Forming a child’s personality is the first step in preparing him for adulthood. This is an important task for parents and society, and it is not limited to just teaching certain skills. To raise a mature personality, it is necessary not only to tell him about discipline, self-care and the like, but also to instill moral and ethical standards and spiritual values.
What is personality formation
Personality formation is a complex process that is not interrupted at any stage of human life. Simply put, it is infinite. The very concept of “personality” is very multifaceted, and there are two popular professional views on this phenomenon. One of them says that the formation of a child’s personality depends on natural innate data. The second opinion indicates that personality is a social phenomenon, and only society influences its formation.
In fact, the entire period of a person’s life, from birth to adulthood, is a process of personal growth or degradation. It is believed that development occurs in activities that are significant to the individual. The driving force can be called internal contradictions between the needs of a growing child and the real possibility of their implementation. The child’s activities are almost always determined by the parents and, to one degree or another, directed by them. Conclusion: the process of upbringing is the leading factor in the formation of a child’s personality.
Authoritative style: features, consequences, recommendations
The authoritative style of raising children is one of the most common among modern families. Its essence lies in the fact that both parents and children live according to the same family laws. In families that adhere to such a development system, the elders are more loyal to the younger ones, parents listen to the opinions of their children in various everyday or life situations, everyone has the right to choose and vote. Everyone is always ready to help, there is no misunderstanding or tension in relationships, parents are open and happy to make contact with their children. A feature of the authoritative style is the complete absence of any hierarchy; all members of a small social group are equal to each other.
With an authoritative method of educating the individual, the child develops harmoniously; at a more mature age, his talents and characteristics manifest themselves more clearly than with other models of upbringing, and family ties with elders only become stronger. Children whose parents adhere to this model of upbringing grow up to be independent, sensitive, responsible, able to admit their own mistakes and take responsibility for them. They also clearly understand the essence of the concepts of “punishment” and “reward”; they are not familiar with physical (violent) punishment, but this does not mean that they are spoiled. When raising the next generation, such children will never be encouraged to simply and unnecessarily pampered.
Key characteristics of the authoritative style:
- Spaces of freedom increase as the child grows and his behavior improves. They expand as a child can grasp them.
- Parents pay attention to the normal behavior of children, highlight exceptional ones, ignore minor mistakes, and correct and punish major deviations.
- The rules and goals are clear.
- This is a style that implies an appropriate emotional relationship.
- Parents are confident in themselves and are not afraid to communicate with their children, although they are not susceptible to blackmail.
- They are consistent, not arbitrary.
- They have patience.
Consequences of the personality formation of children raised in an authoritarian style:
- High level of self-esteem and independence.
- They have adequate habits.
- They make decisions calmly and based on personal criteria.
- They are less dependent on the peer group, maintaining a higher level of influence in the family and greater ability to persuade children.
- They take the initiative to complete new tasks because they are confident in themselves.
- Therefore, they are more creative and innovative people.
Psychologists recommend this model as one of the most suitable for education, because when following the rules of this system, the process of both the development of the child’s personality and the re-education and modeling of discipline in parents occurs, which is also one of the main aspects of raising children. The authoritative parenting style is especially suitable for those parents who are completely lost and do not know how to raise their child.
Phases of personality development
There are three phases in the formation of a child’s personality
Adaptation
Lasts from birth until adolescence. The individual assimilates social experience - he adapts, imitates, adapts. During adaptation, there is an active adoption of social norms and mastery of various forms of activity. Having shown his own individuality in the group, the child cannot express himself as an individual until he masters the norms existing in the group.
He feels the need to be like others, adapting as much as possible in society. We can talk about a kindergarten or school.
Group activities can provoke the emergence of favorable conditions for the formation of the child’s personality and those traits that were not previously inherent in the individual, but which are characteristic of other members of the group.
Personalization
The child has a desire to oppose himself to others, to stand out. A critical attitude towards the norms of society and established social rules is formed. The impetus for individualization is the contradiction between the result of adaptation and the need for personalization that was not satisfied at the initial stage. The search begins for methods that help in gaining individuality and fixing it. This can manifest itself in behavior, clothing, speech, and so on. If, during the formation of a child’s personality, he has successfully coped with adaptation, then gradually he begins to understand that individuality is being lost. The individual mobilizes internal resources and begins to search for a society capable of providing the necessary personalization.
Integration
The child has a desire to find his place in society, to fit into society. Integration is easy if society accepts the person. Other results are also possible. A person tries in every possible way to preserve his difference, which leads to aggressive interaction with society and people. Integration is characterized by contradictions between the subject’s desire to demonstrate his own individuality and the community’s desire to cultivate and approve only those individual qualities of the subject that correspond to its preferences.
What factors influence the development of a child’s personality?
Many factors influence the formation of a child's personality. From a number of theories put forward by various psychologists, the main idea should be highlighted: personality development occurs on the basis of natural data, self-awareness and life experience. Formation begins at an early age.
Internal factors influencing: temperament, inherent at the genetic level. External factors: upbringing, social level, environment, and even the current era.
Many experts believe that genes have a significant influence on personality, containing information about the ancestors of the mother and father. A newborn person continues two genera at once. This does not mean that he will receive their character traits or talents. Nature will provide him with a basis for development, and all he has to do is use it.
The significance of the biological factor is high. This explains how people who grow up under the same conditions become unique and exhibit opposite qualities. Biological factors are the basis for the formation of a child’s personality. Socialization plays an equally significant role. Development occurs in stages. The perception of the world is influenced by the upbringing received by a person and the example of his parents.
Education and personality formation in the family: the importance of parents
Psychologists are convinced that parents have a decisive influence on a child’s personality, his perception of the world, feelings and aspirations. The relationship between father and mother, as well as between other relatives, is important to him. The attitude of the family directly towards the child plays a huge role.
The surrounding social environment also influences the formation of personality. Education is a purposeful process of influencing a person, and it is precisely this that is at the basis of the cultivation of personality.
Many people ask the question: “What plays a decisive role in personal development and consciousness - natural forces, social environment?” It is impossible to single out anything separately, but it is obvious that the first years of human life are fundamental. Children growing up in a family largely adopt their parents’ behavior, attitudes, and values. Subsequently, the personality may acquire additional minor touches, but it is in childhood that the foundation is laid. If the father and mother pay little attention to the baby, then he receives “material” for development from other available sources, which are not always beneficial. Parents should remember this and take care of daily quality interaction with their child. At an early age, reading fairy tales helps a lot, as it instills in the child an understanding of good and evil. Be sure to analyze what you read and think through other options for developing the story.
What are the causes of parental disagreements?
There can be many reasons for disagreements in raising a child in a family.
First of all, this may be due to differences in the educational experience of parents, assimilation by them in their own childhood: some parents completely copy the model of education that was adopted in their family. Others, on the contrary, disagree with the parental upbringing measures that were applied to them in childhood, trying to find a different way in relation to their own child and go beyond the framework of the upbringing tradition accepted in their family. Very often parents who were under a lot of pressure in childhood act in this way. Trying to compensate for their own suffering, they allow their children too much, so the children of such parents know neither prohibitions nor restrictions, which often leads to the development of irresponsibility and selfishness. Another serious obstacle to choosing the optimal parenting style can be differences in the characters of parents. While the pedantic father, who pays attention to little things and is prone to anger, demands unquestioning obedience and immediate execution of orders, the mother, who is softer in character, on the contrary, indulges all the weaknesses and whims of the child.
Why is this situation dangerous? It can be resolved in two ways: either lead to an increase in the level of anxiety in the child due to constant tense anticipation and uncertainty - whether he will be punished for this act or praised, or to the development of cunning and a tendency to manipulate: the child can learn to play on this disagreement between mother and father . So, every time after clashes with his father, he can come to his mother in tears and with complaints and beg her for gifts, sweets and simply signs of attention as a consolation prize. The mother, agreeing in this situation that “dad is bad,” thereby undermines the authority of the father in the eyes of the child. This state of affairs angers the father even more, and the intra-family conflict worsens. Why? The father, observing the plot between the mother and the child, feels unnecessary. By the way, as a rule, behind the mask of such a “despot” is hidden a vulnerable nature with low self-esteem, which requires attention and understanding no less than a child. The roots of such adult behavior go back to the desire to protect their children from their own mistakes and difficult experiences. Having suffered humiliation, ridicule and failures in childhood, parents want to see their children as strong, unbending individuals and therefore raise them in “Spartan” conditions. Not taught to love in childhood, without reliable support, they do not understand that becoming a strong personality is possible only when there is a feeling that people close to you understand and approve of you.
What mistakes do parents make when raising individuals?
When shaping a child’s personality, it is important for parents to avoid such common mistakes.
Categorical prohibition
The main mistake of education. Be patient with your baby and respect him. Without learning to understand it, parents make inevitable mistakes that lead to mental and physical problems. By ignoring the desires and interests of the child, responding to most of them with categorical prohibitions, you can even skip the initial stage of some disease. Example: you notice that the child has started eating lime. The first reaction of most parents: dissatisfaction, screaming, a ban on approaching the wall. Correct reaction: visit the doctor. The doctor will probably tell you that there is a lack of calcium salts in the baby’s body. In addition, such an attitude will create in the child a desire to perform certain actions on the sly. Many become secretive and distrustful.
Overprotection
When shaping a child’s personality, overprotection is not the best helper. Excessive care can have a negative effect on the baby. When he reaches a certain age and tries to show independence, this is often met with hostility. Example: a child wants to use a spoon himself, but the mother, fearing that he will get dirty or not be able to cope, continues to feed him herself.
Overprotection manifests itself in violent action, which can result in the emergence of neurosis. In other cases, guardianship unless absolutely necessary can result in the child never being able to make friends, because the mother and grandmother are always nearby. The individual may have difficulties with socialization; he does not acquire the ability to express and defend his opinion. Possible consequences: psychological problems that can only be eliminated with the assistance of specialists.
Excessive demands
For the full development of a child’s personality, it is necessary that he not only knows, but also understands what is allowed and what is prohibited. If you show excessive demands on him, without giving clear explanations of the reasons why you need to do as you say, then this will not lead to good. What traits will the personality acquire? Irritability, stubbornness. The best option: parents explain in detail the reasons for their demands, and over time they become the child’s personal beliefs.
Notations
The first factor provoking children's protest is lengthy lectures. Parents often believe that their child will learn information better by listening to long and repetitive lectures. There is no need for them. This approach has no constructive component. Particularly taboo is other children being held up as examples. Gradually, the child will begin to perceive them as personal enemies. Boring notations often cause a negative reaction, losing their educational value.
Immense pampering of a child
Parents who spoil their children too much create a big problem. This phenomenon is no less negative than lack of influence. Spoiled children, who do not know anything to be denied, who have no responsibilities, eventually face the impossibility of overcoming even minor life obstacles and problems. When a situation arises when their desires and reality do not coincide, they lead to overstrain of the nervous system, which can result in a breakdown.
The connection between mother and child: how he perceives it
Each child perceives his parents differently. The person closest to the baby is his mother. The natural bond between mother and child can be very strong and last for decades. The baby is able to recognize her among other women if the mother takes him in her arms. But how can such a small creature distinguish its mother? Firstly, the child recognizes her heart rate, and secondly, the smell; external signs do not interest him yet. Until the age of 2, babies have a fairly strong psychological and physical connection with their mother. This attachment arises from the fact that she initially gives him food (breast milk). Therefore, the child reacts so sensitively to her mother’s psychological and physical state. The child perceives the mother as the only means for his existence.
Until the final formation of the baby’s personality, the mother will be the most significant person for him, because she not only feeds him, but is also a reliable protection against the dangers surrounding him. Most children even adopt behavioral traits from their mother, considering themselves one with her. The connection between mother and child can be maintained even at a certain distance.
What conditions will ensure successful personality formation?
Important conditions for the formation of a child’s personality.
Example of parents
It is important for a child to see that mom and dad do not follow a certain script, but really live a happy and fulfilling life. It is impossible to make another person happy if you yourself are unhappy. Many psychologists note that people who do not experience inner harmony often complain about problems in relationships with children. Only happy parents will be able to truly understand their child by building a trusting relationship with him. This contributes to the successful formation of personality. When trying to help your child with this, start with yourself. Reflect: do you know how to accept your feelings, do you allow yourself to truly be happy and sad. Or maybe you are restraining yourself and teaching your child excessive restraint, thereby suppressing his personality.
Communication with others
Show by example how to communicate with other people. Give yourself a little test by honestly answering the question: “Are you able to have an unbiased conversation with a person with whom you disagree in some aspects?” Is there a possibility that you are trying to impose an opinion on another person or are you submitting to someone else’s will? The child will probably adopt this feature from you.
Don’t impose your opinion and position – just share your values. Have you heard the definition of “heartfelt conversation”? Such dialogues arise when a person is ready to understand the interlocutor and share his opinion. In relationships, a person develops, allow yourself to learn new things and teach this to your child.
Care and attention
A person who has felt care and attention at the dawn of development will certainly feel confident and protected. Mother and father become important life references, exerting serious influence. It is great if a mother can demonstrate such qualities as forgiveness, acceptance, love. The child needs to feel affection and warmth. In a father, strictness and gentleness are important, acting undividedly.
Parents are the most important stage in the formation of personality. Everyone knows the words that raising children should begin with their own upbringing. Start with yourself if you want to help your child’s personality acquire important facets.
House without foundation
Is baby training just an unnecessary fad? Is parent training another form of activity for modern parents?
How much easier it would be for people at school, at work, in everyday life. If only resilience and faith in themselves and their own abilities were created in them in early childhood.
If they learned to recognize, accept and regulate their own emotions, engage in valuable relationships, plan and organize?
Now is the time when you can build modular houses without a foundation. They are built quickly and can be placed almost anywhere.
Their durability, equal to brick houses, largely depends on the quality of materials and workmanship. An error of a few millimeters and the stability of the building becomes questionable.
Features and skills related to managing emotions, relationships, and self-esteem can also be considered the foundations of child development.
If parents take care of shaping them from the first days, months and years. Then crises, stress and unpleasant experiences will not disturb the child’s psyche too much.
Thanks to high mental resilience, it will be easier for the child to understand, accept and cope with the events that have occurred. It's like a solid foundation for a house.
Without this stable base, with any difficult experience, with any mistake, the child’s endurance can be reduced. And make the problems more burdensome. This does not mean that they will be impossible to overcome.
A breakup in a relationship or minor career difficulties may later leave only harmless cracks in the walls. And without a solid foundation, they can destroy most of the house.
