The first reason is you!
People tend to make mistakes at any age. You never know which decision will be the right one. You can find out only by making a decision and receiving the consequence. Men who have taken responsibility and started a family also remain people who do not always make the right decisions. Creating a family of love in which children appear does not suppress men’s interest in other women.
Having become infatuated with a woman on the side, a man considers his infatuation to be fleeting and frivolous, which can be stopped at any moment.
But a woman often enters into a fight for a man, and when the secret becomes apparent, the wife, unable to withstand the tension, throws her husband out the door. The mistress, having achieved her goal, happily accepts it.
The passing of time removes the aura of mystery from any person, and the mistress no longer seems as attractive as before. Time, erasing the sharp edges, revives warm family moments in memory. If the wife turns out to be accommodating and allows the cheater to return to the family, then the mistress will act as a common evil, which will become a cementing agent for the united family.
But if a wife, listening to her wounded pride, does not forgive her prodigal husband, then it will be much easier to return such a man to his mistress. However, the thought that the ex-wife is ideal will not leave the man. After all, everything inaccessible is idealized.
How to treat the return of a spouse if you have minor children?
For a wife whose husband left the family with minor children without full moral and financial support, the return of her unfaithful husband in most cases is regarded as a return to the family of the father and breadwinner.
At the same time, most women are ready to push their own experiences into the background or completely forget about them. After all, no one wants to raise children on their own, without full financial support and the firm word of the father.
Children are still not a guarantee that a woman will be ready to make a truce and swallow her resentment.
Children as a guarantee?
The old saying that a man's love for a child is equal to his love for a woman holds true in family life. Of course, there are men who love their offspring regardless of their feelings for the woman who gave them life. But such people are in the minority. A wise wife who wants to return a man will never interfere with communication with children, because then she will have the opportunity to see the man himself.
A feeling of guilt in front of the family left behind can become a trigger for a man to return to the family. This may not happen if the mistress manages to give birth to a common child. However, remember, he already left his children in his previous marriage.
You earn more than him
Having married, some young people with low incomes begin to feel free, since the spouse is provided with housing, has a good job, connections and is able to fully support herself. This eliminates the need to live with parents. Morally, an irresponsible person with bad addictions, for example, alcoholism or drug addiction, can break off relations with such a wife.
If a wealthy woman has children after a divorce, then it will not be difficult for her to support them alone. Most often, ex-husbands without permanent jobs return to their spouses closer to old age. It’s good if she was able to marry a normal person, otherwise she will face problems and a sense of duty to society for a man who has lost his social status.
Unable to arrange his personal life after the divorce, the ex-husband loses hope in anyone except his children and their mother. Feeling his inadequacy and uselessness for his family, he will come and leave again, proving that he is still capable of something. It is better for an abandoned woman to immediately put him in his place, pointing out the existence of a certain barrier between them.
Manipulate children
Children are immaculate angels, but mothers who want to return a man, through manipulation, suggest that an evil woman took dad away from the family. And now the child is plotting terrible intrigues against the evil stepmother, who took his weak-willed father away from the family. Sometimes, such intrigues take on the scale of a disaster, and a woman regrets that she connected her life with a man with a child. Sooner or later, the homewrecker’s patience ends, and the man is safely thrown out the door. Whether your couple is in danger of breaking up, the Tarot reading “Will the relationship continue” will help you find out.
A mistress is an ordinary woman
By starting an affair on the side, a married man does not want to destroy his family. Men are practical and know that after some time, his airy goddess, who admires clever speeches, will become an ordinary woman, absorbed in a boring life. The bed, burning with passion, will turn into a wretched marital bed, and the man already has all this at home. So why should he ruin his usual way of life in order to get exactly the same thing? Having realized this, he will begin to be burdened by new relationships, because he has a lot in common with his old family.
Psychology of divorce: do husbands/wives regret cheating and leaving the family?
For most, divorce is an unpleasant situation that brings a lot of pain and moral distress. However, in some situations, the divorce process becomes a long-awaited way out of a difficult relationship for a couple.
Therefore, it is impossible to give an unambiguous answer to the question of whether husbands or wives regret cheating and leaving the family. Everything will depend on what exactly pushed the spouse to cheat and leave the family.
If the new hobby was not of a serious nature and was started only for fun, for variety or for the purpose of self-affirmation, regret about the lost family well-being and status will most likely subsequently force the negligent husband or wife to regret his behavior and attempt to go back.
It’s another matter if the feelings between the spouses have cooled down and the family is fictitious. As a rule, in such situations, an affair on the side is a real psychological salvation for the spouse, so the cheater attaches great importance to the relationship that has begun and almost never subsequently experiences regrets about leaving the family.
And if the new love also turns out to be more convenient in everyday life than the former spouse (for example, cooks tastier soups, does not create scandals over trifles, and so on), then there is no talk of returning to the “old haven” at all.
The further, the more ideal
Time is a merciless teacher. The mistress, who became the wife, is nearby every day and has become commonplace. Scandals with a man and inevitable quarrels with relatives will force a man to remember his past wife, and his memory will present her in an ideal light. After all, everything bad has been erased. And now it seems to the man that his former wife’s pies were more rosy, and she got along with her mother much better.
The mistress is now endowed with more negative traits compared to the ex-wife. Remember, memory is selective, and often a man remembers the best moments from his family life. The ex-wife, having acquired ideal qualities over time, will become a tasty morsel for a man, and he will want to return to her.
Awareness of mistakes
If a young man or ex- spouse realizes their mistakes, then they do so because they cannot let go of their ex-partner. She must know that the man who used to use her will treat her badly again. A self-respecting woman will not continue to trust such a partner.
Only a responsible man can finally admit all his mistakes. He must be able to solve problems without conflict. This is the only way to correct a difficult situation in your personal life with your ex-darling.
Comes from childhood
The famous phrase of psychologists: “we all come from childhood” is especially acute in family relationships. A totalitarian mother and an incomplete family can cause childhood traumas that a man will bring into his family life. Infantile, rushing between two women, he will not be able to decide who is more suitable for him and will bring misfortune to both women. The man will leave and return until they make a choice for him.
And again a new partner
But it is simply impossible to live for a long time with a person who is alien in spirit. And then the young mistress, at first timidly, and then more and more actively, begins to search for a new partner. After all, legally she is free, and it’s better to run away from the previous man not to nowhere, but to the next one, isn’t it? Seeing these searches (which the further they go, the less secret they become), the man begins to worry: “They told me, don’t live with a young woman, he’ll cheat anyway...” And he doesn’t understand that if they were initially connected by something besides sex , his young chosen one would not have the need to run away; and she is running away now not at all because she is not satisfied with his sexual qualities! But the offended former chosen one is unable to change the situation, which has already gone too far. And as a result, he is left with nothing: his mistress is now with a new partner, and he is left with nothing, since he once left everything to his wife.
Alena, Valery’s passion, for whom he left the family, turned out to be a good girl in all respects, despite her 25 years. When their relationship reached such a dead end, she zealously began a “different life”, getting acquainted with new candidates for her hand, heart and apartment. When Valery, touched to the quick, tried once or twice to reason with her, she eventually used a radical remedy - she caused big trouble for Valery at work. Fortunately, they worked in the same bank, where, in fact, they met. As a result, management showed Valery the door. Alena, together with her new “friend,” immediately suggested “vacating the area,” and Valery literally found himself on the street. I tried spending the night with friends, but soon it stopped making them happy. And Valery even breathed a sigh of relief when he rushed to the hospital with an attack of a stomach ulcer. But it was in his hospital bed that he felt his loneliness to the fullest. The formal care of the doctors was just the warmth he could count on now. A professor making his rounds once joked at his bedside: “You, my friend, are not recovering well. Apparently, scientifically speaking, you have no incentive to recover at all!”... And it’s true, no. Nowhere to go, no one needs it. Parents have long been dead; It’s no longer convenient to bother friends and acquaintances; It’s better not to remember about Alena at all, and especially I don’t want to repeat such experiments... And not without the help of doctors, Valery decided to return to his wife. Moreover, they never divorced.
Responsibility is not his thing
Often, men who run away from problems have mistresses. Having left his family and child and gone to his mistress, the man still does not want to take responsibility. As soon as the first problems appear on the rosy horizon of life with a new lover, the man, wanting to avoid them, leaves her. The appearance of a child in a new family brings with it a bunch of problems.
An irresponsible man does not want to take care of a child whose tummy hurts at night or support a tired woman; he wants a carefree life. Often, men of this type return to their previous family, where they no longer need to listen to children’s cries at night, because the child has already grown up.
He wants to try to start over
If a former man wants to resume his previous relationship, then he believes that he is able to correct the situation. It is possible that in the past the situation with him was too difficult. A woman can offer him a meeting without any relatives in a different setting.
The former couple may agree to take a second honeymoon. The main thing is that they both feel the desire to change their personal lives. This requires some time, since old conflicts cannot be resolved in one day.
To quickly solve the problem, you should remember that this situation also occurs in other families. People confuse themselves, not wanting to forget the previous relationships that led to the conflict. The breakup will not be so depressing after another honeymoon if it is inevitable.
Scandal as a reason to return to the family
In the heat of a scandal, the mistress herself pushes the man out the door, not forgetting to give away his things. Men do not like inconvenience; living in hotels, or living alone in rented apartments is not for most men. Of course, a man will not take advantage of the chance to return to his previous family, especially if they are still waiting for him.
A woman’s elimination of her objective shortcomings
Finding a spouse or permanent partner often relaxes women and girls - they begin to pay less attention to their appearance and the development of relationships with their loved one. Left alone after a breakup initiated by a man, a sensible lady carefully analyzes the situation and understands that she herself provoked the departure of her chosen one. Then the process of transforming your appearance and lifestyle begins. Activity and self-development makes a woman an interesting person and restores her attractiveness. And these changes for the better can encourage the former partner not only to remember the period of love and mutual warm feelings, but also to return to renew and continue the relationship.
However, psychology believes that most men want to return to their previous passion due to their reluctance to waste their time and energy on building a new union. How much does the age difference ? Find out here.
In addition, when comparing their current partner with their former one, they realize that lightness and romance are present in relationships only before they collide with everyday life and other realities of life. And in order for lovers to constantly warm up the desired emotions, they need to continuously work on maintaining and stimulating them.
Read here about friendship with “ex” : myths and reality.
How to behave when a man returns to his wife
“Everything that doesn’t kill us makes us stronger,” this is how the classics would answer. But in a situation when a man leaves and emotions run high, it’s difficult to remain reasonable, but possible. It would be a mistake to chase after a man who has left and start attacking him with calls and messages.
A man who leaves always makes room for change to something new. Probably now is the time for the main person in your life. Mistakes made bring with them not only disappointments, but also invaluable experience. The Universe always leads a person along its own path. Close the door to the past and to your heart behind the departed man, and open it to new love.
You can find out what the departed man feels for you, what he is ready for for you, and find out what actions to take next by making the “Fortune telling on the feelings of your loved one on gypsy cards” layout.
Sexual dissatisfaction
As is known, the situation with sexual culture among the generation born in the forties and fifties is practically nothing. Of course, this is not their fault, but a misfortune, but this does not make it any easier for them, first of all. Indeed, as a result of “lack of enlightenment” - twenty years of living at night in the same position under the blanket... And at the same time, constant dissatisfaction for both the husband (the wife, they say, could have been more active!) and the wife. In general, in those years there was an opinion that a woman should not experience any orgasms: she provided the man with release - her marital duty was fulfilled, and that’s all. And when such mutual dissatisfaction, or rather, the inability to achieve harmony, accumulates over the course of fifteen to twenty years... As they say, even a saint cannot stand it. And towards the end of the critical period, mutual reproaches and resentments begin, sometimes for the most insignificant reasons. A woman's sexual dissatisfaction transforms into irritability. The wife reproaches her husband for “giving him her youth.” And in such living conditions, isn’t she right?
And the husband has his own problems: the wife just screams, accuses, humiliates... And in the period of forty to forty-five years, it is especially important for him to “feel like a man.” So the husband begins to look at those who will not be too demanding of his “masculine qualities” - at young girls. And often he finds someone who agrees to more than just sex... In such a situation, another family scandal simply becomes a reason for a man to leave the family.
Make good use of your time
Relationships with a man consume a lot of women's time. Often women change their priorities towards spending time with a man, preferring him to a fitness club, self-care and self-development. Now a woman can manage her own time, of which she has a lot.
The best decision would be to use the time to your advantage. Get back to physical training, do what you have long dreamed of. Analyze everything that happened to you, find new goals, take a break from relationships and fill yourself with new energy. And then meeting a new man will not take long.
He became less attractive
Work, stress and age could make a man less attractive. In this case, he will definitely remember his ex-wife. If she has become prettier, then this will be a reason for the attention of many men, including her ex-husband.
Important! If a man decides to return to his ex-partner, this is not always connected with the prospect of improving relations between them.
Returning to a guy is not easy, since women perceive failures in their personal lives more tragically than men. It is possible that the girl had to recover her mental and physical health for a long time after the breakup. Only a strong-willed woman can accept a man back to continue a relationship with him.
Most often, spouses have children together. If the chosen one, due to loss of attractiveness, was unable to interest a new partner, then in the hope of returning his ex-wife, he is more confident in his capabilities. After all, she once allowed him to achieve a relationship with her.
Analyze the relationship
Women tend to blame men for all their sins, but it is worth thinking about the reason that a woman chooses such men. It is worth taking responsibility for your actions, analyzing your behavior with men, whether the relationship was built correctly, what mistakes were made, what was expected and what was received as a result.
By taking responsibility for her mistakes and analyzing them, a woman will be able to build qualitatively new relationships in the future. Without analyzing the mistakes and correcting them, the woman will most likely again find herself in a situation where the man will leave her.
Is it worth accepting an ex-partner who has returned from his mistress/lover?
This is a personal matter for everyone. If you are initially focused on restoring the relationship and are ready to forget about this unpleasant situation and your grievances forever, you can try.
But, as practice shows, not everyone is able to forgive an unfaithful soulmate, and the pain comes to the surface at the first conflict situation.
Therefore, before accepting an ex-spouse who cheated on you, be sure to weigh the pros and cons and evaluate your own strengths. If you are unable to forget everything you have experienced, it is better to spend time and energy on a relationship with a new person with whom you do not have common unpleasant memories.
Return at any cost! Is it worth it?
There may be many reasons why a man left his mistress, and not all of them lie on the surface. The feeling of guilt for destroying the family and leaving the children without a father, or various manipulations on the part of the ex-wife, can serve as a reason for returning to the previous family, although feelings for the new lover are still warm in the man’s heart. Each situation is individual, and it is better to sort it out with a person who is impartial. Friends and relatives can do a disservice here.
If a woman has realized that a man was the love of her life and is determined to get him back, the following mistakes cannot be made:
- you cannot humiliate yourself in front of a man;
- you can make compromises, but not allow yourself to bend;
- You cannot accept a man if he has not finally decided with whom to stay.
A woman should think about whether she still has feelings for him, or whether the connection with him is already just a habit. If there are no feelings left, you should make an effort and finally break off the relationship, giving yourself a chance for a better life. After all, you cannot know for sure what gift the Universe has prepared.
Why men come back after a breakup - psychology
Breakup is a complex emotional process, which women experience statistically faster, but more tragically, than men. The inconsistency of speeds provides a picture when she has lived through all the stages of grief and decided to start a new life, only freed from painful memories, so her former lover appears on her doorstep. Women's interest in why men return to their mistress after breaking up is also generated by the feelings of those women to whom they leave when the new romance suddenly ends, and then the lady finds out that her man has returned to his previous relationship.
Explaining such actions with a sudden insight and understanding of one’s mistakes, as well as a decision to fix everything, is quite romantic, but psychology can offer several other less comforting versions. With an inexhaustible desire, it is still impossible to find ways to influence a return, because the reasons that motivate a man to return lie precisely in him, and only a small percentage probability of return depends on the characteristics of the woman’s personality and behavior. A man who does not know how to close gestalts, manipulates departures, and is inclined to return will continue the old relationship, regardless of external circumstances.
Why men return to their mistress after breaking up can be explained by mechanisms laid down by nature on an instinctive level. So, every man is an owner, the only differences are in how this manifests itself and how developed this trait is. Entering into a relationship with a woman, a man appropriates her to himself, like other achievements, from now on she herself and the space around her is his territory, entry into which others are prohibited. When breaking up, the perception of the ex-woman remains the same (i.e., this is still his territory of influence), and, therefore, seeing her happy and cheerful (as indirect manifestations of falling in love), or accompanied by another man (as a direct act of intrusion on the perceived his territory) a protector is activated in the man. It is the desire to defend his own that makes him appear again, call, find out how things are going, or resort to more catchy actions if the opponent is close enough. If everything is determined precisely by this mechanism, then as soon as the woman’s gaze fades again and the flocks of admirers stop hovering around her, such a man will disappear.
Rising higher from the natural animal level, one can encounter infantile reactions, when a man is sure that every woman he meets will take equally good and complete care of him, performing somewhat maternal functions, without taking into account the internal characteristics of the woman as an individual. And then, having gone to another energy and everyday space, he does not receive the degree of care to which he is accustomed. Is it because the new companion is not capable of performing such duties, or because she has not yet remembered what kind of cottage cheese he likes for breakfast. Retreating back to the infantile position looks like a retreat to warmth and comfort, accompanied by a collision with reality and the impossibility of all women treating a man equally.
But there is also a return caused by a sense of duty, guilt or pity. Characteristic of people with high morals and anxiety, who are unable to be fully responsible for the chosen path. A man can stay close when his ex has a financial crisis or there are serious health problems, he can stay because of the children or to avoid censure from society. Such appearance does not lead to good things, it is a deception on both sides - one pretends to appreciate, the other pretends to believe.
But not all internal motives for returning have an unpleasant aftertaste, and it is worth focusing on those that have a positive charge and a chance for a new development of relations. One of these reasons is when a man’s departure is provoked by the wife’s objective shortcomings. It happens that over time a woman stops paying attention to herself and to relationships, and the departure of a man becomes, albeit a shock, but a reason to look at her own life and where her disregard for attitude has led her. If a woman takes care of her appearance, instead of the usual “it’ll do anyway”, starts attending interesting events, and takes up new hobbies, then she becomes an interesting conversationalist. People who are passionate and take part in an active external life attract the attention of not only new acquaintances around them, but also arouse significant interest from previous partners. With such a changed woman, a man can remember former feelings and become eager to continue, especially if the reason for the separation has undergone drastic changes.
And one more reason for resuming a relationship, when none of the above is motivating, and the man has really realized his own mistake, or the mistake of his woman. With real deep awareness, inner work occurs and if there is sincerity, then it is possible to discuss difficulties that seemed insoluble at the time of separation. With this approach, instead of getting rid of troubles, people choose the path of resolving them, and then a meeting on a new level becomes possible.
Do people get back together after divorce?
Question: “How to live further?” becomes the main one.
Any physical activity burns it, like in a furnace. It also protects against exhaustion and nervous breakdowns, which may require medication, psychotherapy and rehabilitation assistance. In our urbanized world, people forget about this, because stress hormones force the body to work for wear and tear.
From love to hate there is only one step; it is easier to destroy than to create.
These two truths perfectly characterize couples who break up under the influence of emotions and then get back together.
Spouses who decide to get back together after a divorce can be roughly divided into five categories. The first group includes spouses who were unable to survive the separation.
