Chronic self-doubt can destroy a person's personality and prevent a person from feeling the joy of victories. Psychology says that an indecisive man cannot make a career, is not able to win a woman’s heart, in family life he serves as a burden for an enterprising and tenacious wife.
Where does indecision come from - a character trait that is so unusual in male psychology. How can a woman help her chosen one overcome his timidity and become a real man? Why do psychologists recommend that a woman be weak? We will talk about this in our article.
Signs of an insecure man
It is not typical for a man who is insecure to be active. He is slow and lazy. Often behaves like a child. Avoids disputes, hates competition in any form of its manifestation. The reason for this behavior is a banal fear of failure.
This prevents a man from achieving success in his career, which of course does not increase his level of self-esteem. The psychology of an insecure man is such that he tries by all means to avoid obvious conflict. Doesn't like change or meeting new people too much. He is simply afraid to disrupt the usual way of his well-established life.
Everything that requires overcoming obstacles and struggle is alien to him. He likes beautiful women, but he doesn’t know how to meet them. He is in love, but is afraid to propose - what if he refuses?!!
An indecisive man is self-centered. Low self-esteem forces him to delve into himself and feverishly search for the reason for his failures. This vicious circle is quite difficult to break without outside help and support from loved ones.
“Be patient, everything will work out”
One popular blogger celebrated her 21st marriage anniversary, which she announced on social networks. Congratulations poured in, and even more questions: how did you get such experience, reveal the secrets of a happy (most importantly, long) marriage.
And she wrote the following: “Over 20 years, I have realized what is important and necessary for me in marriage. Besides respect and other things, I value loyalty.
Devotion is not about sex. And about when you know that he/she will break the whole world for you. Perhaps later, at home, he will give you a moral slap on the head, explaining that you are a fool, but first he will tear the whole world apart.”
It's hard to disagree, isn't it? Because it has been said for centuries about “my home is my fortress”, and “my husband is protection and support”. All this can be forgotten when husbands have an indecisive, always doubting individual.
And when you are angry as a thousand devils, when you have been offended and “dad must roar” at the adversaries, this same dad is like an unlicked calf. “What if you were wrong? What if we start a conflict now, and it comes back to bite you later?”
More precisely, not like this: not “we will arrange”, but “you will arrange”: next to this, the plural is excluded, you are always alone against circumstances, evil neighbors and the whole world... It is impossible to find an excuse for this and get used to it. Every time his “backward move” will be a painful betrayal, a mini-treason.
And you are guaranteed to lose the fight with his relatives - the formidable mother or the domineering father, in general, the person who gave rise to indecision in him.
A man can love you sincerely, to the grave, but according to the animal principle he will prefer to take the side of the “leader”. The one whom he appointed in charge many years ago and, out of old memory, is trying to please and earn praise. This can be understood, but can it be forgiven?
Collecting anamnesis or why is it like this?
Of course, we all come from childhood. Upbringing in a family, the first successful or unsuccessful experience of making an independent decision, the first blow to the nose... Receive it, sign it, now it’s all yours.
The relationship between mother and child determines the degree of self-confidence of the future man. For a child, a mother is the image of the world. If a mother accepts a child and gives him warmth and joy from the first days of life, then, as he grows up, the boy will take the feeling of security and comfort into adulthood.
An overly caring or despotic mother can cause a number of complexes and defensive behavior patterns, which the wife will have to fight.
How to raise a future man?
Mom loves the child just like that, dad loves him for something. The role of the father in shaping the character of a future man can hardly be overestimated. The image of a strong man with the right to have the last word must be imprinted in the boy’s mind. If a man does not enjoy authority in the family, it is difficult to expect that, as he grows up, the boy will adhere to a different behavior strategy.
In the absence of the father, his role can be replaced by any male authority figure. Grandfather, uncle, teacher or karate section coach... someone is needed from whom the boy can follow an example.
“Which Panama hat should I wear?”
Men's indecision is in everything. It originates at the everyday level and at first, in the acute stage of falling in love, it looks touching.
You tell him: “What kind of tea will you have?” Floral, black or green? And he: “Which one would you recommend?” Whatever you drink, pour it for me.” And the happy woman is thrilled: look how she trusts! I’m ready to hand over fate, eat and drink from her hands...
But gradually the intensity of feelings decreases, everyday life and routine rise to their full height. And touching is replaced by irritation. You tell him: “Buy ketchup at the store.” He goes on a mission and a minute later he calls from the store.
Confused, as if not a grown man, but a five-year-old boy whom his mother lost in the supermarket. A monologue sounds: “Which ketchup should I take? Garlic, savory or sweet? In glass or plastic? What about the volume? And the manufacturer?
At first you give constructive advice, but when history repeats itself non-stop, you growl into the phone: “This is what’s right in front of you on the shelf, then take it!”
And it will always be like this – creating problems out of the blue and “consulting” on nonsense. Should you take your swimming trunks with you on vacation? One or two? How many socks? And the cap – with an anchor or just a light one?
If there are no children in a couple, if the spouse does not get tired of exhausting work and generally has a huge reserve of strength, then you can live. And even happily, if the lady has no nerves at all - for no reason.
She barked at him about the cap, gave him a “tseu” before going to the store - the flight was normal. However, how many women are as strong and calm as a boa constrictor? Same thing.
An indecisive husband in family life is something between a burden and an enterprising but stupid teenager: you can entrust something, but you will have to sweat to instruct and control him.
And sometimes the illusion that he is mocking is infuriating. Well, an adult cannot get confused in three types of store-bought bread! And it seems as if he is deliberately tormenting, pretending to be small, “acting out” an unhappy childhood.
At such moments, everything you read about “learned helplessness” comes to mind - and in some ways this is true. The more you patronize and instruct, the deeper he falls into childhood: some kind of “Benjamin Button story” in reality.
An insecure man is always jealous
Jealousy occurs in relation to two people who care about each other. Another thing is uncontrollable jealousy. Scandals on every occasion and hundreds of baseless accusations. A self-confident man will not “make scandals over trifles.” If something happens, he will turn around and leave. It will be necessary - forever.
Morbid jealousy is a fear of betrayal, fueled by a violent fantasy, the roots of which are hidden in an inferiority complex and guilt. A strong man is also capable of jealousy, but he reacts more adequately to this feeling. No one is safe from mistakes. The psychology of a self-confident person does not perceive failures so painfully. You need to be able to trust your partner.
Simple techniques to increase self-esteem
Self-esteem can and should be increased. Undoubtedly, you will have to fight hard with yourself, but the game is worth the candle. Adequate self-esteem makes a woman happier, more positive and self-confident.
Find the cause of the problem
Low self-esteem is not determined at the genetic level; its development occurs under the influence of external factors. First of all, you need to determine the root of the problem. Be that as it may, further work on yourself will be much more effective if you visualize the problem of self-doubt.
Stop criticizing yourself
Every person has the right to make a mistake, and there is no need to reproach yourself for any mistake.
By stopping to criticize yourself, you will get several advantages at once:
- the energy that was wasted on self-criticism will be released;
- you will be able to accept yourself and throw all your strength into achieving your goals;
- strong personality traits are activated.
By approaching your failures creatively, you will learn to benefit from them and sometimes turn a mistake to your advantage.
In addition to self-criticism, it is very important to be able to respond correctly to criticism from others.
Praise yourself more often
Get into the good habit of praising yourself for small successes. Celebrate each of your victories and analyze what character trait enabled you to achieve this. Thanks to this method, you can acquire adequate self-esteem and develop useful qualities with which you can achieve success.
Learn to refuse
Reliability and low self-esteem have a cause-and-effect relationship. It is necessary to learn to refuse individuals who put their own interests above the interests of others. By learning to firmly say “No!”, you will automatically increase your self-esteem. You will begin to respect yourself and learn to defend your boundaries, which is the basis of a harmonious personality. You can even enroll in courses that teach this.
Create a positive environment around yourself
It’s not without reason that psychologists advise avoiding communication with negative people. They are able to notice the most unpleasant little thing and will certainly remind you of it. Try to make sure that there are only positive people around you who see only good things. Of course, it will not always be possible to adhere to this advice, since a family member may turn out to be a transmitter of negativity. In this case, you need to regularly say that you do not want negativity in your relationship. Tell people things they might not like. Under no circumstances should such things be hushed up.
Play sports
You don't have to spend every evening doing grueling workouts in the gym. Make it a habit to go for a walk or exercise every evening. Don't be afraid to spend time doing physical exercise. Every woman who makes it a rule to devote time to jogging will quickly notice that she has surprisingly more free time. The fact is that sports activities give a powerful energy boost, and things get done faster.
Leave your comfort zone
Under the burden of problems, women begin to become dependent on their own weaknesses, which give them a feeling of comfort. Junk food, alcohol, smoking and other ways to console yourself help you close yourself off from external problems in your own cozy world. Only problems accumulate instead of being solved. On a subconscious level, she understands that she has closed herself off from reality, so her self-esteem decreases at the speed of light. And there is only one method that can effectively and quickly improve it - leave your comfort zone and embrace problem solving.
Use Affirmations
In psychology, there are exercises that can increase self-esteem even for a woman who considers herself a complete loser - these are positive affirmations. These are short phrases that contain positive attitudes. They can be found both in audio recordings and in text versions. They need to be listened to, read aloud, learned by heart. Such attitudes need to be remembered in difficult life situations.
