How to recognize bullying at work

In essence, bullying is a psychological game

Bullying at work is a common phenomenon in domestic companies. In Europe and the United States, they have been ringing the alarm bell for a long time and taking action: they prescribe the rules of communication in a team in the code of ethics, organize conferences, and conduct internal trainings. The price of the issue is high - people who could contribute to the prosperity of the company leave due to conflict situations in the team created by individual employees.

Bullying in the workplace (from the English verb bully - intimidation) is the psychological terror of an employee by a colleague or group of colleagues. The goal is to force the victim to leave his place of work or to “put” the victim in his place.

Thus, one of my clients, who worked for five years as a commercial director in a construction company, was forced to vacate his position by the executive director. She came to the company under the patronage of the co-founder and took the leadership position that was promised to the client. He accepted the situation because he had worked for the company since its founding, dreamed of bringing it to the international level and made every effort to achieve this. Did not happen. A conflict broke out. She did not give way to profitable deals, he was indignant, trying in vain to settle the situation on his own. After the last significant deal disrupted by the executive director, the client quit. Three years later, the company went bankrupt, and dozens of people lost their jobs.

When they met years later, she asked for his forgiveness and explained her behavior this way: “You see,” she said, “my husband left for another woman, leaving me with two small children. So that I would not be left hanging, he assigned me to this company as a manager. I saw you as a threat, because you were vying for my place, so I did everything possible to make you leave.”

How to define bullying?

The Workplace Bullying Institute defines workplace terror as:

repeated mistreatment of an employee by one or more co-workers;
offensive behavior that threatens, humiliates or intimidates;
work sabotage;
verbal abuse.

“Bullying is based on power,” says Tara Fischler, a conflict resolution specialist. “When someone feels threatened or helpless, they try to influence other people through intimidation.”

Pressure creates fear, and fear creates authority, drawing attention to the pursuer. The team instinctively takes his side, without really delving into the essence of the conflict. Having frightened with his pressure, the pursuer sets a precedent: the victim waits in suspense for the next blow, and the team discusses with interest the next decisive act of the pursuer.

In essence, bullying is a psychological game in which each participant navigates the triangle “Victim - Persecutor - Savior”. It can have devastating consequences on a person's career and reputation.

A young woman, a digital manager, joined the marketing department of a manufacturing company. The informal leader of the group that applied for this place immediately said: either you or me. And the game began. There was no talk of healthy competition from a colleague. They used gossip, ridicule, reports to superiors about her alleged incompetence, turning employees against her, and so on. Since the girl had just joined the company, she did not feel confident.

Trying to resolve the conflict with the leader, the new employee made compromises and concessions in resolving important issues. By demonstrating her readiness to retreat, she turned against herself even those who were initially on her side.

To normalize the situation in the team, the management took measures - the informal leader of the team was removed from his position. But when the colleague left, the bullying did not stop; it spread like a virus to the team and it became more and more difficult to work in it. Having burned out emotionally after two months, the girl left the company.

How to improve relationships?

If you feel that a purposeful large-scale action is being carried out against you, you can choose several strategies to fight . The main thing is to realize what you are willing to fight for.

Try to rebuff the aggressors decisively. Another option is to ignore the attacks with the expectation that sooner or later they will leave you alone. A technique such as “external agreement” also helps: “Perhaps you are right, I’ll think about it.” Sometimes this has the effect of surprise: you were expected to have an outburst of anger or lame excuses, and now you have a chance to take control of the situation.

Ask your boss for help. By and large, mobbing or bullying can be stopped if the appropriate measures are taken. Otherwise, further struggle for your rights may turn into a battle with windmills.

You can also take certain steps to prevent possible negative attitudes towards yourself . When hiring, find out what the company's corporate culture and values are, whether mutual assistance, respect for each other, etc. are accepted. Sources of such information are interviews with the HR manager and the future manager. If you are hired by a company whose products you have used, pay attention to how the stores of this organization treat customers. After all, this is often a reflection of the style of relationships within the company. During the probationary period you can also learn a lot of interesting things. For example, about whether there is pressure on any of the employees. If such a phenomenon exists, draw appropriate conclusions.

Karina Khutaeva, director of the international educational center

If you experience bullying at work, stay calm and don't stoop to the level of the bullies. Don't yell or intimidate back. Often, “attackers” deliberately provoke you, expecting retaliatory aggression, since this will give them a chance to respond to you with even stronger provocation. It is not recommended to cry or show your weakness; this is expected of you first of all. Continue to do quality work, because “well-wishers” hope to see you broken, and when you achieve success over and over again, they perceive it as failure. Be sure to show the results of your work to your superiors to protect yourself from malicious slander about your unprofessionalism. And do not allow yourself to be isolated from your loyal colleagues; maintain business and friendly ties with them.

Natalya Verigina, business coach

People with low self-esteem often become victims of bullying or mobbing, so it is important to work on increasing it. This will help by contacting a psychologist, participating and winning professional skills competitions. Individuals who keep themselves apart from the group are often persecuted. Learn to build relationships with people - this will make it easier to establish contact with colleagues and form an “army of allies.” They can be employees not only from their own, but also from related departments, and even more important - the immediate supervisor. Learn to defend your position, taking into account the interests of all parties and accepted ones, so that controversial situations do not develop into a violent conflict. Do not create enemies for yourself with your own hands.

Causes of bullying in the workplace

Bullying in the workplace is a systemic phenomenon that reveals the internal tension of the entire company team. The reasons vary: shortcomings in the organizational structure, unclear strategic goals, unfinished job offers and workplace policies. Proper company management will help cope with problems.

But there is a flip side to the coin - low emotional intelligence of employees. It is he who determines success in interpersonal relationships. Therefore, the company’s management should pay attention not only to management, but also to the development of the following qualities in employees:

Self-awareness. The first step in controlling emotions is recognizing their existence. Those who are self-aware are confident in their abilities.
Self-regulation. Once emotion control is mastered, a person becomes less prone to impulsive reactions. They take responsibility for their actions, are open to new ideas, and adapt to change more easily.
Motivation. Motivated people set goals and strive to achieve them. They have a positive attitude and inspire others.
Empathy. The ability to accept another person's point of view, experience or motivation, to understand and express emotions competently, while being aware of their impact on others, is very important.
Social skills. It is necessary to develop verbal and non-verbal skills that are used to communicate and interact with other people.

By eliminating the causes, you can reduce the threat of bullying in teams by switching the attention of employees from destructive conflicts to achieving company goals.

How to fight a predator in a team

It seems that you work in a rather large company and perform your functions impeccably. But there is a colleague, if you can call him that, who every now and then tries to prick you, humiliate you, expose you to ridicule and say insulting words at every opportunity. What does he want from you, why does he have such an attitude towards you? Why did he decide that he could make you a “punching bag?” This issue will persist until it is resolved. But if you believe that only your personality annoys someone, then you are deeply mistaken. Bullying, that is, psychological violence in the workplace, is a very common thing. Let's consider what it is, what are the roots of the problem, what needs to be done so that the offender closes his mouth once and for all and never again dares not only to say, but even to look badly in your direction.

What to do if you are the target of bullying?

There is no point in starting such a situation.

If there is a threat of bullying, immediately seek facilitation from management.
Focus on the goal, on what you came to the company for, and focus on the tasks that management has given you. Hold on to them, because the temptation to join the game will be very high.
Do not react emotionally to the Persecutor's attacks. Its purpose is to throw you off balance. Don't give him this opportunity.
Make an appointment with a psychologist or coach to find out what patterns of your behavior trigger bullying and change them.
Leave the company if the situation is stalemate. There are many companies in our country where your talent and professionalism will be appreciated.

Barin and peasants

“One day we were told that he was the chairman of the board of directors. At the first meeting, he gathered top management in a cramped meeting room and lit a cigarette. In a cloud of smoke, I began asking questions about our professional interests, while simultaneously commenting on the answers,” recalls the director of public relations for one of the large companies in the IT and telecommunications sector, who was present at that meeting. “Out of a dozen people gathered, only two did not receive direct insults and reproaches for narrow-mindedness, stupidity, worthlessness and uselessness. The comrade behaved like a gentleman with serfs.”

This is a typical example of vertical bullying, or bossing, when a manager begins targeted bullying with the goal of humiliating, enraging, or simply asserting himself, says Elena Londar, HR expert at HeadHunter. According to her, there may be several reasons for bossing: the leader’s personal immaturity (the person’s value system is distorted), unprofessionalism and lack of managerial experience and complexes - childhood trauma, for example, at school he himself could have been a victim of bullying.

“I didn’t understand what the problem was, I tried to be good, bought sweets for the office”

Often such managers take it out on their subordinates, openly criticize them in front of the team, but do not fire them - in this case, we are talking about a codependent relationship “victim - aggressor,” Londar adds.

Elena, the development director of one of the consulting companies, found herself drawn into just such a relationship (hereinafter, at the request of the heroes, partial or complete anonymity was maintained). “If I spoke English, a colleague might say something like: “God, what a terrible accent.” The worst I've ever heard." If I made a presentation, it was said that “this is generally horror and a nightmare,” but it was with this that we then went to the client. My cell phone was constantly hidden,” she describes her typical work day. “At the same time, there were no attempts to fire me, and my salary was on par with my “professional” colleagues.” Elena suffered from bullying for a whole year until she completed the period required for the line on her resume, but she managed to “relax and stop waiting for a catch” in her new place only six months after her dismissal.

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Bullying - where does it come from?

Probably many of us are familiar with the situation from our school years. There is a person in the class who constantly slanders someone in particular and, in any case, raises his voice, humiliates, insults. In childhood, it often comes to assault, although behind the walls of the school and in a secluded corner. Showdowns between girls over a classmate or between boys over a school friend is a common type of violence that begins in childhood. The same thing happens between adults, but in different “colors”.

For a “close-knit” team to have a grudge against you, all it takes is a small, slightest quarrel or problem that arose through your fault. As a rule, such things are forgotten after a couple of days and fade away. But it also happens that this is the trigger for someone who has long disliked you and is “sharpening his claws.” For him, a small quarrel is a way to inflate it into a large-scale and endless conflict.

Often, problems in relationships can arise during the reporting period, when the entire department is “on its toes” and working hard, literally. Everyone is on edge, nothing is working out, the boss is scolding, the department’s activities are simply ineffective. Who is to blame is the most patient, non-conflict and innocent employee, for whom there is personal hostility. If these are your character traits, get ready.

An adult team is nothing more than such a relationship. Only, unlike young “colleagues”, people with experience in various kinds of showdowns come into play here. More sophisticated methods are used, entire strategies are built so that the victim is unable to take any steps to repel the attack. Before she has time to look back, the one who poisoned, spread rot and set “traps” is sitting in her chair. But the bullying process does not end there. Having gained victory, the winner cannot stop and continues to prove his own superiority over the loser. Most likely, it will come to the point that the defeated person will simply have to leave his place of work and start looking for a new one.

Kinds

Let's immediately differentiate the concepts. Banal squabbles that happen in almost every team are not mobbing. If you were once scolded by your boss for not sending an important letter, then you are paying for your own irresponsibility. When a colleague makes a remark that you are interfering with your work by talking too loudly on the phone about personal matters, this is an attempt to stop your tactlessness.

But if every working day begins with aggression, criticism, open insults, nagging, damage to your or office property and other meanness on the part of your manager or co-workers, then there is reason to worry - mobbing has been initiated against you. It can be horizontal (pressure comes from employees); vertical (from management); mixed.

Types of bullies and who they choose as victims

Bullies are the worst type of toxic employees because they harm not only the productivity of employees, but also the corporate culture of the company, employee turnover and, as a result, the entire business. So what are the different types of bullers?

Frank bully

People who are not at all shy in their expressions. They want everyone to know their point of view or opinion about someone, even if that someone is nearby.

Passive-aggressive bullies

When communicating with such people, it is not clear whether they offended you or praised you. One of their main characteristics is that they can say one thing, think another, and do something completely different. You don’t understand what to expect from them, and this is precisely why they undermine the atmosphere in the team. The main problem is that detecting them is not so easy and takes time.

Dominant and straight bullers

A very interesting type of people who may not themselves understand that they are bullying or offending someone. These bullies tend to be DISC Factor D, which means they are dominant and results-oriented.

The characteristic features of these people are straightforwardness and sometimes aggressiveness, which over time can be perceived by others as bullying. Sometimes such behavior can be forgiven by employees for the reason “well, that’s how they are,” but they must understand and be aware of what they are saying, how and to whom.

Why do bullies bully other employees?

There is no clear answer to this question, since the reasons for such behavior can be completely different. For example:

they have too many complexes, and humiliating others helps them assert themselves;
they simply love to weave intrigues, spread gossip and spread rot on other people because of their character traits;
low level of culture: rudeness, rudeness, unethicality;
they constantly envy other people’s achievements and successes and cover up their lack of fulfillment with bullying;
they have a lot of aggressive energy that needs to be thrown out somewhere;
they themselves succumbed to bullying and now take it out on others.

Who gets the “hot” hand?

It is important to note that in most cases, the entire responsibility for humiliating an employee at work lies with the initiator, and not with the victim. People who succumb to bullying do not do anything on purpose and certainly do not provoke the bullies in any way. Who do bullies usually humiliate?

Newcomers. New employees are excellent food for toxic people who are ready to mock and joke at them using the hazing method.
Former colleagues who took up leadership positions. Bullers specifically do not recognize their former colleagues as leadership and in every possible way belittle their authority in front of other subordinates.
"White Crows". As a rule, bullies humiliate employees who are different, communicate less with other colleagues, do not attend corporate events, or simply do not meet their imaginary standards.
Weaker in character. Bullers perfectly sense when the victim is weaker, cannot fight back, and actively take advantage of this.

Bullying - what things should you not talk about?

Often, when children begin to be bullied at school, the teachers themselves are to blame. They may even unknowingly provoke children into bullying. For example, when the topic of neatness comes up, the teacher reminds everyone that they need to look neat, but some Petrov came in unkempt. Think about what the class's reaction will be? Of course they will laugh. After all, adults allow themselves to do this, and children copy them.

Parents should also be careful with their statements. That is, you shouldn’t tell your child that it’s his own fault or that he somehow doesn’t look right. So the parents take the side of the offenders and the child feels lonely. Also, you shouldn’t say anything in front of his friends.

You shouldn’t immediately go to the teacher, because he could have provoked everything that happened. What will he do after talking with his parents? He will simply ask others not to touch the student. And this will only make the situation worse. In this case, it is better to talk to the parents of the child who is bullying.

It also happens that the teachers themselves, for some reason, may dislike the child. For example, she has relationship problems, and she has become attached to your son and is bullying him for nothing. So, you can talk to the teacher, but if nothing changes within a month, then it is better to transfer to another school.

Features of manifestation

Mobbing, like other types of bullying, can have different degrees of severity : it manifests itself relatively mildly or, on the contrary, harshly, causing deep psychological trauma to the victims.

The so-called “light” mobbing should also not be underestimated : any violence, even not too rough, has a destructive effect on the psyche, over time leading to the development of many mental illnesses and the aggravation of existing ones.

Mobbing, like bullying in general, is usually divided into:

Horizontal. The victim and the aggressors occupy approximately equal positions in the existing social structure. For example, if several employees began to bully one who has the same position as them, this refers to horizontal mobbing.
Vertical. Aggressors and victims are at different positions in the social structure. For example, if a boss bullies a subordinate, this is vertical mobbing. However, a manager can also become a victim under certain conditions. Bullying by a boss is called “bossing”.

Often horizontal types of bullying are present in the work team because it is directly or indirectly approved by superiors.

Also, some actions of the boss can provoke bullying .

The main signs of mobbing by the boss and colleagues:

The desire not to provide the employee with important information. Information necessary for the correct and timely performance of work duties is either hidden, transmitted too late, or deliberately distorted. For example, if the victim is sick and misses an important event, she will not be given the necessary information, and there will not be a clear response to targeted questions.
Belittling him in the presence of others. This method of emotional abuse is often used by superiors: for example, a boss can use various planning meetings, five-minute meetings, meetings for humiliation, at which he discusses with gusto the actions and negative aspects of everyone he does not like, using any reason for humiliation. The same employees are usually subject to humiliation, and other employees do not receive a significant reprimand for similar or even more serious mistakes.
The appearance of false accusations against an employee. This usually occurs with the horizontal type of bullying: fellow aggressors, trying to harm the victim, use any reason for a written complaint, if necessary, embellishing minor offenses or simply making things up.
Insults, direct or indirect. They are actively used by both employees and management. The victim’s mental abilities, behavior, habits, interests, life position, and so on are belittled. Indirect insults usually include nastiness, often using gaslighting (“It’s just a joke, can’t you take a joke?”, “I think you’re too sensitive,”) in response to the victim’s outrage.
The desire to talk about him negatively in dialogues with colleagues and bosses. Aggressors, at any opportunity, will speak negatively about the victims, thereby creating in the interlocutor (especially those who are little familiar with the target of bullying) the feeling that the person in question is a disgusting employee and person.
If such an opinion is formed by someone who is capable of supporting mobbing to one degree or another, the pressure on the victim will increase.
Belittling an employee’s professional abilities, expressing doubts about competence. They can also be direct or indirect, often expressed in the presence of others to increase the victim's discomfort. At the same time, such statements are difficult to classify as criticism; they often have no justification.
Ignoring. The target of bullying does not receive support from colleagues; when he asks something, the interlocutor answers without specifics or does not answer at all, and sends him to someone else. They do not want to take the victim into team activities; her achievements and efforts are ignored, which hinders career advancement, especially if the tactics of ignoring are supported by management.
The desire to give the most unpleasant task. The target of mobbing is given the most thankless job; they may be required to do more than is required of the rest of the team. At the same time, his efforts and successes are ignored, and his failures are put on public display.
Cybermobbing and other manifestations of bullying that go beyond the work day. Employees and superiors can continue to harm the victim outside of work: making fun of her on social networks, stalking her after work, looking for incriminating material to use in the future.

Corporate Olympus

Some employers often feel that they own not only the business, but also the people working there. They say that since they pay for their work, this gives them the right to control the employee like a puppet, going beyond the boundaries of corporate ethics. Their instructions are non-negotiable and may affect the personal lives of the staff.

There are tyrant bosses even in the most modern companies. For example, Amazon warehouse employee Beverly Rosales in the US complained to the press about her boss. The warehouse manager was unhappy that the woman’s pregnancy would force her to go to the restroom more often, distracting her from work, and fired her. And not only Rosales faced such a problem in the company. Amazon has received seven lawsuits from employees who were wrongfully fired because they were pregnant.

Corporate gods believe that they can punish or pardon entire teams. The employer can consider such a “whim” to be part of business instinct - and not bother with ethical reflections.

As a business consultant, I lead many projects on company restructuring. And I understand that we cannot do without displacement of people, including layoffs. But I am frightened by the ease and the wording with which employers approve “hit lists.”

The desire to quickly and easily get rid of staff has even given rise to a special type of business: lawyers specializing in labor law help to part with an employee in such a way as to avoid reinstatement in court with payment for forced absence (the Labor Code well protects employees - those of them who took the formalization of labor relations seriously, in any case). There is always a demand for this type of service. Our company does not deal with them, but we know specialists for whom this work is their main “food”.

Causes

Certain characteristics of the victim can provoke the development of bullying:

Appearance. Employees who have unusual or socially unpleasant appearance features that attract attention can become targets of bullying.
Behavior. Employees who actively express their position and demonstrate their independence may cause resentment in someone. Also, the attention of aggressors is attracted by closed, indecisive people who find it difficult to express their thoughts and who try to isolate themselves from others.
Worldview, sexual orientation, religion, and so on. Any noticeable differences from the majority, even if the person himself practically does not talk about them, can lead to aggression.
Sensitivity, inability to fight back. Vulnerable people who do not have the strength to defend themselves often become targets of humiliation.

But none of the above-mentioned features justify the actions of the aggressors.

The victim can be to some extent guilty only in one case: if he behaves in an extremely toxic manner, creates an extremely uncomfortable environment in the team, bullies some employees, and so on, forcing him to take retaliatory measures.

But most cases of mobbing, even extremely aggressive ones, are associated with other reasons. The aggressors are to blame for bullying, not the victim . And the main reason for the occurrence of almost all types of bullying is the ability of aggressors to bully the victim.

Reasons for bullying related to the desires and feelings of the aggressors:

Envy. The desire to harm those who have more opportunities is common in society. Envy often drives older employees who humiliate those who are younger and stronger than them.
The desire to gain pleasure from the fact of humiliation , to rise due to the suffering of another person, the desire to gain power over the victim.
The desire to take the place occupied by the victim. People who become the main driver of mobbing often have selfish motives. In this case, the goal of bullying is simple: to make the person leave.

Under certain conditions, any employee can become .

Instructions for action

Based on my own experience, I would like to share a few tips that will help employees avoid bullying and other violations of personal rights and freedoms:

1. Carefully read the documents you sign when concluding an employment contract. The Labor Code protects the employee - but only if there is something to rely on. When relationships with an employer are built only “on trust,” then the deceived party (and this is most often the employee) is left to blame. If you were not fired, but “thrown out,” you will have a much better chance of punishing the offender with the correct paperwork.

2. Do not “swallow” the insult in case of boorish attitude on the part of the manager. Bullying does not tolerate publicity and does not expect protection from the victim. Therefore, it is worth calmly explaining that such behavior towards you is unacceptable and that if the situation repeats, you will make a video recording and make it widely available. Many leaders lost their positions when their tyranny was publicized.

3. Do not support bullying of a colleague, no matter how you feel about him. By doing this, you give the opportunity to do the same with you under other circumstances.

4. Separate work and personal life. You obey the rules of the organization only as an employee and only if the rules do not break you as an individual.

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5. Remember that there is no such money and benefits that are the equivalent of your immortal soul. If a corporation is breaking you as a person, think about whether you need this? In the era of the Internet, the opportunity to earn a living is not tied to a specific territory, or to a separate enterprise, much less to the “feeding hand” of a local psychopath. The attitude “I’m too poor to live by my principles” is for losers.

Conspiracy theory at work

Many people know first-hand what it’s like to be a victim of bullying by employees. This could be a banal insult, humiliation, or a reluctance to let a certain employee into your close and friendly ranks. And even despite excellent work results and love for one’s work, a person often has to write of his own free will. There is mobbing, the term comes from the Latin “mob” - crowd. That is, it puts pressure on a person and, in the end, he has to run away from work.

You immediately need to learn to distinguish between banal bullying and conflict situations in the workplace. Bullying is a long-term, targeted action against the “victim”. It can last from several weeks to several years. In any case, until the result is achieved or circumstances change. To understand how targeted pressure manifests itself, pay attention to the following points:

Constant criticism with or without reason, and they can scold you for little things that in life they would not notice in another employee. They can also blame someone for unknown reasons, without indicating the exact reason, but rather in the abstract.
You are not allowed to be in the thick of things, important news is hidden or the minimum is brought to you at the last moment.
They overload everyone with work, demand them to go on days off, force them to stay late after working hours.
Celebrations, anniversaries and other corporate events take place without you. But the point is not that you refuse, but that they simply do not invite you. And the next day after a stormy party, you have to be content only with admiring stories from employees about the wonderful moments of the celebration.