatly complicate our lives and become very dangerous for our health.

After reading this article, you will understand why dependence on a person occurs, learn to distinguish its signs, and, most importantly, understand how to get rid of such a pathology and return to a full life.

Human addiction: what is it?

Dependence (addiction) on a person is a psychological state in which a dependent individual experiences pathological attachment to the object of his love. Because of this, a person practically loses his personality and lives with the problems and joys of his partner.

Addictive behavior is caused by the inability to take responsibility for one’s feelings and actions, and the addicted person is not always able to cope with the accompanying negative emotions (sadness, doubts, resentment, anxiety, uncertainty) on his own. It takes great courage, and often the help of a competent psychologist, to find the resources to confront yourself and overcome addiction.

Expert advice

Dependence on other people is unpleasant primarily because your well-being and mood depend not on yourself, but on another person. If a dependent participant in a relationship does not receive enough attention from the object of his dependence, life literally loses its meaning for him. This is a pathological condition that needs to be eliminated as soon as possible. If you are just starting out, following simple steps can help you. What do experts recommend?

• Don't put on other people what you can do yourself. Some tasks are unpleasant and difficult to do yourself. But this is the only way to increase self-esteem and become a completely independent person.
• Don't do their work for others. One of the steps to fighting addiction is setting clear boundaries. If you are asked to perform some task that is not within your competence, say a firm “no”.
• The ability to reflect and analyze one's behavior is an important part of psychotherapy. Stop from time to time and ask yourself: “Why did I do this?”, “What feelings did I experience?” Over time, you will learn to understand the hidden motives of your actions and satisfy your needs in a natural way.
• Don't get carried away by guilt and don't despise yourself. During addiction, a person may make mistakes for which he will later be ashamed. Treat yourself with understanding - after all, most likely, in those situations you simply could not do otherwise.
• Try to raise your self-esteem. Success at work or in the creative field helps a lot with this.
• Accept that most things that happen are beyond your control. Many things in our world are unfair and do not obey the laws of logic. You can only influence yourself, but not the people around you or certain events.

Types of emotional dependence

Addiction can be of different types in different kinds of relationships.

• Love addiction
  usually begins with a fairy-tale love story - two people are constantly inseparable, enjoying each other’s company, new sensations, while friends, girlfriends, relatives fade into the background - lovers do not need anyone. Then the feelings subside and a desire appears to diversify the isolated life with hobbies and meetings with friends. Healthy relationships easily cope with this period, but pathological ones do not. The dependent partner begins to feel that he is no longer loved, that he has been abandoned and betrayed, and the main emotions become resentment, jealousy and dissatisfaction. As a result, the initial idyll is replaced by quarrels, accusations and threats.
• Friendly dependence
  is reminiscent of love, with the only caveat that the characters are friends. There is the same jealousy of other people and activities, the fear of losing a friend and an urgent need to communicate with him. If a friend has a loved one or other friendships, the dependent person becomes depressed and feels betrayed.
• Parental dependence
  is a type of dependence that begins in early childhood due to improper upbringing. This usually occurs due to the oppressive behavior of parents who adhere to a totalitarian style of education or who themselves became victims, experienced psychological trauma, or grew up in an incomplete family. Such parents suppress any attempts by the child to become independent; they are afraid of being left alone or abandoned. Their actions have the color of manipulation - they invent non-existent diseases, promise an inheritance - in a word, they do everything so that the child needs them, simultaneously depriving him of the opportunity to develop a sense of responsibility, make his own decisions, and make an adequate assessment of his actions.

Medications

Since emotional dependence is not chemical, it is usually treated with sedative antidepressants, which are also prescribed for other problems with the psyche and nervous system.

• "Maprotiline" - reduces apathy, helps get rid of depression and psychomotor retardation.
• Prozac is a well-known drug that is used for depression, neurotic disorders and during the treatment of addictions. It makes it easier to bear the absence of the object of dependence and reduces anxiety.
• Deprim can be used without a doctor's prescription. It increases performance, eliminates depression and emotional exhaustion, while acting quite gently. Therefore, it is often taken by people suffering from emotional dependence.
• Ginseng tincture has long been known as a remedy that increases emotional mood and performance. It can be used as a drug to activate vital energy.
• “Persen” is quite often prescribed for poor sleep, irritability and lack of concentration.
• Mirtazapine restores the ability to enjoy, improves sleep and helps normalize appetite.

What is the cause of dependent relationships?

If you recognize yourself, your partner or the history of your acquaintances/relatives, you will probably be interested: what is the reason for this picture, what is wrong, why did this happen?

The causes of emotional dependence are usually:

• parental dislike in childhood;
• the presence of psychotrauma suffered in childhood;
• excessive parental care;
• noticeably low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence;
• the desire to receive approval and praise from parents and others;
• disrespectful attitude of parents;
• existence in poor material conditions;
• emotional infantility;
• fear of one's own uselessness;
• fear of loneliness;
• inability to take responsibility for one's behavior;
• frequent criticism;
• the desire to be subordinate to someone;
• improper upbringing;
• an absurd idea of ​​love, the desire to be one with the object of adoration, to be together from morning to evening;
• the presence of psychological complexes.

Test: test yourself

How do you know if you are addicted? Typically, a strong feeling of dependence on another person manifests itself in total control over her actions and movements, in the desire to constantly be near her, in the loss of self-control over her thoughts, feelings, and behavior.

Next TEST of 9 questions

will help you determine the presence and level of dependence on a person. Please answer Yes or No questions as honestly as possible.

1. Do you often feel anxious when you think about your relationship?
2. Do you find it difficult to refuse your partner?
3. Do you desperately need your partner's approval?
4. Does your self-esteem depend on such approval?
5. When your partner praises you, your mood noticeably improves; do you like yourself?
6. Do you feel afraid if your partner is unhappy with you?
7. Do you panic if your loved one is in a bad mood?
8. Can't imagine life without a loved one?
9. Are your old interests no longer enjoyable?
10. Do you no longer use passwords, do not have secrets from your partner and demand the same from him?

If you haven’t given a positive answer to any question, you are not dependent on your partner.

If you answered “Yes” 1-2 times, you have a mild stage of addiction that you can cope with on your own. Analyze your behavior from the outside, study information on this topic, think about how to correct the situation.

From 3 to 5 positive answers indicate that you have an average degree of addiction and you are recommended to consult a psychologist/psychotherapist to understand in which direction you should work on yourself.

More than 5 positive answers indicate a severe degree of addiction. You need to take action and seek help from a specialist.

And we will tell you about ways to correct addictive behavior.

Emotions and heredity

Previously, scientists believed that we express four basic primitive emotions, determined in each person by the structure of a special part of the midbrain called the amygdala. In initial testing, the researchers electrically stimulated the amygdala and observed the sensations or actions of various living organisms. In a more primitive sense it is aggression; subordination; fear or surprise; and acceptance, connection, or happiness. Nowadays, thanks to the progress of neurobiology, this model has evolved to include three more states in addition to the four named: surprise, disdain and disgust. It is not difficult to understand that surprise is associated with fear and that disdain or disgust can easily be associated with anger or aggression.

Many sources suggest that the subjective experiences unique to each individual include some combination or mixture of each of these primary emotions. Secondary emotions, or social ones, are created from primary ones, like mixing primary colors to obtain shades. These secondary emotions include embarrassment, jealousy, guilt, envy, pride, trust, shame, and many others.

It seems to me that feelings are created something like this: the neocortex reacts, feels or thinks, after which the midbrain produces neurochemical factors that then support or activate various regions and neural networks to produce both our unique and common sensations.

Sensations, you will remember, are the result of comparative experiences that we all have, thanks to our common environment and social conditions (our formation through learning and personal experience; that is, upbringing); short-term genetic properties inherited from parents (their ingrained emotional experiences; i.e. nature) and general long-term genetic properties (the human brain is structured in a similar way; therefore we share common universal tendencies; nature again).

Thus, this "software and hardware" of our body determines the perception of the environment and the behavior of all members of our species using relatively the same emotions. In this case, I do not intend to go into the subtleties between emotions, sensations, urges and sensory reactions; let's just agree that they are chemically activated states of mind and that emotions are nothing more than the end products of our personal experiences, both common and unique.

The battle of Maslenitsa and Lent (fragment). Pieter Bruegel. 1559

Step-by-step instructions for overcoming addiction

• Step 1 – AWARENESS.
  Start by recognizing and accepting the fact that addiction exists. Mentally talk to yourself, say that you would like to get rid of this condition. This step is very important, the brain is accustomed to thinking that this is love, not addiction, your sincere readiness for change will force the subconscious to look for options to change the situation.
• Step 2 – SOLUTION.
  The next step should be a firm decision to leave the painful relationship or a decision to change your personality (thoughts and behavior) within the existing relationship. It is necessary to understand that dependent relationships are supported by both participants in the union, so if you get rid of addiction, your partner will either have to change in order to follow you into a new healthy relationship, or leave himself.
• Step 3 – DEFINING BOUNDARIES.
  Learn to refuse your partner and defend your position. At this stage, self-love gradually returns, you will begin to do what you like, listen to your desires.
• Step 4 – FILLING THE VOID .
  In a dependent relationship, your own hobbies have long faded into the background. Start getting to know yourself again. You can make a list, indicate in it what your partner gives you that you cannot give yourself, and start bringing joy to yourself. You can also listen to yourself, remember what you loved to do, what was interesting to you, resume lost friendships or family relationships, return to an old hobby or find a new one. Sports or dancing can be an effective medicine, because by improving one’s body, a person not only increases self-esteem, but also gains health and a good mood.
• Step 5 – STUDY YOUR PROBLEM FROM THE INSIDE.
  Addiction is a complex psychological condition, and not everyone can cope with it on their own or see their problem from the outside. In our “Psychology of Addiction” course, experienced teachers will tell you how to cope with emotional dependence, teach methods of mental correction and help you acquire a new profession as a psychologist to help not only yourself, but also other people in a similar situation.
• Step 7 – NEW RELATIONSHIP.
  Start building new relationships or analyze your feelings in existing relationships - how strong is your addiction still, is there any change for the better. To do this, on a scale from 1 to 100, determine how happy you are.

When should you see a psychologist?

If you doubt your abilities or none of the available methods help you change your position as a dependent person, you should contact a professional.

You need to understand that in addictive behavior you are not living your life, that emotional addiction is not only a state of mind, but also a psychological disorder caused by dislike of oneself.

Addiction destroys people's lives and makes both the addict and his partner suffer. Moreover, if you do not solve the problem with drastic changes, then addictive behavior will accompany you throughout your life, and attempts to build healthy relationships will not be successful. It is necessary to regain self-respect and self-love; this is the only way to health and a new life.

To change the situation, you will have to work long and painstakingly on yourself. An experienced psychologist will help you identify the true causes of addictive behavior and correctly correct them. Remember, if you do nothing, the situation will only get worse.

The famous Roman philosopher Marcus Tulius Cicero said wonderful words with which we would like to end today’s conversation: “Happiest of all is the one who depends only on himself and sees everyone in himself alone.” Let's believe in ourselves, friends!

Chemicals and cortisol

The most basic, basic information that we need to learn is this: every time a thought is ignited in the brain, chemicals are produced that cause corresponding sensations in us and various reactions in the body. Over time, the body becomes accustomed to the level of chemicals that circulate in the bloodstream and are carried to each of our cells. Any interference with the steady, steady state of our body chemistry results in discomfort.

We will do almost everything in our power, consciously and subconsciously,

relying on your own feelings to restore the usual chemical balance.

Like the fight-or-flight response, whenever a thought is ignited, various chemicals are released. The three mediators of chemical communication in the body are neurotransmitters, peptides, and hormones.

Therefore, whenever we have a thought, neurotransmitters go to work in the synaptic space, lighting up the neural networks associated with a specific concept or memory.

Any memory has a corresponding chemical component that is reproduced by peptides. Part of the midbrain, the hypothalamus, produces many different peptides. The hypothalamus can be likened to a laboratory in which a corresponding chemical signature is developed for every thought ignited in our brain and every emotion experienced. This is why the limbic, or midbrain, is often called the emotional brain. It awakens our sexual currents, activates creative thinking and evokes a motivating competitive spirit in us. This emotional brain is responsible for producing chemicals that trigger our emotional reactions and thoughts.

When a "chemical thought" enters the bloodstream, it excites the body, much like ACTH ( adrenocorticotropic hormone)

— approx. T&P) with glucocorticoids (cortisol). When the body is aroused, it communicates through a negative feedback loop to maintain acceptable levels of chemicals in the brain and body cells.

Let's look at how this negative feedback loop works. Because the hypothalamus is the most vascular part of the brain (with the largest blood supply), it monitors the circulating volumes of each peptide during every chemical reaction in the body. For clarity, let's say that with a high level of ACTH, the level of cortisol decreases, and then the hypothalamus reduces the production

ACTH. The level of chemicals is determined by the individual internal indicators of each person. Each person has his own unique homeostatic balance, which is directly influenced by his genetic program, his reaction to external circumstances and his own non-verbal thoughts.

Negative feedback loop between brain and body

The illustration shows how the brain and body work together to regulate chemical communication. High levels of peptides circulating in the body affect various glands and organs that produce hormones and secretions. When the brain detects high levels of hormones or secretions and low levels of circulating peptides, it acts as a thermostat and stops producing hormones. When the level of hormones circulating in the body decreases, the brain senses this decrease through the hypothalamus and begins to produce more peptides, from which more hormones can be produced.

The battle of Maslenitsa and Lent (fragment). Pieter Bruegel. 1559