How not to think about bad things and not to stress yourself out if you are overcome by negative thoughts every day. Managing your thinking, forcing yourself to think positively is a difficult process that involves daily practice to master the skill of changing your mind and consciousness. Undoubtedly, this requires mental discipline, but by working on your thinking, you can really achieve what you want. Often the question arises before an individual: how to learn to live without thinking about the bad? Psychologists suggest thinking about this for a minute and realizing that far-fetched experiences, even justified and clearly reasoned, bring great harm. It is possible that the negative event will never happen, and the person is needlessly exhausting himself with negative thinking and cannot calm down in any way, without ceasing to think about the bad. So what's the point of tormenting yourself with bad thoughts?
Where do negative thoughts come from?
There are several factors and reasons that provoke destructive thoughts in a person.
- Anxiety . Negative thoughts appear when you start to worry that something bad might happen. Or, on the contrary, you think that nothing good will happen to you. This is where your imagination comes in. It paints a vivid picture of your sad future, once you think about the worst case scenario.
- Feelings of guilt and regret . All people make mistakes. Negative thinking develops when we constantly remember them and return to the past. We feel embarrassed and ashamed. We get angry and blame ourselves for doing wrong. But this experience is needed in order to draw conclusions and move on.
- Increased demands on yourself . Overly self-critical people obsess over their shortcomings. They are unhappy with themselves most of the time. And therefore their thoughts are also predominantly negative.
- Problems . Negative thinking forces a person to concentrate on the problems that have arisen. And the person completely forgets about what good he has in life. Destructive thoughts greatly exaggerate the scale of the problem. Instead of thinking about how to cope with difficulties, a person simply becomes depressed.
- Dependence on material things . If your happiness depends entirely on having material goods, then you are a negative thinker. There is nothing wrong with wanting more and striving for it. However, when we focus on what we don't have, we become stressed and anxious. Life begins to seem incomplete, although it is worth paying attention to what we already have.
- Failures . If you have suffered one failure, then you should not transfer your attitude to the entire situation as a whole. For example, being rejected at an interview does not mean that you will not be able to get a job. Failure is a valuable lesson, not a reason for destructive thinking.
So, negative thoughts arise mainly in two cases:
- when we regret past mistakes, think about problems;
- when we worry about our future, that everything will go wrong, or we won’t get something.
Such reasoning can greatly harm us.
Ways to help you forget someone
The question of how to stop thinking about a person has been relevant at all times. In such cases, our ancestors relied on magic, in particular:
Conspiracies and rituals
They must be performed on the waning moon: feelings should decrease along with it. It seems that there is a rational grain here, because with their help a person gives himself a positive attitude, programs himself for a positive result. In any case, there is no crime here, and the attempt is not torture.
All we need is a source of clean water, lemon balm leaves, privacy and a little imagination. Let's focus on our emotions - resentment, mental pain, which prevent us from forgetting another person. Let’s mentally transfer them to the lemon balm leaves, imagining them with our tears, and we’ll tear them off one by one and throw them into the water. Leaves float away, memories float away. We leave when we feel peace and tranquility, having first washed our face with water from the spring. This ritual can be repeated every week.
Finding the source may be a problem. In its absence, we will use fire: we put our obsessive thoughts on paper, and then set it on fire, imagining how they fly away from us forever along with the ashes.
These methods are harmless and will not harm anyone. However, it is strictly forbidden to turn to fortune tellers for help in order to cast a spell or spell on the deceased.
We give ourselves the attitude: “Everything that is done is for the better.”
It may very well be that life has closed some doors in front of us, having previously opened others. But we resist with all our might, clinging to old relationships, trying to revive to life something that has long died. There are new opportunities, discoveries, surprises, new people and new acquaintances ahead.
And, as the old song says, “If a bride leaves for someone else, then no one knows who is lucky.”
Let's clear our living space for new relationships
Apathy, devastation, disappointment, loss of faith in long lasting relationships, reluctance to make new acquaintances - you cannot let these feelings take over you. It will not be easy to escape from their captivity. Let's fill the void with interesting things that we always wanted to do, but never found time for. At first it will be difficult to completely switch to them, but gradually we will get involved and think less and less about “ex”.
It may be a renovation - even if you have to take out a loan, but your head will be occupied not with fruitless thoughts, but with the search for new income. At the same time, we’ll put away out of sight, give away or throw away things that we bought together or bring back memories.
They say you can't run away from yourself. However, after a month or two we will notice that the pain, if not gone away, has dulled. However, this is not yet a reason to relax - we do not lose our vigilance, we are not yet ready to meet this person. The slightest reason is enough for the memories to play out with renewed vigor.
What is the danger
I once came across an interesting comparison. Imagine your mind is like a garden. You look after him. By planting seeds of useful and beautiful plants - positive thoughts, you will receive a rich harvest. As soon as you stop caring for your garden, it will be filled with weeds - negative thoughts. You will no longer have a wonderful harvest.
Our thoughts shape our reality. What we think and feel is what we end up getting.
Destructive thinking causes us great harm.
- Attracts negativity into life . Negative thoughts attract bad events into our lives. This is the essence of the law of attraction. If we think bad things, they will definitely happen.
- Breaks the psyche . Our thoughts give rise to emotions. Negative thinking causes us to worry, worry, fear, and feel guilty. It aggravates existing problems and distorts the perception of reality. A person who is in the grip of destructive thoughts for a very long time becomes depressed. He develops various nervous disorders. There is a destruction of oneself from within.
- It undermines health . People who tend to think negatively often have health problems. And the reason lies precisely in the way of thinking. Scientists have proven that many diseases are psychosomatic in nature, that is, they depend specifically on the internal state of a person and his emotions. For example, as soon as a person gets very nervous, herpes appears on his lips.
It would seem that these are just thoughts, but how much they can harm us. To prevent negative thinking from driving us into depression, let's learn to manage it.
How to manage negative thoughts
Many people try in every possible way to get rid of unpleasant thoughts. The simplest thing a person can do is to drive away bad thoughts. Swing them away like an annoying fly. I will say right away that this method is ineffective. On the contrary, it can worsen the situation.
By actively resisting destructive thinking, a person sinks even deeper into it. I want to offer you another way to stop thinking negatively. It will help to completely clear your consciousness and mind from unpleasant and harmful judgments.
Step 1. Realize
As soon as a bad thought arises in your head, accept it. Recognize that it exists and don't try to make it go away. So, instead of actively reacting to the thought, you will simply observe it. And this will make you independent of destructive thinking.
Look at your negative thought from all angles. This may be a productive idea that will help you make the right decision. As a result, you will become more prosperous thanks to it. Or maybe it's one of those harmful thoughts that just ruin your mood and create negative emotions.
If your negative thoughts are caused by concern for your family and friends, then you will not run away from them. Accept them for who they are. But only for a short period of time. You can tell yourself that you really care about your loved one. This is fine. But don't let these thoughts get the better of you.
Step 2. Find the reason
Until you find the reason why a specific negative thought regularly comes to you, you will not get rid of it. Ask yourself the question: “Why do I think this?” Finding the answer will also help you determine whether a negative judgment is true or false. At this point, you can either accept this negative thought or let it go forever. It's up to you to decide.
Step 3. Replace negative with positive
You have already learned to separate negative thoughts that spoil your well-being from constructive ones. At this stage, you need to replace negative reasoning with positive ones. After all, it is positive thinking that helps us achieve goals and improves our internal state. And it’s just nice to think about something good.
Now the problem cannot ruin your mood and life. Feel free to break it down into specific tasks and complete them gradually. We solved the problem and became happier.
So, when you find yourself thinking like, “I'm worthless! Life is passing me by!”, immediately change it to the opposite: “I am a unique and unusual person! Everything is ahead of me!” Do you think it won't work? It will work! You cannot think about both bad and good at the same time. Take away the power of a negative thought over you. Let there be only positivity in your mind and in your reality.
What connected you with this person?
It doesn’t matter whether you were connected by a long life together or fleeting communication that is impossible to forget. The main thing is that this person has become special. Next to him, the soul was filled with something important, priceless.
The main task is to find out what hidden shortcomings, innermost desires of your heart this person filled. And learn to fill them yourself.
Then you will no longer have to fill the emptiness in your soul with useless memories of relationships that, in fact, do not exist.
Methods of dealing with negativity
Negative judgments do not appear out of nowhere. We have already found out the reasons that provoke them. Fighting thoughts without eliminating the cause is ineffective. We must eliminate the negativity within ourselves, because it gives rise to negative judgments. I offer you several effective methods.
Affirmations
Affirmations are special phrases that set a person up for a positive wave, which he pronounces to himself. By saying affirmations every day, you become more confident in yourself, attract positivity and don’t let problems get the better of you.
Affirmations are effective not only in difficult periods, but also in any life situations when everything seems to be fine. The more often you tell yourself pleasant, life-affirming phrases, the faster you will believe it.
There are a huge number of affirmations for women, for men, to attract good luck, prosperity, health, love, etc. Here are examples of affirmations:
- I am irresistible, radiate positivity and look great;
- luck accompanies me in everything;
- I am a healthy, happy and successful person;
- I am a wonderful specialist and receive decent remuneration;
- I am full of love and open to new relationships.
You can come up with similar inspiring and motivating phrases for yourself. They will help you improve your self-esteem. On our website you will also find an article about how to love yourself.
Work and hobbies
Bad thoughts love to visit us in our free time or when we are alone. And they have no chance at all if we are passionate about the matter. Work distracts us from negative thoughts. To overcome negativity, you need to constantly be busy with something. Then there will be no time left for unpleasant thoughts.
In the evening, make yourself an action plan for the whole next day. By completing planned tasks, you will not only take your mind off heavy thoughts, but also increase your own self-worth. Checking off items on your to-do list will clearly demonstrate that you have already done a lot and achieved a lot.
Meditation
Meditation helps you find peace and get rid of negativity. You immerse yourself in your consciousness, focus on feelings and thoughts, and disconnect from the outside world. Thanks to meditation, you will learn to abstract yourself from problems, cope with resentment, irritation, and anxiety.
To start meditating, you need to create a favorable environment. It is best to do this alone and in complete silence so that extraneous sounds or people do not bother you. You can turn on special music for meditation. It will help you relax and calm down.
The simplest meditation technique is to sit cross-legged, close your eyes, and breathe deeply. Repeat deep inhalations and slow exhalations until your heart rate slows and your thoughts calm down.
Then imagine that you are all alone in a place where there is not a single soul. It could be a forest, a desert, a mountain peak, or a seashore. There you feel secluded and peaceful. Now imagine how all negative thoughts leave you and remain there. At this time, you slowly return to the real world. To achieve complete immersion, you need to practice as often as possible.
“Don’t think about the bad – you’ll get sick”
As Eastern wisdom says: “The worst enemies of a person cannot be those troubles that can come with one’s own thoughts.”
Avicenna, who was a famous healer of antiquity, said: “A doctor has three means of fighting diseases: treatment with words, plants, and a knife.” You need to pay attention - treatment with words is put in first place
A young French psychologist, Emilie Quie, in a Paris hospital, at her own peril and risk, supposedly with the permission of the head physician, forced patients to mentally or out loud repeat the phrase “Every day I get better and better,” three times a day, mentally or out loud, ten times. Moreover, this should not be a mechanical repetition, but, if possible, vividly and with feeling.
Techniques for getting rid of negative thoughts
Working on thinking requires a lot of effort. I found several interesting techniques that will help you learn not to focus on the negative at the initial stage.
Rubber
This technique helps you control yourself and your thinking. Put a bracelet or elastic band on your hand. As soon as you catch yourself in a negative thought, change the bracelet to your other hand. Or you can pull back the rubber band and snap your wrist.
Aquarium
Imagine that your thoughts are fish in an aquarium. Bad thoughts swim in the form of ugly, ugly fish, and good thoughts swim in the form of bright and colorful fish. It's like you're watching them from the outside. Which fish do you prefer to look at? I am sure that they are smart, beautiful and active. So, fill the aquarium of your consciousness with colorful fish that are pleasing to the eye.
Deferred Thoughts
Do bad thoughts haunt you and prevent you from falling asleep? Tell yourself that you will think about it later - for example, tomorrow. Your brain will accept this command and actually put aside unpleasant thoughts. And then, you see, he will completely forget to remind you about them.
Description
Put your negative thoughts on paper. Write as detailed and colorful as possible what you think and feel. Your experiences will leave you and settle on a piece of paper. You won't return to them as often. After all, these arguments have already become history, and therefore remain in the past. To part with them forever, you can even burn what you wrote.
Confusing
Bad thoughts can and should be confused. The wonderful word “but” will help you with this. For example: “I was rejected again. Nothing works out for me... But I have a fashionable jacket!” Even the smallest positive moments can confuse a whole stream of negative judgments. Finding the good things in yourself won't be easy at first. But over time, it will become a habit for you and doing it will be fun and funny.
“Filling the Imagination” Technique
For life to improve, you need to allow yourself to change and change the world around you.
A special psychological technique will help you, in which, with your eyes closed, you imagine your life to the fullest: material wealth, the man you want to see next to you, children, travel you would like to have.
Americans call this technique visualization. For thoughts to become objects and reality, you need to devote a few minutes a day to this technique. It is better to turn on your imagination in silence, away from extraneous noises that can “tear” you out of such a real and perfect world.
Psychologist's advice
Here are some more tips from psychologists that will help you take your mind off bad thoughts.
- Surround yourself with positive people. We adopt the behavior of the people we interact with. By communicating with pessimists, you will also become a pessimist. And destructive thinking will become the norm for you. Communicate with optimists and gain positive energy from them.
- Tell a loved one about what worries and concerns you. He will listen to you, support you and, perhaps, suggest the right solution to the problem. Psychologists say that sometimes simply expressing your thoughts in a comfortable environment is enough for negative judgments to leave you. This is especially true for women who just need to talk it out.
- Use deep breathing techniques when you feel overwhelmed by negative thoughts. Take a deep breath to the count of 4 and exhale equally deeply. This will help you calm down and relax.
- Exercise regularly. Mental and physical health are inextricably linked. Sport helps relieve stress, get rid of tension, and promotes the production of endorphins. And a person in whose body happiness hormones predominate will no longer think destructively.
- Listen to your favorite music that makes you feel good. Music has a strong influence on our mood. A perky tune, a cheerful rhythm - and now you are smiling, and all bad thoughts have gone away.
- Focus on what is happening in the present moment. Negative reasoning is either related to the past (regret, guilt) or to the future (fear that something will go wrong or not work out). During such thoughts, you lose touch with the present. I really like the phrase from the cartoon “Kung Fu Panda”: “The past is forgotten, the future is closed, the present is granted.”
- Thank fate for all the good things in your life, for every day you live. Find joy in small things: sunlight, birdsong, children's laughter, beautiful flowers, etc. Once you understand and feel that happiness is very close - inside you, you will no longer dwell on the negative.
I recommend that you watch a short video in which a young man talks about how he managed to cope with obsessive bad thoughts.
Useful training programs for those who want to get rid of negativity in their heads
I bring to your attention two very cool courses that have collected a lot of positive reviews on the Internet. They help not only to easily get rid of negative thoughts, but also to develop intelligence.
Brain fitness for men and women
Description. When you buy a course on brain fitness, the administration of the Vikium website sends you by mail a specialized device called a “neural interface”. It is needed to analyze the state of your brain and select personal advice and recommendations for you.
The neural interface remains with you forever, you can use it for many years in a row. After this little device counts the electromagnetic waves emanating from your head, it will send them to Vikium, where the data will be analyzed in detail (automatically), and then you will receive instructions for action.
The brain fitness course itself is aimed, on the one hand, at getting rid of all the bad thoughts in your head, at combating stress and nervousness, and on the other, at developing thinking and various other useful qualities. Exercises and free online simulators will help increase your level of attention, improve memory, and imagination.
Authors: developers of the Vikium project.
Cost: 12,990 rub.
Find out more and sign up for training
If you don’t want to buy the course, but you like the neural interface, you can purchase it separately. The thing is, however, not cheap - 1,990 rubles.
Brain Detoxification
Description. Brain detoxification is already aimed only at getting rid of negativity. We are not talking about brain development here.
Victor Shiryaev, who is teaching this course, will offer you several practical techniques, exercises and simulators that will help you easily get rid of all the bad thoughts that are spinning in your head or appear there after some events, communicating with unpleasant people, and so on.
When you complete the training and complete all the practical tasks, you will easily get rid of the negative in your head and switch from bad to good. Friends and family will notice a change in you and feel that it has become much more interesting and easier to communicate with you.
Authors: Victor Shiryaev.
Cost: 1,490 rub.
Find out more and sign up for training
These are the two most popular courses. Do you know other programs? Tell us about them in the comments, I will add to the article.
