How to let go of a situation and not worry or think about it

How to let go of the situation? This is a question that concerns individuals who have experienced a difficult situation in life and want to quickly find a solution. Not every individual understands the meaning of letting go of a situation. Some individuals believe that this is completely impossible; it will haunt them constantly. However, the individual still has hope, and he tries hard to find the answer, how to let go of the situation, how to start living again, and stop worrying about painful things? If a person often thinks about this, then she should gather her willpower and let go of the exciting situation forever.

A person seeking to understand how to learn to let go of a situation must first analyze his problem. You need to concentrate on it and take it apart, think about what exactly is bothering you: guilt, unspoken feelings, hidden feelings (anger, anger, resentment).

A person trying to figure out how to let go of a situation needs to know: it doesn’t matter how old the situation is, a year, a month or a couple of days, if it doesn’t leave you alone, then it has meaning for the person. A person who lives by past events will not be able to calmly continue to live and build the future.

To let go of the situation, you should think carefully and then decide what can be done now with this problem, what can give results right now. The main thing is not to be inactive, because this will drag on the situation and it will be even harder to let it go.

To let go of the situation, you should muster up the courage and do everything necessary that will help you let go of the intense feelings, if previously at the right moment the person was afraid, did not want to, did not dare to say or do what was right. It will be possible to let go of the problem when a person dares to do everything necessary for this.

Sometimes, in order to let go of a problematic situation, you need to distract yourself from it. One should think about why, due to the current situation, a person cannot experience personal happiness, live a free life, is life really so monotonous that there is nothing to do except reproach oneself.

You should not assume that life will become better only if you achieve a specific goal or if a certain person is nearby. The thought that it is impossible to be happy without this will not allow a person to grow and develop further personally; moreover, negative thoughts will only stagnate a person. You need to think positively, believe that everything will turn out for the best, because time passes, and with it all feelings smooth out, anger passes, grievances seem not so serious.

To change your life, correct mistakes, let go of the situation, you should be in an elevated good mood, because a person is trying to change everything for the better, and therefore to a positive result. Optimism is not an indicator of a person’s frivolity, as some people think, it allows him to be firm in his intentions, strengths, and means to understand well his main goal and task.

Many are unable to let go of the situation; they live by it, feed on the sensations they experience, replaying certain moments in their heads every time. These people are dependent on external factors, therefore they are unable to let go of their situation and find a solution.

Of course, a problematic situation can be depressing, so you should allow yourself to become happy. To do this, you need to sincerely forgive yourself for your failures and past mistakes and let them go. It is necessary to realize that mistakes or actions brought experience. It is worth letting go of the past and starting to live again, relying on the foundation of past mistakes, letting in the light and filling your life with it.

What does it mean to let go?

Letting go of the situation means not trying to change anything anymore. This doesn't mean you give up. Letting go is admitting that you have already done everything that depended on you, or that you initially could not influence the current circumstances.

Usually we are talking about situations that attract too much attention to themselves (a person literally cannot concentrate on anything else, because of this the quality and standard of his life noticeably decreases). Simply put, we are talking about fixation on the problem and mental cud. Often this is combined with self-examination and self-flagellation of a person.

Causes and consequences

You need to accept what happened as a given and analyze the situation

Someone or something has hurt you and you cannot let go of what happened for a long period of time - what does this mean? A person or situation matters to you.

Having accepted everything as a fact that has already happened, the only thing you can do after this is to disassemble the situation into its components. You will have to evaluate it as if from the outside, turning off your emotions.

To make it easier, you can write down all your thoughts on a piece of paper, for example, in the form of a diagram and sequence of events. Describe not only negative, but also positive aspects.

Very often, such elaboration of the problem helps to organize everything that worries you. The situation is seen from a different angle and is perceived much easier.

Think about what exactly and how could motivate or provoke other people to behave the way you observed. Analyze their behavior in the future, but take only the facts into account. It is likely that the situation affected only you emotionally. Other people didn't attach any importance to it at all.

Think, after a while, how important what happened to you. Is there something you can do now? If you can somehow change the consequences, help other people or correct mistakes, do it.

What situations should you let go of?

How do you understand which situation is worth letting go of and which you need to fight? Focus on the following criteria:

For a month or longer you have been trying to solve the problem situation, but all your efforts are in vain. There are no positive changes.
You spend too much time and energy thinking about a problem situation. It wears you down. Because of this, other activities and areas of life suffer.
You physically cannot influence what happened. For example, if we are talking about someone's death or another traumatic situation from the past.
You cannot influence the future. For example, if you can only wait to see how a loved one’s surgery goes. Or if you are helping a friend fight a serious illness as much as possible, but you understand that, by and large, nothing depends on you, and all you can do is wait.
You realize that thinking about this situation is damaging your mental and physical health. For example, you are tormented by apathy, sleep problems, bodily symptoms, irritability, etc.
You don’t see a way out of the current circumstances and don’t yet understand what you can do to improve the situation. Sometimes, to find the answer to a nagging question, you need to switch from it to something else. At this time, the information will go to the level of the unconscious, there it will be combined with other elements of the “puzzle” (what you cannot remember at the level of awareness), and then something will happen that people usually accompany with the exclamation “Eureka!” By the way, this is the scientific explanation of the saying “The morning is wiser than the evening.”
You want to change something where two people are involved, but the other participant does not want to change anything. For example, you want to rid someone who does not recognize the problem and is not ready to accept help from alcoholism or another bad habit. Or you are trying to save a relationship that the other party has long given up on.

Note! Situations that need to be let go can arise in any area of life: at work, within the family, in your personal life. They can relate to the past, future or present.

Admit the problem

Since stress resistance has become an integral point of any resume, it has become somehow undignified to worry. Everyone copes with crisis situations differently: some get a second wind and become incredibly productive. Well, someone spends half of their resources worrying and can’t pull themselves together. Both options are normal reactions to stress. A sort of “freeze or flight”, only in an urban jungle, not a real one.

It happens that while some people are buying buckwheat and dollars in a panic, others are laughing at them: “They’re stupid, they’re panicking, I’m not like that.” This does not mean that the latter are not worried: attempts to ignore the problem are also a reaction.

Stress is necessary for a person, because it allows the body to adapt to changing environmental conditions and return to normal. Don't deny what is happening to you and around you. This will not take you away from the unpleasant reality. There is no need to demand the impossible from yourself and your loved ones. Try to see reality in its entirety.

Elena Petrusenko

psychologist at Foxford online school

Once you admit to yourself honestly and without embellishment that you have a problem, you can begin to solve it.

What prevents people from letting go?

Before examining the topic “How to learn to let go of a situation and not worry,” we will pay attention to the pitfalls. And only then we will move on to the advice of psychologists on this issue.

It happens that people cannot let go of the situation even after many years. What is this connected with? Four elements prevent you from letting go of the situation:

Emotions and feelings, both positive and negative. For example, resentment and anger or nostalgia and hope, painted in bright colors.
Defense mechanisms of the psyche. For example, denial. Example: a person convinces himself that nothing bad happened.
Cognitive distortions. For example, idealization: a girl focuses only on the positive aspects of the relationship, the advantages of her partner, and ignores the obvious shortcomings and negativity.
The stereotype that letting go means giving up, admitting defeat, that is, admitting your own weakness.

One way or another, bias and subjectivity prevent you from letting go of the situation. The person is too immersed in it, all this is too important for him. Such situations are related to the values and needs of a person.

Important! Sometimes letting go means temporarily retreating so that you can then strike the decisive blow.

How to reduce the importance and let go of the situation?

When you get “stuck” in a problem, it means that you are focused on the negative consequences and aspects of what is happening. You are afraid of the bad outcome of events, which creates increased importance. Fear increases the importance of the situation and makes it difficult to get the problem out of your head, making it difficult to stop thinking about it and worrying.

What to do with fear?

Fear creates your thoughts about the situation developing in a negative direction. You are afraid, and therefore you cannot switch thoughts to actions. Fear does not allow you to make a decision, does not allow you to think about how to act, how to act, or to realize that you cannot do anything.

Technique for eliminating fear

1 step. In order to get rid of the fear of the future, you need to come up with the three most “black” scenarios for the development of events. Your task is to think through all your worst expectations to the very end, even if they include death or a terrible illness.

Step 2. Come up with three positive outcomes of the situation, in the best options.

Step 3. Come up with 3 plans for your possible actions to resolve the situation.

I recommend that you don’t just come up with it in your head, but sit down and write it down on paper. If you just think about these situations, you will trigger unnecessary thoughts that will be difficult to get rid of.

7 ways to remove fear and anxiety from the soul - an article with techniques and recommendations

Effective ways to let go

So, how can you let go of the situation and not think about it? The conclusion suggests itself: devalue the situation, do everything possible to acquire objectivity. Let's take it step by step:

Analysis of the present. Describe your current situation honestly. State how this situation affects you. Make a written list with specific items. For example: I sleep poorly, my performance has decreased, I have headaches, etc.
Analyze the situation. Give up value judgments (good/bad) and emotional reactions - write only facts. Namely: write down what you have already done to change the situation, what results it had. At the same time, highlight what worries you most in this situation. What need does this relate to? Is this within your area of responsibility? Who else is involved in this situation? What is this person's responsibility, what does he do?
Re-read the list and see if there is anything else you can try. Important: something that is noticeably different from what has already been done. Can't you do anything? This means that all that remains is to accept and let go of the situation and the experiences associated with it, learn lessons and direct your energies to something more viable. And also release those emotions that have been accumulating all this time. And find another source of satisfying the need that the situation is related to.

In addition, think about whether something might change in the near future. For example, right now you don’t have a tool to solve this problem, but a little later you will have one. Then promise yourself that you will temporarily step back from this situation, and set a date for when you will return to it.

He came back and then he left

The so-called vicious circle, when a man, in principle, does not want a relationship, he then disappears, but again wants to return everything. Moreover, his return usually occurs on a grand scale, with promises of eternal love, apologies on his knees, and flowers. And leaving can be either enchanting with a scandal, or quiet, without explanation. There can be several manifestations of such “love”:

Abusive relationships. A man gets high by inflicting pain; he needs a surge of emotions, which he feeds on like a vampire. In such a union there will be no chubby babies, no lavish wedding, just a repetition of pain and momentary joy. You need to not just let such a person go, but hope that he never returns. And it will disappear only when it does not find a response and recharge.
"Spare." In addition to inveterate abusers, there are also practical guys who leave an alternate airfield after breaking up. He met a new passion, but at the same time he is in no hurry to leave with all his socks. He can periodically write, call, and maybe drop by for the night. It is necessary to realize that love does not happen temporarily or on weekends. There is no need to wait for him to make up his mind, this is humiliating, he needs to be let go and forgotten.
Owner. Another specimen who, even after a breakup, needs to know that there is no replacement for him. He does not love, does not care, but at the same time he is jealous, scandalous, literally strangling with total control. This kind of behavior should not be confused with love, it has nothing in common. Even if at first such treatment may be flattering, over time you will want to howl at night from the lack of personal space.

How it works in practice

Let's look at two popular topics from life: how to let go of a situation in a relationship with a man and how to let go of the past.

So, how to let go of the situation in a relationship with a man (if the relationship is over):

Objectively evaluate these relationships. Yes, it’s difficult, but try to identify only the facts without emotions: what was good and bad in this relationship.
Think about what this relationship limited you in, what it deprived you of. Even in healthy relationships this happens. Compromise is mutual concessions. And there is no way to do without compromises in relationships. And if you are faced with a destructive relationship, then perhaps it was not about compromises, but about complete sacrifices on your part. Either way, give an honest assessment of this relationship and make a list of what you are now allowed to do.
Focus on the negative. Yes, I know that this contradicts the principle of “looking at everything objectively,” but we want to free ourselves, right? Therefore, focus on the negative, on what you didn’t like in this relationship, what quarrels happened, etc.
Determine how you contributed to the relationship and what you did to maintain it. I'm sure there were a lot of things. What's the answer?
Address your self-respect and pride. Isn't it time to stop beating on a closed door? This is especially true for those who have constantly sacrificed themselves in relationships, endured humiliation and insults. Stuck in this situation, you continue to give your life to another person. Is he really worthy of this?
Eliminate everything from your life that reminds you of this person. Many women have some kind of masochistic tendencies: looking through photos together, storing things forgotten by their ex-partner, patrolling his pages on social networks, etc. In this case, it is better to adhere to the principle “Out of sight, out of mind.”

And even if you understand that you yourself have made many mistakes and are ready to correct them, but your partner does not give you a new chance, remember: this is his right. Respect for the feelings and rights of others is just as important as self-respect. Think about what lessons you need to learn from this and what mistakes you should not repeat in a new relationship.

Important! If we are talking about accepting someone's death, then ask yourself the question: “Would this person want me to be happy?” I think yes. It remains to understand what the word “happiness” means to you.

How to accept and let go of a situation from the past? The basic principle is the same: analyze, give thanks, learn from, and find opportunities for growth. And also explain to yourself that then you could not have done otherwise. You did your best and used the tools (knowledge, experience, skills, physical and psychological strength) that you had. Perhaps you have other tools now, and in a similar situation you would act differently. This is what you should do if this happens. But no one can go back to the past.

Let's sum it up

In the life of any person, traumatic situations occur that are difficult for him to survive and let go of. He can constantly return to them, experiencing the same negative emotions.

In fact, it is possible to let go of what happened. To do this you need:

accept the situation as a given;
give yourself the mental right to make mistakes and negative emotions;
find a constructive outlet for the negativity inside you;
invigorate body and spirit;
switch your attention and find an interesting activity so that you have less free time;
look at the situation from a different angle and draw conclusions in a calm emotional state.

Advice from psychologists

A few more recommendations from psychology on how to let go of the situation and not worry:

Look at it from a different angle. In itself, any event is simply a fact. It becomes good or bad as a result of our assessment and after passing through the prism of our perception. Imagine that someone described this situation to you. How would you perceive it then? What advice would you give to this person?
Realize your integrity in the “past – present – future” system. Even in a negative experience, if you want, you can find something good. For example, if you live with resentment and anger towards your parents, then the following phrase will help you take a step towards acceptance: “Yes, I didn’t have a positive example of a relationship between a man and a woman, but I had an example of how it shouldn’t be.” Or this: “Yes, I was unlucky with my parents, but my children will be lucky. I know how not to behave and, unlike my parents, I have found/will find the strength to get rid of childhood traumas and their consequences.”
Don't think about how it should be. Work with what you already have. Don't put too much importance on what you don't have and don't devalue your present. By and large, we only have the present, only today. Therefore, you need to learn to live consciously and happily every minute.

Letting go of a situation means thanking it for the experience and finding new opportunities for personal growth.

Change the situation - change your attitude towards it?

“If you can’t change the situation, change your attitude towards it! “Isn’t that a painfully familiar phrase? And there is a lot of common sense in it. You can't return what happened

But if the outcome of that situation torments you, then it’s worth working on your sense of what happened. To better feel the true reason for your difficult situation, try on the “skin” of the other side. The game “Topsy-turvy” will help with this.

Remember a situation that hurt you. For example, you refused a friend’s request to babysit her children when she needed to be away on an important matter, because of a promised

dating a man. Of course, your friend was offended, you had a conflict in which you did not feel as guilty as you were blamed. But the aftertaste from the quarrel haunts you. Then stand facing the mirror and imagine yourself as your friend. You urgently need to leave, and your friend, who made a promise, lets you down for the sake of going to the movies. Say out loud all the emotions you feel while thinking about the consequences of her carelessness towards you. Feeling yourself in her place, you will understand why she did what she did. Or maybe you would do the same yourself. You will understand your friend’s motives and emotions, and you will perceive the situation from a completely different perspective.

My experience

Not only some event, but also attempts to achieve a goal as soon as possible can become a problematic and persistent situation. This was in 2011-2012. Then I got the idea to lose weight. And not just lose weight, but lose weight as quickly as possible and achieve protruding bones, “stick legs” and everything that usually comes with it.

A period of strict diets and sometimes hunger began. Neither dizziness and faintness, nor decreased performance, nor apathy and constant fatigue, nor irritability, nor problems with hair - nothing could distract me from the fix idea. I was obsessed with counting calories, any little thing could drive me crazy.

One day it dawned on me that I was no longer in control of the situation. She is the one who controls me. I couldn’t relax and rest normally, I couldn’t work normally, I couldn’t do household chores, I hated myself even more (well, you understand that it’s not because of great mental health that the dream of “stick legs” appears). It dawned on me that this was the beginning of anorexia and was far from the beginning of the path to self-destruction. I realized that I needed to get out of this.

First I threw away the scales. Then I taught myself to eat a little, but what I wanted and when I wanted. But the main thing is that I changed my focus. I decided that losing weight should not be an end in itself. A healthy weight (by the way, my old dreams were far from normal, I also had to work with this) is a remedy. This is a tool that helps you be active and productive.

In general, I had a lot of conversations with myself, and the conclusions were as follows:

thinness and slimness are not the same thing;
health and slimness are also not the same thing;
if you hate yourself for something on a psychological level, then you will hate yourself in any body;
food is just a means to maintain the vitality of the body, nourish the body and psyche;
overeating in my case was associated with boredom and emotional hunger;
when you get a lot of positive emotions from life, you don’t want to overeat;
when you are passionate about something, then attacks of overeating also do not happen;
when you get rid of the ghosts of the past, accept and love yourself, see purpose and meaning in life, then the extra pounds fall off by themselves (and this cannot be expressed in numbers or volumes, this is an individual norm that can only be felt).

Thus, I let go of the situation, that is, the thought “I need to lose weight” and replaced it with the thought “I want to be healthy, active and happy.” After that, I found the reasons for weight gain, sorted out my feelings, read literature on how to properly maintain myself in physical shape and mental health, and the solution came naturally.

In my case, the advice “Let go of the situation, and it will resolve itself” worked. But, as you understand, it was not resolved without my participation.

Note! The best way to let go of a situation is to switch your attention from one thought (activity) to another. This method can be called refocusing attention.

What not to do

Traditionally, it’s worth starting with a clause about what you shouldn’t do immediately after a breakup, so that you don’t regret it for the rest of your life. The one whose partner was everything in his life is left alone with himself, with feelings, or rather with aching pain, which, it seems, cannot be overshadowed by anything. Constant thoughts about a partner, an expression of one’s own worthlessness, uselessness, make one weak, vulnerable, and uninteresting. In this state, not the best ideas usually come to mind:

suffering, begging for a return are obviously disastrous options - in the first days the ex feels a surge of freedom, independence, and cannot be overcome by pity;
running to a bar for adventure means cutting off the possibility of renewing communication;
locking yourself at home, burning photographs in order to survive the first stage of “liberation” - there is a danger that ordinary grief will develop into protracted depression;
building a new love - without dealing with the past, you will only be able to drag the burden of worries into the future and torment yourself and the new guy;
overeating and alcohol - you obviously cannot get happiness by destroying yourself.

Understand the reasons for your anxiety

You've admitted to yourself that you're worried; it's time to get to the bottom of the source of your anxiety. Let's say you are worried about a global crisis, which for obvious reasons you cannot influence. But this is a rather abstract concept. If you think about it, it’s not the crisis that’s scary, but the possible consequences it can bring. Therefore, it is important to talk about (or better yet, write down) real fears. For example it could be:

job loss;
deterioration of financial situation;
inability to pay loans and increasing debt;
loss of savings.

On the one hand, these worries, translated into practical terms, can frighten even more. On the other hand, the enemy turns from abstract to real and close to you. And perhaps here you can already influence the situation.

This approach will help structure the chaos in your head and formulate the real causes of anxiety.

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