4 ways to develop respect for a man and non-obvious reasons why you should do it

Respect for a man is the foundation of a happy relationship. Having met “the one,” women see only advantages in a guy: intelligence, sense of humor, readiness to help at any moment. But after six months, the rose-colored glasses disappear. It turns out that the chosen one smokes in the car, goes on a solo hike every weekend, and prefers to watch TV series instead of walking the dog. Respect disappears, along with love, passion and harmony. What does respect mean in a relationship, why and why to respect a man, and what happens if you don’t? Let's figure it out together.

What does it mean to respect a man?

Girls! Let's do a little experiment. Write in the comments: do you think that respecting your partner is important? Now answer honestly: do you really respect your chosen one?

Often women understand how important respect is in a couple, but cannot show this feeling to their partner. Respect refers to a respectful attitude based on the recognition of merit. Agree, everyone has advantages. But in long-term relationships, people sometimes stop seeing each other's strengths and focus on their weaknesses.

Reasons for losing respect for a man from a psychological point of view:

The attitude “respect must be earned.” Forces your partner to constantly work hard for the sake of your favorable smile. Of course, even an ideal man cannot withstand such a rhythm, gradually losing respect in women's eyes.
Lack of an example of a strong man in childhood. Growing up without a father (or with a “problematic” father), girls do not understand the role of a guy in a relationship. They have an example of a strong woman - a mother who solves any problems on her own. In such a scheme, a man seems an unnecessary element.
The influence of modern culture. Many films and TV series also do not contribute to the formation of deep respect for the male sex. Guys are often shown as weak, lazy characters who live at the expense of their family.

In addition, many girls have their own list of a man’s responsibilities. If a partner does not fulfill them, he quickly loses his Prince status.

Components of respect for a man

1. Respect for father

This is a must. No matter who your father is, if you don't respect him, you need to wonder why. Even if these were terrible situations, it is worth remembering that respect does not mean that you recognize his actions as right and good. Respect does not mean “justify”.

Be grateful for the path, the experience, the lessons it taught you.

Self respect

Respecting yourself means accepting your mistakes and weaknesses, and stopping focusing on the negative. It's hard to respect others if you despise yourself. We need to share what we ourselves have in abundance.

Respect for all men

Is it possible to respect just one man? No. Because behind every representative of the stronger sex there is a whole “army” of men supporting him. Expand your vision.

Why is it important to respect a man?

What happens when a girl stops respecting her boyfriend? From a girl's point of view:

She notices more and more flaws.
Irritation grows: “he doesn’t help around the house,” “he leaves dirty dishes,” “he chose a stupid gift.”
Libido decreases: a dissatisfied woman is not able to relax and truly want a man.
The quality of sex deteriorates: a feeling of discord in the family is created.
Mutual grievances accumulate, claims mount, quarrels break out for any reason.
The female position changes from “this is the perfect guy!” to “why am I wasting my time with a loser?” Although the person objectively remained exactly the same as on the first dates!

How does a man feel at this time?

Every day he sees less joy in the eyes of his beloved, more pent-up discontent.
It seems to him that his partner has become less attractive. This is explained by hormones: a satisfied woman “exudes” oxytocin, the hormone of love, and a dissatisfied woman “smells” of cortisol, the stress hormone. In other words, there are no more pheromones, the “chemistry” disappears.
The house from a “safe haven” turns into a place of military action, where he hears: “I should do this, I should do that,” “I did it badly,” “How long can I wait,” “But Vika has a husband.”
As a result, the relationship collapses. Everyone believes that the other is to blame. In fact, the reason lies in the lack of respect.

Girls, tell me, have you come across similar examples in life?

Adviсe

Nobody is perfect. There is no need to try to change a person. Everyone has his own path. Better take care of your emotional state;
admit that you are not always right. Then you will be able to make decisions and opinions of a man without hysteria;
By criticizing, we hide the psychological discomfort inside. But he's not going anywhere. Continuing to judge is not the answer;
Write down the positive qualities of a man that you admire. Do not forget about them in difficult times;
remember what you are grateful for. And is the criticism worth it?
give a man a chance to earn respect: to prove himself, to prove his opinion, to defend his point of view.

Team Growth Phase, Growth Phase

How to learn to respect a man?

Do you want to save your relationship? You need to learn to respect your partner. Thus, you respect your own choice, yourself. How to do it?

Accept a person as he is. This doesn't mean you have to put up with an alcoholic or abuser! If a guy is rude and communicates poorly with you, you are always free to break off any connection. But there is no need to remake him, to believe that under the influence of your love he will change. If you want to correct your partner's behavior, just talk to him. I often touch on the topic of frankness in articles from the “Ideal Love Relationships” section.
Trust your partner's decisions. It can be difficult for girls to relax and let a man “steer.” However, this is the only way to awaken a sense of responsibility for the family in a guy. I discuss the advantages of the classic distribution of roles in a couple in the publication “As I said, so it will be!”: who should be the head of the family in modern relationships.”
See the virtues of your loved one. Remember how wonderful the man was to you when you met! You appreciated his romanticism or pragmatism, business acumen or deep dreaminess. He has not changed - all these qualities live in him. Remember this, and then you will remain in love for many years.
Do not criticize your partner in front of strangers. It’s better not to criticize at all. You can express your concerns, disapproval or request, but in a gentle manner. For example, using the “Compliment + program + compliment” technique. You will find its detailed description on the official website of Pavel Rakov. It is generally prohibited to criticize a man in front of strangers.

Girls, remember: strong relationships are built on respect. But it is equally important to be able to defend personal boundaries, continue to grow and develop as a person, and build constructive dialogues with your partner. You can learn all this at the free webinar “House of Harmonious Relationships.”

What else do you think you need to know and be able to do in order to become happy in a relationship?

How to show respect: 12 tips

Now that you have taken the first step towards trusting yourself and your man, it’s time to move to the next level - showing your man your sincere respect.

Respecting a man means:

Recognize his status and authority as a leader.
Respect his physical and male sexual strength.
Recognize his intelligence and abilities.
Respect his merits and achievements.
Respect his interests and hobbies.
Respect a man’s personal space (his phone, computer, diary). He will show and tell you everything he deems necessary. The rest is his own business.
Trust his decisions.
Appreciate his work as the breadwinner of the family.
Appreciate what he does for you and tell him about it.
Listen carefully when he speaks.
Answer questions very specifically.
Talk to a man without arrogant tones in your voice.

Enjoy pleasant silence

According to statistics, representatives of the fair sex pronounce about twenty thousand words a day, while the stronger half of humanity “speaks” only seven thousand. What could this mean? The whole point is that men need silence. It is vital for them to rest a little in complete peace alone with themselves.

To satisfy your communication needs and not be deprived, maintain friendships with women who you can trust with your everyday stories about everyday life and family problems. Although it’s probably better not to share the latter. Give your man a rest. After some time, full of strength, he will be ready to listen to you and carry on the conversation.

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Communicate

Having secrets means that you don't trust your partner or don't trust them at all. Perhaps the reason for the appearance of secrets is embarrassment or fear of telling some shameful things, in your opinion. The only way out in such a situation is to tell everything. If a person really loves you, he will not make fun of you, but will show respect and understanding and help solve the problems that arise.

Ask a psychologist a question for free

how to start respecting your husband again?

Hello, Yana. As for ways to motivate your husband, unfortunately, I have nothing to add to what I have already said. There is no way to fix something in another's head or character. There is nothing you can do to remove the "suffering expression" from his face in response to your requests for help. A person is comfortable, comfortable - they feed him, give him water, willingly respond to affection and a little attention, they don’t force him to work... Well, yes, sometimes they nag a little. But he is ready to pay this price for everything else, just as you are ready to endure his dependency for the sake of “love and affection.” Man in general is a lazy creature, and begins to change only when he becomes uncomfortable, when the disadvantages begin to outweigh the benefits received. Even if you are still (eight years!) alone pulling for two, putting up with his irresponsibility “for the sake of love and affection” and are still afraid to change something, then how do you expect to change his views on life, on roles in the family, on relationships in general, if everything suits him?! And what do you mean by the concept of “love”, say? The love of a mature man is expressed primarily in action, and not in affection. In those actions that give his woman a feeling of safety, security, support in life. Regardless of life situation. That is, if a man cannot work now, then he takes on the work of servicing and maintaining the household, not considering this shameful. Or he is urgently looking for a job, rather than hanging out on the computer. But it’s not so bad, Yana, that he is an immature person; you “finish” the other half by leaving him no chance to grow up, continuing to pull him on you. Keeping in mind the saying “he who doesn’t work, doesn’t eat,” the real concern for him, for his maturation and growth, would be to stop feeding him, and not to persuade him to help around the house. By doing the opposite, you are actually maintaining him in the state of moral maturity of a three-year-old.

For me, as an active person who believes that you can move mountains if you want

Yana, sometimes you don’t need to move mountains, but on the contrary, reduce external activity and think not about what else you could do to achieve your goal, but about how I ended up in this situation in the first place. In your case, I would ask the question of how you developed such a strong deficit of “love and affection” that you are ready to make such sacrifices for them. Have you ever thought about this? Put his affection on one side and everything else on the other on the mental scale. And instead of coming up with the hundred and fifty-first way to try to motivate him, think about what is in you

forces you to make such a choice. As for your fears for your daughter, think about the fact that in a few years she will no longer need any supervision at all. And also about what model of family and relationships you convey to her? What idea does she have about a man and his role in the family, about the role of a wife? But your most important function as a mother is to pass on a model of role behavior to your daughter. Answer yourself honestly the question, what kind of family will she create in the future, looking at your relationship with your husband?

I am not suggesting that you immediately give up everything and get a divorce. But if you want to change something in the family, then you need to understand that any change begins with ourselves. Perhaps the time has come to calmly, without scandal, but firmly, say that you no longer intend to tolerate parasitism and support it. That if he is not ready to take on financial responsibility now, then he will invest in some other way. You will have to work with yourself on the subject of what is preventing you from relieving yourself of unnecessary responsibility.

Earn Trust

Trust is a very delicate thing. But despite this, without him it is impossible to build any relationships, especially family ones. You need to trust your partner as you trust yourself.

The key to building trust is simple. Keep your promises, don't lie about your location, be honest with your partner. Don't say you're going to buy bread if you're going to the mall to buy jeans. And if they said that they went to buy a bakery product, go to the nearest stall and strictly follow the intended route. Trust is built from little things. It is enough to lie or let your chosen one down once to lose trust.