Fear of betrayal (wife, husband): how to get rid of it

In this article we will tell you:

Reasons for fear of betrayal
The main signs of fear of betrayal
Ways to deal with the fear of betrayal
Medication assistance for pathological fear of betrayal
Mistakes of women that make you really afraid of your husband cheating

“I’m afraid of my husband’s betrayal” - it is this obsessive thought that often torments girls who have already experienced betrayal in their personal lives. It’s even worse when such manic fear begins to haunt a woman whose family is generally doing well. Then this is clear evidence of personal psychological problems.

In any case, healthy and strong relationships should be built on mutual trust, and not on empty reproaches and worries. We will tell you in this article how you can get rid of the fear of betrayal and live in peace.

general information

Fear of betrayal and jealousy are close in meaning, but still different concepts. Many people confuse these phenomena. If jealousy, within reasonable limits, is useful, since it does not allow passion in a relationship to fade, then such a mental anomaly as fear of betrayal can destroy the relationship.

Fear of betrayal is a feeling that can significantly ruin your life.

This fear is based on distrust and suspicion towards everything. A partner may be an exemplary family man, but the other half is constantly expecting betrayal.

It is necessary to define the very concept of treason.

Development of events or debriefing2

Option 1

The average woman successfully gives birth to an heir, goes on maternity leave and enthusiastically takes care of the child. Rattles, cubes, all kinds of early development schools, walks, menus for babies. In general, the time is completely devoted to the offspring. But, besides this, there are other chores: cleaning, washing and other things. It's good if he succeeds. If not, you can always cover yourself with a diaper and make an offended face. There is no time left for my husband.

The spouse has to be content with a short greeting, listen to a huge stream of information about the number of “sneezes, poops and peees”, learn about promotions on diapers and choke on a steamed cutlet with the remains of porridge. An attempt to mention one’s affairs runs into a blank wall of indifference. My wife is simply not interested. Even if she listens, everything will fall on deaf ears. Her mind is busy thinking about the baby. It’s good if the spouse gets access to the body in the evening.

But there is a high probability of an endless “shh, be quiet, you’ll wake me up”, jumping out of a hug in the middle because the baby squeaked, and most likely it will sound “not today, dear, I’m too tired.”

Attention question! Who started to betray whom? Well, just like that for a minute, purely rhetorically... Option 2

Option 2

The woman decides that she will definitely not be a slut. And she begins to attend all kinds of trainings and seminars for advanced mothers on maternity leave. If he has enough strength and dexterity, he will open his own business. During endless courses, a nanny is invited for the child, home-cooked food smoothly turns into fast food, and all conversations boil down to endless stories about a new trend in psychology, business and other equally exciting things.

Constant travel with a group of like-minded people turns the wife into a “flying Dutchman” who is not visible, but is there. And the husband sits in the evenings with dumplings from the supermarket and a child on his lap, and communicates with his wife only in instant messengers. And again a rhetorical question: who betrayed whom.

There is another option - the third. But this type of wife usually does not face betrayal by a man.

Provoking factors

Cheating is a blow to feelings. It can be either regular or an isolated incident. Every betrayal has a reason; if it is identified and eliminated in a timely manner, long-term relationships can be built.

By nature, a man is polygamous. Scientists have proven that after 3 years of marriage, the love idyll ends and if the couple does not make an effort to maintain the relationship, this will push them to look for new partners. In men, the reproductive instinct is similar to the instinct of animals: the more contacts, the more offspring. To prevent this, a woman should always remain interesting.

Women's infidelity is caused by their partner's inattention. They push a woman into the arms of another, where she can feel loved and desired:

lack of romance in relationships;
everyday problems;
the opportunity to prove your importance to yourself;
a woman can be provoked by her husband's betrayal.

Both men and women can be equally susceptible to the fear of being deceived and becoming a victim.

How to survive the pain of betrayal?

If you had to face betrayal, you can’t sit and wait for the pain to tear everything apart from the inside. How to survive the betrayal of a boyfriend/girlfriend or the betrayal of loved ones, advice from a psychologist:

Don't pretend that nothing happened. Allow yourself to be a weak person for a little while. No one will see this, but it will make you feel better.
Change your appearance. Get a new haircut, dye your hair any color, get a manicure. For guys, the issue of a new haircut is also relevant. And for girls, the best way is shopping. Even buying one new dress will lift your spirits.
Remove, distribute, throw away anything that reminds you of the person who hurt you. Even some small insignificant things. They can provoke a new outburst of emotions and new pain when you have already cooled down.
Don't be alone. It just seems to you that you want to be alone. If you have already cried all your tears, call your friends and go for a walk, to the cinema, to a cafe. At first, the fun will seem unbearable to you; you will laugh only for show. But then artificial positive emotions will develop into real ones.
Help someone. There are so many people in the world who are much worse off than you right now. Buy a few things for the orphanage, feed homeless animals, help a grandparent you know, if you have one. You will immediately feel your importance, and your soul will become lighter.

You can include all of the above actions in your daily routine for the near future. The richer life is, the less room there will be for pain.

How to survive betrayal at 40?

It is easier to survive betrayal when you are young. But at 40, 50 years old, people think that everything is over for them. This is especially true for love and relationships. The question of how to survive the betrayal of a beloved man or woman comes from a different angle. This is the main misconception. The first thing people need to understand at the age of 40 is that their life is just in full swing. There are often situations where people find love even after 40. There is no need to give up on yourself. If you change your thinking, you will very soon notice how the world around you changes.

After 40, betrayal can also occur. But look at your age from the other side. You already have the wisdom and knowledge to emerge victorious from the situation. You have enough experience not to mess things up in the heat of the moment. You are unlikely to take actions that you will later regret because you already know how it will end.

If we go further, we can say for sure that in many areas your age is a plus. People after 40 and 50 depend much less on other people's opinions. You can do whatever you want: fulfill an old dream, go traveling, remember old hobbies. If you've been wanting to do something for a long time, this is the perfect opportunity.

There is also a special product for women. If you have lost yourself in everyday life, have forgotten what it means to take care of yourself, wear beautiful clothes, do your hair, nothing prevents you from remembering this. Throw away your old gray sweaters and hoodies. Buy a bright dress, new cosmetics. After this, life will definitely sparkle with new colors.

How to regain your confidence?

Betrayal often hits self-esteem. Advice from psychologists on how to regain a sense of confidence:

Take care of yourself. Don't let emotions rule for long. Take care, look after yourself. Review your diet and exercise.
The person who betrayed you can cause even more harm. Try to take safety precautions.
One of the best means of healing is communication and meeting with friends.

Don't blame yourself for what happened. No words or actions are a reason for betrayal. It’s better to listen to the audio trance of the famous specialist in working with fears and phobias, Nikita Valerievich Baturin:

Causes

An obsessive fear of losing a relationship can develop for a number of reasons.

Low self-esteem begins in childhood, when the child did not receive enough love and affection. If the parents paid little attention or were very strict, the child made attempts to win love. In adulthood, he will suffer from a bunch of complexes that will give rise to uncertainty in his abilities and appearance.
Failed relationships in the past: Cheating in a previous relationship prevents you from building a new relationship.
Flirting on the side will give rise to the fear of betrayal.
Age: The fear of being deceived occurs in couples where there is a significant age difference. This fear can be explained by age-related changes in appearance and fear of sexual incompetence.
Problems with trust: if there has already been betrayal in a couple’s relationship, then it is difficult to suppress resentment and fear of a repetition of the situation.
My own example: if a person himself is prone to cheating, then he attributes this desire to his partner. In this case, the phobia arises as a reaction to one’s behavior.

Sometimes fear arises from a lack of attention. A feeling of abandonment, uselessness is created, and the fear of being abandoned arises.

The meaning of the word "adultery" in various dictionaries

Interpretations of the analyzed concept can be found in various sources of reference literature. In this section we will look at academic definitions of the concept of “adultery”. What does this word mean according to language dictionaries?

The Small Academic Dictionary of the Russian Language gives the following meaning of the analyzed concept: “marital infidelity.” In this case, the man or woman receives the missing pleasure, combined with the danger of publicity.

D. N. Ushakov considers the word “adultery” in two versions:

The fact of adultery.
The person who committed it.

The dictionary of foreign words understands “adultery” as betrayal by one of the spouses to the other.

T. F. Efremov interprets this linguistic concept as outdated and proposes to consider it the infidelity of a husband or wife.

The modern explanatory dictionary also provides a description of the concept of “adultery”. The meaning of the word is formulated here as “adultery.” In this case, the semantic group includes such components as “compensation for the lack of thrills”, “extramarital affair”, “sexual relations”, “emotions”.

Symptoms of fear

It is important to recognize that there is a problem.

Hysterics are the main symptom of fear of betrayal.
Surveillance. Everything is checked, from your pockets to your mobile phone. In some cases, surveillance of the object of love can be carried out using the services of third parties.
Interrogations with passion.
The victim of the relationship tries to create feelings of guilt.

Pathological jealousy is a symptom

The impact of a phobia on life

Fear itself is a defensive reaction. An acute reaction of the body always has a specific root cause and reason. The reasons can be formed from early childhood, when the basic concepts of an adult are laid down. Even the thought of betrayal, anxiety, or a random event becomes the reason. The irritant creates the appearance of danger, to which the body immediately reacts.

The phobia is based on the victim’s low self-esteem: she accepts fear and does not consider herself worthy of better. The cause of an irrational illness is experienced psychological trauma or developing primary phobias. Whatever the reason for the fear, the subconscious interprets it as a normal reaction. The more often a person thinks about a traumatic event, the more often panic attacks occur.

Fighting methods

To get rid of the fear of betrayal, you need to rethink your behavior and treat fear philosophically, stop exhausting yourself with constant hysterics and paranoid attacks of jealousy.

Getting rid of fear on your own

Learn to love yourself, get your appearance in order, go to a beauty salon, sign up for makeup lessons. A beautiful and well-groomed woman always knows her worth, and she is not afraid to lose her partner.

If fear arose due to lack of attention, then the most effective way to solve this problem is communication. Tell your partner the reason for your fears, spend more time together. Common interests bring us closer together.

When the fear of betrayal arose due to your own example, immediately understand your attitude to this concept.

Help from a psychologist

In severe cases, you cannot do without the help of a specialist. It is worth contacting a psychologist. Usually a couple of sessions are enough for a specialist to determine ways out of the situation.

Medication assistance

Those who are susceptible to the fear of betrayal are forced to live in constant accompaniment of stress or depression. Some medications can reduce the symptoms of fear.

Phytosedan has a powerful sedative effect and prevents the negative effects of stress. This is a natural herbal mixture; to use it, you need to pour two filter bags with a glass of boiling water and leave for 20 minutes. Take 1/3 cup, three times a day. The course of treatment is two weeks.
Persen has a mild relaxing and calming effect. Effective for neurotic conditions, relieves feelings of anxiety and depression. You need to take three tablets three times a day.
Deprim is effective in the fight against depression and anxiety. Take one capsule once daily with meals. The therapeutic effect appears after two weeks of use; if after 4-5 weeks of taking the drug the condition has not improved, you should stop.

To reduce nervous excitability, taking decoctions and infusions of soothing herbs can help.

These include lemon balm, peppermint, motherwort, and valerian. The infusion is prepared as follows: pour 1 teaspoon of the herb with a glass of boiling water, leave for 40 minutes, take half a glass three times a day.

How to live after betrayal?

The pain and resentment from betrayal does not go away soon.
The victim is haunted by the thought that a loved one could humiliate and betray her. But contempt and hatred will not ease mental anguish; it is only a defensive reaction, an illusion that aggravates suffering. In fact, the victim continues to love the traitor, because if there were no feelings, then the betrayal would not bring such pain. Therefore, the first task of someone who has been cheated on is to forgive and let go. Forgiveness does not mean understanding and continuing the relationship. If you have no desire to save your family, you don’t need to convince yourself. Perhaps real happiness is yet to come, and attempts to mend a broken union will only lead to even greater disappointments. But, on the other hand, if a person repents and asks for forgiveness, you can give him a chance.

If the relationship is completely broken, it is necessary to properly cope with the betrayal. First you need to accept your feelings and allow yourself to suffer. A woman can cry, scream, break a plate. A man can vent to a friend, write about his feelings on paper, and then burn it. You need to let the pain come out, after which relief will come.

However, there is no need to indulge in despair for long. Psychologists advise taking several steps that will help you calm down and let go of your partner.

Step 1

Voice your feelings rather than keeping them inside. Say, “Yes, I'm angry. I’m in pain and very upset.” There is no need to fight these feelings, you just need to recognize and accept them. Feeling like this is normal for a living person.

Step 2

Write down your negative thoughts so they don't kill you inside. As they say, paper can withstand anything. Write as you feel, without searching for words. When you re-read what was written, you will understand that there is nothing special or terrible in these confessions. All devoted people feel this way. It's natural and normal

Pay attention to the words you use most often and try replacing them with others in the future. For example, instead of the phrase: “I often get angry with you,” write: “I sometimes get angry with you.”

Step 3

Do you see that there are many exaggerations in what you wrote? They are dictated by emotions. But after a while you will no longer dramatize the situation so much. Try to return to the normal rhythm of life, restore your usual work and rest schedule, remember your previous hobbies.

Step 4

Stop constantly replaying this situation in your head and analyzing your partner. People often have high expectations for their loved ones. They do not perceive them as they are, but idealize them in every possible way. Treason destroys these illusions in the best possible way. Try to understand that your partner is not perfect, he is just a person, like millions.

Step 5

Come to the conclusion that neither you nor your partner are perfect. You both can love, suffer, make mistakes and cheat. Put yourself in his shoes. Perhaps, under some circumstances, you would also commit treason.

* * *

Cheating always poisons the soul and undermines relationships. But this is not the end of the world and not the greatest sorrow in life. This is an ugly act, but every person has the right to atone for his guilt.

And betrayal is also a reason to rethink your life values and your own behavior. This is a psychological experience for both the traitor and the one who was cheated on.

Signs

They are impossible not to notice, since the manifestations themselves are literally striking. The personality loses control over itself. Irritability and anxiety appear due to not knowing how to change the depressing situation. It is worth paying attention to other signs.

Vigilant control

If one spouse is desperately afraid of being abandoned, the other feels it. At a subconscious level, there is a distance from such a person. Suddenly there is a desire to control, and to do it twenty-four hours a day. Sometimes such surveillance goes beyond all reasonable limits: it appears constantly: day and night. When a wife does not trust her husband, she will check all his things, read messages on his mobile phone, study e-mail to identify red flags. If suspicions are not confirmed for a long time, you have to look for additional ways to prove that you are right. From the outside, such behavior looks like a disease; it cannot be called normal.

Resentment and suspicion

They follow from the previous point. The reason is simple: the individual ceases to control thoughts and feelings, it becomes difficult for him to cope with his condition. At every opportunity, numerous grievances surface. I remember everything that once did not suit me or inspired disapproval. Accusations from many years ago and unfulfilled desires are used. Often people do not notice how deeply they hurt each other, depriving the opponent of the opportunity to justify himself and see the true state of things for himself. Either way, a lot of positive energy is wasted. The spouses are significantly moving away from each other.

Quarrels and scandals

As trust is lost in a couple, the number of cases where spouses shout and insult each other increases. Quarrels are inevitable where people no longer understand each other, where there is obvious rejection. The fear of abandonment really changes a lot in our minds: more fears, suspicions and scandals appear. It becomes difficult for a person to understand where his own boundaries end and the mental territory of another begins. In addition, increasing intolerance does not allow one to concentrate on family life or feel at least some satisfaction from it.