Why men don’t want to marry their cohabitant, beloved woman, friend

Why a guy doesn't want to get married: Pixabay Many guys are in no hurry to propose marriage to their lovers. What should a girl do if she wants to get married, but her beloved intends to leave everything as it is? Why a guy doesn’t want to get married and what to do if he doesn’t want to change his bachelor status to a legal spouse, psychologists Anna Iotko and Mikhail Labkovsky explained.

Women's emancipation as the main factor in a man's reluctance to marry

If you look back thousands of years, everything in the relationships between couples was very predictable. He is the breadwinner and head of the house, she is the housewife, devotedly loving her husband and doing everything for comfort in the family. And this model of marriage has existed for many centuries. Until women began to demand expansion of their rights. Now they can earn, manage, and build a business on an equal basis with men. By the way, men can still perceive this. But a woman’s desire to take over the reins of power in the family is perceived by them as an encroachment on their eternal rights. Plus add to this how independent and self-sufficient a woman has become today. Yes, being in a relationship, she can completely forget about herself, trying to please her chosen one in everything. But, if he does not live up to her hopes, a modern emancipated woman will easily show him the threshold of the house, file for divorce and look for new ways to become happy. It was this strength and self-sufficiency that began to some extent scare men away from marriage. After all, before, in order for the family to be preserved, it was enough for them to sign in the registry office, and this was a priori considered for life. Then there was no need to think about his behavior anymore - the wife would not go anywhere and would tolerate her husband until the end of her days. Today, in order to save his family, a man will have to try. And this is already an inconvenience for many...

Inability to build relationships

If previously it was accepted that the older generation was responsible for the marriage of children, now this responsibility lies entirely on the shoulders of young people. At present, the attitudes “tolerate and fall in love”, “everyone is like this”, “this is your fate” and the like no longer work. Now you need to independently win the interest and trust of your partner, look for ways to resolve conflict situations and learn to compromise. But, unfortunately, not many people know how to do this and, even worse, do not want to acquire new knowledge.

Doesn't marry means he doesn't love

Many beauties come to this conclusion and, unfortunately, there is some truth in this. A man can put off the moment of marriage in every possible way if his feelings for his beloved are not strong enough. In other words, he does not love her and does not see in her his future wife and mother of his children. Yes, he is very comfortable and comfortable in this relationship. But there are some nuances that make it difficult to discern in a partner the only one with whom he would like to live for the rest of his life. Believe me, not only women are annoyed by unclosed tubes in the bathroom - men can also sense a person’s lack of acceptance by their manner of speaking, walking, ability to cook, etc. In any case, to your direct question why the guy doesn’t want to get married, he will answer that he loves you, but you need to wait a while. He can give any reasons - from being overwhelmed at work to buying an apartment, but you must understand that these words should be meant as: “Until I truly love you or until I meet another love.” Whether it is worth continuing such a relationship is up to you to decide. Maybe your man will really look at you from the other side and decide to throw in his lot with you.

So how long to wait for a marriage proposal?

Let's summarize. If a man is now focused on work and simply doesn’t want to shift the focus of his attention to the wedding and the doves being released into the sky, that’s one thing. You need to understand when approximately this period of your partner’s life will end, whether he will be ready for marriage after its end, and whether you are sure that you are the one for this man.

If from this article you have concluded that your condition is not up to the mark (even though you are going to work on it, right?), and you are not being introduced to your close circle, and you have become comfortable, but at the same time not special, then think about it - you can Is it possible to get back on the right path or is it easier to change the route?

Unfortunately, it happens that a woman tries to revive a dead horse. She works on herself and her condition, learns to build relationships, studies male psychology - but still no one offers her to legitimize the relationship, that is, to transfer it to a deeper and more responsible level.

Therefore, the most important thing you should understand is whether the man sees you in his future? Does he see you as his wife? If you are sure that he sees you, but you haven’t made an offer yet, then work on yourself and your ability to build harmonious, long-term relationships.

The main reasons why men don't want to get married

We have already talked about love, now we will look at other, no less important reasons that stop men from taking an important step.

• Firstly, there is a reluctance to take responsibility for the family. This includes both the financial and moral sides. After all, it will be necessary not only to provide for the family (by the way, the wife will help with this). You will also have to raise children and solve the problems of parents and relatives on both sides. And this is already a serious test for men and a threat to their carefree, freedom-loving life.
• Secondly, one cannot discount the influence of the relationship between parents on a guy’s desire to get married. Here, both the constant family squabbles that accompanied the guy’s entire childhood and the model of an incomplete family, in which all the attention of the mother and grandmother was given to the only child, will have an equally negative impact. In the first case, it is quite natural for a man to delay the moment of marriage, not wanting to get bogged down in causeless quarrels and misunderstandings. Secondly, he will not want to exchange the comfort he receives for the unknown that lurks in a family relationship with a woman.
• Thirdly, an important reason for a man’s reluctance to marry can be the unpleasant experience of his first marriage. Divorce, division of property, payment of alimony - all this leaves a deep mark on a man’s soul, and he will look with caution at possible remarriages for a long time. At the same time, he, like no one else, understands that he married a kind girl, who over time turned into an embittered vixen. So, where can we get guarantees that such a story will not repeat itself in a second marriage? So divorced men delay this event in every possible way in order to protect themselves from such risks and enjoy love in an open relationship.
• Fourthly, many men really don’t think about marriage. If a woman aged 25-30 years is already, as they say, “sleeping and seeing” a wedding dress, then for the stronger sex this “X” moment has not yet arrived. Modern men, those who really want to have a family, want to create one, already having some kind of material base. And this is not a minus, but a positive feature. So first you need to figure out exactly why your partner doesn’t want to get married - maybe he’s just preparing the basis for your marriage, expecting your understanding and support.
• And fifthly, many women themselves initially agree to open relationships and civil marriage, assuring that the wedding and the stamp in the passport are not the main thing for them. Their opinion changes very often. Especially if this is facilitated by hints from friends, comments from parents, and the contemplation of happy married couples surrounded. But this arrangement is ideal for guys - convenient, comfortable, without unnecessary stress, without great responsibility and restricting freedom. So it will be quite difficult to move from this stage, but it is quite possible with mutual love and respect between partners, their ability to listen and hear each other’s desires.

First time fear

If this is a man’s first marriage, then he is really scared off for many reasons :

• fear of responsibility;
• own selfishness and reluctance to share the attention of the wife and children in the future;
• unwillingness to care for a pregnant wife and help with child care;
• panic fear of restricting his freedom - from gatherings with friends to ways of personal recreation (playing on the computer, etc.);
• lack of desire to connect your life with one woman, when so many beauties around promise unearthly bliss;
• categorical rejection of the institution of marriage;
• young age (according to the man himself);
• aversion to crowded celebrations with a limousine and competitions from an annoying toastmaster, etc.

Some of these reasons are temporary, and as a man grows older, he may well be ready for marriage. But the presence of fundamental disagreements should make a woman wonder whether she can wait for the cherished proposal from this partner.

Bitter experience

If a man has already been in an unsuccessful marriage before, then other, more conscious fears may also stop him. He already knows that he needs to be prepared for the fact that his gentle chosen one may surprise him over time with her strong character and desire to mold everyone to his standards. He may also fear difficulties in relations with her relatives. After all, when a girl marries a divorced man, his past life is studied literally under a microscope and all the mistakes clearly do not work in his favor. In a relationship with a similarly divorced woman, the presence of children may stop a man from getting married. There can also be different situations here - from the fear of not being accepted by other people’s children to the reluctance to waste your feelings not on your relatives (left with your wife), but on other people’s children. In addition, a man may not want to marry a woman with children, realizing the full degree of responsibility that he will have to take on. And we are talking not only about the material side in terms of supporting a large family. But also about the moral one - having found the key to children, having earned their trust and love, becoming family to them, you cannot again force them to experience new divorces and betrayals.

Fear of taking responsibility

Agree, in the Internet era, getting to know someone has become much easier. Wrote a message, added an emoji and consider yourself close. But now there are more potential partners. Past generations didn't have much of a choice. We met at bus stops, in cafes or at dances. And now you can find anyone on the Internet at any time. Therefore, the problem of choice has become acute among the current generation.

It so happens that young people almost always associate marriage with children, loans and everyday problems. Therefore, why rush to make a choice if you haven’t even decided yet what you want to become in this life.

Signs of reluctance to get married

How can you understand whether the time has come for your couple to officially register their relationship or whether it’s really too early? No one will tell you the exact time frame. But if you love, understand and respect each other, have been dating for several years, have tried your compatibility in everyday life, but don’t dare take the next step, then you need to think seriously. See if you have noticed the following signs in your partner that indicate his reluctance to enter into a more serious legal relationship:

• he constantly takes pity on his married friends and sets his life as an example for them;
• he speaks negatively about all marriages, citing popular wisdom: “a good deed cannot be called marriage”;
• he is disgusted by any talk about a wedding with a magnificent celebration;
• he never talks about marriage when he talks about his plans for his future life;
• he systematically emphasizes to you all the delights of an open relationship - without mutual claims, love-killing everyday life and annoying each other, etc.

Another sign that soon no one will present you with the long-awaited ring will be the fact that your loved one will criticize you in every possible way, clinging to every little thing. This will most likely indicate that his attitude towards you has cooled and he is simply looking for a reason to quarrel and break this connection.

How to understand that a guy doesn't want it

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There are many factors that can tell you whether a man wants to get married or not. Psychologists advise: before dreaming of marriage, you need to find out about the intentions of your loved one. The following signs will help you understand your readiness to get married:

• negative statement about family life;
• disdain for married friends and relatives;
• negative attitude towards the wedding;
• plans for future life in which there is no place for marriage;
• looking for a reason to break off the relationship.

Woman's mistakes

It also happens that a man initially saw his partner as a future wife, but during the relationship he became somewhat disappointed in his choice. The following mistakes of a woman can negatively affect a man’s feelings:

1. Excessive guardianship and desire to please in everything, lack of own opinion and plans for life. At first, men really like this attitude. But over time, communication with such a girl becomes boring and predictable. And a man, first of all, remains a hunter and it should be interesting for him to unravel and recognize his beloved woman;
2. Neglecting self-care. Even if your partner said that he loves you in any way, you should not blindly believe it and test it in practice. Just as it is more pleasant for you to see your loved one clean-shaven and neatly dressed, so men, who also love more with their eyes, want to see their woman stylish and well-groomed. So try to carry out all procedures without his presence, and appear before his eyes in a homely, but impeccable look;
3. Thoughtless waste. The attitude towards money on the part of men and women is very different. Therefore, there is no need to shock your future husband with huge expenses on cosmetics or spa treatments - as they say: “knows less, sleeps better”;
4. Bad qualities as a housewife. In addition to your beauty and your intelligence, your husband will also have to appreciate your culinary abilities, as well as your ability to keep the house clean and tidy. And believe me, for many representatives of the stronger sex the proverb “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach” remains relevant today. So, if you don’t want your superficial knowledge of cooking to play the opposite joke on your upcoming marriage, buy special books, sign up for courses and pamper your man with gastronomic masterpieces.

The paradox of modern society: a strong woman and a weak man

Let's start with one deep reason for the reluctance of the stronger sex to bind themselves to family ties, which entailed others.
The model of relationships between a man and a woman was formed in ancient centuries and did not change for a long time. He killed a mammoth and dragged it into a cave, she cooked the meat and raised the children. As time passed, the scheme remained the same: the man was the breadwinner, his beloved was the keeper of the family hearth. A stable distribution of roles led to stability in family life. Yes, the average woman was on the second rung after her husband (we are not talking about queens and celebrities now, there have always been exceptions). Yes, she had practically no rights. But she didn’t have to face the question: “What to do if a man doesn’t want to get married?” In modern society, everything has changed, and the usual pattern of behavior has gone astray. Girls have become more confident, they have achieved public recognition, but this scares men. Powerful emancipates make them feel weak and helpless. And who will like it? A new generation of men is already growing, raised by such women, submissive and obedient. However, the genetic memory has not gone away, which is why a deep contradiction appears: by nature, an aggressive leader is forced to obey a weak person. And he begins to subconsciously resist, trying to establish himself as a strong alpha male. What kind of marriage can we talk about when such passions are in full swing... Men get married not because they want to get married, but because women want to get married. Anselmo Bucci.

How to push a man to the right decision

There are a lot of feminine tricks on how to hint to a man that “it’s time to get married.” You can watch films with the ending you want in the form of a wedding , while involving your partner in a discussion of how he would like to see this celebration in your case, etc. You can ask the guy what he liked or didn’t like about the wedding from friends, relatives or acquaintances. You can also tell touching stories about how the lives of your mutual friends changed dramatically for the good after they got married. All this must be done, of course, gently and without pressure. Otherwise, at the fifth random rendezvous in front of a store window with wedding dresses, your man may suspect that he is being manipulated and give an unexpected reaction in the form of a break in the relationship. If your partner knows how to hear your desires and your opinion is important to him, you can gently tell him about the advantages of family life in the form of:

• comfort and coziness in the home;
• no problems with registering children and raising them;
• transition to a new stage in the relationship, which can also become brighter and more emotionally rich;
• recognition in society - it is no secret that in business and in career growth, family men are trusted more, considering them more reasonable, more respectable and more sedate.

Selfishness

In addition to a reluctance to grow up, refusal to get married may be due to an unwillingness to change your life. The egoist consciously prefers freedom to obligations. Such a man understands that marriage is followed by the appearance of heirs, but he is so accustomed to his measured life that he does not yet want to condemn himself to sleepless nights and caring for a baby. In addition, the appearance of children in the house inevitably leads to spending, and a well-earning bachelor, accustomed to spending money on himself and pampering his girlfriend, may fear that he will not be able to properly provide for the needs of the child without leaving his financial comfort zone.

Force or release

And in conclusion, first figure it out with yourself - is marriage with this person really important for you ? Perhaps your relationship is quite harmonious, and the young man is simply preparing the material ground for future family life. In this case, your hints and distrust of his pure thoughts can cause the opposite effect and cool his feelings. Under no circumstances resort to hysterics and blackmail. Do not make this topic intrusive, when a man will be afraid to simply talk to you, avoiding hearing the same reproaches again. Never tie a man down with pregnancy or a child , such a union will not bring you the expected happiness, and a partner driven into a corner will either run away or agree to marriage, but will blame this manipulation all his life. Do not allow relatives to put pressure on your chosen one. Do not look at others and do not be fooled by their provocations - this is your life and your love, and only you two should make all decisions. Try to analyze both your relationship and your man’s behavior. Having found the reasons in his parental family or in his previous marriage, try to understand him and together discuss the topic of what family life should be like. Knowing or noticing his fears, quietly instill in him confidence that the two of you can handle everything and that only in marriage can you overcome all difficulties and come to a happy and harmonious life.

If you are ready for children and want to have them exclusively in marriage, talk openly about this with your chosen one, talk about your dreams and hopes, emphasize that you see your happy family life only in a couple with him. If a person also loves you, he will understand your desires and draw the right conclusions. And then soon you will have to expect a pleasant surprise with a cherished marriage proposal. If you remain misunderstood by your partner or, even worse, he doesn’t even want to listen to your innermost thoughts, then think before it’s too late whether the person next to you is the right one. And can he become a support for you in family life? Write down on paper your expectations from marriage and give a realistic assessment of your partner’s compliance with your assumptions, objectively note your cardinal differences in matters of family and marriage. If in the end you see that you pinned your hopes on the wrong person, leave this relationship without looking back. Give yourself a chance to meet a worthy couple to create a family in which everyone will be happy - you, your spouse, and your future children.

Do you want to get married?

So, you are waiting for a proposal, but he is still silent... But you want to get married. What to do? First, decide, do you need it? Sometimes the desire to get married turns into an obsession for a woman, which overshadows her true aspirations. Parents hint that they want grandchildren, a happy friend shows off a ring on her ring finger, colleagues (safely and firmly married) sigh and regret... Under such pressure, it is no wonder to passionately and immediately want to get married. Be able to separate real desires from those imposed by society. Imagine that you will live with this person for many years, he will become the father of your children, make a list of the pros and cons of marriage... Have you changed your mind? Then read the next chapter.

Family replaces everything, so before you start one, you should think about what is more important to you: everything or family. Faina Ranevskaya.