08/05/201612/11/2017 Nadezhda Plotnikova
Standard story: just yesterday there was a girl you loved next to you, who seemed to you an ideal candidate for the role of life partner and mother of future children. However, now you are alone - SHE is gone.
Maybe there is no love anymore, another guy has taken over her flighty heart, maybe you yourself are to blame for the breakup. But so far there is no strength to clarify the root cause, since mental suffering is becoming more and more intense.
All your thoughts now are only about how to forget the girl you love, and this is right, because only by getting rid of the fragments of past happiness can you prepare to meet new love.
You will suffer another time.
Still from the film “In Flight”
We don't know what happened to you. Perhaps this is a bitter separation due to the fact that she left for someone else, or unrequited love that you have been experiencing for a long time, or incompatible characters that do not allow you to be together.
Whatever it was, you were prepared to suffer, tear out your hair and complain to everyone about your difficult fate. However, all you need is to forget everything that happened and continue to breathe deeply, enjoying life in all its manifestations.
In this material we will tell you how to forget the girl you love. Naturally, it will not be easy, but with a serious approach you will succeed.
What should you not do?
Negative consequences of constantly thinking about another person, or what not to do:
- break away from reality, lose track of time;
- getting stuck in positive moments and memories that make you suffer;
- neglect your favorite activities, relatives and friends after separation;
- living with false hopes of entering “the same river twice”;
- think that all women are traitors and you can’t build a serious relationship with any of them.
Stop following her
So, let's start with the basics, without which all further actions will be absolutely useless. If you want to truly forget her, start with your social networks. Unfollow her on Instagram, unfriend her on VKontakte, block her on Facebook, stop following her on Twitter, and finally, forget about her other pages.
Otherwise, you will become fixated on all her online activities. Every post she makes will seem like a reference to your relationship, every new like from some guy will seem like the beginning of her new relationship with someone else.
Subsequently, your paranoia will go so far that you will not be able to do your usual things and will be stuck at the screen of your gadget for a long time in endless worries.
Just unfollow her and that's it.
Be busy
The famous psychologist Dale Carnegie once said: “The best medicine in the world is to stay busy.”
Indeed, having loaded themselves with work, people realize that they simply do not have time to think about extraneous things. An interesting hobby, help around the house, a new hobby - are there many activities that are more useful than endlessly savoring misfortune?
You need to ask friends for help and support. You can have a bachelor party and go to a nightclub. And there, perhaps, an acquaintance will occur that will make you forget everything unnecessary.
Start working
“I’m already working like that, geniuses”
, - you will think and you will be right. However, we mean real immersion in the work process, a sharp shift in your priorities towards your career.
Ask for more responsibilities at work (maybe you might even get promoted), try to acquire new career goals, achieve something you haven’t achieved before. In short, channel all your frustrated energy into your career. This way you will think about her much less, and maybe even forget about her.
First stage: postoperative
At first, a person who is going through a breakup resembles a patient in the recovery room. You are in incredible pain, you cannot concentrate on routine tasks, and you are unable to even take basic care of yourself.
Now the advice of friends or even psychologists will not help you, because the ground has disappeared from under your feet and it seems that there will no longer be a reason for joy. It is stupid to advise a person to get up and walk when they have just put a cast on his broken leg, so your condition is quite normal and requires time to survive all the universal pain.
During this period, the most difficult thing is to maintain a vow of silence. You understand intellectually that you cannot call, write to a person, you cannot talk to him. Some part of you still hopes that everything can be returned, that your ex-partner will come to his senses or give you a second chance and everything will be the same again. It is natural for our psyche to protect what is familiar and dear, which creates comfort. It always takes time to realize the inevitable; the main thing is to maintain inner dignity. Surely everything between you has already been said, discussed, all the dots have been dotted and bridges have been burned.
This person has cut you out of life, and you, despite the unbearable pain in your heart, must accept his choice. Give yourself a setting - for the first three days, no calls, letters and a minimum of communication, only if circumstances require it.
If contact cannot be avoided, behave neutrally. There is no need to pretend that everything is fine. Now you are going through a serious breakup and often such strong emotions cannot be hidden, but it is your well-earned right - it is difficult to experience serious changes in your life. If you behaved any differently, this relationship would mean nothing to you. However, do not play to the public, do not try to evoke pity and do not manipulate the person. The past cannot be returned, but it must be said goodbye with dignity. And the last thing you can do is pray for the return of something that no longer exists.
But we have good news for you. Your state of deep sadness will last only a few days. You will soon notice that the pain is easing and your senses are dulling, and you will even find that you sometimes forget about your pain and go about your usual activities. This means that you are at the second stage.
Practical work:
- Delete all contacts if nothing else connects you. And if something connects you, resolve all issues through acquaintances and friends.
- Give all things, if you have them, through other people. If you have any important items left, ask someone to pick them up.
- Throw away everything that belongs to you personally from this person (gifts, tokens of attention, etc.) / donate to charity.
- Delete all shared photos.
- Delete all music that reminds you of the person.
- Write an unsent letter to your ex. Under no circumstances should you send it, but write it as if you wanted to express yourself. This is especially helpful if you have been dumped without explanation.
Sometimes we cannot immediately and abruptly part with reminders. For example, you rented an apartment together and then moving will take time and require communication. Then put all the “reminders” in a suitable box and hide it in such a far corner that you can’t just get it out.
One of our readers shared that she packed shirts, framed photos and stuffed animals from her ex into a box and sent them to the garage of a friend who lives an hour away. So, when the next attack of nostalgia came, and this happened in the late evenings, I no longer wanted to go overnight looking at the other end of the city for the sake of a box.
The same thing needs to be done with virtual “reminders”. Delete everything from your phone, and on a desktop computer or flash drive, pack it into several folders with a password.
When the time comes and you're ready, all that's left to do is throw it away.
Take off your rose-colored glasses
Many people, after breaking up with loved ones, have an irresistible urge to idealize and romanticize their past, believing that it was the best relationship of their lives. We have no doubt that you had some great times together, but be honest with yourself and admit that not everything was always smooth sailing.
So take your gadget or a piece of paper (if that's more convenient for you) and make a list of things that annoyed you about your ex. Also, do not forget to write down all the cases of your quarrels and disagreements.
Now you have a tool that will help you come down to earth whenever you want to remember how perfect your relationship was.
Just re-read it at such moments.
What is falling in love? What happens to us after a breakup?
Falling in love is directly related to body chemistry. When a person falls in love, his body releases “love hormones” in large quantities - endorphin, oxytocin, vasopressin, phenylethylamine and seratonin. These are chemical compounds that produce an analgesic effect, strengthen the immune system and, most importantly, give feelings of happiness and joy that we feel as love.
When parting with a loved one, a reverse chemical process occurs. The level of serotonin decreases - depression and apathy occur. Endorphin, which previously reduced any pain, is also not enough and acute mental pain occurs - the pain of separation .
Gradually, after some time, the body will return to normal . Remembering our affections ten years ago, we only smile. The same will happen with current attachments after some time. Over time, new sources of joy will appear.
As they say: “Time is the best medicine.”
To speed up your recovery from a failed relationship, you need to follow these tips.
No more random encounters (with her)
Just because you know where she works, where she goes on weekends, who she communicates with, and how she likes to spend time in the evenings, this does not mean that you need to use this information.
You shouldn’t think that if you allegedly accidentally walk near her place of work, she will notice you and understand how wrong she was, after which she will rush into her arms to ask for a reunion.
Most likely, you will meet, exchange some routine remarks, create a tense environment for each other, and after all this she will still think that you are desperate and will want to see you even less.
Effective methods and tips
- Defining the situation as a given . Be honest with yourself and the fait accompli. Clear your mind of unnecessary memories that burden you with new impressions - a book or film, meeting an interesting person or a trip to another country. Now it doesn’t matter how you feel about your chosen one and what you expect from her. This is the perfect time to be selfish and think only about yourself and not about her.
- Maintaining distance. You need to completely distance yourself from the person you want to stop thinking about: both physically and mentally. If you have to cross paths every day because of school, work or personal matters, indicate and determine how often (or rather, rarely!) this should happen. Meetings and contacts with her should be limited to absolutely necessary situations not related to your personal relationship.
So, avoid places where you might run into your ex, don't follow her social media profiles, don't contact her on your own, and don't seek out new information about your love life through mutual friends or family. Help your head by minimizing irritants.
Try to maintain, in addition to external, internal distance. Think about what now belongs exclusively to your life. Focus all your attention on this aspect and do not allow a woman to interfere in your life as an “ex”. Bring back aspects of existence to yourself.
New Horizons . Interesting hobbies and activities are win-win tools to stop thinking about another person.
This could be returning to an activity you once gave up and enjoyed, or something completely new that had to be put on hold because of a lady.
A dance course, sports, traveling to another country, foreign language lessons, maintaining an online blog - there are many original options. Don't be afraid to look for something that will truly reflect you and your needs from the usual feminine ones.
If you don't want to or can't do one of the above suggestions, you just need to change your life. You can do new things with friends, change your diet, start riding a bike to work, or radically change your appearance or hairstyle. The main thing is that the experience is positive and worthy of a real man.
- Spiritual growth. When a person thinks about someone with whom he cannot be, it causes sadness and disappointment, but not only that. By focusing his thoughts on another person, a man automatically lowers his self-esteem.
This is because the psyche values another person more, and even one with whom it is impossible to be close. Therefore, it is better to direct energy not outward, but inward. Spiritual development is, first of all, the restoration of the space of the mind and soul.
Get in touch with your personal self, unleash your creative potential and direct it towards self-development. This will allow you to easily and quickly restore an adequate perception of yourself, which, in turn, will guarantee that you will be able to distract yourself from your loved one.
Ways to reduce the importance of a wife for a man after a divorce
- The starting point in reducing the importance of a woman for a man is a deep understanding of the belief “There are many women, I am one.” After this, you can calmly perceive any individual girl in your life and build a typically “male” style of behavior. Communicate with the opposite sex, flirt, make advances: realize that your ex is not the only woman in the entire Universe. There are other girls - much more attractive, more interesting, smarter.
- The second aspect is the use of a female technique called “alternate airfield” for their own purposes. Greater independence in relationships comes from expanding your circle of acquaintances. Try dating two girls at the same time - and you will understand that the importance of your ex has noticeably dropped.
- The previous two methods are the mindset of an effective macho and Casanova, so they will require prior training and experience. Therefore, a more serious approach is appropriate. For example, an objective assessment of the disadvantages of the chosen one, which are more than the advantages, focusing on the advantages of a free life, uncertainty about the future with a woman who does not know how to run a house, etc.
Speak out
If you've been bottling up your feelings about your breakup for a long time, it's time to let them out. To do this, you can invite your best friends to a bar, tell them everything you think about your failed love, scream a little, drink a lot (just don't overdo it), and then wake up the next day feeling like a reborn person.
Naturally, in order to completely move away from bitter thoughts, a person needs time. Allow yourself to grieve a little, just don't fall into a depressed state and be able to throw out your emotions at the right time.
Live
We will not write so that you do not be sad, worry and suffer.
Drink this cocktail of negative emotions to the dregs.
Firstly, you have every right to do this.
Secondly, mental suffering that is not lived through in time is very likely to affect health in the future.
Give yourself a few days or weeks to suffer. During this period, you may engage in self-flagellation, complain to friends and feel sorry for yourself.
Next, you and I will spend resources more productively.
However, know when to stop.
Everything in this life should be in moderation, even grief over your unhappy relationships. Therefore, if you think too much and tell everyone about your problem, you can become seriously obsessed with it.
You can talk about it endlessly, but it won't change anything. At some point, it turns out that you are simply replaying negative memories in your head and sharing them with others. Again and again.
In this case, it is better to take positive action and finally let go of the past.
You do not feel LOVE when parting, but fear of loneliness or betrayal.
Many people confuse suffering with the feeling of love, but this is not so. You feel inner pain due to betrayal, disappointment or fear of rejection.
Then everything can develop into stress, depression, as well as loss of health. The worst thing is if you lose interest in the relationship altogether.
The only thing that can quickly bring back the taste of life is to neutralize negative emotions and let go of the situation.
In 30 minutes we will find all the negative emotions that prevent you from letting the girl go and solve them so that they no longer bother you.
Click on the button below to be guaranteed to solve your relationship problem.
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Stop biting yourself
Don't blame yourself for the fact that you still can't get rid of thoughts about your ex. Don't blame yourself for not following our advice, for checking her Instagram to see how she's doing. You shouldn’t blame yourself for the fact that you’ve already hung around her favorite cafe several times, hoping to meet her.
Being angry with yourself in such cases is not the most productive feeling. It prevents you from forgetting your ex-girlfriend and moving towards a new life in which many interesting events and people await you.
If at the moment you are having trouble coming to terms with the thought of a breakup, remember that time is the best healer of broken hearts. Therefore, continue to live your own life, reflect (but without fanaticism), mind your own business and at some point you will realize that you cannot remember the last time you thought about your ex.
- Author: Dmitry Petrosyants
How to forget the girl you love, advice from a pickup artist.
In our society, it is customary to have a negative attitude towards men, “ladiesmen” and other womanizers. Probably out of envy or something else. But, pick-up artists are not there to seduce you for the sake of stupid sex, perhaps this is the case at the very beginning, but by going through many girls you meet the one with whom you spend the rest of your life. I have many friends who are former pick-up artists and their relationships are very good, they have families and children.
Unlike men who don’t meet many girls, they are shy and feel insecure. They are precisely the ones who suffer because the girl does not accept their love.
Here the advice will be very simple, the more you communicate with girls, the more confident you become and the more self-confidence, the more girls want to communicate with you as a man. And there will be no self-pity about being abandoned or not being loved and other negativity. Everything will be fine.
In short, everything is simple, meet more girls on the street, and if you are shy, then sign up for pickup training.
We learn new insights and lessons so as not to step on the same rake again
Lessons are learned through analysis.
Analysis is done with pen and paper, asking yourself as many questions as possible and answering them in writing.
The more questions, the better.
Example.
- Who is to blame for the fact that you initially chose the wrong partner? Answer: myself!
- Why did this happen, how did you allow this to happen? Answer: I had no personal boundaries, I had little idea of the person I wanted to see next to me.
- What kind of person do I want to see next to me, what do I allow and what do I not allow in a relationship? The answer indicates the exact characteristics of personality, not appearance.
- What have I learned and learned from past relationships?
- What mistakes should I not make again with another partner?
Be as sincere as possible with yourself when you write your answers to these questions.
This way, you will solve your problems yourself and there will be no need for advice from a psychologist on how to quickly forget your loved one and start a new life.
Social life
If a guy wants to get over his ex, he shouldn’t sit within four walls. Sometimes the best solution is to meet another young lady. This is the fastest and most effective method, however, of course, it is not suitable for everyone. If you feel ready for a new relationship, you should act. At first, it is not recommended to say anything about your ex-girlfriend. Probably, after a while the guy will be able to remember about her without pain, but while the memories are still fresh, it is better not to say anything about her at all.
An active social life will help you get rid of your ex emotionally . Even if a man does not want to build a new relationship yet, he can communicate with friends and visit crowded places. If after a breakup there is a desire to be alone, this is quite normal, but you just don’t need to isolate yourself from society for too long. Otherwise, recovering from a breakup will be a difficult task.
Psychologists recommend looking for new ways to stay socially active. If a guy continues to do what he did with a girl, it will be harder for him to get her out of his heart. Therefore, it is better to find some new hobbies and interests, to find like-minded people with whom you can share your interests.
You can try going to a cafe or restaurant that you have never been to before. This is probably where you will be able to meet new people. It is quite possible that during the relationship with your ex it was not possible to visit various establishments.
Allow yourself to be with a better partner, let go of old limiting beliefs
We attract who we are.
You must realize that you can attract a better partner.
But the paradox is that people themselves do not want to be with the best partner!
Why does this happen to people?
Because after a long relationship a person has taught himself : “I love my soulmate. I don’t want the best for myself, I want the best for both of us.”
Track these habits in yourself and get rid of them.
People cannot believe that it is possible and necessary to forget a person whom you love unrequitedly and blindly.
