The purpose of this day is to draw attention to the problem of psychological support for people prone to depression and thoughts of death.
psychologist, head of psychological Anna Khnykina about the causes and signs of suicidal mood, as well as how and what can be done to help a person .
Maya Milich, AiF.ru: How can you understand that a person who threatens to kill himself is actually capable of doing it, or is he simply manipulating those around him?
Anna Khnykina : In fact, everyone talks about this: both manipulators and those who are really going to kill themselves. But among the second category of people, conversations about suicide are not direct, more veiled. Often thoughts about this are presented as stories about someone else, a story about a dream, a movie watched on this topic, and so on.
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But information leaks out one way or another. And if you are careful, you can notice the first signs of suicidal mood.
But you need to take a closer look at everyone who talks about death, even obvious manipulators - people with a demonstrative note can drive themselves to the point of having to “carry out the demonstration to the very end.”
I want to say right away that it is important what kind of relationship you have with a potential suicider. If you have a codependent relationship, for example, he is an addict - an alcoholic, a drug addict, a gambling addict, or a dependent, very united relationship (or your life support and life activities are completely dependent on him) relationship, then inevitably they will manipulate you, call you to save you, they will shift it onto you responsibility for something for which you cannot be responsible, but “should.”
This is the essence of such relationships, so here the matter concerns not only suicide, but also the relationships themselves and manipulations in them, everything is complex. In particular, suicide is a frequent consequence of such relationships in the family in which the suicide victim grew up.
— Is it true that suicide cannot be prevented, that a person will always find an opportunity to commit it?
—
There is a category of suiciders who are “serious” and understand perfectly well that “if they find out, they won’t let you do everything.” Preventing suicide in such cases is extremely difficult. But of all the potential suicides that exist, these are a minority.
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What is psychological pressure
Psychological pressure is the influence that a person exerts on others to change their judgments, beliefs, opinions and decisions.
At first glance, this looks like an act of good intentions, which can only be carried out by strong and independent individuals. But such people are able to express their opinions directly, without any tricks.
But the methods of psychological pressure are used precisely by people who are unsure of themselves and have no real power. Such pressure makes the victim feel vulnerable and brings anxiety. It is very undesirable to use such techniques also because they bring only a temporary effect. Everything indicates that this is an extremely negative phenomenon. But everyone should know what it is and how to resist psychological pressure in order to be able to resist the manipulations of others.
Overture: why these manipulations
The word "manipulation" comes from the Latin manipulus. It contains the root manus - “hand”. The original meaning - an action based on sleight of hand - referred, for example, to puppeteers who, through deft tricks, made dolls dance. And only then the word acquired a different, figurative meaning - a trick, a fraud. People are usually unhappy if they discover that they have been manipulated. It is believed that they were led, as if by invisible threads, to a result that they themselves did not want.
That is, manipulation is a technology of power; it is not applied to good friends, well, at least if they want these friends to remain kind.
Types of psychological pressure
Before considering ways to protect against psychological pressure on a person, you should consider what types and methods of psychological pressure exist. This is what determines what behavioral strategy the victim should choose in order to resist the manipulator.
Compulsion
This form is used when one person has more influence in some area than another. For example, psychological pressure often arises at work when a boss forces a subordinate to do something that he does not want and is not even obliged to do, but cannot refuse without any consequences. Any subordinate needs to know about coercion in order to know how to resist psychological pressure at work.
One can confuse coercion with manipulation, but the difference between the former is that the provocateur does not need to come up with any conditions or pretexts to provide information.
Humiliation
This is a way to morally crush a person with the help of unpleasant comments and statements about his appearance, character and actions. After all, it is criticism of personal qualities that hurts the most and negatively affects self-esteem.
As soon as you hear something unpleasant about yourself, you immediately have a desire to refute and prove to others that in reality everything is completely wrong. The aggressor takes advantage of this and offers to do what is beneficial to him. The victim of the situation, of course, agrees.
Avoidance
One of the most sophisticated types of psychological violence. Sometimes, in order to avoid manipulation, one of the participants immediately tries to clarify awkward moments and asks questions head-on, but the interlocutor cleverly avoids them, changes the topic, or simply ignores statements that are inconvenient for him. It gets to the point that this person begins to be indignant at why they are slandering him and twisting his words.
The victim falls into a stupor: everything seems to be going well, but inside there remains a feeling of confusion and anxiety.
Suggestion
Many people have met in their lives such masters of words who were able to instill in them completely ridiculous and unnecessary things. This is not easy to achieve, but aggressors cleverly gain the trust and respect of the listener. After this, you can put any pressure on the person.
The most obvious example of this type of violence is hypnosis, with the help of which gypsies extort money from passers-by. But it is worth noting that there are people who cannot be hypnotized, so this type of psychological pressure will not work with them.
Belief
In appearance, this is a very rational way to persuade your interlocutor to do something. The initiator presents weighty arguments, facts, and consistently presents all the information - it is difficult to resist such logical arguments. In addition, the victim is very flattered that she is considered a deeply educated and intelligent person.
But as soon as you make some mistake or inconsistency of facts, the whole strategy becomes useless. This type is one of the main forms of psychological pressure of a teacher. For a student in elementary school, the teacher is the unconditional authority. Often, in conversations with parents, the child relies on the words of the teacher: “And Maria Ivanovna says that you need to do this.”
A teacher who works without desire and inspiration can use this for his own selfish purposes.
Manipulation
This is one of the main types of psychological pressure on a person, which can be applied in various ways. Its distinctive feature is that the aggressor tries to exert psychological pressure and gain personal benefit at the expense of others in such a way that they are not aware of the true motives. In this regard, not every manipulator can use this method: you need to be not just calculating, but also a cold-blooded person who well understands the psychology of people.
The most obvious example of manipulators is scammers. They have a clear strategy on how to gain benefit from those around them, and skillfully put pressure on the most vulnerable places. Giving alms to the poor is a manipulation of the kindness, compassion and empathy of most people. Big winnings in lotteries and online casinos are a manipulation of people hungry for easy money.
The same type of psychological violence is used in network marketing: cunning methods of calculation show numbers that are attractive to victims, which can be achieved with a minimum of effort.
Manipulators actively put pressure on the victim through attitudes and beliefs that are formed in most people: “You must sympathize and help others,” “You must be responsible for everything that happens,” “Any service must be paid with gratitude,” and others.
But everyone’s most vulnerable place is their own emotions and feelings. And manipulation of them is so widespread in society that many may not even realize that they are engaging in psychological pressure. Parents influence children (it is easiest to exert psychological pressure on a child), men influence women and vice versa. For example, many partners ask their other half for a favor using the phrase: “Don’t you love me?”
All this is manipulated in other areas: at work, in business, in politics, in advertising. Therefore, almost everyone experiences psychological pressure.
Required thanks
A form of psychological pressure in which the manipulator thinks through his actions several steps ahead. He provides an unsuspecting victim with some kind of help or service that no one asked for, as if with the best intentions. This can go on for quite a long time until a person gains trust.
But at some point the manipulator asks for help and pressures him that it’s time to repay the debt. If the victim is not tormented by conscience and does not agree immediately, then such requests can turn into real threats.
Present yourself in a favorable light
It is better to complete this step first if you are meeting a person for the first time or have not seen him for about six months. In life, the saying “You meet someone by your clothes...” works well, so in the first thirty seconds people evaluate your appearance and style of clothing, then fifteen seconds they evaluate your demeanor and gestures, another fifteen seconds remain for your manner and literacy of speech. The impression you make on a person in the first minute of communication is the most lasting, and it is very important not to ignore this moment.
How to resist psychological pressure
If you notice that someone is putting psychological pressure on you, then you should remember that manipulators resort to such measures for a reason. Often these people are not able to bear the burden of their psychological problems and cannot withstand stress. They try to shift responsibility from themselves to strangers in order to feel comfortable.
There may be several reasons for this behavior:
- a model of upbringing in a family in which everyone encourages the child’s infantilism;
- sharply negative memories of a difficult childhood and more.
The first thing you need to do to resist psychological pressure is to give a straightforward rebuff. The victim must calmly and directly inform the manipulator that his demands will not be met because they have a selfish goal. This will confuse some people and the situation will be over. But especially sophisticated people can continue their actions, this time in a more sophisticated way. And among the victims there may be those who do not know how to openly resist someone; such a conversation can increase their feelings of guilt and make them become even more bogged down in the situation.
A more environmentally friendly way to deal with manipulators is to work on your self-esteem. Its level is directly related to the degree of susceptibility to psychological pressure: the lower a person’s self-esteem, the easier it is to force him to do something he doesn’t want. To improve it, it is necessary to do a lot of work even at the level of thinking. This is especially difficult to do if your environment, including family and friends, consists of toxic individuals. In this case, it is best to seek help from a specialist.
Parasite words
You need to watch your speech and mercilessly get rid of them. For example, in the phrase “it's me again” the parasite is the word “again” (again). Otherwise, this phrase can be pronounced as “Are you tired of me yet?”
Read also: How to deal with a hot-tempered boss
Psychological pressure: protection against manipulation in several steps
Overcoming psychological pressure can be much easier than protecting yourself from it in time. After all, recognizing this phenomenon is sometimes very difficult; the manipulator can choose the most sophisticated types and types of actions.
But if there is even a suspicion of such actions, then you need to use techniques to protect yourself from psychological pressure.
Straightforwardness
You can directly state to your interlocutor’s face that he is behaving too assertively and aggressively; such behavior does not allow him to weigh everything and make a choice. Some manipulators retreat when faced with resistance, but with others you have to use other techniques.
Closed poses
Crossed arms or legs, chin down - all this reduces the degree of psychological pressure. Such poses at the subconscious level give a signal to your partner that you are not ready to cooperate and perceive information.
Mental barriers
Sometimes ordinary thoughts and images give you greater confidence in yourself and your abilities. It’s enough to imagine that there is an insurmountable barrier between you and the manipulator: an invisible wall, a deep ditch, a fiery barrier, an impenetrable dome or a spacesuit.
Distraction
To confuse your opponent, you can distract him in various ways: coughing, yawning, tapping on the table, turning pages, straightening clothes or hair. Any physical activity will attract the eye, but it is important that it looks natural and is not repeated too often.
Emotionality of speech
You need to express your position enthusiastically. Moreover, women are more inclined to show emotions than men; accordingly, when communicating with women, you need to actively use facial expressions, and vice versa with men. The greatest effect is obtained if a man communicates with a woman using the language of facial expressions and gestures; she gets the impression that he is a sensitive and understanding person. And vice versa, if a woman communicates with a man with restraint, then he involuntarily develops the opinion that she can be relied on and trusted.
How to get out of pressure
There are several techniques that will help you take control of the situation and protect yourself from other people’s pressure:
- Start asking questions. You can ask yourself: “Do I need to do this? If I want to? Will I benefit? Can I refuse? The answers will help you get into a defensive position if necessary. And clarifying questions to your opponent will help you gain time and identify weak points. It is important to carefully monitor his non-verbal gestures. A person can give up his selfish intentions when he hears confident questions: “Why should I take on such responsibility?”, “Why are you sure that I will agree?” and so on.
- Determine the advantage that the partner enjoys. This will help you find your strengths in contrast to his words. If the manipulator puts pressure on him with his experience and knowledge, then he should mention his strong professional qualities and merits. If one hides behind someone’s authority, then one can question it and say that it is a subjective thing. And an unexpected and urgent request can be considered by referring to busyness and more important matters.
- Find a way to use your advantages. As stated above, you need to find the same strategy that the interlocutor uses. It is only important to build your defense and not go too far.
- Wait until the forces are equal. It is from this moment that you can take the following actions. If you rush and move straight to the next point, your opponent may view this as weakness. And a clear advantage in your favor can contribute to even greater conflict.
- Find a compromise and move on to cooperation. At a time when your partner is no longer so confident in his abilities, you can dictate your terms and look for a solution that will be convenient for both. Sometimes you can calmly walk away from interaction with such a person.
Risk group
— Which groups of people are most susceptible to suicidal tendencies?
—
These are persons in the so-called “borderline” state - one foot in reality, the other in their idea of it. Teenagers generally live in this state - this is a characteristic of adolescence itself.
Postpartum depression is dangerous only in very prolonged cases, where maternal instincts are still more powerful.
Elderly and lonely people are a rather dangerous category of people, especially when this loneliness is forced, not chosen by the person himself as a way of life.
Intimidation.
Intimidation is most often used to:
- violent coercion to any action;
— reining in the “presumptuous” object. The standard motivator of human behavior during acts of intimidation is a real fear for:
— physical safety (of yourself and your loved ones);
- safety of your property;
- normal functioning of your business (business, hobby.).
Using someone else's sense of fear, it is useful to know that:
— several gradations of fear are known: fear (the first reaction to a threat), anxiety (a feeling of uncertainty in anticipation of an unfavorable development of events), fear (reaction to a really visible danger), panic (uncontrollable animal fear);
- each subject has a limit of mental endurance, beyond which he is not capable of further resistance to the emotion of fear, falling into chaotic behavior or some kind of numbness;
- shock that occurs from fear usually lasts from 15 to 30 minutes;
— physiological manifestations of fear are: increased heartbeat, trembling, weakness, muscle inhibition, dry mouth and throat, sweating, nausea, dizziness, lack of air, rumbling in the stomach, frequent urge to urinate, involuntary emptying of the stomach and bladder. ;
- affecting the psyche, fear causes disturbances in perception, upsets memory and thinking and does not allow one to concentrate on the work being done;
— the strongest fear usually arises when there is a clear threat to one’s own life and the lives of those closest to the person;
— fear of the unknown is always more painful than fear of a visible and understandable danger; when people don't know what awaits them, they usually expect the worst;
— the incitement of fear is facilitated by both forced inaction and loss of hope and the unknown;
- fear of death increases significantly while waiting for it;
— People with divorced marriages in the past, as well as those who married early or committed some kind of offense are most likely to be afraid.
When using intimidation, keep in mind that:
— physically or mentally tired people are much more submissive and pliable than rested and self-confident people;
— subjects with a strong type of nervous system, when overworked, behave like people with a weak psychotype;
- a sudden shift in established relationships in people with a weak type of nervous system usually causes mental trauma, or, more simply, confusion, fear and despair; with a strong psychotype, such reactions are usually less pronounced;
- Gypsies, as well as Europeans with dark eyes and hair, are noticeably less susceptible to fear than the small peoples of the north (Chukchi.) or blue-eyed blonds;
- a feeling of powerlessness and fear can easily be caused chemically by mixing, for example, dried cornflower into tobacco or introducing into the body in any way (along with drinking, injection or through contact with the skin) a mixture of luminal with lophophora or yohimbine hydrochloride.
The classic intimidation schemes are:
— the target’s dossier is reviewed with an assessment of its likely reaction to an obvious threat;
- if he is a coward, a series of actions are planned and carried out aimed at crushing his will (psychological and physical terrorization.), and without presenting the person with any conditions or explanations;
- during the main contact there is no physical beating, but they clearly say that it will happen if the object does not comply with the demands presented to him.
- a polite business proposal is made;
— in case of failure, a warning action is carried out (a can of fuel on the roof of the garage);
— if there is a repeated failure, a forced warning is given (another canister of fuel, plus a box of matches.);
— looking through the object’s dossier, they look for people who are especially close to him;
— terrorizing actions of stepwise increasing aggressiveness are carried out against selected persons;
- the object is faced with an alternative: the life and health of a loved one or. ;
- if the “favorite person” has a clear influence on the object, a similar alternative can be presented to him;
— measures are being thought out to prevent a person from using the help of official or criminal structures, or hiding a significant person somewhere (it is possible, however, to calculate that the object will turn to you for assistance or advice.);
