Hello! My name is Igor Lapin, I am a professional pickup trainer. Today we will find out why a girl does not make eye contact when talking and what it means. Men often notice this seemingly trifle when communicating with women. It’s as if the girl is embarrassed to make eye contact and is unable to establish close contact with her or move to a new stage of the relationship. There are many possible reasons for this behavior of a lady. I will talk about the most common of them in detail below.
She's clearly hiding something
Physiognomy comes into play - a science that studies a person’s character, his reactions, etc. by facial expression.
Just like in the TV series “The Theory of Lies,” you can tell that a girl is lying or not telling the whole truth when she looks away after asking questions. No matter what a person says, the tongue may not fail and the speech of a liar sometimes does not betray him in any way. However, subtle changes in the face, averting the eyes and other unconscious actions can tell us the truth.
However, there is no need to rush at the lady and accuse her of lying ahead of time. It is better to look for additional signs of lying and not focus only on the fact that the girl does not look into the eyes when talking.
Look in my eyes
This phrase is often used when one person is trying to find out whether the person he is talking to is telling the truth. If a girl assures that everything is fine with her, then you should pay attention to other circumstances. Perhaps you really are being deceived. It is very difficult to tell a person a lie and at the same time look him straight in the eyes. Psychologists note that this irresistible instinct comes from childhood: kids always cover their faces with their hands when they tell a lie.
If your suspicions are increasingly confirmed, then you should talk to the girl, asking her direct questions. You are unlikely to find out anything in such a situation with hints, and an open question will dot the i’s, since she will have no way to retreat.
Love
The most pleasant of all possible reasons when a girl is embarrassed to make eye contact is her feelings for you. Ladies are often afraid to show their feelings and emotions, fearing that they will not perceive her as she should.
Most women wait for the first step from a man. That's why all they can do is look away flirtatiously. This is usually done unconsciously, but it perfectly makes it clear that the girl is trying to hide the emotions that are creeping through her eyes.
In addition, such behavior may indicate sexual tension. In this case, women’s pupils dilate, and they try to hide the uncontrolled manifestation of feelings.
Why doesn't the girl look you in the eyes?
Wanting to better understand other people, we often observe, in addition to speech, their gestures and facial expressions, trying to find out what this or that nuance in their behavior means. Men, watching a girl’s face, often wonder why girls don’t make eye contact when communicating Does this mean that the girl is indifferent to you or, on the contrary, she is in love with you and is embarrassed to open her feelings. Perhaps in this article we will help you better understand female psychology and find answers to the questions that interest you.
As you know, people communicate with each other not only and not so much with the help of words, but also with the help of intonation, facial expressions and gestures - the so-called non-verbal signaling system.
In personal contact, words are only 20 percent important; the rest of the communication comes from non-verbal signals. When talking on the phone, 20 percent of the information about the interlocutor comes to us from the words we hear, and 80 percent is taken up by intonation.
It is worth noting that any word can be said in such a way that it can dramatically change its meaning without changing its external form.
Unconsciously, we read a person’s mood by his eyes, hands, and intonation. Even silence can be angry. Or, for example, we can say with certainty that if a person crosses his arms over his chest, then he has psychologically isolated himself from others and is not inclined to make revelations.
Or, on the contrary, we always feel a person in a good mood, even if he did not have time to utter a word. How do we know about this? Again, from the non-verbal signal system. So, let's look into it.
People who look you straight in the eyes sometimes do this on purpose to hide a lie. Therefore, you should not always trust direct gaze into your eyes. By the way, by the pupils and their movements, you can determine whether a person is lying or not. However, when a girl looks away, it can have a variety of reasons. Perhaps your girlfriend just hasn’t figured out how she feels about you and how much she likes you. Or maybe she’s really very attached to you, but is afraid to face ridicule or rejection? Then she can also hide her gaze.
Or maybe she just doesn’t like your hair color or body type, and, as a well-mannered person, she is embarrassed to show it to you, thus hiding her antipathy towards you.
But if you have known a girl for a long time, then the reason for turning your eyes away could be, for example, betrayal. This is one of its signs. And it happens that you simply did not fulfill some promise, or offended her with something - remember, perhaps this and there is a reason that a girl doesn't want to look you in the eye.
In any case, this is not enough to understand the real reason.
The lady is bored
The situation when a girl does not make eye contact during a conversation is a clear example of the fact that she is bored by the conversation.
Remember how you behave during a dialogue that is not interesting to you: you think about your own things, look into the distance, look away, or just nod thoughtlessly. You need to choose the right topics to talk to a woman. The mistake a lot of guys make is that they talk about politics, martial arts, or technical stuff in an attempt to show off their best side. Usually girls are not interested in these areas of life. It's better to talk about travel, dreams, films and music. In a word, about what the girl understands.
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Personal experiences
First, remember that your girlfriend is a full-fledged person, and she has a personal life. A lot of events can happen in this personal life that you don’t even know about. Therefore, if they look away from your eyes, you should not immediately look for problems in yourself or imagine yourself as a victim of betrayal.
If your relationship has not yet reached the required level of trust, then the girl may be proud enough to reveal her emotional experiences and events in her personal life. Therefore, such a moment can just help strengthen the thread of trust. Try asking your partner about what happened to her, asking indirect, unobtrusive questions so as not to scare her.
The woman is tired
Sometimes girls get tired of a long conversation and look away, and at the same time cover their faces with their hands.
This suggests that the information received is too much and the lady needs time to digest everything. It is unlikely that she will be able to perceive further conversation at all. In this and other situations, it is often enough to ask why the girl does not make eye contact. There are several interesting outcomes that can be predicted here:
- She will look intently into your eyes and say something like: “It’s not difficult for me, I can look”;
- She will be surprised and justified that she didn’t even notice it. Then the girl will try to periodically look into your eyes;
- He won’t look you in the eye and tell you why. Perhaps he's just shy.
Of course, it is impossible to predict all reactions, but one way or another, something will happen that will help understand the reasons for a woman’s behavior.
In the direction of gaze: how to determine what a woman is thinking about3
A lot of research has been carried out on this matter, which has made it possible to find out how to determine a woman’s attitude towards a man depending on where exactly she averts her gaze. It turned out that this is quite eloquent!
So, if she lowers her eyes and seems to be rummaging with them on the floor, this with a high degree of probability indicates that the representative of the stronger sex is pleasant to her - in this way she seems to demonstrate her emotions and thinks about them herself. What happens next depends on the man - if he continues to court, then most likely it will be a success.
There are also situations when a girl looks away and looks at her interlocutor again. takes her away again - and this means not at all what men usually think - that is, in fact, the girl is not avoiding them at all, but quite the opposite. Experienced men understand what this signal means and use it to their advantage.
Many representatives of the stronger sex, who are considered real heartthrobs, supposedly because girls never refuse them, actually have a very simple secret: they choose those girls who show hidden interest with their averted gaze.
Individual characteristics
Some girls are such delicate creatures that it is difficult to try on a certain pattern on them and explain the reaction in simple words.
There are cases when people date for more than a year, or even two, but the girl never looks the guy in the eyes.
Naturally, the guy is not very pleased with this and gets the feeling that he is disgusting to the lady or she is afraid to open up to him. Moreover, he sees that the girl communicates with everyone normally, looks other people in the eyes without any problems, but he doesn’t.
This happens because the lady has a very special relationship with her partner. Well, somehow it happened that she couldn’t look me in the eye. In the end, this is not the end of the world, because the girl shows the warmest feelings and tries in every possible way to create a strong relationship.
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What is the girl afraid of?
Did your relationship start recently?
Then it's no surprise that your partner avoids direct gazes. Girls are often embarrassed by their new boyfriends and intimacy with them. Therefore, any hint of this very closeness gives an inexplicable result. Remember that prolonged eye contact in romantic movie scenes usually ends with a kiss. Your girlfriend may be afraid of this outcome, especially if she is an introvert and you have not kissed yet. It would be a mistake to correct such a situation with direct conversations. Extra words can take away the charm and romance from the beginning of a relationship. Nevertheless, try through your actions to achieve trust, which will help the girl open up.
Gaze control
This title may sound a little naive and funny, but it fits perfectly with the next example.
You can control women with your gaze. Of course, we mean those who are not afraid to look you in the eye. If you want to win over a woman who is aggressive or neutral towards you, try practicing the following. Imagine that the girl is a small child, perhaps even your daughter. Look at a lady the way you would look at a little girl who is trying to prove something to you. Just be touched and radiate goodness.
The main thing is not to overdo it, since such tenderness can be perceived as disrespect and pity.
This can infuriate the person even more. Well, if successful, a change of mood will come almost instantly, and the girl will break into a smile.
Does a girl like you - how to determine?
Do you doubt what her looks and smile mean? Follow these steps and you will determine if she really likes you.
1. Start a conversation with her
Talk to her about nothing - it will help you learn some things that will be useful in the future. All girls are different, so be careful, pay attention to the little things. Listen to her voice: if she is shy, then the tone of her voice may be slightly higher than usual, or she begins to fidget with her hair (stroking it, twirling it around her finger), adjusting her clothes.
Another sign that a girl likes you is that she laughs at boring and stupid jokes. (Just don't use jokes like this as a test, otherwise you'll look like a Comedy Club host).
Perhaps she will not look you in the eyes and will giggle with or without reason (at least you managed to make her laugh, but it’s not a fact that you can count on more) in this case, read “Making a girl fall in love with you? There is nothing simpler!“
2. Not all girls act like girls.
Some people don't behave the way girls should behave, so don't joke about it. If she likes football, then appreciate it. Don't think she's crazy.
3. Pay attention to whether she is flirting
Although sometimes it is very difficult to understand whether this is really so. A girl can flirt with a guy even if she considers him her friend. And if you don't understand it correctly, it will be a disaster. Obviously, many girls do not want everything about them to be clear from the first minute; some flirt just a little, while others have a blast.
In any case, don't flirt with everyone. And with other girls in her presence. Even if she sees you hugging another girl or another girl hugging you, she may make a hasty decision that she is not interested in you. Understand better how to understand body language.
4. Pay attention to whether she touches you more often than is usual with friends (maybe she constantly tries to touch you)
If she has excuses for this, you may have it right. But, again, don’t think that she’s not attracted to you if she doesn’t want to touch you all the time. Maybe she's too nervous. Take the first step yourself - touch her.
5. Pay attention to the way she looks at you.
If she likes you, then she either looks intently into your eyes, or vice versa - she immediately looks away as soon as you notice him. Both of these definitely indicate that she likes you. If she looks away, then she is just nervous, perhaps waiting for you to make the first move.
If a girl looks into your eyes, then she is confident in herself and, perhaps, is ready for decisive action. If you suddenly looked at a girl and received a stare in response, then she is definitely not indifferent, even if after a second she turns away and looks in a different direction. Pay attention to whether her eyes sparkled when she saw you or heard your name.
6. Take a closer look at her friends
If you see her friends looking at you and giggling, it only means one thing - she told them about you. If her friends are noisy, it is possible that in this way they are making fun of her. When she's chatting with friends and someone approaches, the conversation can be abruptly interrupted.
It's obvious they were talking about you. If she likes you, and she told her friends about it, then they may come up to you and talk about something like this: “Which of these girls would you go on a date with?” Who do you like the most? Who is the most beautiful? And everything like that.
If one of them listed several girls, and that one is one of them, it is possible that she asked her friend to talk to you, so to speak - to test the waters, and maybe even find out what you think about her.
7. Look at your beauty's behavior in different situations
For example, you are in nature, and suddenly she complains that she is cold. It is quite possible that she is expecting some action on your part, hoping that you will offer her your sweater. This is a very caring thing to do, especially if you want to show a girl that you like her.
And if she likes someone else, she will be very disappointed that you were the first to offer her your help, but at least you will understand her train of thought. Sometimes a girl can pretend that she doesn't know how to do something. Here's your chance to come to her aid! It's entirely possible that she only asked you to see how you would behave.
8. Smile at her
Just it should be a natural smile, don’t make faces. If she smiled politely back, or frowned and turned away, then mentally say goodbye to her. It's obvious she's not interested in you. And if she sincerely smiled back, openly and joyfully, and then continues to look at you, it is clear that she is interested in your special one. If she smiled and then turned to her friends and mingled with the crowd, she might be curious and excited at the same time.
9. If you talk to her on the phone, pay attention to whether she starts the conversation first
If it seems to you that she is looking for an excuse to say goodbye and hang up, then this means that you are carrying on the conversation. She will respond as needed, but may appear bored. And do what she says! She'll think you're sweet and very sensitive if you do this, but don't forget point number 5.
10. Try to understand her
Girls like to say what they think. Listen to what worries her, listen as if she is telling you something very good.
11. Pay attention
If you don't listen, the girl will understand it very easily.
12. Patting
If she playfully pats you on the shoulder or above the elbow, then she definitely likes you.
Adviсe
Follow the clues. She leaves them everywhere, you just need to know where to look. If you want to make sure whether a girl likes you, pay attention to some of these:
- Her lips: If she kisses you on the first date, then she definitely likes you.
- Her hair: if she starts playing with it, twirling curls on her finger when you are near or entering the room, then this is a good omen. So she's nervous about meeting you.
- Look: jealous of how much she likes you and how good an actress she is. She can give you a long look when you are not watching her, or look briefly.
- Reaction to presence: if you saw her walking towards you along the corridor, then her gaze is already turned to you. And she's probably smiling.
- Questions: if she often asks about your relationships with girls, about the types of girls you like - this is intelligence, she wants to know if she can meet your needs.
- Touching: if she tries to touch you, slap your hand, then she loves you. If you pretend that the blow was very hard and she laughs, then she likes you. If she starts to worry, you are just her friend.
If you find out that a girl loves you, don't treat her like she's an alien or like she's sick with bird flu. This will hurt her and hurt her, so be careful. Don’t ignore her and don’t give her cold feet, because it may happen that you will like her too, but it will be too late. In addition, such a trick will ruin your reputation among girls.
Chat with her friends. They can reveal a lot of valuable information if you ask the right questions.
Don't flirt with girls' friends. This could lead to a quarrel between them.
If a girl says that a guy is like a brother to her, this is not a very good sign. Usually girls do not perceive their real friend as a future partner. But sometimes it can simply mean that the girl is embarrassed. If she says that you remind her of her brother, that you are a true friend to her, this will not automatically mean that you don’t have a chance.
If she tries to hug you, hug her, don’t even try to push her away if you’re shy. You could really hurt her.
Girls like to know that they are in love, so if this is the case, just go and tell her about it!
If a girl jokingly calls you her boyfriend, then there can hardly be any doubt that she likes you. But there are also hidden pitfalls here - if you are good friends with her, then this really could be just a joke.
If a girl is shy, she will deny everything if she is not sure that you like her too. So if it closes, don’t lose hope! Make some effort to become her friend so that she will trust you. If she goes for it, it means there is interest. If not, then don't take it to heart. There are a lot of pretty girls around!
If you go to class or the cafeteria and see her trying to walk next to you or waiting in the hall for you to show up, then she likes you. Perhaps she will walk close to you with her friend so as not to seem intrusive.
If you like a girl, but you hide it so that no one will guess about your sympathy, stop suffering from nonsense and choose a different tactic - girls hate this behavior and quickly lose interest.
Give subtle hints about what attracts you to her. If she stops talking to you or starts to avoid you, then she doesn't need your sympathy.
She may talk about herself to see your reaction, to check what traits you like. If she does this, compliment her, show her that you are really interested in this.
Do something nice for her, something that will benefit her and like her, for example, give her a CD with an interesting film. Pay attention to her reaction - if she makes a pleasant surprise for you in response, then she is not indifferent to you.
If she asks you to help her with something (possibly you and another couple), then this is a signal that she hopes to continue dating.
Attention - possible errors!
Girls may try to play Othello and start flirting with your friends to make you jealous. Be careful with such twirlers. If you really like her, give her enough attention and then leave her alone - this will show that you are interested in her, but you give her a choice. But keep in mind that she can sneak away, but it’s unlikely that everything will be fixed.
Don't ask directly if a girl likes you. The girl will be uncomfortable and may tell lies. In short, keep such questions to yourself.
Be careful. If the girl doesn't really like you, your tricks will lead her to think that she likes you. This can lead to misunderstandings and resentment. She will try to introduce you to someone, or sometimes she will simply say: “Look how Katya/Marina/Olya looks great today.” All this so that you leave her alone. If you notice such signs, try to remain calm and change your behavior. You will try again a little later to please.
Don't get carried away with gifts, especially in the early stages of a relationship.
Don't try to impress in every possible and impossible way if you already know that she likes you. This is starting to get annoying.
If you're flirting with her friends, don't be surprised if you find out she's flirting with your friends.
Don’t be too soft and compliant, not all girls want to see a mumbler next to them.
When talking, look her straight in the eye - girls like it. Plus, you can mention in conversation how beautiful her eyes are, and if you also remember the color of her eyes, she will be pleasantly surprised.
Recommendations
- Share with your friends and loved ones what is bothering you. Unless, of course, they already know about your problem. By telling about your experiences to another person who is ready to listen and provide support, you legalize most of the tension that tends to accumulate, provoking the occurrence of various diseases. This is human psychology. Feelings have energy that, without finding a way out, has a destructive function, both for the body and for relationships with other people. It's like cooking soup with the lid tightly closed. Sooner or later it will be blown away, literally exploding, if you don’t periodically let off steam.
- Use the method of positive affirmations. These are positive statements that, influencing a person at the subconscious level, help get rid of complexes and fears. Changing his worldview, behavior style, reactions, and so on.
- Before going to bed, analyze the past day. What was interesting, or maybe sad, about it. What can you be proud of, what is worth paying attention to in the future. Just try to carry out this analysis without evaluatively, that is, without giving a general description. Moreover, without blaming yourself for failures. If you didn’t manage to meet your interlocutor’s gaze, note for yourself exactly what the difficulties were, what feelings and thoughts you encountered. Such an analysis will allow you to increase your level of awareness and identify patterns in behavior, which will subsequently make it easier to work on your own limitations.
- Practice meditation. It will help not only achieve a sense of inner harmony, but also increase the level of awareness. Because the whole process a person is concentrated on his feelings, he notices thoughts, not driving them away, but simply watching how they appear and disappear. This approach is effective, especially when you need to make a decision, figure out how to deal with a problem, and so on. By relaxing the body and brain - insight, that is, insight, happens on its own.
Shyness
This is one of those factors that is based on scientific statements. Shy people most often hide their feelings, which is why they cannot look directly into the eyes, because a look can tell everything. The deepest feelings and sensations will be read in it, be it love or hatred. Shy people are mostly closed, and therefore they do not want to be revealed.
