Unrequited love is a dangerous feeling. It can drive a weak-spirited person into a corner and lead to suicide. Depression, constant thoughts about the object of adoration, the desire to call, write, meet, although you know for sure that this is not mutual at all - this is what causes unrequited love.
Drive away negative thoughts and listen to the advice of psychologists if you suffer from unrequited love.
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What is unrequited love
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Every girl has experienced unrequited feelings at least once in her life. For some, this happens at an early age, while others experience a hopeless state already in adulthood. Significant problems that may arise on a girl’s path are depression, internal pain and devastation, as well as not being ready for relationships with other guys who show her signs of attention.
Unrequited love is when a girl experiences a certain sympathy and love for her partner, but he is not able to reciprocate her feelings. Getting rid of unrequited love is not as easy as it might seem at first glance. This is facilitated by maximalism, intense emotions and the desire to suffer for nothing.
As in any other situation, the psychology of hopeless love highlights some advantages that may help in the future to survive the state of falling in love:
- Experience. Whatever one may say, unrequited love teaches a teenage girl to value herself and look at guys from a different perspective, stop idealizing and elevating them, putting herself first.
- Vaccine against the wrong men. More often than not, little princesses, after bad experiences and unanswered first loves, learn to fall in love with the right men and make the right choices in life.
- Strengthening the strength of spirit and will. As a consequence, women who have experienced this condition develop a scent for real men, as well as a desire to throw out unnecessary examples of them in their lives.
- Self-management during depression. This is an excellent training for your mind and feelings, which in the future can serve for the benefit of the girl herself, helping her stop suffering and achieve her goals.
- Increased self-esteem and attractiveness. As a rule, after a woman has experienced rejection from a man at such an early age, most likely, her own self-esteem will rise several times, which will make it easier to choose the right men for herself in the future. In addition, interest in such representatives of the fair sex increases in the eyes of guys.
A psychologist's advice on how to forget a person may make sense, but not in all cases. It is worth remembering that each person is individual and the situation is unique, so in order to properly provide help, it is necessary to carefully analyze the couple’s relationship.
Why doesn't a man love
Perhaps he is bound by obligations, the short-term relationship was just a temporary hobby. The violent passion subsided over time, and the partner ceased to be interested in the girl.
The most difficult case is when, after many years of marriage, the husband finds consolation on the side. A married elderly woman, in a state of extreme stress, sends him out to enjoy his happiness, and then suffers from unrequited love and is tormented by doubts: was she in a hurry?
It is unbearable to remain alone, adult children live in their own interests, such a situation can cause severe depression, and it will be difficult to cope without the help of loved ones.
Reasons for unrequited feelings
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Today, many girls experience unrequited feelings for one man or another. First of all, this happens due to various psychological traumas, which, to one degree or another, are present in every person. One-sided love is more common in women who have a sacrifice complex and are subject to psychological dependence. Reasons may also be of the following nature:
- Excessive idealization of a man. It seems to the girl that only a specific male representative can make her the happiest on earth. But more often than not, when a girl achieves the same thing, she will experience deep disappointment in this relationship. In order to work through the problem, it is worth contacting a psychologist if you cannot eradicate the cause on your own. After careful work on yourself, you can move on.
- Long distance relationships. It is quite possible that this is just a fear of closer and more trusting feelings. The girl consciously chooses difficult relationships and then fights against windmills, which will lead her to the path of working on herself and her worldview.
- Low self-esteem of a girl. The problem most often starts from childhood, when the girl was devalued and rarely praised by her parents, which allowed her to fall in love unrequitedly in her adult life. Here, too, one cannot do without the efforts of the fair sex herself.
- Problems at work. To cope with stress or a difficult situation in your career, unrequited love will help, which will take a woman into a world full of suffering and worries, which will serve as an excellent attention switch.
- Bad example of parents. If a girl sees a model of her mother’s behavior in the family, then, most likely, she will intuitively repeat this behavior scenario. Sometimes, realizing this particular problem on your own is quite difficult and takes a lot of time. The help of a psychologist will be very helpful.
- Awareness of the correctness of life. Most often, girls who are perfectionists and are accustomed to perfection in everything are prone to hopeless love. Thus, they form a ready-made scenario in their heads and experiences in advance in order to control the process and not be left with nothing. But, this scheme most often has the opposite effect, causing a short-term feeling of suffering and inferiority.
- A state of indecision. Unrequited love visits people who are not active and those who do not have their own life position, principles, as well as a main goal that seems to lead them to a happy life.
- The contradiction of its uniqueness. Girls can deny their uniqueness and individuality, cutting it off at the root. This leads to falling in love with fairy-tale characters and ideal men.
In fact, there are many reasons for the occurrence of a disease called hopeless love. Only a professional psychologist can recognize and eliminate them.
Unrequited love: what to do and how to behave
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- You can experience unrequited love on your own. This is not for life. In any case, it is better to arm yourself with a notepad and pencil and write down the main actions on paper. If the object of your adoration is not a popular person, and crowds of fans are not chasing him, you can draw up a detailed plan of action and win the favor of the man of your dreams. You should describe each of your actions step by step. It is best to find out in advance about all his dreams and goals, about his hobbies and interests. This will help you be on the same page with him and put him at ease. There is always a chance. If you know his best friend, this is a great opportunity to get a guy and build a relationship with him. You need to prepare in advance, or better yet, write down all its strengths and weaknesses, analyze it and draw appropriate conclusions. In this case, non-reciprocal love has every chance of flowing into mutual love. But it’s worth remembering that it’s up to the man to win the woman’s favor, and not the other way around. It is important to be able to listen to your heart, but not to contradict yourself. First of all, a girl must have a harmonious relationship inside.
- The expectation of a relationship is also a guide to action. If you are a fragile girl who is used to basking in the attention of guys, but the only one is in no hurry to confess his love to you, you need to let go of the situation and wait. Fighting and suffering is not a way out of the situation. But to live happily, develop, learn something new, travel and rejoice - this is the path of a strong and harmonious personality. In order to become one, you need to not just sit and wait for a guy, but also do something to interest him in the future. This often happens, while a woman is actively taking care of herself and building her own life, in order to correspond to this or that man, this specimen becomes uninteresting to her, and also ceases to correspond to her level of development. It is likely that a more worthy man will appear on your path.
- To forget and stop attaching importance to it is another worthy path for a woman. Stop staying beyond the borders of life and knocking on its thresholds. Even if you try for the hundredth time to achieve his affection, but he does not reciprocate, you should think about whether you need such a companion? Talk to him and accept his choice. Yes, perhaps the conversation will not be easy, but this way you will throw away empty hopes, worries and illusions in this regard. Don't be afraid. Declaring your love can bring long-awaited relief.
An attempt to conquer
If you are sure that you love a young man very much, but he doesn’t even notice you, then you can try to conquer the guy.
- When near him, act unapproachable and as cold as possible. At the same time, try to constantly be in his field of vision. It may take a young man a lot of time to notice you, but he will definitely turn his attention to you. In addition, during this period of time you can change your attitude towards your chosen one. Then the following turn of events is possible: the guy will cease to be interesting, while he will truly fall in love. In fact, you will switch roles, because in this case we will be talking about a man’s unrequited love.
- Another effective method is to show special interest in the hobbies of your chosen one. If the girl herself is interested in his hobby, then they will have topics for conversation. The young man will feel comfortable being next to her.
Psychologist's advice
- Professionals unanimously declare that there are some misconceptions in a couple’s relationship. Most serious of all is the familiar expression: “I will love him for both of us.” However, this is not entirely true. First of all, every person has a need to be loved and cared for. After some time, most likely, the girl will want real feelings, full of passion and love for her. Therefore, this path leads to nowhere and will primarily affect the representative of the home.
- “I will take him by cunning, and if necessary, I will turn to fortune tellers or witches for help, who will cast a love spell on him.” This is the biggest misconception that speaks of a woman’s insecurity and low self-esteem. This is a destructive relationship that will not lead to a proper sense of satisfaction and the ability to create a strong and harmonious union. It is necessary to get rid of thoughts about a love spell immediately, before fate gives the opposite answer.
- “I can make him fall in love with me and get his attention.” Another misconception on the part of women. As a rule, if there is no chemistry between a man and a woman, then no way or means will allow a guy to fall in love with you. You can’t order your heart, and this should also be taken into account when choosing a partner. Happiness does not come from such relationships.
- “I’ll adjust to him.” Another dead-end path and a tendency to underestimate oneself as a person. It is necessary to choose a partner not only according to the principle: “I am a good match for him,” but also by carefully analyzing his behavior and desire to be with you. A man should experience reciprocity right away, and not after a woman’s numerous experiments with her appearance and style of behavior. It must be remembered that guys prefer natural girls who have the luxury of being themselves in a relationship and with him. If the feeling of unrequited love does not go away on its own, you should think about other ways to eradicate it from your heart.
If a girl is fixated on a certain man, she needs to distract herself from him as much as possible. You should not reproach yourself, invent punishment and consider yourself an unworthy woman. It is much more important to love yourself and put your own life in order.
Burn your bridges
How to survive non-reciprocal love? The best way to overcome it is to forget the person who rejected your feelings. This is not difficult to do if you follow certain rules.
- Remove from your sight the gifts, photographs, and trinkets dear to your heart that you received while communicating with this person.
- Stop people around you from feeling sorry for you. Stop discussing and resenting unaccepted feelings. Stop any stories from your acquaintances about the person you are trying to forget.
- If some music gives you painful associations associated with unrequited feelings, remove it and don’t listen to it.
- Avoid places that can bring back memories and bitter thoughts associated with this situation.
Non-reciprocal love will quickly fade into the background if you take these tips responsibly and protect yourself from everything that may remind you of what happened.
How to survive unrequited love
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Today, books on psychology, as well as online publications, are full of advice on how to get rid of the obsession with getting a certain man into your life. It is worth considering each option and choosing the most suitable one for the girl, which will lead her to the true path.
- Dating new men. A quality way to switch your attention from one guy to another. Go on dates, preen yourself for other men, learn something new in communicating with men and one day you will realize that unrequited love has left your heart forever. It is important to look closely at every worthy representative of the stronger sex, so as not to spoil your fate.
- Self-development. In the process of forming one’s character, developing the mental side of the personality, the pursuit of past feelings may lose its relevance. New books, new habits will help strengthen character and will, which will allow not only distraction, but also an internal transformation of personality.
- Transfiguration. For girls, this component of life is very important. You can sign up for a beauty salon, change your image or change your nail design. A fresh note in appearance will increase self-esteem and reach a different level of communication, including with men.
- Work on the figure. Sports and the gym are the best helpers in the fight against unrequited feelings and mental pain. In addition to the fact that physical activity can kill bad thoughts in the head, it also qualitatively transforms one’s appearance and life in general, making a girl attractive in her own eyes.
- Working with a psychologist. If the depression drags on and the pain in the heart continues to live, you need to consult a psychologist. Already in the process of communicating with a professional, a woman can feel relief and peace, which will allow her to throw out the old trash from her soul.
- New hobby. When a girl is truly passionate about something, there is practically no time left for unrequited feelings. You can find yourself in painting, cross-stitching or even modeling, the main thing is that it is distracting.
To summarize, it is worth noting that unrequited feelings are more suitable for a man, making him more resilient, stronger and nobler. A woman must remain a fragile and vulnerable nature, which men must achieve and carry in their arms!
Pamper yourself
A person who gets rid of the disappointment associated with unrequited love needs bright, positive emotions. Don’t be afraid to pamper yourself, give yourself what you like, what can bring a smile to your face and give you joy.
Take some time for yourself. Visit a beauty salon, get a fashionable manicure, a new hairstyle. At home, you can limit yourself to a bubble bath and a face mask. The main thing is to enjoy the process, become better and more confident.
Go shopping and give yourself a gift, buy something you've been dreaming of for a long time.
Such actions significantly increase self-esteem. If you want to be loved, love yourself first. Treat yourself as your dearest and most beloved person. This approach works wonders: by radiating joy and self-confidence, you will attract a lot of positive emotions into your life.
