Not every girl or woman can boast of having an ideal relationship with the opposite sex.
Many continue to remain in the status of mistress year after year. A man can have a fairly long affair with the subject of his passion, however, often at some point he refuses to continue the relationship. Why does a lover leave, and how to avoid mental trauma after breaking up such a relationship? Should I try to restore mutual understanding and continue the romance? Let's talk about this in this article. From this article you will learn:
- Why breaking up with a lover is traumatic
- What are the reasons why your lover left you?
- Why do married lovers leave and go back to their wives?
- How to survive a breakup with your lover and learn to live again
- How to survive a breakup with your lover and fall in love with your husband again
Reasons for separation
When entering into a relationship with an unfree man, many women do not think that in the battle between “spouse and mistress,” the first one most often wins. And if a married lover suddenly leaves after a rather long affair, a completely reasonable question arises as to why this happened. There are quite a few reasons why relationships break down, given the individual nature of each such situation.
The point may not only be that any married person is afraid to jeopardize the relationship with his official spouse due to the overly open or intrusive behavior of his mistress. Although the natural fear that the whole truth will come out is a significant reason for returning to his wife.
It is quite possible that the mistress is simply tired. Usually men go “outside” to take a break from family problems, noisy children, an eternally dissatisfied spouse and everyday life. For them, visiting their mistress is an opportunity to relax and have a good time.
But under the bright makeup and sexy clothes lies an ordinary woman who is also tired at work, has several chronic diseases and can get upset over trifles. But the man turns out to be morally unprepared for such turns of fate. He did not plan to take responsibility for another woman, and therefore interest in her fades.
This also happens when a woman tries to force her to spend too much time with her at the expense of the family, to buy expensive gifts and clothes: not all men are wealthy enough to maintain a “harem”.
And sometimes the mistress begins to threaten that she will tell everything to her wife or wants to give birth to a child. All these demands can irritate a man very much, so it is easier for him to abandon such a painful relationship. In addition, a married lover often leaves a woman without explanation because of a new hobby.
Usually in the first stages of a novel, representatives of the stronger half of humanity very eloquently describe their wife’s illnesses and her disgusting character, quarrels with relatives and the demands of selfish children who only need money and expensive gifts. But you need to think a little about why the exhausted husband and father does not leave the family after such problems, and it becomes clear that all these misadventures are nothing more than a cunning male fantasy to make a stranger feel sorry for him. After all, it is well known that for many representatives of the fair half of humanity, feelings of love and pity are strongly intertwined.
And most often, the reason for cheating is not a bad wife at all, but a craving for polygamy, inherent in many males. Therefore, some men manage to change lovers very often, “breaking” more than one woman’s heart.
In addition, in 99% of cases, men, having a mistress, look for variety in sexual relationships. But no woman can endlessly surprise her partner in bed. And when all the partner’s techniques are learned, they become boring, and the man begins to look for something new.
Often lovers leave their chosen ones without saying a word goodbye, due to a banal reluctance to bother themselves with unnecessary conversations. The mistress spends her time primarily waiting for the long-awaited meeting. She deprives herself of a real marriage and children, and the married man, to some extent, feels guilty for this.
Therefore, he prefers to quietly leave and never appear in the life of a deceived woman again in order to avoid tears, reproaches, unnecessary questions and threats. At the same time, many married lovers can frankly believe that the woman will figure everything out on her own. But most men are still characterized by moral weakness and are simply afraid of feeling truly guilty.
It also matters how the wife views such adventures. As a rule, most married women know about their spouse's affairs.
And if the wife’s patience runs out and she begins to set conditions, then it is quite likely that the man will return to the one with whom he spent more than one year. And he is unlikely to tie himself into a new marriage, because then the whole point of taking a break from his family in the company of a beautiful woman will simply disappear.
The situation when the mistress herself is married can also play an important role. As a rule, the initial excitement of conquering the “forbidden fruit” and easily defeating another “male” quickly passes. After a while, a man will not want to be on the sidelines and be in a love triangle, where the main role goes to an enterprising woman who skillfully manipulates both partners.
Some ideas for revenge
The best way to take revenge on a man would be your own happiness, demonstrating your good life without him. But if you want to take radical revenge, for example, if your married lover rudely abandoned you, you can stoop to low methods. After all, until a woman achieves justice, she will not calm down. You need to act brazenly, even rudely, but without crossing the line of law and common sense.
Dirty tricks may be used, such as damaging his property and plans (painting a car, infecting a computer with a virus, withdrawing money from a virtual account). If you still have some ridiculous photos of your ex, they can be sent to his work colleagues, thereby tarnishing his business reputation.
A surefire way to get revenge is to make friends with his wife or new girlfriend. Then the man will simply be crushed morally and fall into confusion, not knowing how to behave.
What to do in such a situation
Women's forums are full of questions about what to do if my lover left me after a long relationship. The answer always lies on the surface, but first you need to calm down.
When entering into a relationship with a married man, a woman in most cases understands what the possible outcome is. Subconsciously, she is always ready for any turn of events, but when a sudden separation occurs, the brain’s reaction is triggered and an active release of emotions occurs.
Therefore, the first shock and subsequent tears are absolutely normal physiological processes that you just need to survive. As a rule, they are not very long.
You should also give up the desire to enter into negotiations with your ex-lover, and it doesn’t matter whether you were together for six months, a year, 6 or 10 years. If your lover leaves you, it’s hard, but not so hard that you descend into revenge or blackmail. The easiest thing for both of you is to leave everything as it is, preserving pleasant moments of happiness and closeness in your memory.
It’s better to take care of your appearance, figure, and self-development. And try to convince yourself that this loss is not the end of the world, but simply the end of another life stage, from which you can learn useful lessons for the future.
You should look for advantages in everything, even in such an unpleasant situation. For example, now you can devote more time to relatives, friends or your hobby, and if you don’t have one, then it’s time to find something you like.
This could be sports, drawing, sewing, knitting, embroidery - everything that brings peace and tranquility. Work will distract you and can bring not only moral, but also material satisfaction. Also, while doing needlework, you can reflect on your life and find the strength to frankly admit who you want to be in this life - a lover in eternal anticipation of a lover or a loving wife and caring mother.
Mistakes that are important to avoid
The main mistake of an abandoned woman is hysteria and attempts to return what is gone irrevocably.
Washing down pain is a dangerous choice. It is appropriate to drink a couple of glasses of wine alone or with a close friend; this will help you relax a little or fall asleep faster. But getting drunk to the point of unconsciousness is not an option, it will only lead to a terrible hangover and can push you to commit crazy acts, which the girl will certainly regret later. You shouldn't start smoking suddenly either.
An abundance of delicious food does not always help. Nobody says that you can’t treat yourself to a delicious cake or a small pizza to take your mind off the problem for a little while. But there is a risk that one cake will be followed by a dozen more. You need to know moderation in everything, otherwise the pain will not go away, but extra pounds will be added to it. The optimal solution would be a combination of food and gym. This way you’ll be able to please yourself and maintain your figure, at least when you meet your ex you won’t be ashamed.
Even if your lover left you, you shouldn’t despair, because life goes on. Perhaps the period of reassessment of values has come, the opportunity has arisen to change something that you could not decide on. The main thing is to control yourself and see the positives in everything.
What will help you survive
The first time after a breakup, a woman wonders how to survive if her lover suddenly left her. And in this case, it doesn’t matter how old she is - 20 or 50. When the relationship is broken off and the former lover no longer needs an affair, it is always very painful.
But overcoming the bitterness of parting is quite possible. First you need to analyze your experiences. For many women, a breakup is not just stress, but a fear of loneliness.
Therefore, suffering is primarily associated with the desire to turn back time, when there were two people, and everything seemed much simpler and easier. To overcome this state, you need to feel independent of your previous relationship, and regard your departed partner as a temporary companion.
When you come to realize yourself as a separate person, you can move on to the second stage - learning to live independently. This concerns certain needs previously satisfied by the partner.
Now you have to make do on your own. If a woman is able to provide herself with everything she needs, then her former lover will no longer look like such a significant person.
At the third stage, you need to carry out a little shock therapy, namely, look at your ex-married lover critically, as if assessing him from the outside. Of course, any man always has both strengths and weaknesses.
It is necessary to remember all the possible grievances and pain that he caused. Then a defense mechanism will work in the brain, and the psyche will tell you that by getting rid of this person, you will suffer less.
Finally, the last stage of transformation is to love yourself.
You need to not just become better or more beautiful, but you need to gain real confidence in your abilities. This will make you look more optimistic, the expression of anxiety will disappear from your face, and you will be able to please others, including men.
This will give you the opportunity to start a new relationship, although you should not rush into this. Another disappointment may lie ahead. Light flirting is completely acceptable, even if it is used solely to “annoy” your ex-lover.
He will probably appreciate all your changes and even try to go back. But at this turning point, you need to once again sensibly evaluate all future prospects for life with this person and understand that there are many men around who you will not have to share with anyone.
Prerequisites for saying goodbye: options
It is impossible to hide the connection indefinitely. Sooner or later you will begin to feel that you are not living your life, but yours is passing by, and loneliness and hopelessness will become your constant companions. So maybe you shouldn’t waste your life on this and think about how you can break up quickly and no longer meet with your married lover. Do this so that the situation does not develop into negativity, mutual accusations or experiences that can last for years.
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You need to think everything over carefully and understand how your separation from your lover will proceed. A married man is unlikely to agree to such a step right away, even if many reasons are given. You need to act decisively and quickly in such a situation. The main thing is not to doubt that thanks to this the future will turn out much better.
How to get rid of sadness
Melancholy, which has replaced happiness, will in any case darken life and spoil the mood. But there are a number of meditative practices that will help free your inner self and provide energy. Simple mental exercises allow you to look at the world more optimistically, get rid of worries and see new life opportunities.
First you need to imagine that you have turned your back on the lover who abandoned you. In this case, you need to imagine an invisible thread connecting you.
And the longer the romance lasted, the stronger this speculative connection will look. Having seen it clearly with inner vision, you need to cut the thread.
How to do this is up to you - you can chop it with an imaginary ax or cut it with scissors. But immediately after this, your pain will ease, peace of mind will come, and all suffering will disappear or become less noticeable.
As a rule, this exercise is most difficult for adult women who are over 50 years old: they are very afraid of never finding love again. But the sooner you understand that the past cannot be returned, the sooner you can start a new and happier life.
Realize what happened
It is equally important, during a period of intense longing for a lover who suddenly abandoned him, to realize everything that happened. When a woman enters into a relationship with an unfree man, on a subconscious level she each time lets him go to his wife. Therefore, the return of a man to the family is quite expected and may not be a serious blow.
But the woman remains dissatisfied with herself for wasted time, energy, love and affection. This is the most painful moment. It is especially difficult for women over 50 years of age. It is quite possible that they devoted the best years of their lives to their married lover, and he, despite everything, still left.
But if the realization comes that this relationship has come to an end, then you can restore peace of mind and continue to live a full life. You should also remember that all experiences are formed in the head, so you need to force yourself to think less about your loved one and try to translate your thoughts into a more constructive direction.
Get rid of reminders
Many women worry that they will not be able to bear the separation from their loved one. Typically, after being dumped by their lover, they become sad or depressed.
If you can’t overcome the melancholy on your own, then it’s better to turn to a psychologist and listen to his advice. Sometimes a conversation with a stranger, much less a professional, is much more productive than crying on a friend’s shoulder.
You also need to get rid of everything that reminds you of the past. This could be gifts from a man or photographs together. You should not leave him as a friend on your personal page. It is better to completely delete the account or at least exclude correspondence with it.
You should not call him at home or try to find out something about the relationship with your wife: this will only make you relive the unpleasant sensations. It’s better to mentally wish your ex-lover happiness, but without you.
How to get your lover back if he left: advice from psychologists
Even if a partner swears love, one should not underestimate the importance of his wife to him. Maybe confessions are made in a fit of passion or the person lacks determination.
Another option is the same feelings for both ladies. Why he left, how to return a married lover in such situations, the advice of psychologists will help you figure it out.
Sincerity of feelings
When taking a person away from the family, you initially need to think about how sincere the feelings are. Perhaps the woman is now driven by pride, she wants to prove her superiority.
Young girls are considered especially selfish: in order to regain a relationship with a lover after a breakup, ladies resort to the most unpredictable methods:
- conspiracies;
- love spells;
- blackmail;
- manipulation.
In pursuit of imaginary love, people risk missing out on real happiness, therefore, selfishness must be fought. If the couple’s feelings turn out to be sincere and mutual, fate will return the person to the right partner.
Bide your time
Breaking up is the right time to rethink behavior.
In search of a way to return your lover, you cannot rush things . Actions must be deliberate; most stupid things are done out of emotion.
A man now also needs time to think about the correctness of his actions; perhaps his loved one will begin to get bored and begin to look for a way to return his mistress after a breakup.
Analyze errors
Breakup is a good time to rethink your behavior.
Having correctly identified the mistakes made, you need to try to correct them and prevent them from happening in the future. Men cannot withstand whims, hysterics, scandals for a long time, for many this is a serious reason for a breakup.
Show your dignity
Did the gentleman say what attracted him to his beloved? Now the words spoken need to be remembered. Perhaps the girl used to play sports and dress beautifully, but with the advent of a young man she stopped doing this.
Or the character traits have changed for the worse with the new novel. Now we need to remember ourselves before the connection, return as close as possible to the initial image, show the best sides of our personality.
Look for meetings
If a guy avoids communication, it is more difficult to meet. You can’t impose yourself, you need to come up with compelling reasons for meetings. It may be possible to involve mutual friends, see your loved one at their weddings, birthdays, or ask friends to organize a party to which both will be invited.
Improve yourself
Life is an interesting and unpredictable thing: today a lover does not want to communicate, tomorrow he proposes on his knees.
How to love your husband again
Losing a lover is very difficult, but separating from your husband is also very painful. If a woman entered into an intimate relationship “on the side,” then she had good reasons for this - fatigue from the family routine, the inattention of her spouse, dissatisfaction with sex, curiosity, the material aspect or ordinary boredom.
Therefore, when a lover leaves, a married woman has a reasonable question about what to do next - try to love her husband again or look for a new hobby.
First, you need to analyze what prompted you to cheat and try to improve your relationship with your legal spouse by openly sharing your grievances with him. You can also remember all the pleasant moments of life together - the first kiss, wedding day, birth of children. Sometimes a short segment of your past life coming to life in your memory helps you realize how close your husband is to you.
