Author of the material:
Inna Trofimova
writer, psychologist, gestalt therapist
Do you know people about whom you can say “calm as doors” or perhaps you yourself notice such a quality in yourself? Most likely, we are talking about the phlegmatic type of temperament. What to do if someone is phlegmatic? How to behave with such a person? Is phlegmatic good or bad? Can he be considered lazy? What do we even know about this type of temperament? Who is a phlegmatic person? Why is it called that? What to do if your child is phlegmatic? How to raise him correctly? If you are not too lazy to read, all the answers can be found in this article.
Who is a phlegmatic person?
Compared to other types of temperament, the phlegmatic is the most balanced and calm. It is characterized by a stable mood and an almost complete absence of emotional outbursts, to which other personality types are susceptible to varying degrees. Phlegmatic people rarely change preferences and demonstrate slowness and inertia when they need to quickly change plans due to newly discovered external circumstances.
People with this type of temperament are quite intelligent and reasonable; they carefully consider information, which is why they have a good memory. Phlegmatic people rarely allow their emotions to break out and in almost all life situations they demonstrate the same pattern of behavior. In this regard, they are the most stable personality type.
Phlegmatic people are usually conservative; they often perceive changes painfully, so they try not to change anything in their own lives. They adapt to new conditions extremely slowly, although they perceive them calmly. Difficult decisions are given to phlegmatic people with great difficulty, since they try to weigh everything as carefully as possible, thinking through all possible options for the development of events. Often doubts prevent them from making the right choice.
Brief characteristics and description of phlegmatic person
Their distinctive feature is slowness and equanimity in any situation , they speak little and usually try to hide their emotions.
Due to the incredibly slow speed of their reactions, phlegmatic people very often seem lethargic, always tired, or even unwilling to fulfill any requests from their superiors.
One may get the impression that they are unable to feel fear, joy, or any emotions at all, however, this is an erroneous judgment - phlegmatic people experience a hurricane of feelings within themselves, but this is not reflected in any way on their face in facial expressions or in their behavior. Phlegmatic individuals are calm and unshakable; in order to get such a person angry, you need to try very hard, and aggression can only be expected in the most urgent cases.
They are also distinguished by their balanced decisions: a phlegmatic person will never be led by his feelings
, the final verdict will be made only after much thought and weighing of all the pros and cons. It is unlikely that one will hear from a phlegmatic person that the decision was made thanks to intuition; it certainly cannot be trusted.
Such people are very serious, they are responsible and focused, and can complete any task of any complexity. Phlegmatic people avoid participating in quarrels; any conflict situation has no place in the everyday life of an absolutely non-conflict person. The most terrible and terrifying test for a phlegmatic person is leaving his comfort zone.
A person who is accustomed to the usual course of his life, which, by the way, completely suits him, does not like any changes. Change is not for him.
So how to recognize a phlegmatic person? Yes, it’s very simple - he always expresses his emotions with restraint
. It is difficult to upset him and make him cry. It is even more difficult to get an active manifestation of joy from him.
In other words, this temperament is characterized by the greatest emotional and mental stability. The biggest tragedy for representatives of this type is the rapid change of activity or the transience of any events.
We also recommend that you find out: Who is a choleric person?
How to recognize a phlegmatic person from the outside?
All phlegmatic people are typical introverts. They are calm and balanced, they rarely need to pour out emotions to someone. In most cases, they do not show their own emotions, and even close people often do not understand how they feel. Typically, phlegmatic people themselves are born psychologists. They observe those around them and are good at noticing when they are excited. If necessary, they are ready to listen to a loved one and help with advice.
You can recognize a phlegmatic person among your friends by their characteristic behavior:
- Complete peace of mind
. Even in difficult situations, a phlegmatic person behaves judiciously and peacefully. - Ability to resolve conflicts
. Being a calm and good-natured person, he does not support aggressive communication. It is almost impossible to quarrel with him. - Discretion
. A phlegmatic person analyzes well and correctly assesses the situation, does not draw quick conclusions and does not give in to provocations. - Quiet speech
. He always speaks calmly and smoothly, does not raise his voice or change the pace of conversation under the influence of emotions. - Minimal facial expressions and gestures
. During communication, the phlegmatic person maintains a neutral facial expression and does not wave his arms. - Knowing of limits
. He knows how to limit himself in food, alcohol, rest and entertainment. - Unpretentiousness
. He adapts well to any conditions, despite his internal dislike of change.
Phlegmatic people adapt well to their interlocutor. Therefore, being “cool” in most life situations, with a good friend a phlegmatic person begins to smile more. At the same time, he often unobtrusively imitates his interlocutor, thanks to which friendly communication with him is always comfortable and pleasant.
Family, love and friends
By their nature, phlegmatic people are secretive and reserved people.
No wonder they find it very difficult to make new friends. They take a long time to get along with new people and have a very difficult time making contact. However, if they become friends with someone, they do so sincerely, and their friendship lasts until death. We can say that it is difficult to find more reliable friends than phlegmatic people.
Phlegmatic people are great friends and family men
. They rarely make new acquaintances; usually their friends are childhood friends with whom they have quite a lot in common, and, therefore, such people can be trusted. It is very difficult for phlegmatic people to communicate with new people, and acquaintance rarely occurs on their part.
Such people meet their soulmate among old friends or acquaintances. When it comes to proposing marriage, phlegmatic people turn on their slowness and prudence and think for quite a long period. However, this inhibition in this case is even beneficial, because the spouse is a person with whom the phlegmatic person will have to live, at best, his whole life. For phlegmatic people, family is a support, a place where it is comfortable and brings a sense of calm.
. For a phlegmatic person, the family is a reliable fortress, which they are ready to protect from everyone.
Considering how difficult it is for phlegmatic people to get along with other people, their long-time acquaintances become the other half of these people. Perhaps even fellow students or classmates.
Phlegmatic people most often get married in middle age. At home, they will not throw loud scandals with breaking dishes. If they are offended, they will prefer to withdraw into themselves and not communicate with the offender for a certain period of time.
Pros of being a phlegmatic person
To make it completely clear who a phlegmatic person is, let’s look at his positive character traits, some of which are quite valuable. The advantages of being a phlegmatic person include:
Constancy
A phlegmatic person does not change his own beliefs and does not give up his words. If it becomes obvious that he was wrong, he admits it. He is very constant in relationships, thanks to which he can become a reliable business partner, a good friend or a devoted life partner. Phlegmatic people do not suffer from the agony of choice; they know in advance where it is better to have lunch, what shoes to buy and how to get a haircut.
High concentration and self-organization
Phlegmatic people are diligent and disciplined. They are able to work on a task for a long time, doing monotonous work for hours, which quickly tires people with other types of temperament. Phlegmatic people work methodically, paying attention to detail. They do an excellent job with work that requires a lot of detail. They make excellent accountants, analysts, and scientists.
Stress resistance
Phlegmatic people are able to distance themselves from stress. They react to even the most difficult stressful situation not with an emotional outburst, but with a calm philosophical remark. At the same time, phlegmatic people do not run away from reality, but strive to act rationally, not allowing emotions to control themselves. This makes them very effective in stressful situations.
Pedantry
Phlegmatic people are meticulous about the quality of their own work. They pay attention to every detail and double-check everything to eliminate errors. This allows them not to worry about the quality of the work once it is finished. Also, pedantry helps these people to bring any task to the end.
Psychological characteristics of a phlegmatic person: features of memory and emotions
Phlegmatic people need time to evaluate their environment, so a sudden change in the environment can unsettle them for a long time. However, after all the conditions have been analyzed, the phlegmatic person will begin to methodically move towards achieving his goal.
A calm, balanced character makes such people unusually productive.
They are able to remember large amounts of information and analyze it for a long time. Other people may envy the perseverance of phlegmatic people. Memory stores all learned information for a long time, which helps phlegmatic people to be successful in areas where it is necessary to analyze and manipulate information.
Disadvantages of a phlegmatic person
In addition to the stated advantages, a phlegmatic person also has a number of disadvantages, the main ones of which are the following:
Inertia and passivity
Phlegmatic people do not strive for serious changes. They like it when the situation develops in full accordance with the plan, carefully thought out in advance. They also do not have ambitions; they prefer to turn a blind eye to some problems. Typically, a phlegmatic person is completely satisfied with his own passivity; he sees no point in developing, so he often deprives himself of the chance for a better life.
Inability to adapt
Phlegmatic people tolerate discomfort well, but do not know how to adapt. Serious changes do not knock such a person out of the saddle, but he perceives them calmly and does not strive to adapt to new circumstances. Also, phlegmatic people have difficulty switching to other tasks and change their place of work or profession with a “creak.”
Closedness
A phlegmatic person is reluctant to let new people into his life. If you like a person with this type of temperament, you will have to make a lot of effort to get close to him. And even when you become a close person to him, remember that he will have the desire to be alone with himself quite often.
Phlegmatic man
A man with this type of temperament is calm, reliable and not at all jealous. For almost any woman, he can become an ideal match. When understanding who a phlegmatic man is, it is important to focus on his ability to work through issues of well-being. He always has a stable job and a financial cushion in the bank; he is good at saving money for large purchases (a car, an apartment).
Due to their penchant for constancy, phlegmatic people are predominantly monogamous. The wife of such a man can be confident in his reliability, but she won’t have to wait for bright adventures with him. He won’t open the door with the words “Honey, tomorrow we’re flying to the Bahamas!” Vacations are usually planned six months in advance, and tickets are purchased around the same time. Also, you should not expect the ability to express feelings from a phlegmatic person. He doesn't know how to make romantic surprises or give flowers for no reason.
Phlegmatic woman
From a phlegmatic woman, one should not expect frivolity, manifestations of “female logic,” whims, or sharply changing moods. She is calm, practical and calculating. It is impossible to conquer her with a romantic surprise or a “crazy” act. In men, she values not recklessness and romance, but more practical character traits. Therefore, if you are trying to win the heart of such a girl, you will have to try hard.
Keep in mind that if a phlegmatic woman lets a man into her life, she becomes very attached to him and expects a serious relationship. But don't expect her to show affection and love. She usually has these feelings and are quite strong, she is just not inclined to show them. But she is always attentive to ensuring that her loved ones are happy, healthy and well fed. This is how she shows love.
Relationships with a phlegmatic person
Anyone with this type of temperament usually feels quite comfortable with people. Significant difficulties are possible only at the first stage - it is difficult to start a relationship with a phlegmatic person, both romantic and friendly. He is reluctant to let you into his life, and even if he likes you, he will not demonstrate it. But if he decides that he needs you, he won’t let you go.
In friendship, a phlegmatic person is sincere, calm and responsible. Keep in mind that it is better to spend time with him at home or in a relatively deserted environment. He doesn't like noisy parties, but he will happily take a walk along the lake or through the forest.
In romantic relationships, phlegmatic people are supporters of trust and honesty. Thanks to their responsibility and prudence, they are almost always faithful to their “half” and expect the same from her.
Compatibility with different types of temperament:
- Choleric
. This is the best pair for a phlegmatic person. Being complete opposites, they balance each other perfectly. A phlegmatic person needs the energy of a choleric person, but he himself restrains his temperament. - Phlegmatic
. Such relationships are also quite comfortable. Two calm, honest and faithful people can create a strong union. However, quite often such couples divorce after 20 years of marriage (when they are no longer constrained by responsibility to their older children). - Sanguine
. This union is also considered successful. A sanguine person is not as explosive as a choleric person, but also has powerful energy that allows him to “stir up” a phlegmatic person without causing him discomfort. - Melancholic
. This is the worst combination. In such a couple, both “halves” quickly begin to irritate each other. A melancholic person is due to the fact that he constantly whines and is hysterical, and a phlegmatic person is due to his indifference.
Phlegmatic child: what games to play
By carefully observing your child, you will probably determine the characteristics of his temperament.
Depending on this, it is necessary to organize his leisure time. Even if in its pure, that is, absolute form, one or another temperament is rarely found in children, nevertheless, the predominant traits of a certain type of personality are clearly visible from the very first years of life in every toddler.
And since the predominant type of children’s activity is play, it is necessary to select games for a phlegmatic child taking into account his type of temperament. Of course, kids choose their favorite activities themselves, but you, as parents, must organize the gameplay in such a way as to help develop the positive sides of your child’s personality
.
Arousing interest
Is your baby a phlegmatic person who doesn’t need anything?
But often you only think so! It’s just that such children don’t like change and don’t show their emotions. Parents are perplexed: is this what a happy childhood should look like? However, under no circumstances should you “break” a baby who stubbornly refuses to leave the sandbox. But it is in your power to push him to activity. Your goal is to help your child successfully adapt to a society that he is not yet ready to join.
Start with physical activity
, free movements in themselves liberate and provoke the expression of emotions. Play catch-up and be sure to let yourself catch up - let the kid enjoy the victory. Discover for him the truth that winning by trying to overcome yourself is fun and great! Rejoice openly, showing it to your baby when he dashes down a steep hill.
Be sure to offer role-playing games to your little phlegmatic person. At the same time , inspire your baby as much as possible to make all plot decisions independently.
. Ask who you will play with - a bear or a bunny? What will they call him - maybe we can come up with a new name? Where will our hero go and what will he do?
At first, while the child is not very oriented in social roles, you can suggest the situation yourself: for example, a bear and a bunny quarreled, what should they do now? But offer to find a way out for the baby - this way he will feel like he is the master of the situation, and at the same time he will gain, albeit theoretical, but communication experience, which will be useful to him when he begins to play with other children closer to the age of three.
Whatever your baby is, he really needs parental love and affection. Give him attention, play with him, go for walks, read books at night. And then your little phlegmatic
He will surely grow up to be a truly happy person!
