Any relationship is a merger. Interests, feelings, thoughts, bodies. It is a process in which two people constantly exchange energy and experience. One takes something from the other, and thus both learn. But as soon as you cut off the oxygen and merge with your partner a little more, problems begin. Therefore, it is very important to keep your distance in a relationship.
You can love in different ways. Easy and casual, touching and deep, bitter and painful, uncontrollable and chaotic. Everyone does it the way they know how. And although no one taught us this, we know exactly what to do and how to behave.
Yes, you can love in different ways, but everyone wants to do it strongly. Wants to experience the greatest feeling he can. To be covered by a wave that lifts you to heaven. Isn't this what all romantic relationships begin and end for? One is always looking for more and, not getting it, goes to another.
However, like any strong feeling, strong love has its own dangers. Just as anger and horror corrode a person from the inside, so it burns the insides, scorching thoughts. And when her own heart cannot cope, she demands the submission of someone else.
For example, when you love another person very much, you strive to show him how great your feeling is. You can't contain it inside, deal with it. You scream, you cry, you sob! - into the phone about how you can’t live without your lover. How you dedicate every breath you take to his existence. How afraid you are to lose him. And you don’t doubt it for a second, because parting with such a strong feeling is like losing an arm or a leg, losing a part of yourself.
But all these recognitions are not only of an informative nature. Their goal is to force the beloved to share burning love with you. You are partly scared that you can experience such feelings alone, so you strive to pull as many as possible into your black hole.
And when this happens, the distance disappears. There is no more “me” and “you”, there is only strong love. No one belongs to himself, and nothing can be divided into “mine” and “yours” anymore. It’s not even “ours”, it’s something new, alien, abnormal.
There is even an expression for this - “to love to death.” Because strong love cuts off oxygen to the partner, not giving him the opportunity to feel himself, hear his thoughts, understand his heart. At some point, a wave covers him, but no longer lifts him to heaven - it just drowns him.
Therefore, it is very important to maintain distance in a relationship. Do not entangle another with your feelings by hanging a stone around his neck, but give him the opportunity to breathe. And no matter how easy it may sound, keeping distance as a couple is not always so easy. And there are a few small tips on how to control yourself and the level of healthy freedom.
How does distance appear in a relationship?
He seems to look at things differently, gets ready for work too quickly and is constantly preoccupied with something. What is he thinking about?
He ate breakfast almost silently, stroked the dog, scratched it behind the ear. He even devotes more time to the dog. He grabbed the bag, quickly pecked him on the cheek and ran away. He is silent about his problems, and in the evening he will think gloomily about something (silently), or again he will say that he is late at work.
What's happening?
The first thought that comes to a woman’s mind is that he has another one. Otherwise, where does this sudden coldness come from?
But psychologists reassure that this is most likely a banal increase in distance - a completely normal and natural process in relationships.
The distance in a relationship between a man and a woman is relative and can change.
Algorithm
An example situation. The woman reflects: “We have been dating for more than two months, but nothing happens. Apart from sex and restaurants, nothing is offered to me, but I want more”... In this case, the lady, if all the above conditions coincide, can try to use manipulation and “without declaring war” to hide, stop contacting the man herself.
The boyfriend calls or writes: “When will I see you?” It is imperative to respond to a man’s questions, otherwise he will decide that he has become uninteresting to you and will simply go underground, but the woman’s answers should be very vague: “I don’t know. Let’s call you,” or: “I can’t say specifically,” and so on. Turn on the dynamo, pretend to be mysterious - the more, the better.
“No specifics are needed. Riddle, halftone. “One Thousand and One Nights,” tales of Scheherazade,” emphasizes Kuznetsova.
The psychologist explains that with her behavior a woman will pull the rug out from under a man’s feet, since representatives of the stronger sex do not like any “misunderstandings.” They need to know for sure “we will make a movie or we won’t.” But instead of specific answers, the young lady starts feeding her breakfast. The gentleman is angry. However, since he really wants a woman, and under the current circumstances his “I want” increases tenfold, the man will be forced to follow the lady’s lead.
On this wave, a woman can begin to carefully voice her conditions. So, if a man asks: “Why don’t I see you, what happened?”, you should answer: “Nothing, business.” If a woman started a game for the sake of a specific gift, she can say: “Business. Working. I’m saving money for a vacation,” or: “No time. I took a quick job and earned money to buy boots.” The meaning of the dialogue should be like this: “I understand that you want me, and I also want to see you, but I need to work, because I need this and that.” Only the entire conversation needs to be conducted subtly, without redneckness. There is no need to tell a man: “Give me money for Spain, then I’ll see you.”
“Under no circumstances should you become impudent. You need to use hints, but you must clearly indicate the purpose of your overtime work,” explains the psychologist.
If the game was started so that the man would offer to live together, the woman should press in the conversation not on the financial component, but on what she cannot see due to the heavy workload of family affairs: “Parents need help,” or: “We need to go to Grandma". The message here is that I really want to, but I can’t come to you because I don’t have time. And you can’t come to me either, because I’m sitting with an old grandmother. The situation must be subtly and carefully brought to the point that a man who is at the peak of feelings and wants to see his woman every day says: “Let’s live together then.”
Don't play around. It’s good if you can keep the man at a distance for two weeks. But this is the maximum. “Overexposure” can backfire on relationships.
As Kuznetsova explained, the “disappearance manipulation” has a simple scheme. A man who realizes that he cannot get what he wants will first become angry and behave like a child who was not bought a toy. Then, when they explain to him the reason for the impossibility of dating - this is why a woman should not disappear completely, but should get in touch - the man will begin to think about how to change the situation. As a result of a well-executed game, a representative of the stronger sex should have a desire to do everything for the woman to make her life easier and to bring his beloved as close to himself as possible.
Male vector in relationships
The role of the breadwinner really left its mark on male emotionality and the male position in any relationship.
For men, maintaining distance in relationships with the opposite sex is a natural and even logical process.
Hard work, earning money and inevitable professional growth do not tolerate emotions, which is naturally projected into relationships.
That is why many representatives of the stronger sex are characterized by a constant change in distance with their partner, sometimes closer, sometimes further.
Prerequisites
In addition to the conditions already listed - the initial stage and high interest - sexual relationships are also important. There must be closeness. Otherwise, a man who has not “tried” a woman will not give his best to keep her. So a woman needs to have time to “get things done” while the boyfriend is at the peak of passion - this is a maximum of four months if people see each other often.
What should you not do when increasing your emotional distance with a man?
- Panic. Under no circumstances should you think that everything is lost and this is the end of the relationship. An inflated emotional state can lead to rash and illogical actions, the consequences of which can be irreversible.
- Get bogged down in soul-searching. If the emotional distance between a man and a woman has suddenly increased, then you should not immediately look for the reason in your own wrong behavior, actions, or words spoken. This will not help solve the problem, but it will easily make it worse.
- Chase him. Very often, the desire for privacy is actually expressed in a man’s intention to temporarily leave his home, take a walk or attend an event alone. There is no need to follow him, thereby causing more negativity in your direction.
- To take revenge. The worst thing you can think of to solve the situation is to behave in a similar way, responding with revenge to the resulting distance: becoming a block of ice and mysteriously disappearing with your girlfriends. This can lead to a break in the emotional connection, which will be difficult to restore.
Listen to yourself: would you like to spend time with someone other than your partner?
If you want to spend all the time you have next to your lover, then things are bad. For some reason, many people are ashamed to admit that they want to meet with friends more than they want to lie on the couch with their partner, although there is nothing wrong with that. Having love does not guarantee that your significant other will always be a wonderful conversationalist who is in good spirits and ready to listen to everything you want to talk about. But if even in such a situation you still choose a partner rather than emotional release, it means that you are fixated on each other and it’s time to take at least a day’s timeout. After all, falling in love is sometimes much worse than not loving.
Distance in a relationship is necessary!
When your emotional distance fluctuates up or down, remember: everything will return to normal!
It is only important to show wisdom in time, giving the partner the opportunity to emotionally distance himself and restore himself, to help him independently find his comfort zone.
Share your story!
What cases do you know where distance in a relationship strengthened a couple?
How to destroy your ex-wife
One friend separated from his wife. Nothing special, almost peacefully, they didn’t even start officially getting a divorce: then somehow. But there was a child, and the problems started because of him. At first, small ones, then the ex-husband could not pick up the child for the weekend, and the ex-wife’s plans fell through, then she demanded money for sports activities - for the child, not for herself - and the husband believed that he was already giving enough in the form of alimony. The ex-wife began to scold, the ex-husband responded sharply, and soon it came to hostility. And the “fierce” mother somehow did not allow the father to see the child. She began to put forward conditions. “What a creature! - a friend told us. “I’m ready to kill her.” And it was clear: ready. Then one warm friend said to him: “Okay. I'll put you in touch with the right person."
It was a teaser. You will find out how the drama ended in the finale. For now – about the good things.
Once I saw a couple in a cafe, he and she, already middle-aged, but very cheerful. We drank wine and chatted. I heard people discussing their children. “How cute,” I thought, “they’ve been together for a long time and haven’t gotten tired of each other.” It so happened that half an hour later I learned their terrible secret: they had been divorced for a long time. But how the hell did they feel good together? Just bunnies. You have to be able to do that. There is an art to communication after divorce. Few masters succeed.
During a divorce, a woman is always the most “passive communion”; she is always more offended, suffers more, etc. The issue here is not legal, not financial, but psychological. Even if she is the initiator of the divorce. The ex-husband is most often the enemy. Well, maybe not an enemy, but a bastard, a jabber, a goofball. “How could I do this,” and so on...
But our men are also nervous: “Oh, that’s how she is, well then I’ll arrange it for her, I’ll show Kuzka’s mother!”
In short, you know all this, and half of you have been through it. Escalation of tension, arms race, nuclear tests in the kitchen. As one of my friends said to her ex-husband: “If you want war, you will get it!” Damn beautiful. Shakespeare, damn it. If you knew why that “war” started, you would die laughing. The ex-husband did not answer the phone call. No, I didn’t drink, and I didn’t hide. I just found myself out of reach for an hour. And here she is to him, and he to her, and she to him... Yes, Shakespeare. But half and half with Zoshchenko.
And we, divorced people, are engaged in important matters - squabbles, swearing, brawls. Oh, this is so exciting, life flies by without you noticing. Some particularly spiritual men report on the vile things of their ex-wife on social networks, some even write novels. And the simple thought that there are common children does not stop. In short, they naturally go crazy. A hot thirst for revenge pulsates in the vessels of the brain. Medicine is powerless.
The first stage after divorce is the most difficult. The thing is that divorce is a decision between two people, but then almost everything depends on the man. And we break down: well, it’s clear, she’s a bitch! A rare specimen survives.
Above all, a man needs peace of mind. Only peace. It is difficult to resist female poison, but in general it is harmless. For healthy men. A woman may even hate her ex-husband, but this is also surmountable. Hatred is an emotion that does not last long if it is not fed. The rules are simple. Don’t snap, don’t be sarcastic, don’t slander. Hold on. This way you can reach the zero level and achieve complete neutrality. Two exes met: even intonation, confident pulse, clear breathing. Congratulations, this is a success.
And the second stage is restoration. Yes, restoration of relations. Restoration is a must. And here all means are good. Oh, women are so easy to bribe. They are malleable. They need to be charmed and appeased. Do not spare charm and strength. One of my friends did it very simply. Here is how it was. He left for a young woman - from his wife, with whom he lived for twenty years. An ancient story that will always be relevant. The wife fell into depression. The ex-husband was a gentleman: he left the apartment, the car, gave a lot of money, and always looked in on his teenage daughter. But the wife became depressed and almost hated her ex-husband. He understood: a little more and bad things will begin. And one evening he appeared with flowers and good wine. We drank, ate, and then he said: “Listen, you are a very dear person to me. We understand each other not instantly, but when one hasn’t even said anything yet. You are cool, smart, you are a beautiful woman. Well, I fell in love with someone else, but I can’t live without you. I want to see you, talk, just like now...” In short, I started talking. Fascinated. A woman loses her head when sweet words are whispered to her. And the man was completely honest. He did not need anything from his ex-wife - only good relations. So that she comes out of the depressive twilight. And everything worked out.
By the way, a note to stingy men. There is a psychological law that is unshakable, almost like Hooke’s law. The worse the relationship, the more furiously the woman demands money. For her, this is not so much a material need as a moral one. “I’ll rip you off, you brat!”
But I'm not talking about money.
Divorce is not the end of family life, that’s the point. This is a continuation of family life, but in different ways.
There is no escape from ex-wives. I know many stories when a man in difficult situations rushed to his ex-wife. Yes, they broke up, he has a new girlfriend or even a wife, and he goes to his ex. One of them had an accident, he was brought to the hospital, he, covered in blood and bandages, the first thing he did was call his ex-wife. She, of course, rushed over. But she immediately asked: “Why didn’t you call your girlfriend?” He was confused: “I immediately thought of you.”
There are no ex-wives at all, to be honest. And what is this vile word “former”? It's almost the same as saying: my ex-liver. A wife is a part of the body, how to cut it off? You can, but you will become disabled. It's better to improve blood circulation.
And always remember that for a woman there is nothing more important than trifles, little things, sparkles and petals. Any compliment inspires her. And from my ex-husband it’s just a gift. A woman can be made happy with absolutely nonsense. For a man it’s nonsense, but for her it’s balm No. 5.
One day I came to see my youngest daughter. It was just the two of us: that evening Masha, her mother, was running errands until late. We played and frolicked, and then I had to feed my daughter. I enter the kitchen: there is a pile of dirty dishes in the sink. No, Masha is generally a terrible neat girl, she just didn’t have the energy to do the dishes for two days. My daughter eats her buckwheat porridge with honey, and I think: why don’t I wash the dishes? Yes, this is not my home, not my household, not my problem. But why not wash it, especially since I love this task. After finishing the dishes, I played with my daughter some more, and then my mother arrived. Gloomy, tired, taciturn. Going home. Suddenly Masha jumps out of the kitchen, happy, as if they gave her a Tiffany ring: “Have you washed the dishes? Lord, thank you! I was driving home and imagining this mountain with horror...”
It seems that at that moment she was ready to run with me to the registry office again. On the way home, I thought: “I didn’t do anything special. How little a woman needs to be happy.”
And now, when I come, if I see dishes, I try to wash them. It’s not difficult for me at all, but the girl is happy. We think: it's time to live together again. Joke. No, we don't think so. We are completely separated, each has his own interesting life. But we have a daughter. And this is the most important thing.
The child should see that the parents communicate well and cheerfully. Yes, they live separately, but when they meet, they are happy with each other. And no one says to the child: “Your dad - he’s actually...” For a child, tragedy is not when parents separate, but when they hate each other. When they pass it to each other silently, like a mop.
I have two divorces. And it took me a lot of effort to save the relationship, and in the event of the first divorce, I actually had to restore it from ruins, put it back together piece by piece. And it dragged on for a long time, painfully, with breakdowns, but still I tried. No, I'm not a gift at all. Now it’s easy for me to lecture, but I’ve said and done all sorts of things. I'm a fool myself.
But then the third stage comes as a reward. When the ex-wife disappears. And a friend appears instead.
I no longer have ex-wives, I destroyed them. Figuratively speaking. There are two good friends - no, more like two close relatives, two sisters with whom we chat, laugh, discuss movies and gossip about mutual friends. We can quarrel, we can pout, a good woman will always find something to be offended by. But we can’t live without each other. Well, I’ll say for myself: I can’t live without them. I really need them. I love them, I want them to be happy. I write all sorts of nonsense to each other in the telegram, for no reason. When they don’t answer for a long time, I worry. And probably, if you see me with one of them in a cafe, someone will think: “Wow, what a cute couple. It’s obvious that we’ve been together for a long time and are not tired of each other.”
...Now let's get back to the teaser. So, the end of the drama. That friend was introduced to a good lawyer, a divorce specialist. He listened to all the complaints and complaints, sympathized and said: “You know, I can help you. We will file a lawsuit, you will win, you will have legal days to meet the child, we can even make sure that the child remains with you. In short, we will make your ex's life miserable. But my advice is to make peace. That’s the best thing, and it’s up to you.”
The friend left the lawyer irritated: what kind of stupid advice is this? Also an expert for me! But my friend is not a stupid person. I returned home, listened to Handel, thought for a day or two, and wrote an email to my wife. Calm, friendly, wise. As if she was waiting, she immediately replied: “I didn’t want all this scandal.”
They are friends now. And he never calls her “ex-wife” - he says: “My Tanya.”
A man is moving away - what to do?
It is important to understand that relationships are dynamic, and after several years they may not be the same as when they first met. Resentments, discontent and other negativity accumulate.
Often, at a certain stage, a man may begin to move away from his wife. The situation can be corrected, but only with the correct behavior model of both partners.
Advice from psychologists
One of the important and effective tips is that the woman does not interfere with the man at a distance. It sounds absurd, but now it is important for him to feel spiritual freedom.
You need to be able to let the man go for a while, give him time to retire, because this is the surest way to save the relationship.
Don’t panic and read morals to your loved one – it will only get worse. The best thing to do is to be patient and just wait it out.
Male psychology is structured in such a way that the less a woman prevents her from moving away, the more a man is visited by the desire to return to her. Therefore, reacting calmly is, first of all, in the interests of the woman herself. It will save your nerves and preserve your relationship.
Many women begin to overthink themselves and think that their loved one is capable of leaving for another. Such an error only leads to a dead end, and has nothing to do with reality.
How to return a husband from his mistress to his family if he lives with her?
A man, moving away, gets the opportunity to relax psychologically. If a woman does not put pressure, then everything will end in harmless get-togethers with friends or an evening alone.
Prayer
After a certain time spent together, the relationship with your husband may fade away, and trust may disappear altogether. If a woman notices alarming signs in a relationship, it is better not to waste time; the situation will not resolve itself.
Many people use magic to save relationships. Separately, prayers should be highlighted. This remedy is relatively safe for the psyche, but it will definitely help maintain relationships in a critical situation.
The prayer can be read at any time of the day, and the strength of its effectiveness depends on the woman’s faith in the ritual.
CONSPIRACY
The following ritual will help to cool your husband.
How to return a husband to his family from his mistress - advice from a psychologist.
On the new moon, buy two candles and spring water. At midnight you need to retire to your room and lock the door. Next, pour water into a glass, connect the candles with a rope, and light the flame.
Then you need to read the following words: “As a white swan has mercy on the swan, so that my husband and I can have mercy and admire. For my husband to look at me, he hasn’t seen enough. He loved me, but he didn’t love me enough. Amen".
Then you need to place the candles on the stand and let them burn out. Some continue to read prayers while the candles are burning, additionally calling love into life.
You should save some water after the ritual to add to your and your husband’s food. Throw the rest out the window.
Watch the video. The man is silent. What to do if he doesn't want to communicate?
Divination
The development of modern technologies makes it possible to tell fortunes about relationships and other situations of interest without leaving home. To do this, it is enough to turn to hereditary clairvoyants and tell fortunes online, quickly receiving answers to your troubling questions.
Option 5: He doesn't feel you are important in his life.
The opposite situation. A man has lost interest - this can happen at any stage of a relationship. Of course, the first stage of falling in love usually goes smoothly, but then you can feel a certain cooling in the relationship.
What could influence this? Sometimes this happens by itself, but you can often notice that a girl needs a relationship more than a guy. That is, she invests more in the relationship, more often makes sacrifices, compromises, and some kind of concessions. Her pressure and persistence can reduce a man’s interest even more.
Then the man begins to disappear, avoid meetings, miss calls, and not respond to messages. His attitude towards the woman is getting worse, but she endures. Yes, on the one hand, he understands that this is convenient - he gets away with everything, the girl stays with him under any circumstances. On the other hand, the value of such a woman in his eyes decreases. Additionally, a man can see:
- lack of competition for this girl - she will not leave for another;
- jealousy on her part is further confirmation that she is attached to this man;
- her willingness to fulfill any requests.
What to do?
Increase your importance. If you feel like he's starting to look down on you, make sure he needs you:
- make it clear that other men will or are already competing for you;
- do not resort to it on the first call, you can even ignore it for a while;
- don’t brag and don’t prove anything to him. He must invest in this relationship no less than you - show emotions, attention, confirm the sincerity of feelings;
This easy manipulation is justified in a situation when a man begins to feel his control over you. Then there is a reason to answer him in the same coin and return the relationship to normal.
A man has lost interest - this can happen at any stage of a relationship. Of course, the first stage of falling in love usually goes smoothly, but then you can feel a certain cooling in the relationship
Get rid of sadness and melancholy
Often women terrorize their men with calls: “Where are you? Why don't you call? When will you arrive? etc. Such questions signal that the girl is bored and has nothing to do. Alas, guys are not attracted to such ladies. Moreover, men will try to quickly escape from those women who are trying to hang in this way, instilling the thought “You are my only entertainment. If not you, then what will I do?
So keep yourself busy. Find yourself a hobby, sign up for some courses, go visit your friends, etc. Then the man will again be interested in you: they say, where does my beloved disappear all the time and what is she so passionate about?
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