Young children are often considered capricious: they constantly demand something, cry for no reason. However, if you carefully observe the baby, you will notice that “bad” periods, when the baby often cries, sleeps poorly and eats restlessly, are replaced by weeks of relatively good “behavior.” What is the reason for this and how can such information help a young mother?
Every month the baby grows, develops and acquires new skills, both motor and emotional. Such changes do not pass without leaving a trace. Each new leap in development, physical and psychological, can be accompanied by a crisis: the baby seems to be cramped within the framework of the previous, established behavior, and he tries his hand at a new one.
Growth spurts help a child make a physical and psycho-emotional leap forward. Children begin to roll over from their back to their stomach and back, stand on all fours, sit down, learn to crawl, stand on a support and begin to walk, understand speech and try to reproduce it. And all this is accompanied by crises. Based on the baby’s behavior, it immediately becomes clear when the crisis began and at what point it began to decline. Let's look at each of them separately.
First month crisis (usually begins between the 4th and 5th weeks).
After several weeks of “hibernation,” which is often observed by parents after childbirth, when the baby only eats and sleeps, the child takes a serious step in physical development and improvement of the senses. Here are the signs of this age leap:
- The baby begins to show interest in everything.
- The amount of daytime sleep becomes less.
- Frequent whims
- Requires mom to be nearby.
- The quality of sleep deteriorates.
Second month crisis (begins at approximately 7 weeks).
The baby’s senses are actively developing, and more and more information is coming from them, which the baby is not always able to process and assimilate. How can you tell if a baby sometimes gets tired from too much stimulation?
- Often begins to be capricious and cry for no reason.
- May refuse to eat or, on the contrary, hang on his chest for days,
- Sleep becomes intermittent, the rhythm of the day gets lost.
- Some children begin to suck their thumb.
How to stop a child over 3 years old from being naughty
The next stage begins when you and your child, as they say, “go out into the world”: you go to a store where there are toys and sweets, or to visit where a cat is peacefully dozing, which, of course, needs to be woken up and urgently petted. The optimal option would be not to take the child into public places at all with some freedom of action before he begins to speak coherently and understand at least the simplest abstractions. That is why most child psychologists and pediatricians recommend sending a child to kindergarten no earlier than 3 years old.
If a child wants a toy, and you don’t have money for it, it will be difficult for you to explain to him such concepts as “money” and why you don’t have it. If the cat is peacefully dozing, you will also have to explain rather abstract things. For example, that neither people nor cats should be disturbed from sleeping.
If you simply forbid a child to touch something with his hands or say “I’ll buy it, but later,” this often leads to the same hysterics with screams, falling on the floor and kicking his legs. If such whims take you by surprise, simply take the child away from a crowded place or guests: deprived of spectators, children usually stop the hysteria quickly enough. When the child calms down, explain to him that adults do not behave this way, and he will not achieve anything this way.
It is better if parents teach their children to voice their requests in advance and tell them in what cases these requests will be fulfilled. In other words, children should have a real alternative on how to get what they want. And the understanding that they will not achieve anything by whims and hysterics. This pattern can be explained directly to a child: if you scream and cry, you will not get what you ask for.
Another group of whims is associated with the simplest household responsibilities, which, of course, every growing child should have: putting away toys, making the bed, dressing independently. These demands also often lead to resistance and whims, and here it is important to separate two points: are whims related to the fact that the child does not yet know how to do something, or in this way he demonstrates character and fights for independence.
If something doesn’t work out, the baby needs to be helped, but not done for him: help make the bed, put a T-shirt over his head, fasten the buttons on a shirt, and so on. If the whim is due to stubbornness, you will have to spend time explaining that he must take care of himself: dress himself, like adults do, keep the room in order himself, like mom and dad keep order in the kitchen, living room, etc. You can use a trick and try to arrange a quest game: find all the things that are out of place and return them to their place. Or practice a nightly ritual: put the toys to bed, and only then go to bed yourself.
In principle, physically and mentally healthy children usually stop demonstrative hysterics and violent whims intended for the public closer to school age on their own, even if you were not able to take control of the situation right away. However, here the whims of a different plan begin: I don’t want to go to school, I don’t want to learn lessons, I don’t want to go to training or to music school, this is my room, so I don’t want to and I don’t clean it.
There is only one way out: constant dialogue and building trusting relationships. Otherwise, you will never know the true causes of whims, which means you will not be able to fight them. If a child says that he doesn’t want to go to school because something hurts, then first leave him at home and call a doctor, and only then suspect deception if the doctor does not find any abnormalities in his health.
Be sure to try to get to the true cause of the whims. Agree, there is a difference whether a child does not want to go to school because he is not good at math, or because the teacher is yelling at him, or because his elders are offending him. It's already very close to depression. And never scold your child, even if it turns out that he himself provoked the conflict with other children or, for example, did not listen to the lesson, and therefore is now behind in some subject. Always look for a way out, essentially and together with the child, ensure that he trusts you, now and in the future.
This approach will help you out in adolescence, when the struggle for independence flares up with renewed vigor, and independence is not always confirmed by civilized methods: smoking, alcohol, absenteeism from school, etc. If there is a trusting relationship, the child is more likely to listen to you and understand that smoking is no longer fashionable, but it is fashionable not to smoke and lead a healthy lifestyle.
It is possible that you will have to be patient and explain that he needs good academic performance and a certificate, and not you or the teacher, because you and the teacher already have a certificate. That being stupid and poorly educated is not at all cool, because truly cool businessmen have two higher educations, and this has long been the norm. That it will be easier to marry a rich man if you enter a prestigious university where boys from wealthy families study. In any case, your position should be reasoned and understandable to the child, taking into account his current level of development.
Top 7 effective ways to wean older children from whims:
- Learn to express your thoughts and requests in a civilized way.
- Do not indulge whims and hysterics.
- Help in mastering everyday skills and school subjects, but do not do anything in place of the child.
- Use playful methods of interaction.
- Maintain constant dialogue and build trusting relationships.
- Give reasons for your position.
- Refuse totalitarian pressure.
Let us clarify that we advocate the rejection of totalitarian pressure not so much for humanistic reasons, but because of its harm and uselessness. If your demands are not clear to your child, he will look for ways to evade them. Essentially, this is the same whim, but expressed not by screaming or crying, but by action. If you don’t have a dialogue, but only prohibitions and punishments, whims will give way to apathy and acquired helplessness syndrome, since the child will not see the point in asking you for anything or mastering anything. In general, communication needs to be learned, and you, as an adult, first of all.
And in conclusion, about one more capricious misfortune that befalls especially conscientious parents, who with all their might want to raise their children to be a well-rounded personality and, of course, know better than the children what is needed for this. Very often, after sending their children to sports, English, music, theater and drawing, parents receive whims in the form of their children’s reluctance to go there.
Let's say this: the child is not made of iron, and can simply get tired from excess loads. Let's look further: if you want your child to achieve some success, then after school he should do what he likes and where he can at least do something, otherwise there will be no motivation. And finally, if you want all your efforts to go to waste, you must provide time in the daily routine that the child will manage at his own discretion. Otherwise, you will get an infantile “vegetable” for whom others will always decide, and who will not learn to make a choice, analyze the situation and understand what he wants.
And it is absolutely unacceptable to compensate for your childhood desires and complexes at the expense of a child: if you once wanted to play the piano or football, the child is not obliged to want the same thing. Therefore, leave the child alone and sign up for courses, music, an amateur sports team and take care of yourself. By the way, one’s own self-sufficiency often helps to establish contact with a child better than all the advice of psychologists combined. Therefore, good luck to you, love and mutual understanding in the family!
We also recommend reading:
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- Exercises for memory development in preschoolers
- Masaru Ibuka “After three it’s too late” - summary
- Glenn Doman “Harmonious development of the child” - summary
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Keywords:1Children, 1Communications
Crisis of the third month (11-12th week)
At this age, the baby has more opportunities for exploration: he can not only study his own hands, but also try to grab toys with them, asks to be carried “in a column” and shown everything around. The baby begins to understand and realize a lot, but does not always cope with it. This may appear like this:
- The child worries with or without reason.
- He’s crying and trying to say that he’s scared and doesn’t always understand what’s happening to him.
- Stops eating well.
- Sleep gets worse.
Prevention of capricious behavior in children
How to wean a child from whims? Psychologists advise following some rules:
- There is no need to suppress the child’s independence and perform simple actions for him (buttoning a jacket, putting away toys).
- It is important to control your emotions in response to your baby's tantrum. You need to be calm, self-possessed, and under no circumstances should you shout back. It is better to ignore the moment of whim, and then calmly explain the behavior.
- Blackmail tactics should not be used in education. For example: “If you don’t put away your toys, you won’t go for a walk.” This behavior provokes a response in older age: “If you scold me for bad grades, I won’t come home.”
- It is important to be consistent and faithful in your chosen behavior tactics. You cannot solve a problem one way today and another tomorrow. If a decision has been made to refuse something, then this should become the rule.
There is no point in reproaching your child for bad behavior. You need to explain to him that the action upset him, but this is not a reason not to love him.
Coup crisis
It is associated with the first major motor skill - the child learns to roll over from his back to his tummy and a little later - back.
This occurs in different babies between 3 and 6 months (approximately 14 to 25 weeks). Such a serious breakthrough in physical development also affects emotional development: the baby already understands that there are objects in the world that exist on their own, and not just when they are taken or touched. The main features of this crisis period:
- Loses interest in everything.
- Appetite worsens.
- Sudden change of mood.
- Requires constant presence of mother.
Colic in a newborn
With colic, the newborn screams from pain that occurs in the intestines due to gases accumulating there. The baby strains, jerks his legs, turns red. He cries because the pain is very unpleasant and sharp. This phenomenon occurs at the end of the first month of life.
During the day the child sleeps peacefully and suddenly a screaming attack begins. The child cries, strains, blushes. Very often, the mother who breastfeeds the baby is blamed for the occurrence of colic. Indeed, some foods can cause increased gas formation and the mother should familiarize herself with the diet during pregnancy.
For example, eating some vegetables raw is not recommended for women in the first months of breastfeeding. You will need to give up sauerkraut and various preserves.
Peas and other legumes are prohibited. The diet of a nursing woman is somewhat reminiscent of table No. 5 according to Pevzner, which is used for diseases of the gastrointestinal tract and liver. You cannot drink coffee, alcohol, or chocolate.
It is advisable to drink green tea during the day or, if you are lucky enough to get it, white tea. You should give up tea at night. There is nothing particularly complicated about this diet.
Six-month crisis (weeks 23-28)
Every day the baby controls his movements better and better. Depending on the pace of physical development, he can either train turning over from back to stomach and back, or get up on all fours from a position lying on his stomach, or try to sit down from a position lying on his back, or even learn to crawl. Psycho-emotionally, at this time he discovers a world of relationships. The baby realizes that the mother may be busy not only with him, but also with other things, and this seriously worries him.
Signs of a crisis:
- Appetite gets worse.
- Restless behavior when strangers are around.
- Begins to react sharply to diaper changes or attempts to change clothes.
- The chest becomes a way to calm down.
- Anxious crying for no reason.
- Deterioration of sleep.
Crisis of the eighth month (from the 32nd to the 38th week)
The baby begins to understand speech, becomes more emotional, hears and sees objects better, observes more what is happening around him, and wants to try new foods. What can you notice in his behavior?
- Cry.
- Apathy.
- Some children want to be more affectionate: they hug and ask to be kissed more often, they want to be closer to their mother.
- They start to feel shy.
- The child seems to go back in his behavior and become “like a little one.”
- Protest while changing clothes.
- Taste preferences change.
If hunger caused whims
Some parents worry that the child began to cry from hunger. In the first two weeks after the birth, the newborn sleeps more. Mom feeds him every day according to a schedule or on demand.
The baby gets used to a certain rhythm. Mom also begins to understand when the baby’s appetite is increased, and when he can easily sleep through eating only half of his allotted portion.
When breastfeeding, the more milk the baby needs per day, the more milk the mother produces. Do not rush to accustom your baby to artificial nutrition, thinking about combining breastfeeding and artificial feeding.
If the breasts do not empty properly, milk production may decrease and soon stop altogether. Although the cause of a decrease in lactation can also be a woman’s overwork or strong anxiety.
How to determine why a child is really crying - from hunger or for another reason? You can easily understand this by his behavior.
At first, he sleeps less during the day than he should, and greedily takes on the food offered to him. Then, if he is malnourished, he will begin to cry immediately after feeding, signaling his dissatisfaction to his mother.
If the baby has eaten only half of the portion offered to him, then his crying two hours after feeding may mean that he is hungry. But if the child does not sleep, is capricious and strains an hour after a hearty meal, most likely he has colic. A cry three hours after eating may well mean hunger and a call to feed.
If a child cries incessantly for 10 minutes after a two-hour sleep, try putting him to the breast; there will be no harm in him eating ahead of time. If less than two hours have passed since the last feeding, let the baby cry for 10-15 minutes, you can give him a pacifier to calm him down. Watch to see if he strains when he screams.
Crisis “Mom, don’t go!” (from 9 months, approximately 40 to 47 weeks)
A new physical skill - crawling - changes the baby's ideas about the world around him, now he sees it differently, from a more elevated position. The overabundance of information received in this way changes the child’s way of thinking. All this provokes another growth spurt, which can manifest itself as follows:
- The baby may cry a lot as soon as the mother leaves the room.
- Shyness, especially in front of others.
- Begins to find fault with complementary foods.
- Jealousy appears.
- Needs a lot of attention from mom.
Crisis of the first year (usually begins from the 49th to 56th week)
The baby is getting better at moving around - he has learned to crawl, and maybe even walk, and is becoming more independent. At the same time, the baby’s nervous system does not have time to process a large flow of new information.
Signs of this age leap:
- The baby practically hangs on his mother, clinging to clothes. Requires more physical contact.
- Jealousy when mom pays attention to someone else besides him.
- Disobedience.
- The mood changes sharply.
What is sleep regression?
When sleep regression occurs, it can be easily identified by a sharp deterioration in the quality of night and daytime sleep. Physically, nothing bothers the baby, all external factors are adjusted, the daily routine is set up perfectly. In other words, sleep deteriorates for no apparent reason.
How to understand that sleep regression has occurred:
- It’s as if the child has been replaced; he doesn’t want to live under the old regime.
- Refuses to lay down in the usual way.
- Ignores the established daytime sleep pattern.
- The quality of night sleep deteriorates, the baby begins to wake up frequently, and needs his mother’s help to prolong his sleep.
Sleep regression can last from 2 to 6 weeks. To help the baby overcome this stage, support and assistance from parents is needed. Give your baby more attention and affection than usual, and then the regression will be much calmer.
Excitable baby
It is quite easy to distinguish increased excitability. Another thing is that you cannot neglect it and adapt the child to your own needs. During the first 10 weeks of life, an excitable baby flinches from a sharp sound, he is tense, and it is difficult for him to relax. In the first few months it will be difficult to get him to take a bath. Such children often suffer from colic.
Perhaps the doctor will prescribe a sedative and recommend a gentle regimen. Fewer visitors and new experiences during the day, quiet sounds and conversations, tight swaddling.
