How to choose a wife? How to get married and not make mistakes

It is forgivable only for young men and very old men to marry solely out of blind love - an ironic remark that hides the pure truth. A man with a mature mind and a strong mind, making a choice in favor of a potential wife, must understand that a deal, no matter what kind of turnover is involved in it - money or love - always remains a deal. There will always be someone on one side who makes a choice, and on the other side someone waiting for this decision, and in order not to find himself in the disadvantageous position of the second option, a man needs to firmly understand what his future wife should be like.

How to determine readiness for marriage

Determining your own readiness for marriage is no easier than finding a worthy candidate to move through life together. When you want to get married and are hesitant, which way should you swing - back, into the comfort zone, where everything is so familiar and arranged, or forward, into the world of pots and drying diapers?

If the right girl has already been found and the only question is whether the time has come for the decisive step, you can look at the list of factors that indicate that the point of no return has already been crossed, and calmly make an offer, if any are present in your life:

the couple has no need to take a break from each other; on the contrary, even everyday life, with washing and cooking, is perceived by both at ease and without sharp edges;
young people relax together everywhere - they have a wide circle of mutual acquaintances and questions such as whether or not to take your significant other to the next party don’t even arise;
the man has developed (or initially had) a calm attitude towards “women’s days” and the associated inconveniences - going to the store for hygiene products, caring for a girl if she doesn’t feel well;
the fear of the thought of future children has disappeared, moreover, corresponding dreams and plans arise;
relatives on both sides of the young people are already aware of the seriousness of the relationship;
there are joint large purchases - furniture or equipment, and all expenses are spent from the “common pocket”.

The main factor that most men have a very difficult time overcoming is the complete extension of their personal zone to their girlfriend. If this moment is completely blurred and the concept of individual space is pushed aside, this speaks volumes, and in particular, about complete readiness for marriage. What does it mean? When a girl can take your phone to scroll through a page on a social network, and it doesn’t annoy you, you can safely take her to the registry office - the time has come.

Recommendations that will help you attract the attention of a representative of the stronger sex

Tips to help you in this situation:

Appearance plays an important role . Not everyone likes too artificial young ladies. But neat clothes, well-groomed hair, hands, and face are important attributes. Guys like dresses that flatter their figure.
Smile, be positive . Representatives of the stronger sex really like such women.
Identify common interests with the young person and support them . To build a long-term relationship, you need to live his life. Find out what he is interested in, where he goes, how he lives - you need to find common ground.
Be interesting, develop yourself . Girls who are versatile, passionate about something, and able to carry on a conversation arouse much more interest.
Try to be yourself . Men are smarter than we think. They feel falsehood and deception, and this really spoils the impression. And you can't pretend all the time.
Psychologists advise showing a sense of humor - it speaks of your easy-going character and ability to defuse the situation. But don’t overdo it and don’t abuse the jokes on the chosen one himself.
Know how to listen and hear him.
Appreciate him and praise him . Guys are like children in this regard—it’s impossible to praise them enough. But be sincere: false flattery will be noticed and will leave a bad impression of you.
Don't be intrusive . Many young people welcome women's initiative, but obsession is something else. He may want to be alone, that's normal. He may have his own interests, friends, time spent in male company. This needs to be understood and accepted.
Stay mysterious . Don’t rush to immediately lay out everything about yourself, demonstrating all your strengths and weaknesses. Reveal new facets gradually.
Do not live only for him and the relationship - this way he can quickly lose interest in you. You are also a person. You have your own interests and life apart from him.
Avoid criticism . Few people will like this. Support him and motivate him.

Of course, everything is individual, there is no universal recipe. Men are different, their preferences are also different. It is important to remain yourself and not to prevaricate, to be sincere. These are the kind of women that attract men.

The ideal wife - myth or reality?

This and the next section seem to be discussing the same topic, but they are not. How a man imagines his future, without yet having in mind a specific object with which he could connect it, and how this future should be are two different things. Now let's talk about grandiose plans and fantasies, the name of which is the ideal wife.

The creation of a reference image, if it does not turn into an obsession, is a normal state of the process of stimulating consciousness, working for the future. If a person did not have the ability to dream, he would not strive to realize both himself and the space around him; in other words, would be mired in the swamp of the current moment. The pursuit of the ideal is the norm, despite the fact that everyone understands the very absurdity of the idea. After all, in fact, none of us needs an ideal; it is impossible to fall in love with it.

It often happens that “the one” towards which the heart trembled is strikingly different from the image embodied in the thought form, but what is interesting is that from that moment the thought form itself, the ideal so carefully cultivated in the mind, changes radically and acquires completely earthly and imperfect. It is a proven fact that the first girl who changed the features of a soulless but ideal mental model to her own parameters, for many years, or even for the rest of her life, dooms a man to look for these features in other women.

Why does the young lady need to get married?

It would seem that the desire to start a family is justified?
After all, this is everyday work. And not only physical (cleaning, cooking, washing), but also moral. In addition, today most women prefer to pursue a career, while neglecting their personal lives. Despite the fact that marriage in the modern world is fading into the background, it is important for anyone to feel that she is desired by a man. It is when she is in a couple that she feels confident in the future and protected.

The opinion of society also plays an important role. And even if other people’s gossip seems like an empty phrase to a woman, it is very unpleasant to remain unmarried when all her friends have long since started families, and relatives are constantly wondering when she will finally get married and give birth to a child. This is why it is so important to be the woman you marry.

Ideal parameters

If we build the top characteristic criteria that a man always keeps in mind when thinking about his future wife, then the ideal wife should be:

beautiful and well-groomed;
smart, but not smarter than her husband;
flexible, but with character (personality);
balanced;
economic.

It was not for nothing that the last item ended up at the bottom of the list, since men remember it, as a rule, realizing some practical side of the issue after they have listed what really worries them. The exception is “mature husbands” who have already been married before - for them this aspect may even be on the second or third level of the top, but, of course, not before the external characteristics of the chosen one.

A few words about appearance

How do millionaires choose their wives? Many men and women ask a similar question, since it is believed that all options are open to rich men, but this opinion is considered erroneous.

If, seeing a woman walking down the street, the first thing you think is: “Gorgeous breasts!”, You are looking at a far from ideal wife. The issue of appearance is not determined only by body dimensions, since this is a wide field for women’s work. As the magnificent Coco Chanel said: “There are no ugly women, only lazy ones.” The seductive bulge of one part of the body undoubtedly looks like the dignity of a beautiful lady, but appearance is always judged as a whole. Here you should definitely pay attention to the condition of your hair - clean and neatly styled; nails – decorated manicure; faces – beautiful and discreet makeup; figures - a slightly pumped up body will not be left without male attention; clothing style - no non-standard solutions, only if any element fits well into the gamut of the image as a whole.

What should a future wife be like?

What should She really be? The following list was created with the support of male logic, but based solely on the experience of modern psychologists studying divorce statistics. So, which women are least often noted in these statistics:

Smart, with an IQ level of at least average. You can discuss most life issues with someone like this, without fear of remaining misunderstood or seeming funny.
Unacceptable sudden marriages and equally rapid breakups. Of course, in this matter there must be categorical points (for example, treason), which the girl has the right to consider grounds for divorce, but these are nuances.
Outwardly attractive, pleasant, attractive.
Those who set their priorities correctly - first the husband and children, and only then - career and hobbies.
No bad habits - does not drink, does not smoke, has no reason to hide the facts of his past.
Ready to make compromises in her personal life, and publicly always taking her husband’s side.
With a sense of humor, but without unhealthy sarcasm.
Ready to play a second role in family life, although in fact this is most often not the case. Another psychological incident - when a woman openly recognizes the dominance of a man in the family, he is more willing to fulfill all her desires and openly patronizes her little weaknesses.
Managing the household competently and economically, that is, without waste.

When preparing a portrait of the perfect future wife, psychologists did not just miss the moment when considering whether the spouse received any monetary income. The fact is that a marriage created with the prospect of a lifetime does not initially imply the woman’s share in providing the family with everything necessary. A girl can work and earn even more than her future spouse, but this role of “breadwinner” in no way fits into her responsibilities for a healthy family life, and a man must always remember this.

Skin-visual women

This is the type of young lady who is born to be a seductress. They are not created to devote themselves to a single man for life. They cause hostility among other representatives of the fair sex because they feel competition. The thing is that such women are able to “overpower” the smell of others and “steal away” their partner. But usually men do not marry such girls, perceiving them for the most part as a pleasant but short-term hobby. And for such a woman, marriage will be more of a heavenly punishment than a blessing.

Choice of the rich and famous

Of course, the principles of how millionaires choose their wives are not applicable to the average statistical needs of mere mortals, but some points of this interesting manual successfully resonate with the concept of simple human happiness, which is understandable to us:

A millionaire's wife is, first of all, a beautiful wife, and her beauty is not always classic, but always bright and conspicuous. There is a publicity factor here - men love to leave a trail of admiration behind them.
A smart wife is the second mandatory point. They also marry dummies with Barbie looks, but either after that they have to wise up dramatically, or give way to someone with whom they can talk about the weather and discuss important matters.
Ability to manage a household. It is not necessary to wash the floors and stand at the stove, but a woman must manage this entire process perfectly, so that when her husband comes home after a hard day at work (millionaires have them too), he does not come across the unsettled life and fuss that has arisen.
Willingness to give birth and raise children, taking into account that the always busy, earning spouse is almost unaffected by concerns about illnesses, studies and age-related problems of the younger generation.

Since wealthy males start thinking about marriage late, it is rare that a girl manages to boast that they “started from scratch” together. By this period, a man has accumulated sufficient experience in identifying fortune hunters, and they become quite suspicious. But everything ends, as a rule, in a stereotypical way - a young beautiful wife is nearby, and all the accumulated experience is temporarily silent.

The work of the subconscious

Any girl knows what her future husband should be like. She paints a certain picture in her brain, which plays an important role in choosing a partner. When meeting with any age-appropriate man, she subconsciously evaluates him as a future husband. This is how the female psyche works. This cannot be changed.

Things are a little different for men. How do they choose their wives? They often do not have a clear image in their head, an ideal that they can rely on when choosing a partner. As a result, several years after the start of a relationship, a guy may realize that he is not the woman he needs. “Men are doomed to dive into the abyss of new relationships, guided by an inaccurate, vague idea of what they are really looking for,” writes Alexey Karaulov.

However, psychologists say that almost every woman has a natural mate. That is, a man who is perfect for her. When these two meet, their sympathy and attraction are absolutely mutual. And although it seems to us that we fall in love with our appearance/demeanor/character, in reality everything happens at the level of smells and the subconscious. It follows from this that almost every woman is created for a family.

We say “almost” because there is a type of woman who is not married. What are they?

Advice from an Orthodox priest

How does a man raised according to the canons of Orthodoxy choose a wife?

In conversations with Orthodox priests, issues of marriage are often touched upon from the perspective from which the church views them. It is very significant that men who have gone through the harsh seminary school develop a special, touching attitude towards girls - the priest, when sorting out the next incident in a relationship, almost always tries to look at the issue from the weaker half’s point of view. This may be why marriages between clergy and parishioners almost never end in divorce.

Here are just a few tips on how to choose a wife according to Orthodoxy and what actions are taken for this:

You shouldn’t give a girl hope for a relationship just because you don’t want to miss out on a good candidate - this can give rise to distrust of all men in a failed bride;
any step towards the girl you like - even an offer to accompany you home after work or study - is already taking on some obligations, therefore such minor steps also need to be thought through;
when asked about when to get married, you cannot look back at the desire to “walk longer” - often girls, without waiting for a serious proposal, break off the relationship themselves, and the church does not condemn them for this, but condemns the “lack of fun”;
You shouldn’t choose a bride for her beauty, she won’t always be 20;
a large age difference (more than five years) is a serious obstacle to the harmonious development of relationships in marriage, although there are exceptions;
Between the proposal to marry and the conclusion of the marriage, about a year should pass in chastity - if the girl has withstood this test without grumbling, she can safely get married.

A man should only consider himself ready to get married when he comes to the understanding that he is ready to give his life for his chosen one - then this will be considered true, responsible love, then the wife will consider herself protected.

Bottom line

How to get married successfully? Readers may not like the answer to this question: no way! It is impossible to know in advance that family life with a particular girl will be happy and harmonious. Often guys are disappointed in their choice. Sometimes this leads to divorce.

Divorce proceedings are often observed between spouses who got married because they were young. Psychologists advise not to get married before the age of 25 or even 30. By this time, people change their views and desires several more times. Even after reaching this age, we can talk about some stability in relationships and understanding, wisdom on the part of the girls.

In the meantime, while you are young, study your favorite girl. Just meet, communicate, find yourself in different situations. You are still at the stage where you need to become like professionals. Learn and develop your career activities. And if you and your girlfriend have already gone through a lot and only strengthened your feelings, then you can take her as your wife.

Sources

https://parentchild.ru/472045a-na-kakih-jenschinah-mujchinyi-jenyatsya-kakie-jenschinyi-nravyatsya-mujchinam-kakoy-doljna-byit-jena—mneniya-mujchin
https://www.syl.ru/article/363921/kak-vyibrat-jenu-kak-jenitsya-i-ne-oshibitsya
https://sportpit68.ru/vzaimootnosheniya/kakuyu-vybrat-zhenu.html
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https://playboyrussia.com/emzhe/gde-mozhno-najti-horoshuyu-zhenu-i-kak-zavoevat-ee-serdce-glavnyj-gid-holostyaka-134281/
https://constructorus.ru/psixologiya/kak-najti-zhenu.html
https://masculino.ru/kak-udachno-zhenitsya

Modern approach

Modern life provides many opportunities to better study the lifestyle and hidden motivation of a girl about whom serious steps are expected. How to choose a wife, focusing on publicly available methods of dating and communication? We are talking, of course, about the Internet, but in the context where the girl is known to the young man in real life, but there is no opportunity to find out more about her.

There is no need, annoying with excessive importunity, to visit her page every day or “get in your face” with offers of friendship. It is enough to visit the treasured profile once and draw all the necessary conclusions:

Photos. It is unlikely that, when thinking about the topic of which women are chosen as wives, one can imagine photographs of the “fifth point” or other candid moments open to public attention. Draw conclusions.
Notes. They can tell you a lot, but you can’t judge only by the “top” of the 2-3 articles the girl liked. Maybe she was in a bad mood and the notes reflected that, but that's not always the case. Study the tape by rewinding at least 10-15 entries.

It is impossible to draw conclusions about a person’s personality based only on his “media” face, but this can greatly facilitate the task of finding common points of contact.

Men can get married because "the time has come"

Often men whose age has passed... want to settle down, start a family, have children, because it seems like it’s time. All my friends have been married for a long time, they all have children, relatives and acquaintances annoy me with questions: they say, when are you? As a result, the man comes to the conclusion that the time has come for him, too, to start a family and chooses a woman suitable for this, from his point of view. It is clear that in such cases a man may not love a woman, although over time he may become very attached to her.

Tests that may not exist

Some insecure young men begin to test girls to see if they meet their needs, often adjusting their own falsely understood values to the expected reaction of their companion. Such frequently practiced tests also include rituals that openly insult female dignity, after which a self-respecting girl can break off a relationship without any reason.

Let's name some of these tests and advice. How to choose a wife if you are an outright loser:

A girl is taken to an expensive store (salon) and asked to choose the item she likes. At the same time, her reaction is monitored, and when the girl makes a choice, she is simply told the conclusions of the testing - whether she passed the test for greed or not.
During dinner at a restaurant, the “subject” is informed that the gentleman forgot his wallet at home and she must pay for dinner. If a girl is embarrassed, she is declared stingy and not ready to make sacrifices for her beloved.
During a date, a young man seemingly accidentally meets a pre-arranged “acquaintance” with a spectacular appearance on the street and, in the presence of his bride, cheerfully discusses some topic with her for 5-10 minutes. At the same time, the reaction of the companion is assessed - if the girl is noticed to be nervous, she is accused of feeling possessive, and they inform her that she is not suitable for the role of a wife.

These and many other so-called tests can only worsen relationships in a couple and are certainly unable to answer the question of how to choose a wife.

Family status

How to choose a good wife? While searching for an answer to the question posed, you need to sneak a look at the passport of the chosen person. If there is a column about divorce, upon closer acquaintance you should find out about all the circumstances of what happened.

As a rule, smart and self-respecting girls do not make rash, serious decisions in the form of a quick marriage. However, situations in life are different, so it is worth unobtrusively understanding the drama that happened in her life about family life.

And, of course, a girl should not be in the status of a married woman, since this not only creates obstacles to the further development of the relationship, but also exposes her to a lie. And even if such an unpleasant incident occurs, then even the most beautiful wife will not be able to turn out to be a faithful companion, therefore, the status “ideal” is not assigned to such a lady.

How our ancestors chose their wives

In Rus', the main person determining a girl’s suitability for marriage was the matchmaker. On the other hand, there was a demand from her if the girl she indicated later turned out to be of an obstinate character, of a free disposition, or, worst of all, incapable of having children. In the arsenal of an experienced matchmaker there were all sorts of methods for obtaining the necessary information, but, to the credit of our ancestors, it is said that the girl’s discrepancy with the initial opinion about her was almost never the reason for the breakdown of relations. Marriage was created for life, so the question of how to choose a wife was approached seriously, with the involvement of all relatives and even strangers.

The external characteristics of a girl of marriageable age were of great importance, but the indicators of the old era have nothing to do with modern concepts of beauty. What was required of a young wife first of all? Continuation of the family. That is why strong hips, strong legs, a large wide back - the main criteria for full pregnancy and healthy childbirth - were valued in applicants worth their weight in gold.

Thin girls, all of them, were called “sick,” and “bringing a sick person into the house” meant marrying such a useless little white girl. With the introduction of a young wife into the groom's family, all the hardest housework was transferred to her - carrying half-pounds of cast iron, fetching water, washing, cleaning, sewing. Only a girl “in the juice” was able to handle the whole load of household chores, but what was the demand for the “unlucky” one? So the whole family toiled around the unlucky guy and his wife.

The second very important aspect was spiritual beauty, in other words, “pigeon purity”, virginity. True, in even deeper times, the submissiveness of the future wife played a much more important role than the absence of sexual partners in the past, and a young single woman with a child found herself a husband without any hindrance. But from the beginning of the 18th century, in the heyday of serfdom, the purity of the future family and the untainted past of a woman outweighed the reasoning of past years and the methodology for choosing a wife changed dramatically. They began to look for girls in their early youth - from the age of 16-17, and those who stayed in girls until the age of 25 had every chance of remaining unclaimed and ending up in some distant monastery.

A man marries for his own benefit

Marriages of convenience have always been common in society. This most often concerns women, but there are also many men who can marry a woman based on the benefits that an alliance with her can provide. Such a benefit can be not only the financial security of the bride, but also the high position in society of her relatives, for example, her father, their fame, power and influence.

Therefore, having taken such a woman as his wife, a man receives all this “as a dowry” for his wife, while most often he does not experience special feelings for his chosen one. Moreover, the man in such a union does not always end up lower on the social ladder than the woman. It often happens that a man and his family are no less rich, wealthy and influential than his wife’s family, but an alliance with them will further strengthen their position and influence, and he is ready to agree to this alliance.