Any relationship, friendly, business, romantic, begins with the first conversation. We try to use the maximum of our resources and show ourselves at our best so that the relationship has prospects for development. This is especially true when communicating with a girl you like: one awkward word and the impression of your interlocutor can be ruined. That is why many people wonder how to communicate with a girl in person, on social networks, what topics should be touched upon, and which ones should be avoided. Proper dialogue can be the starting point for the development of strong relationships.
How to start a conversation with the girl you like
If you meet a girl on the subway, at work, on social networks, and it seems to you that she is the one, you should try to start a conversation with her and attract attention. To do this, you need to know some techniques so as not to scare off the girl you like and make a good impression when communicating with her.
In person
Nowadays, few people deliberately meet people on the streets; in the age of the Internet and social networks, this can be done at home on the computer. However, it often happens that while standing at a bus stop, or collecting purchases in a cart in a store, you catch your eye on a girl who at first sight appeals to you. In such a situation, behind the avatar on social media. You can’t hide in networks; you can easily miss a girl if you don’t try to talk to her. Many guys fall into a stupor, because this is not an easy task. You need to act quickly, but not frivolously, it is important to leave a good impression, and then there is a chance that the girl will leave you her phone number.
Reputable men's magazines and popular psychologists recommend modeling such a situation in advance so that when it arises you do not become numb with fear and uncertainty.
To do this, they give advice on how to behave and what to talk about for the first time with the girl you like.
:
- Mood
. Get in the right mood, create an aura of friendliness and confidence around yourself; a girl will not carry on a long conversation with a gloomy guy. - Evaluate yourself
. First of all, this concerns appearance. If you have the opportunity to prepare for an acquaintance, it is better not to miss it and take care of clean hair, nails, bad breath and neat clothes. Even if you shine with eloquence, an unkempt appearance can easily scare a girl away from you. - Choose a place
. If you deliberately go “hunting”, choose places that are conducive to this: parks, museums, cafes. Make sure the location you choose is crowded, well lit and there are a lot of people around. Trying to meet someone in a dark alley can end in disaster. - Plan your conversation
. There are no specific scripts for communicating with the opposite sex, but this is for the best. Try to maintain a light, friendly tone, do not show emotions that are not typical for you, be calm, the main thing in communication is naturalness.
When talking to a girl, try not to gesticulate excessively or present the desired emotions as real ones. For example, if you are distinguished by a calm disposition, measured in communication, you should not pretend to be a merry fellow and tell jokes, your deception will literally be written on your face.
The place has been chosen, the girl has too, it’s time to start a conversation. It is important to quickly navigate and choose the most suitable method for the first phrase. Dialogue initiation can be contextual, directive, or formulaic.
Contextual phrases
These phrases are selected based on environmental conditions, the girl’s appearance, and her actions. The main thing in this approach is to quickly assess the situation and generate a suitable phrase.
Here are some examples
:
- Do you know where the famous coffee shop is located on this street? Would you like to go on a search with me?
- Let me hide you from the rain. Such inclement weather, and you are without an umbrella.
- I think I've confused you with Elizabeth Olsen (any suitable celebrity). Has anyone ever told you that you look like her?
Such phrases are extremely advantageous; the girl will be sure that you really liked her.
Directive phrases
These phrases do not give the girl time to think, because you immediately talk about your intentions
:
- What are you doing this evening?
- You are stunningly beautiful, what is your name?
- I think I found the girl of my dreams, can you share your phone number?
This way to start communicating with a girl is suitable for confident guys who are able to please anyone at first sight.
Template phrases
These phrases can either help when meeting a girl or ruin communication with a girl.
:
- Do you happen to think that we met somewhere?
- Call an ambulance, I'm losing consciousness from your beauty!
- Doesn't your mom need a son-in-law?
The last phrase is not at all recommended to be used, but if you decide, pronounce the words confidently and do not go into seriousness; cliched phrases should have a touch of humor.
Whatever format of first communication you choose, try to behave naturally and be confident in the words spoken. Moderate persistence and good spirits are the key to a positive first impression and pleasant communication.
In the Internet
One of the most popular ways to meet a girl is to write to her on social networks. Under such conditions, it is easier to start a conversation, especially if it is difficult for you to make the first contact directly. It’s better to start communicating with a girl after studying her interests; it’s much easier to do this on social networks than on the street. Check out her profile, see what music she listens to, what bands she is in. You can start a conversation by discussing the film, look at what posts she comments on, in interest groups you can enter into a discussion with her.
If your goal is long-term communication, try not to zealously defend your beliefs; if you met her in an interest group, but your opinions differ in some way, do not try to defend your point of view at all costs. Show diplomatic skills, show that you understand the topic that interests her.
If little is known about a girl’s interests, but you still want to get to know her, you can use all the possibilities of social networks for this. Particularly timid guys start by liking photos, thereby attracting the girl’s attention. However, you need to remember that some ladies think that writing first is bad manners, and they are waiting for the guy to make the first move. Therefore, if you decide to like all her photos, it is better to secure the result with a friendly message. Wish her a good day or compliment her on her appearance, this will definitely increase your chances.
When communicating online, try to express your emotions in a way that she can understand. Use emoticons more often; this will create the impression of a friendly, easy-going person. However, at first, do not get carried away with hearts and other ways to express deep sympathy, this may alienate some girls.
The Internet is one of the most profitable platforms for dating, where you can find out about her interests and definitely won’t scare her off, as might be the case with an unexpected acquaintance on the street. The main thing is to remember to maintain a positive attitude and interest when communicating.
Duration of the first conversation and conversation topics
The first conversation will largely determine the possibility of further communication, so it is important to immediately make a good impression on the interlocutor. If the place where you meet is the street, try to immediately make it clear what your goal is. An ordinary passerby may think that you are an advertising distributor, a scammer, or simply a dangerous person, so it is important in the first minute of the conversation to explain why you approached. For example, say that you were coming home from work, noticed her and decided to meet her, this will immediately eliminate the options of dealing with a scammer or a dangerous person. If the girl is interested, you should start a conversation.
There are topics that are usually discussed in the first minutes of communication with a girl, and some are best avoided
:
- Music, cinema
. One of the best topics that is extremely easy to talk about. Find out about the preferences of your interlocutor, about places where you can listen to music, about the best cinemas. Subsequently, this may become a reason to ask her out on a date. - Places for leisure
. Ask where the girl goes, what establishments she is interested in. - Miscellaneous
. Follow the circumstances; your interlocutor may be interested in talking about travel, architecture or the weather.
Some topics are best avoided. Don’t immediately start a conversation about past relationships, your financial situation, or your problems. Look at the reaction of your interlocutor; if the topic is unpleasant or uninteresting to her, change it.
Preparation process
When preparing for an acquaintance, you need to do the following:
Get in the right mood. A good mood and confidence in success are important conditions for obtaining a positive result.
Tidy up your appearance . A girl’s general impression of a man’s appearance is based on the style of his clothing, hairstyle, cleanliness and well-groomed body (condition of hair, nails, teeth, etc.). When it comes to clothing, it is important to adhere to standard norms - not to dress up too much, but also not to look unkempt.
All things should be clean, stylish, and fit well. The smell is especially important - it should be pleasant. Even an attractive man who smells of sweat can immediately scare off his interlocutor.
Decide on a search location . You need to choose a suitable place and time. It is best to start communicating in the daytime or earlier in the evening in crowded places. This could be a cafe, cinema, park, street, nightclub, transport, etc. Daylight hours and a large number of people around significantly reduce the risk that the selected applicant will refuse to enter into a dialogue due to fear.
Outline a rough plan . It is impossible to plan the entire process of talking with a girl down to the smallest detail, but it is advisable to adhere to a certain strategy. It is important for a guy to understand for what purpose he is meeting, what type of clothing to choose, how much money to take for communication in the chosen place.
For those who are embarrassed to meet people in person, you can use the Internet. Find out the secrets of dating on Vkontakte and Skype: what is better to write and what questions to ask.
How to text with a girl
Virtual communication is a real art. Some topics can start a relationship, and some can completely scare away the girl you like. To prevent this from happening, you need to know how and what is best to write.
On social media networks
Study information about the interlocutor, this will help you talk about her interests. However, these topics should also be filtered; if a girl is subscribed to a group that exchanges used things, you should not start the conversation with “why do you like old used things?” Pay attention to the films, music, books that she mentions on social networks. If you don’t know much about this, study the subject of her interest, formulate your opinion in advance, this will help you understand how to behave with a girl.
If you meet her in an interest group, feel free to enter into a discussion, but don’t push. Show that the interlocutor and this topic are interesting to you, then communication can safely turn into personal messages.
By phone
If you happen to have a girl's phone number, but you don't know where to start the conversation, start by getting acquainted. This is important if she doesn't know your number. As soon as you introduce yourself, remind her under what circumstances you found out her number, mention how much you liked her. Monitor the situation, do not be too persistent if the girl is uncomfortable talking right now. Invite her to go to a cafe, to an exhibition in the park, to a place where you can talk longer.
Where to start a dialogue on the phone and how to build a conversation
It’s not for nothing that they say that girls love with their ears. Words are the main weapon when talking to a girl for the first time. If the interlocutor does not know you, introduce yourself, assure her that your intentions are harmless, explain that this is not an advertising campaign or a call from the bank. Tell us in detail how you found out her number. For example, friends gave the number, or you spent a long time looking for your mutual friends to find out how to contact her. Such a story will give you a couple of points for perseverance and determination, and she will not worry that you will turn out to be a fraud.
The first conversation on the phone should be casual, easy, discuss the weather, ask what the girl is doing, and whether you are distracting her. Ask about the mood, plans, start a conversation about a movie or concert that you can go to together.
During your first phone conversations, it is undesirable to mention past painful relationships, discuss other girls, or ask your interlocutor for a list of all her ex-boyfriends. Try not to lead the conversation into a negative direction by mentioning financial problems, troubles in the family or at work. Such topics can spoil the impression of the first conversation.
If the girl seems interested but shy, take the initiative into your own hands. Ask about her work, and mention your profession, inquire about her position in life, marital status. It is important to ask questions not in the style of an impartial interrogation, but in a relaxed, inviting manner, so you can count on continued communication and a personal meeting.
Continued communication
After overcoming the most difficult first stage of starting a conversation, you need to try to interest the girl in conversation. It is important to immediately make it clear that a decent and adequate young man simply decided to meet a passerby he liked.
In the first moments of a conversation, a woman usually doubts whether some scammer, drug addict, advertising distributor, etc. is pestering her. Therefore, an adequate and short explanation will be very helpful. For example: “I’m coming home from work, I saw you and decided to come up.”
When the barrier of mistrust has been overcome, you can begin the conversation. It is advisable to speak on general topics:
- Cinema, music. You can ask about your favorite films and actors, songs and performers, genres, frequency of going to the cinema, etc. More practical advice is written here.
- Cafes, bars, clubs. Favorite establishments, frequency of visits, purpose of trips, etc.
- Parks, squares, various city recreation areas . What type of leisure time is most attractive, what places are your favorite, what kind of company do you like to walk with (a large and noisy group of friends, alone, with a boyfriend, etc.).
- Relationship . You can find out about the criteria for choosing a guy, past relationships, degree of romanticism or pragmatism, etc.
- Miscellaneous . You can talk about anything - the weather, travel, animals, politics, social events, etc.
During a conversation, it is important to pay attention to the girl’s facial expressions and her reactions. If she is clearly uncomfortable with the topic of conversation, she needs to change it immediately. We wrote in detail about questions that can be asked in this article.
It is undesirable to talk about feelings for past lovers, about financial problems, about difficulties in the family, about the lack of career prospects, etc. Any mention of problems will immediately give the conversation a negative connotation.
Mentioning your ex will cause annoyance.
When meeting a young man, the interlocutor wants to learn as much as possible about him. Often you only need to answer the questions that come in, but if she is embarrassed to ask questions herself, you can think about what to tell about yourself. For example:
- Financial situation (income, car brand, real estate, career success, etc.).
- Relatives and friends (description of the circle of relatives and friends).
- Life position (character, goals, dreams, views, attitude towards people, expectations from a life partner, etc.).
How to behave with a girl in a relationship
At the relationship stage, it is important to maintain pleasant, interesting communication. She has already chosen you, which means she likes your way of speaking, but still you shouldn’t relax.
Try to learn more about her, find out everything about her interests, find out about her dreams and goals. Based on this information, you can always find a topic for conversation and get rid of awkward pauses during communication. If a girl is interested in theater, take the time to read about her favorite plays. When talking, be sure to say that thanks to her, you learned something new about the theater.
Don't forget about your own interests. Tell her about topics that concern you, be it technical innovations, new games, sports matches. Present the information in an interesting way, do not go into technical details, do not become boring, even complex physical disciplines can be told in an interesting way. Watch her reaction, try to captivate the girl with your story, perhaps you will find common ground in one of your hobbies.
If you seem completely different, try to find a common hobby. Go to an original movie show together, do extreme sports, try exotic cuisine. You may find a hobby that becomes common to you and opens up many new topics for long conversations.
How to communicate with girls correctly - manners of gentlemen
Any girl cannot resist communicating with a gentleman, because such a man is always accompanied by an attentive attitude towards the lady, a special manner of speaking, and the ability to always be polite.
If you are not a born aristocrat and have not been taught the manners of a true gentleman since childhood, you still have the opportunity to learn some rules on how to behave with a girl
:
- Always keep your word
. This skill distinguishes a real man. Whatever you say, your words must be backed up by actions, and all promises made must be kept. - Pay attention to your companion
. It’s unlikely that you’ve seen a real gentleman with his head buried in his smartphone on a date. When communicating, a real man's gaze is always fixed on his interlocutor; he knows how to listen and is interested in the conversation. - Watch the words
. A gentleman will not allow himself to make inappropriate jokes towards his interlocutor. He does not touch on topics that are not accepted in society and never makes dirty jokes. - Don't leave messages unanswered
. A true gentleman will always respond to his lady's message and answer the question asked. - Don't use foul language
. Avoid strong words, especially in the presence of a lady. - Don't start shouting
. A real gentleman does not allow himself to raise his voice at a girl; he solves the problem calmly and judiciously. - Don't gossip
. What is definitely not typical for gentlemen is spreading and maintaining gossip, especially among ladies.
Gentlemen exist, and their behavior is similar to that of an ordinary decent man who respects himself and his lady.
Making a compliment correctly
There are two types of compliments: direct and indirect. A direct compliment is open praise addressed to a girl. For example - “You are so beautiful”, “You are very smart”, etc. An indirect compliment allows you to praise an inherent feature of your interlocutor without focusing on it specifically.
For example – “Are you a doctor? This is the most important profession,” “Tall women always attract the attention of men.” Usually compliments are given to appearance, skills, success, behavior, attitudes, and charm.
What to do if a girl doesn’t make contact
It seems to you that you are a real prince and a godsend for any girl, but you still cannot establish a relationship. It often happens that a girl is not interested in you, although you do everything possible to attract her attention.
Don’t rush to give up, try a few more ways to attract her, because it is known that girls love moderate persistence
:
- If failure occurs at the dating stage, try to change tactics by adding originality to the phrase when meeting
. For example, try to introduce yourself like this: Good afternoon. What are your plans for the next few decades? I suggest we spend this time together. - Have you been to Italy? No? I propose to discuss the details of our joint trip.
- Good afternoon. Can you tell me how to please you?
- Move away from the usual phrases, and there is a high probability that the object of your affection will not deprive you of attention.
- If you already know each other, but communication is not going well, think about the topic of your conversations. If this is a colleague, and all communication comes down to a couple of phrases at the water cooler, find out more about her interests, and start talking not about how your boss annoys you, but, for example, about the girl’s favorite movie.
. Perhaps she is already in a relationship, in which case you should not force her to communicate. Or it’s about you, and the girl directly talks about what doesn’t suit her. In this case, try to take a winning position and talk about your positive traits. If she doesn’t like your low-paid position, tell her about your successes, determination, and great prospects for career growth.
. It’s not for nothing that the classic said that the less we love a woman, the more interested we are in her. Show the girl that you have other interests, the whole world does not revolve around her. Very often this trick works.
. If you really like a girl but don't know how to approach her, just be there for her when needed. Become the person she can rely on in difficult times, and soon your relationship will improve.
Don’t despair if you fail, sometimes it’s enough to change your approach and make some efforts to get the girl of your dreams to pay attention to you.
The recipe for successful communication with girls is simple: be original, friendly, cheerful, try to find an individual approach to each interlocutor, and then any conversation you have will continue.
General rules of conduct
To show your interlocutor that you are interested, you need to ask a lot of questions and not dominate the conversation. It is important not just to listen, but also to hear what the girl says. Develop her idea, support the topic. At the same time, you can’t just ask, you should tell a little about yourself.
During a conversation, eye contact is very important. This doesn't mean you have to stare at a girl all the time. During pauses, it is better to avert your eyes. This will create a trusting atmosphere.
A smile is a way to show others that a person is open to communication. A smiling interlocutor always seems more attractive than a gloomy one.
Controversial topics should be avoided. This may make your interlocutor angry or offended. Among them:
- religion;
- policy;
- finance;
- health;
- boasting of personal property (car, apartment, influential acquaintances);
- praising yourself, your brave deeds or good deeds (this only causes suspicion. Sincere people do not brag about the good they do);
- family problems.
Questions that can be answered with a “yes” or “no” lead to a dead end. Therefore, they should also be avoided. To build a productive dialogue, it is worth coming up with a list of open questions that require reflection in advance.
