Why do women cheat?
First you need to understand what pushed your wife to take such a step. Because a woman’s betrayal and a man’s betrayal are completely different concepts. And not a single normal girl will jump into bed with another if the relationship with you completely suits her.
Well, unless she is a whore by nature. So, we had to choose better.
But that's not what I'm talking about now. You had a long, strong, stable relationship, and suddenly there was betrayal on her part. Let me tell you right away - it is very unlikely that your wife was just chasing a bigger dick. Women are built completely differently, and if she cheated on you, it means there were deeper reasons for this that you did not notice.
Some of the most common reasons may include:
- You began to treat her with indifference. You may not even notice it, but women see this moment very clearly. You conquered her, gave flowers and gifts, said compliments and carried her in your arms so that she became yours. And now you have achieved it, which means that the need to show signs of attention, in your opinion, has disappeared. She's already yours, where will she go? Only she still needed these courtships, pleasant words and sweet surprises. And if you don’t give this to your wife, she herself will find where to get it.
- You suffocated her with jealousy. Yes, yes, don’t be surprised that constant scenes of groundless jealousy can one day lead to real betrayal. Because if you blame her all the time and suspect her of something she didn’t do, she might freak out. And in the end, decide that it’s better for you to pester her for business, and not just like that.
- She wants to take revenge on you. And not necessarily for some big misconduct on your part. You're being rude. You're not paying attention to her. You are not the same as she loved you. Anything can be a trigger. And if she can’t convey her complaints to herself because you simply don’t hear them, she just wants you to feel all these inconveniences too.
- You don't satisfy her sexually. This is one of the very common reasons why women cheat. After all, it’s not just you who needs sex—it may be even more important to her than to you. And your pleasure in bed is not equal to your wife's pleasure. Talk to her, ask what she wants in bed, don't be afraid to experiment. And when you are just a sex god for her, she won’t even look in the direction of other men.
- She wants to assert herself. Again, over time you stop paying as much attention to her as you did before. And she no longer feels that she is desirable, beautiful and that men want her. To raise her self-esteem and check how successful she is among other males, a girl may decide to cheat.
If you begin to notice some alarm bells, you cannot ignore them. Otherwise the consequences will be very sad.
When you understand for yourself why this all happened, the next question arises: how to forgive your wife’s betrayal and is it necessary to do this?
When can you not forgive betrayal?
But in some cases, betrayal cannot be forgiven. Signs of such a situation are:
- Unwillingness to repent. If a partner does not realize his mistake, justifies his actions with accusations, considers the situation to be ordinary, you need to understand that such an attitude will invariably lead to a repetition of his action.
- Repeated betrayal. When a situation is repeated more than once, there is a risk that this will become a habit. In such cases, it is useless to believe promises; a person betrays and does it easily.
- No promise that the situation will not happen again. This alone should alert you and hint at a desire not to make empty promises.
- Double life. The fact of treason was hidden for years. If a person lied for so long and skillfully, then it is better not to have any business with him; deception has become the norm for him.
- The cheater directly says that he has feelings for his lover or mistress and cannot break off the relationship. What's the point of living with someone who doesn't love you anymore?
- Both of their feelings faded, but no one dared to say it directly. Betrayal will serve as an impetus for a breakup that was inevitable.
- Inability to forgive. It is impossible to live together, constantly experiencing suffering, always blaming your partner. This will only lead to stress.
In any of these cases, it is worth breaking off the relationship, otherwise you will have to constantly live in anticipation of a repetition of the situation and admit that you are inferior. Being under constant stress is harmful to the psyche.
Should you forgive your wife for cheating?
I'll tell you one thing you won't like. It is your fault that your wife went to the left. Not that leftist dick she slept with, not her, but you. Because you didn't give her what she needed, and she went looking for it from another guy.
Women do not run away from strong, confident, pumped-up alpha males to insignificant wimps. And if you are now tearing out the hair on your ass, wrapping snot in your fist and cannot understand how to forget your wife’s betrayal, then you are a weakling who is worthless.
A man who works on himself, invests in his development, will not be jealous of his woman. And she won’t cheat on him. Because he's cool, because he's better than others, because he knows how to make his partner happy.
And if your wife cheated on you, there is nothing to forgive or not forgive her for. All questions should be addressed to you. Take responsibility for your life, in the end, stop shifting it to others. You yourself must control everything that happens around you. And if such a situation occurs in your personal life, it means that you made a mistake somewhere, and now you are dealing with the consequences.
When you accept this responsibility, you will understand whether you can forgive your woman. Perhaps you were both wrong, and her cheating was the result of an unfortunate combination of circumstances. Working together on this problem or getting help from a family psychologist will help you cope with the crisis in your relationship. Or maybe it will be easier for you to break up and start a new life without each other.
The difference between male and female infidelity
Many psychologists say that the motivations for cheating in men and women are often very different. Is it possible to forgive a girl's betrayal? Probably depending on the circumstances. Thus, men cheat more often out of physiological desire than from having loving feelings for a girl; they lack sexual satisfaction at home and therefore decide to fill the need on the side.
However, social factors may also play a role here. Namely, a man’s status in society is often determined by the presence of an expensive car, apartment, etc. Among this list, a man may also have a mistress. In this case, a woman should simply either come to terms with this or end such a relationship, because you cannot change a person by force without his desire to change himself.
Husband found out about his wife's cheating
What to do if your wife cheated?
How can a man survive his wife's betrayal? How to cope with a marriage falling apart at the seams? What to do when you find out about her infidelity? There are three main paths you can take. But which one to choose is your personal decision.
You don't tell her that you know about cheating
Let's say the situation is like this. You analyzed what happened, realized what was your fault and your mistake. And that your wife cheated not because she just wanted variety, but because she wasn’t happy with you.
After digesting all these thoughts, you came to the conclusion that you want to save your relationship and fix the situation. In this case, it is better not to tell her that you know about her infidelity. Now I will explain why.
Our psyche is designed in such a way that if your offense was not made public, your feeling of guilt is not so strong and not so destructive. Yes, she will be ashamed, she may regret that she cheated, but at least she will not feel the enormous guilt in front of you that she could have. I'm not saying she won't feel guilty at all. There will be, of course. But she will cope with it much easier if the girl does not see your condemning look every time.
At the same time, there is no need to deceive yourself and pretend that nothing happened. Someday later, when the crisis has been overcome, when passions have subsided, you will be able to talk about all this - calmly and constructively. But your main task for today is to make your relationship stronger, more harmonious and happier.
If you have already figured out what exactly your mistakes were, correct them. Work on yourself and on making you more comfortable together. How to behave after your wife cheats in order to save the relationship?
Don’t spend whole days at work, spend more time with your wife, be interested in how she lives in general. Remember what you did at the very beginning of your relationship to win her love. Give compliments, do not skimp on affection and care, show interest in her. A caring, loving, exemplary husband does not make you want to go to the left.
Or maybe the problem is that you relaxed your buns and let yourself go? Or is it that work, friends and weekend fishing have become more important to you than your family? You need to analyze yourself and understand where you can improve yourself. What you need to develop so that you can be proud of yourself.
Join the gym and get in shape. Take my training and become a super lover, the very sight of whom will make her knees shake.
And believe me, when you level up, your woman won’t even think about other men. Because next to her will again be that alpha male whom she once fell in love with.
You talk to her and you solve the problem together
The first option is not suitable for everyone, I understand. It is very difficult to contain everything to yourself when you find out about betrayal. Therefore, you can take the second path and talk to your wife frankly.
How to forgive your wife’s betrayal when resentment, anger and misunderstanding are bubbling inside you? Naturally, you want to immediately tell her everything to her face. But remember: you are an adult, confident man, and you should not stoop to insults and accusations, much less hysterics and assault.
You should have another task: find out the reasons that pushed her to cheat, set priorities for your family and decide how you will rebuild your relationship. Frank conversation is what will help save your marriage if it is important to both of you.
Do not remain silent and do not pretend that this situation does not affect you. Tell me that you are hurt, unpleasant, offended, but you want to improve and fix everything. Find out what doesn't suit her about you, and what kind of partner she wants to see next to her. What does she lack, what does she want to change in your relationship? A heart-to-heart conversation will help you understand her motivations and desires.
Because most likely you weren't paying attention to what was important to her. You thought that this was unnecessary tinsel. And when you figure out what her complaints are, don't ignore them. Start improving, change, develop, become someone she can be proud of.
There is no universal recipe, everything is individual. But remember that if you want to rebuild your relationship, you don’t need to move away from her. This is most likely what you want because your ego has been hurt and you want to lick those wounds alone. But pretending that you are strangers is wrong. You need to show your woman attention, care and affection so that she can see: you love her, appreciate her and don’t want to lose her.
Get a divorce
If you don’t know how to forget your wife’s betrayal, and don’t want to rebuild a broken relationship, say that you want to get a divorce.
As I said, women don’t cheat just like that. If she is unfaithful to you, it means she is uncomfortable with you. And if you, too, are now extremely uncomfortable, and there are no bright prospects ahead, take your balls into your fist and put an end to the relationship.
When you don't want to correct the mistakes you both made, you don't need to torture yourself or her. Let her go to the man who wants to do all this.
Read my article on how to properly separate from your wife and take this difficult step.
Breaking Bad
There is such a point of view: if your marriage is on the verge of divorce, feelings have faded, there are not enough emotions, start a short affair on the side - you yourself will see how your relationship will sparkle with new bright colors... Such advice can be found today on the Internet and in books. They claim that it is effective. What do you say?
I don't know anything about new paints. When they tell me about betrayal in confession, I always meet with disaster. This is a catastrophe of colossal proportions, when the soul... you know, is like scorched earth by napalm. A person comes completely dead, absolutely insensitive, understanding nothing. Like after a nuclear explosion. Because a nuclear explosion is energy, light, colossal heat, there is a lot of bright and unforgettable things in it. But after it everything is dead, complete devastation. In confession I encounter this result - a scorched heart and feelings. I don't know what about new colors...
Why do you say that a person comes senseless and dead?
There is the famous TV series “Breaking Bad,” which shows how a person gives himself the right to commit a crime, gets involved in sin based on some more or less lofty considerations, and how this sin then affects everything around him like a cancerous tumor. There, the hero himself is sick with cancer, and he seems to be healing. But the business he started begins to grow and devours the entire space of life around him. This is a very clear example. He shows well what a person becomes, bound by sin, who at the same time tries to break free. He is tormented by his conscience - there is a scene with a fly, in one of the episodes it flies constantly and does not give the hero peace. But it turns out that he is already deeply in trouble, and not only himself - he pulled his wife and everything that surrounds him along with him. And it seems like he has an excuse: he has cancer, he needs money for treatment and his family... A person who lives in such a state, in captivity of sin, will constantly look for an excuse for his action. He can't live without it. He needs some external event or some higher goal to which he could appeal and explain why he is doing this. Moreover, he himself feels bad from the endless search for justification. The most serious condition.
Do you often encounter this in confession?
Any priest in his pastoral practice encounters this quite often, alas.
Photo mariko2
But there is, for example, such a position: when a person cheats, he does not commit any crime, this is not corruption, not murder, he does not harm anyone. Of course, if he loves his wife and the wife finds out, it will be unpleasant. As for the rest - what's wrong with that?..
Honestly, I don’t know any examples of a person betraying and no one would know about it. Firstly, because betrayal still becomes known, and at the most inconvenient and unexpected moment. Secondly, the person himself, his conscience, always knows about betrayal, and God always knows. It's enough.
And with the question “what’s wrong with that”... It is clear that the basis of any relationship - in marriage, friendship, in the relationship between parents and children, between man and God - is loyalty and trust. In practice, this means: you can count on me, I won’t let you down, I will always lend my shoulder. When we say “I believe in God,” we understand that this is not only about recognizing the fact of the existence of God above us. In this sense, as the Apostle James wrote, demons believe and tremble. Faith in God is a matter of trust and fidelity in the relationship between God and man.
The other side is meanness and betrayal, when you know something very personal about a loved one, entrusted to you as a secret, and you betray this secret. Adultery is a betrayal of the secrets of love: the most secret things about your wife or husband are revealed to you, and you neglect it.
If people love each other truly and seriously, they have no need to cheat. If a person wants to change, is looking for a reason or justification, and this is normal for him, then he must state: I don’t love anyone but myself, I just use all other people.
If you can't forgive betrayal?
If you cannot forgive your partner, then it is better to leave. If you have already tried everything, but you feel that you are still full of anger and resentment, and cannot find a way to move on, then it’s time to call it a day. If you can't communicate with your partner, let alone touch them, or if you always feel like your partner is always surrounded by the opposite sex, then it's time to end the relationship.
It's much better to end a relationship than to force yourself to find a reason why it's not working. Your resentment may only grow and may lead you to hurt the other person by cheating on them or become so emotionally distant that communication becomes impossible.
Remember that even if a person has made great efforts to become a better person after cheating, it may simply be too late. Just because a person is trying very hard right now, you shouldn't hold on to him if you understand that this is not necessary.
You can feel proud that you tried to get through something incredibly difficult, even if it didn't end in success. In any case, it requires enormous courage.
How to forgive your husband's betrayal?
It's already happened. Knowing the reason is important so that this does not happen again in your life, no matter with this man or with another. To prevent this from happening again, you definitely need to change something in the relationship. Therefore, to further build relationships in loyalty to each other, find your reason among them and from today begin to build relationships in a new way.
It doesn’t matter whether you are going to leave your husband or want to save the relationship and start building it differently, in fidelity and mutual respect. We present to you three steps that you should follow in order to forgive your husband and get out of the low emotional level you are currently at. So, how to forgive your husband’s betrayal and move on - three steps:
Step 1: Acceptance and Forgiveness
If you find out the reason why this happened, then frankly, calmly, without hysterics, talk to your husband about this reason. If the reason remains unclear to you, try to gently and patiently find out through a sincere conversation. If a man is interested in you forgiving him, he will do everything to convey to you the true essence of what happened.
Reasons such as “I couldn’t restrain myself” or “I got drunk and didn’t control myself” are not suitable. These are rather consequences of some deeper reason. If harmony, trust and understanding reign in your family, your man will never lose control of himself, this simply will not happen to him. Therefore, look deeper for the reason.
Try to get to the bottom of it together. If you feel that your husband is avoiding sincere confession, gently continue the conversation. Understand that life always returns us to the same situations until we learn our lesson. Until you get to the bottom of the true reason and are trying to turn a blind eye to it, the situation will repeat itself in your life again and again. Therefore, this is important first of all for you. Once you understand the reason, you should feel better.
Step 2. His responsibility
The next step towards forgiveness should be the man's. He must take responsibility for what happened and do everything on his part so that you forgive him. Your role in this is to express what you don’t like, say what you would like to hear from him, talk about your needs.
If this seems difficult to you or you think that the man will not do as you ask, then you are probably in the role of a victim in the relationship. How to get out of it and learn to express everything that you don’t like and doesn’t suit you, read in this article.
Talk to your husband frankly and convey to him exactly what actions he must take in order for you to forgive him. What actions or words did he say that might help you forgive? Think about what needs to happen, what he should do or how to behave so that it will help you forgive?
Step 3: Letting Go
The last step in forgiveness should be the symbolic release of the offense. Write down on a piece of paper all the thoughts that you have related to this betrayal. All the thoughts you want to let go of. Write it yourself and ask your husband to do the same. There is no need to read each other's sheets. Crumple them and burn them together. It is advisable to do this near any body of water and float it along the water. Or, as a last resort, open the window and throw the burned sheet outside.
