Common complexes and overcoming them. Part 1

Psychological complexes are a very common phenomenon. We can say that almost every person has their own “cockroaches in the head,” and some have a serious psychological problem that darkens their lives. As can be understood from the name, a complex is not just some kind of oddity in behavior, but it is a whole set of elements: ideas about oneself, beliefs and views, emotions and reaction patterns, behavior patterns and compensations. It is not surprising that it can be difficult to deal with complexes, because the rational approach and the “stop thinking about it” method are ineffective, since they do not address the entire spectrum of components of the problem.

To better understand the dynamics and structure of this phenomenon, we recommend that you read the article “How to get rid of complexes” and other materials on the topic on the site. If the roots of the problem have grown deeply into the psyche, and it seems that you cannot cope with such a burden on your own, it is best to turn to a specialist for professional help. However, in many cases, it is possible to work with what we call complexes yourself and get excellent results. Below we will look at the practical steps and tools that make it possible to eradicate these toxic mental formations.

However, first we need to figure out what we are dealing with. Complexes are not always obvious to their owner, who becomes so accustomed to them that he begins to perceive his problem as something normal and inseparable from himself. Often a person suffers from some kind of “plug”, not realizing that it needs and can be removed, regaining the right to live a full and happy life.

The topic of complexes is vast and includes a large number of different phenomena. You can learn more about which of them are inherent in the strong and beautiful half of humanity from the article on female and male complexes. Today let's look at just five common complexes.

Inferiority complex

Perhaps the most famous of all complexes and, unfortunately, very common. Both men and women are susceptible to it, and not only the weakest and weak-willed. A distinctive feature of this complex is a persistent feeling and perception of oneself as flawed, inferior, and incorrect. A person with such a sense of self sees himself as a defective, unfinished or incomplete product, while the people around him are seen as normal and complete. Such an unhealthy distorted model of worldview and attitude leaves its destructive imprint on all areas of life: self-esteem and mental health, physical health, relationships, work and career, behavior and self-expression in the world.

Very often the most wonderful and capable people suffer from an inferiority complex. Their excessive self-criticism and low self-esteem are not perceived by them as biased and unhealthy, which keeps them in a cage of worries and suffocating self-doubt.

The Austrian psychologist and psychotherapist Alfred Adler introduced this concept into circulation and distinguished two types of inferiority:

• Primary inferiority develops in childhood from a feeling of one’s own helplessness and inability to influence the situation. It can be caused and intensified by the fact that parents compare the child with others not in his favor, scold and criticize a lot, and do not give a positive assessment.
• Secondary inferiority flourishes in those situations when an adult does not achieve goals or does not reach the high bar that he set for himself in order to compensate for the feeling of inferiority learned in childhood.

A deep sense of self-worth and inadequacy can be the result of trauma or abuse. Therefore, it is very important to understand the reasons and nature of your complex, and first of all, whether there really is some kind of deficiency or whether it is far-fetched.

If the inferiority complex is completely unfounded, work with it will focus on replacing destructive and irrational self-definitions, beliefs and thinking patterns with more adequate and healthy ones. If a person is truly lacking something, such as assertiveness skills or social skills, they need to fill this gap and then strengthen more positive beliefs about themselves.

In the most general terms, healing comes through identifying “sick” thinking patterns, recognizing their injustice, and transforming them into healthier ones. A person can only achieve complete mental health and well-being if he learns to treat himself with acceptance, respect, compassion and support - just like a good friend. You don't have to be perfect or the best for your friends to accept and love you. It’s the same with yourself - you can have flaws and weaknesses, but at the same time have the right to be treated kindly.

If you recognize yourself in the description of an inferiority complex and want to better understand its nature and methods of eradication, we advise you to read a detailed article about it.

How to overcome them?

What methods does it involve to combat the problem? It is quite possible to get rid of complexes - since they are nothing more than a person’s own attitude towards his qualities. In this case, the following methods will be universal:

1. Focus on benefits. It represents an asymmetrical reaction to negative perception - in this case, you need to try to pay more attention and develop in yourself those qualities that are best developed in a person, thus brightening up shortcomings with advantages.
2. Reconsidering the tendency to imitate – often the cause of the complex is the realization that “I am not like him/her.” In this case, a person compares himself with someone whom he is trying to imitate. The most adequate attitude towards oneself in this case will be awareness of one’s own exclusivity and individuality, and in a positive way.
3. Trust your own experience. A complex person must understand that one can and should trust one’s own experience and judgment and act in accordance with them, and not rely on the perceptions of others. At the same time, in no case should you underestimate your self-esteem - on the contrary, you need to believe in your own strength and ability to adapt in a given situation.

However, if you cannot get rid of negative experiences on your own, it is better to turn to a specialist for qualified help.

Superiority complex

In this case, a person considers himself better and superior to others. A disdainful and arrogant attitude towards other people, both at one’s own level and those above them, sticks out and manifests itself both in words and in actions. Such a person communicates only with those with whom it is beneficial or strategically useful for him to associate. But the main distinguishing feature of this phenomenon is not behavior, but self-perception - those who have a superiority complex are convinced of their exclusivity and special rights.

Despite the apparent opposite of an inferiority complex, this complex can be its reverse side. Alfred Adler, who described this phenomenon for the first time, pointed out that the superiority complex develops to compensate for the inferiority complex, and, in fact, is its perverted form.

On the other hand, psychologists believe that this complex grows out of intense sensations and emotional states, as a result of which a person feels special and superior to others. Such emotions and thoughts develop into features of the psyche. Interesting fact: researchers note that up to 10% of healthy people may have thoughts of greatness, but do not meet the criteria for delusions of grandeur [Knowles, McCarthy-Jones, Rowse, 2011].

Concept

In the psychological dictionary you will find the following definition - this is a group of mental processes formed on the basis of deep factors influencing the development of the psyche.

Speaking about complex people, we assume that they have a distorted idea of ​​themselves and the surrounding reality, which arose in the light of specific experiences. On the foundation of these distortions, a whole system of beliefs is born, which collectively influence the emotional state, perception of the world, and motives for actions.

The root cause of complexes is most often a specific psychological trauma of the past. Once having experienced mental pain, we consciously or unconsciously develop a certain defense mechanism that should protect us from repeating such an unpleasant situation.

Oedipus complex/Electra complex

This complex refers to a special attachment or attraction to a parent of the opposite sex. In Freudian theory, such tendencies in boys towards their mother (Oedipus complex) and in girls towards their father (Electra complex) are of a sexual nature. And according to the scientist Bronislaw Malinowski - social.

In any case, the presence of this complex is extremely undesirable - it leads to a lag in emotional development and infantilism. Moreover, the Oedipus man, like the Electra girl, experiences difficulties in relationships with the opposite sex. They have unhealthy and inadequate expectations from potential partners, whom they compare to the ideal - their parent. Unfortunately, with such a complex it is almost impossible to become happy in your personal life, and therefore you need to say goodbye to it.

It is important to clarify here that in modern psychology both of these concepts proposed by Freud are not generally accepted and are quite controversial. The Electra complex in particular is not recognized as an official diagnosis and has been criticized by some psychologists. However, both complexes are widely known and worth knowing about.

Types and characteristics: list

What are they? Due to the fact that there are a huge number of male and female complexes, their systematization is difficult . However, two main types can be distinguished:

• psychological complexes. This group is united by the psychological reason for their occurrence, when the problem that leads to negative experiences lies in the mental sphere - it cannot be felt, touched, seen from the outside,
• complexes due to appearance, physical . This group concerns the external, physical qualities of a person that bring him suffering.

Complexes are also distinguished by how exactly they affect a person - that is, by the pole of influence:

• positive _ In this case, a deficiency recognized by a person leads to active actions aimed at eliminating it. In some cases, this has a positive impact on a person, contributing to his improvement,
• negative _
  Complexes of this type lead to negative experiences of a person, but the person maintains passive behavior and withdraws into himself. The inability to eliminate their cause or attitude towards them often leads to the fact that a person requires external help from a specialist to overcome this condition.

The most common complexes are:

1. The excellent student/excellent student complex is also called “perfectionism.” At the same time, a person believes that he is worthy of the approval of others only if he is ideal in everything. Accordingly, in the case when it is not possible to achieve the ideal, it brings sharply negative feelings. People with such a complex are prone to hyper-responsibility, suffer failures painfully, and are highly dependent on the approval of others.
2. Guilt complex. It is an emotional aggravation of conscience - a person is very strict about his mistakes, constantly analyzes the actions he has committed, and if an erroneous action is discovered, he engages in self-flagellation. At the same time, the opportunity for self-improvement is lost, as a person becomes fixated on the past, on its negative assessment.
3. Napoleon complex (Napoleonic) in men/women, small man complex. A number of psychological characteristics consisting in aggressive behavior towards others in people of short stature (by analogy with Napoleon). In this way, the awareness of one’s short stature is compensated for.
4. Aesopov - a painful predisposition to allegory, the inability to directly express one’s thoughts.
5. Sister/brother complex .
   It is a problem in families with two or more children. With improper upbringing, the younger child is given more attention than the older one on the grounds that “he is small.” As a result of such overprotection, he grows up irresponsible, dependent, and self-centered. The desire to manipulate others is also often manifested. An older sister or brother, respectively, are opposites - they are subject to excessive demands, which subsequently causes hyper-responsibility, as well as a feeling of “lost” childhood.
6. Good girl. It is formed in childhood and is characterized by the girl’s constant desire to please her parents, as well as always to find approval from others for her behavior. Subsequently, this ceases to be dependent on the opinions of others and lack of independence. At the same time, being already an adult, a woman will ask her mother how she should behave in a given situation, since she needs advice and approval of her behavior.
7. Reviving/revitalizing the baby. In fact, this is a normal reaction of a baby to an adult. It manifests itself in increased motor and emotional activity, joyful cries, and the appearance of a smile at the sight of an adult. However, with a lack of communication, it will manifest itself weaker or not fully at a later age.
8. Hero . Characterized by the desire to give up benefits in favor of others, the desire to help everyone to the detriment of one’s own interests.
9. Pygmalion . The desire of a man or woman to change his other half so that, in their understanding, he achieves the ideal. However, in practice, this can manifest itself in constant criticism of the actions of the spouse, which can lead to frequent conflicts.
10. Princesses . The point is that the girl requires increased attention from her partner, a manifestation of self-care, which develops into shifting all worries to her husband - from providing for the family in marriage to simple everyday situations.
11. Paternal . It manifests itself in a man or woman’s feeling of trust in authority, readiness to accept certain values ​​from him, dependence on his opinion and obedience to him.
12. Loser . It is characterized by a pessimistic attitude towards the future, a low assessment of one’s own strengths, as well as a belief in bad luck, in which even the most favorable circumstances will not help in solving certain problems.

Martyr complex

A person with a martyr complex or syndrome lives for the feelings that he experiences through his suffering. He unconsciously seeks out and attracts situations in which he is subjected to persecution or injustice, which feeds his martyrdom. This behavior grows out of a distorted psychological need.

The martyr complex runs very close to the victim syndrome, and both terms can be used synonymously. In Russian-language literature, the second version of the name of the complex is more common. Usually, any manifestations of suffering and helplessness are classified as “victim”. However, psychologists have noted subtle differences between these two psychological phenomena:

• A person with a victim mindset usually believes that they have suffered something bad or unfair. He is torn by unpleasant feelings from such undeserved evil, even when some unfortunate incident or problem was an objective accident or someone's rude behavior was not a personal attack. Such people usually do not show much interest in possible solutions and correction of the situation, but become fixated on the unpleasant episode and their negative emotions. It seems like they just want to get hurt.
• In the case of martyr syndrome, a person does not limit himself to considering himself the victim of some terrible injustice or unfortunate incident. He looks for and finds situations in which he experiences strong feelings of pain and suffering (unconsciously, of course). Thus, he himself turns his life into an endless series of pain and torment.

Thus, the “martyr” is driven by an unconscious destructive program to expose himself to painful and traumatic situations in order to satisfy his unhealthy emotional needs. As a result, such a person sacrifices his interests and well-being for the sake of other people or a cause. This leaves him with constant and inescapable emotions of anger, resentment and powerlessness. Often unspoken words and unexpressed emotions come out in the form of passive aggression or angry outbursts. Many examples of martyrs can be found in codependent and abusive relationships.

general characteristics

Closedness characterizes the severity of a person’s communication skills.
It is the opposite of sociability and is often assessed as a negative quality. It is more difficult for closed people to make acquaintances, maintain friendships and business connections, and socialize. Children who tend to avoid social contacts often do not have time to master the school curriculum, intellectually lag behind their peers, and are more prone to aggression. The basis for this is negative self-perception, exaggeration of possible failures, inhibition of activity. It is a common belief that lack of sociability is always experienced by a person as a serious problem. However, in practice, various options are possible. Isolation is a cause for concern if it arose as a result of internal confrontation - fear, uncertainty, lack of communication experience. Then the general orientation of the individual toward relationships remains, but there is no courage or skill to become open and sociable.

Another option is when a person is closed and focused on the inner world - on emotions, fantasies, ideas. Isolation does not bother him; life is interesting and filled with experiences. They say about such people that they know how to enjoy solitude. They enjoy reading books, watching movies, and playing computer games. Many people actively communicate in the virtual space – on thematic forums and chat rooms. Such interaction does not require emotional involvement or the use of non-verbal means (facial expressions, gestures, intonations), and therefore is more attractive to reserved individuals.

Relationships between people are changeable; successful socialization requires the manifestation of both sociability and isolation. Openness and talkativeness help to establish contacts, fulfillment in the professional sphere, and informal interactions such as friendship. Closedness allows you to pay attention to your internal state, protect yourself from ineffective and unpleasant communication, and recover faster from emotional and stressful stress.

Guilt complex

Feelings of guilt are inherent in all people and are quite natural if a person has done something bad, intentionally or unintentionally. However, in the case of a guilt complex, this feeling of one’s own guilt and regret is disproportionate to the mistake or “badness” and develops into a disorder that poisons life. Such a person suffers from the fact that he acted badly or did something wrong, and also from the fact that he always does something bad or causes harm to others. A strong sense of guilt is present in such a person, even if he did not cause pain, damage or suffering to anyone, and even if the other party does not consider his behavior so terrible.

In this case, emotions and experiences are inadequate to the situation, and the person’s perception is highly distorted and unconstructive. It is difficult for a person who does not have such an irrational, persistent and corrosive feeling of guilt to understand the person who lives with him. For the “eternally guilty” person, a cocktail of burning guilt, self-shame and regret constantly arises in situations where he:

1. Actually did something wrong (that goes against his personal or moral and ethical norms and standards), for example, when he scratched someone else's car and did nothing about it, or yelled at someone, throwing out his emotions.
2. Thinks he did something wrong and hurt someone, or simply wished harm on someone.
3. Thought about doing something “bad,” such as fantasizing about having an affair with an attractive co-worker or wanting to be rude to someone close to you.
4. Believes that he could have done more than he did for others. In this case, a person is tormented by his conscience that he did not act as kindly as possible to help someone, and, in his opinion, did not do enough.
5. He thinks that he feels good when others feel bad, and feels guilty towards those who are more deprived.

While a moderate and proportionate feeling of guilt can be useful - pushing a person to compensate for an offense or make better decisions in the future, then chronic guilt is maladaptive and destructive. A person suffering from a guilt complex may begin to suffer from other mental problems such as anxiety or depression, as well as physical symptoms such as sleep or digestion problems, stomach or muscle pain, headaches or tearfulness.

In general, the guilt complex, like others, does not leave its mark on mental and physical health. Moreover, such maladaptive and unconstructive patterns of behavior and psyche prevent you from living a full life, realizing your potential and benefiting the world, not to mention enjoying yourself and your life. Therefore, it is critically important to “grow” out of them.

There are many ways, in addition to psychotherapy, that allow you to overcome complexes and psychological problems on your own. They are suitable for those who are serious and willing to devote effort and attention to performing practical exercises and techniques. We will dwell on them in detail in the next article and reveal how you can free yourself from the above complexes without the help of a specialist.

Survey

Mild forms of withdrawal do not require special treatment or diagnosis; they are usually successfully compensated for by volitional efforts and the organization of suitable living conditions. A psychological examination or examination by a psychiatrist is necessary in cases where a person’s secrecy seriously interferes with his socialization: visiting an educational institution, place of work, official and unofficial meetings. To determine the severity of shyness and its causes, a group of methods is used:

• Clinical conversation.
  During the survey, patients answer briefly, in monosyllables. Their speech is devoid of an emotional component or is dominated by anxiety and a negative attitude towards the examination. Severe mental disorders may be accompanied by a complete inability to establish contact and build a dialogue. Then obtaining clinical information becomes impossible without the participation of relatives or other accompanying persons.
• Observation.
  Closedness is expressed by the patient’s behavior – his posture, gestures, facial expressions. Characterized by stiffness of movement and general physical tension. The pose is often “closed”: arms crossed on the chest or abdomen, one leg lies on the other (the pelvic area is closed). Patients often use a bag or a folder with papers as a “shield”. Most of them look down or to the side during a conversation, and rarely make eye contact. Emotional reactions are outwardly manifested very weakly or completely absent.
• Psychodiagnostic questionnaires.
  Special tests are used: “Assessment of the level of sociability” by V.F. Ryakhovsky, methods for diagnosing the communicative attitude of V.V. Boyko, “Personality differential” (Bekhterev Research Institute). The results make it possible to assess communication skills, establish the reasons for secrecy and reticence, and help distinguish situational isolation from psychological, pathological.
• Projective techniques.
  Drawing methods and situation interpretation tests are used to identify mild forms of communication disorders that cannot be determined through conversation or observation. The data obtained indicate alienation and a person’s preferred role in the group (participant, outside observer). Additionally, the presence of shyness, low self-esteem, and aggressiveness is established.

Psychological tests and questionnaires are used to diagnose the causes of withdrawal.

What it is

Body dysmorphophobia (BDD in English) is, in the scientific sense, a pathological condition when an individual is extremely dissatisfied with his appearance, invents non-existent defects or exaggerates a certain feature of his own body, “blaming” it for ugliness.

Experts say that dysmorphophobia usually goes hand in hand with other disorders: obsessive-compulsive, anxiety, hypochondriacal, schizotypal, schizophrenia, psychopathy.

BDD has many synonyms: ugly appearance psychosis, ugliness paranoia, dysmorphic anxiety, delusions of bodily ugliness, asymmetry and deformity.

Body dysmorphophobia is also called syndromes:

• Quasimodo - in honor of the main character of Victor Hugo's novel Notre-Dame de Paris, a hunchbacked bell-ringer whose body was distorted from head to toe, and whose left eye was framed by a huge wart. When the woman to whom the baby was thrown saw him, she almost lost her mind;
• Cyrano de Bergerac - a historical figure who became a literary character. He had a huge nose, thanks to which his name became a household name and denoted all people with a large nose. Embarrassed by this peculiarity, Bergerac never dared to confess his love to his beloved;
• Van Gogh - a desire to injure oneself or a demand to perform a surgical operation on oneself.

Contact with the outside world

The feeling of one’s own inferiority and inferiority is reflected in the patient’s mood, worldview, and relationships with others. Dysmorphophobia, as a rule, is depressed, taciturn, anxious, and shows some nervousness.

People with BDD are embarrassed by a perceived flaw. When they appear in a crowded place, they think that the attention of others is directed exclusively at them. Because of this, patients try to limit contacts. Strangers do not suspect that a person has a disorder, so they perceive him as arrogant or unsociable, closed, sometimes strange, called a snob or a rebel.

The girl came to school with a bag over her head to hide her “scary face.” The teacher, naturally, misunderstood her. He decided that she wanted to disrupt the lesson and kicked her out of class.

People with dysmorphophobia have difficulty building relationships with people: making friends, forming romantic relationships. Due to constant concentration on the deficiency, absent-mindedness and loss of self-control appear. Academic performance decreases and productivity decreases.

Constant companions of patients with dysmorphophobia are depression, low self-esteem, panic attacks, and anxiety. They often suffer from addictions: alcohol, drugs.

Constant nervous tension, negative emotions, and anxiety exhaust the patient. Unable to withstand the pressure, the patient resorts to suicide attempts. Suicide in BDD is common and natural.

90% of women complain about their appearance. Only 5% fully accept their body

Research shows that at least 90 percent of young women complain about their appearance, and only 5 percent fully accept their bodies and feel comfortable being naked. The most common reason for complexes is the shape of the stomach and extra pounds. In most cases, this attitude is the result of low self-esteem that has been cultivated over generations.

Complexes

Treatment

Closedness, which impedes a person’s socialization and reduces the quality of life, requires correction. In severe mental illnesses, restoration of communicative function is possible only with complex treatment, including drug therapy, psychotherapy, and rehabilitation. If communication difficulties are associated with characterological disorders or psychological problems, symptomatic help, represented by individual psychotherapy, group trainings, and targeted creation of conditions that require maintaining a conversation, has a good effect.

Individual psychotherapy

Individual sessions allow you to gain experience in positive communication. They are necessary in the initial stages of treatment - the psychotherapist creates the most optimal conditions for interpersonal contact, helps the patient open up, overcome fear, and feel approval and support. After establishing a trusting relationship, a plan is developed to transfer the positive experience gained into a communication situation with another person or group of people. Individual therapy sessions also include training in auto-training, visualization skills, relaxation, and positive thinking.

Group trainings

Group psychotherapy is the most effective method of combating shyness and withdrawal. To develop sociability, communication trainings are conducted, where patients play out situations of various interactions - conflict, friendly, official. Feedback after the lesson allows you to share feelings and learn about the experiences of other participants. Additional methods of work include sessions of art therapy, dance therapy and other similar areas aimed at developing the skill of self-acceptance and mastering non-verbal methods of communication.

Lifestyle correction

For independent work, patients are recommended to purposefully create communication situations - attend family dinners, cultural events, meetings with friends. It is worth finding a job that requires daily contact with different people, then situations of forced conversations will form communication skills and the desire to communicate. At the initial stage, it may be necessary to work in parallel with a psychotherapist and use relaxation methods that reduce uncertainty or reluctance to contact others.