During childhood and adolescence, a variety of psychological problems appear. Complexes and phobias arise in the process of socialization, education and hormonal changes in the body. A common problem is low self-esteem. A child who lacks self-confidence suffers from the impossibility of self-realization in society. Maintaining this character trait in the future may cause a decrease in quality of life. The formation of neurosis and/or another mental disorder is possible. Fortunately, successful correction of this condition is possible.
Why does a child grow up unsure of himself?
Self-confidence is an important psychological trait that determines a person’s behavior and level of social well-being. Adequate self-esteem allows an individual to be confident in his abilities and life choices. Inner confidence is required in all aspects of life, including learning, work and maintaining family relationships. If self-esteem decreases, quality of life deteriorates. A person is constantly tormented by doubts that force him to give up active actions. Serious internal contradictions, complexes and fears appear.
Lack of self-confidence is a common phenomenon in children. From the point of view of psychology and psychiatry, this condition is not pathological. The maturation period is characterized by constant exposure to internal and external stress factors. Children begin to get used to social life. Ideas about the importance of choice, consequences, good and evil are formed in the mind. Due to a lack of life experience, children are not always able to cope with difficulties on their own.
Low self-esteem is not always the norm. Sometimes the period of stress becomes too long, which disrupts the adaptation of the psyche to negative external influences. In this case, the lack of self-confidence is reinforced and persists throughout life. Parents and teachers should be aware of the early signs of this condition as action needs to be taken as early as possible. The persistence of such a problem into adolescence and adulthood will require long-term psychological rehabilitation.
Do what you're afraid of
One of the main reasons for fear is the unknown. The more unusual the situation is for you, the more afraid you are. It turns out to be a vicious circle: you avoid certain conditions, so you don’t get used to them, so you are afraid. To break it, you have to take a risk.
Action Plan : Does public speaking make your hands shake with fear? Raise your hand more often in class, take reports, and at the same time ask to be the presenter of some event or go to a theater club. Are you afraid to make phone calls? Call somewhere at least once a day: check opening hours, ask questions about the assortment.
Result : At first it will be scary, but gradually your communication skills in circumstances that frighten you will improve. You will act automatically, and at the same time you will see that you will encounter a negative reaction very rarely, if not never.
Maturation period
Nervous system development does not stop after birth. The brain, which is responsible for regulating the body and maintaining cognitive abilities, continues to change. Transitional reflexes disappear and new neural connections are established. The cerebral cortex actively increases its potential, helping the individual acquire new knowledge and skills. Education and socialization influence the final processes of formation of the nervous system. For this reason, a 4-5 year old child is especially susceptible to chronic stress and other negative factors.
The adaptation mechanism plays an important role in the formation of personality traits. The brain must protect its own structures from adverse effects. Children learn to cope with difficulties and focus on the positive aspects of life. At this time, the family should provide all possible support to strengthen the protective reflexes of the psyche. Home should be a place of calm, not a new zone for coping with difficulties. An unfavorable family environment creates the preconditions for decreased socialization and disruption of the adaptive functions of consciousness.
10-12 year old children encounter a new maturation factor. The reproductive system gradually develops, affecting the brain and other organs. The level of sex hormones increases. The body begins to change rapidly. Teenagers often grow disproportionately, which is why complexes appear. In addition, hormonal levels change the nature of social needs.
Imagine yourself as a different person
An option for those who feel an untapped acting talent. If you feel that fear is literally holding you back, there is only one way out - forget about yourself for a while and transform into another person. And if something goes wrong, it will be with him, not with you.
Action plan : Do you have a favorite character from a TV series or book whose endurance and courage you admire? Or is there a real person whose character you like? Try to copy his behavior. For confidence, add details to your image that will help you feel like you are not yourself. This could be bright lipstick or a non-standard style of clothing, for example.
Result : under someone else's mask you will feel freer, as a feeling of play will appear. Who said that the whole world cannot be turned into a theatrical stage? Just don't get carried away so as not to lose your real personality.
Self-confidence and reflection
Man is a complex living being, capable of analyzing what is happening around him and adapting his behavior to current needs. The evolutionary mechanism has taught primates to survive in difficult conditions by interacting with the outside world and planning their own actions. This mechanism has been preserved and has not lost its role. Reflections of his actions, thoughts and views on the world appear in a person’s consciousness. This psychological feature is called reflection.
Types of reflection:
- Situational. Required to adapt to certain circumstances. The subject analyzes the situation and finds the best way to solve the problem. This type of reflection is strongly associated with the level of motivation and self-esteem.
- Retrospective. A person periodically remembers his actions and gives them his assessment. Moderate retrospective reflection helps to work on mistakes and change your behavior.
- Prospective. It is necessary to think not only about the past, but also about the future. An analysis of possible actions to achieve results is required. Correct analysis makes a person more confident.
An individual’s internal view of himself, his personality and the quality of his own actions has a double meaning. Moderate reflection develops positive qualities such as composure, empathy and restraint. Reduced reflexivity is a trait of overconfident psychopaths, who are capable of breaking laws and hurting other people without any remorse. The other extreme is also a negative trait. The individual becomes tense, fearful and unsure of himself. People with high reflection are dangerous primarily for themselves, since this quality becomes the cause of dissatisfaction and social disorder.
Recommendations: how to raise a child into a successful adult
- If you want to change anything in your child, start with yourself. Remember, children copy their parents.
- Praise your child for successes and do not scold for failures.
- Tell your child what is useful, not what not to do.
- Make up short suggestion formulas with your child like: “I am the best”, “I am successful”.
- Learn to replace negative thoughts with positive ones. If your child doesn’t know how to sing beautifully, tell him: “But you can draw great!”
- Tell your baby more often how much you love him and that you believe in him.
- Support all your child's endeavors, even if they seem strange to you.
- Try to always be objective in relation to the various actions of your child.
Reasons for uncertainty
The causes of childhood self-doubt are usually associated with individual mental characteristics, upbringing, socialization and the state of the body. The listed factors directly determine the quality of social life. It is important to understand that active personality maturation occurs in childhood, so the child is not yet able to abstract from stress factors. Consciousness absorbs any life experience, on the basis of which character traits are formed.
Main reasons:
- Psychological adaptation disorder
This may be an individual characteristic dictated by genes, or an acquired condition. Children experience any failures hard and cannot cope with difficulties in the future. The mechanism of learned helplessness is activated: previous failures warn the individual against trying to cope with new problems. Everyday anxiety appears. Chronic stress, not reflected by the adaptive mechanism, increasingly deforms the personality.
- Low quality of social interactions
This is a key reason for self-doubt, since it is interpersonal relationships that are the basis for the development of character traits. Learned patterns of interaction with people are difficult to change in the future.
- Psychological disorders
Children often suffer from neuroses and more serious mental disorders. Signs of such ailments include unmotivated anxiety, panic attacks and persistent low mood. Lack of self-confidence may be an immediate complication of this disorder. Psychological or psychotherapeutic support may be required.
You can become confident at any age, but you need to understand exactly what circumstances “feed” low self-esteem.
Give your child the right to speak
Everyone was taught as a child that it is rude to interfere in the conversations of adults. Yes, it can be considered a “flaw” of the parents if the child constantly shamelessly breaks into the dialogues of the elders. Do not prohibit or punish - for a shy child this is another reason to withdraw into himself. Teach him how to politely carry on a conversation and express his opinion.
A child already at 5-7 years old can have his own opinion. He likes clothes of a certain style, he is not happy with the decisions of mom and dad. Let your child speak out; he also has the right to speak in the family.
Firstly, this way he trains eloquence and the ability to formulate his thoughts, which is important for shy children. And secondly, you yourself will get to know your baby better - what worries and worries him.
Risk factors
There are the most common reasons for low self-esteem related to specific circumstances. Typically, psychologists during a consultation try to exclude the following factors:
- Anxious and overprotective parent
The desire to protect children from any adversity is dictated by instincts and parental love, but moderation must be observed in everything. Children observe the behavior of their parents and, based on this experience, form their own personality traits. Pathological maternal anxiety creates the preconditions for the development of anxiety in an individual. A person does not learn to make decisions on his own and cope with difficulties.
- Psychological and physical violence are the most serious risk factors
It manifests itself through excessive punishment, reproaches and criticism. Parents do not help children recover from stress, but only aggravate the condition. Often mothers and fathers prone to psychological violence do not see anything reprehensible in their behavior.
- Insufficient socialization at an early age
This risk factor is usually associated with overprotection and strict upbringing, when parents, due to their own fears and self-doubt, forbid their children to see their peers. The individual does not receive the necessary experience to develop self-esteem.
- Inability to meet parental expectations
Children are constantly blamed for their failures in school and other activities. This feature of upbringing is often associated with the fact that the parent is trying to realize himself at the expense of the social success of his children. Characteristic of narcissistic mothers and fathers.
- Social failures
Interpersonal interactions in kindergarten and school are not ideal. Children can be cruel, mocking and indifferent. Bad relationships in a team only reinforce pathological personality traits.
Another important risk factor is an unfavorable somatic condition. Chronic diseases lead to the development of various mental disorders, including anxiety and depression. It is especially difficult for children with disabilities because they are aware of their limitations at an early age. You can grow in self-confidence by eliminating key risk factors.
Training for teenage children “Confident behavior”
Alexandra Bicheva
Training for teenage children “Confident behavior”
Developing self-confidence begins with eliminating the demon called fear; this demon sits on a man’s shoulder and whispers to him “You can’t do this”
N. Hill.
Goals:
•Creating a trusting atmosphere in the group
•Form an image of confident behavior
•Training confident behavior in public speaking situations
PROGRESS OF THE CLASS:
Exercise “Greetings without words”
Description of the exercise: Participants are asked to move freely around the room for 2-3 minutes and manage to greet as many people as possible during this time. This should be done not by uttering words, but by any other means: nod of the head, handshake, hug, etc. At the same time, the participant has the right to use each method only once; for each subsequent greeting, a new method must be invented.
The psychological meaning of the exercise is acquaintance, emancipation, and unity of the participants.
Discussion: Who managed to greet how many people? What was more difficult—inventing new ways of greeting or demonstrating them, what was the reason for this? Perhaps someone experienced psychological discomfort. If yes, then at what moments, what caused it?
Exercise "Gaits"
Goal: to teach a method of self-regulation of emotional states through control of their external manifestations. Developing confidence in your actions. Development of observation, as well as the ability to externally express emotional states and understand their expression in others.
Time: 15 minutes.
Instructions. Participants are asked to choose an emotion or psychological state that they would like to demonstrate and walk in front of the group in such a way that their gait can be used to guess what it is expressing. Each person is given 3-4 attempts, in them it is necessary to express a different state. The participants take turns, and those of them who are not currently involved in the show are in the role of spectators. Their task is to guess what the gait demonstrates.
As an example and warm-up, you can ask everyone to demonstrate the following gait options: confident, shy, aggressive, joyful, offended.
Discussion: What exactly do you need to look for in your gait to understand what it represents? How did the psychological state of the participants change when they showed different gait options? Most likely, it was actually starting to approach what was shown. Where and how can we use this method of self-regulation - externally demonstrating the states that we want to evoke in ourselves? What qualities of creative thinking are trained through this exercise?
Exercise “Movements one at a time”
Description of the exercise: Participants are asked to randomly place themselves in space, after which, at the command of the leader, they begin to move, adhering to the following rules:
-Only one person can move at a time. If two or more participants start moving at the same time, the exercise is considered not completed and starts over.
-Any participant can be in motion for no more than 5 seconds in a row, then must stop.
-Moments when no one moves can also be no more than 5 seconds. If during this period of time no one starts to move, it is considered a loss and the exercise starts over.
Participants should work without violating these rules for at least 2 minutes. You cannot talk during the exercise.
Psychological meaning of the exercise: Training in determination, the ability to take responsibility even with a lack of information for this, in situations where a mistake creates the risk of the team losing, and if no one takes responsibility, loss is guaranteed. That is, something like in football, when several players could potentially attack the goal, but no one does this for fear of missing, and as a result the ball goes to the opponents. In addition, the exercise helps develop mutual understanding and observation.
Discussion: What guided the participants when they decided to start the movement? In connection with what, some people were ready to take responsibility and act actively, while some (there are such people in almost any group) took a passive position and did not move at all? When do situations similar to this exercise arise in life, in which taking responsibility and taking active action creates the risk of losing (and if no one takes responsibility, losing is guaranteed?
Exercise "Frozen":
All participants sit in a circle and try to be motionless, as if they are portraying “frozen” people who have no emotions, they should not react to anything around them, but at the same time it is forbidden to look away or close their eyes, participants must look only forward. Then, the leader comes to the center of the circle. His task is to try to “unfreeze” any player using his own gestures, statements and facial expressions. For example, evoke any emotions in the participants: a response, facial expressions, any body movement.
The presenter is allowed to do this in absolutely any way, excluding only physical touching of the other players and uttering obscene and offensive language towards them. Whoever has undergone “unfreezing”, that is, has allowed some movement and facial expressions, rises and goes to the center of the circle. Now he and the presenter are on the same team, and together they try to activate the rest of the participants. All subsequent eliminated players also join them. The winner is the participant who manages to remain unperturbed for a long time.
The point of this exercise is to train the ability of emotional stability, self-regulation, the ability to control one’s own emotions even when other people try to interfere with them.
Then there is a discussion of the exercise. The winners are asked the following questions. How could they not react to events? What methods did the winners use to isolate themselves from the rest of the participants? And how can such an ability be useful in life?
Exercise “Running with a pencil”:
Description of the exercise: Participants are divided into pairs. Each pair will need a pencil (you can also use a capped felt-tip pen or a fountain pen with a retractable refill). Couples stand near one of the walls of the room and each pick up their pencil, holding it between the index fingers of the partners’ right hands. At the leader’s command, they begin to move to the opposite wall of the room, and then back, continuing to hold the pencil between their fingers. Whoever drops it is out of the game. The couple that covers the distance the fastest wins. You can modify the exercise: hold two pencils at the same time (one between the index fingers of the right and the second of the left hand), run along complex trajectories, in threes, organize a relay race.
Psychological meaning of the exercise: The exercise teaches you to coordinate your actions with your partner, as well as take the initiative and lead these actions (if no one in a couple takes a leadership role, they lose).
Discussion: What qualities are most important for successful completion of this exercise? What contributed to its implementation, and what, on the contrary, hindered it?
Participants share opinions about which role was more interesting to be in and why. Then they exchange impressions that arose during the game, as well as thoughts about what qualities it develops and where they are in demand.
Exercise “Customs” :
Unfortunately, the description takes up a lot of space and exceeds the limit of this entry. This exercise can be found in any source, it is very common.
Exercise “Balls in the Air”:
Description of the exercise: To play, you will need to inflate 10-15 rubber balls. Participants form 2-3 teams and stand in circles, holding hands. Each team receives 5 balls. You need to keep them in the air for 5 minutes. At the same time, you cannot simply put them on something or squeeze them between bodies, they must fly in the air all the time. Fallen balls cannot be picked up. The team that manages to hold the most balls wins.
Psychological meaning of the exercise
Warm-up, training in coordination of joint actions, confident behavior in a situation of the need for an adequate response to rapidly changing conditions.
Discussion: What qualities do participants need to demonstrate in order to successfully complete such a task?
Exercise “The Wolf and the Seven Little Goats”:
Description of the exercise
The game is based on the plot of the folk tale of the same name. UNFORTUNATELY, THIS GAME WILL NOT PLAY, DUE TO A SHORTAGE OF LETTERS. PLEASE FIND IT YOURSELF.
RELAXATION TECHNIQUES, RELIEF TENSION:
To conclude the presentation of the training program, we will provide a description of several relaxation techniques aimed at relieving psycho-emotional stress. Mastering them is important for learning to self-regulate emotional states. In addition, many of these techniques can be used directly when faced with difficult life situations. Nevertheless, we did not consider it appropriate to assign such techniques a specific place in training sessions, since the appropriateness of their use at one time or another is determined not so much by the general logic of constructing the training program from the content side, but by the current state of the group.
Exercise “Listen to silence”
The exercise is carried out in a quiet place, where only quiet sounds can be heard from outside.
Participants are given the following instructions: “Sit comfortably, relax, close your eyes. And just listen to what is happening around. Pay attention to any sounds, even the quietest ones. Let’s start listening.” A minute or a half is given for this. Then everyone tells what sounds they heard. When you are restless, anxious, and cannot relax, you can simply close your eyes and listen carefully to what is happening around you. Your attention will shift from the subject of concern to what you hear. And you will feel how big, diverse and interesting the world around us is.”
Exercise “Ten Commandments of a Loser”:
Goal: Awareness of the processes of formation of feelings of confidence and uncertainty.
Instructions: Divide into subgroups of 4-5 people. Each subgroup receives a card (or two, depending on the total number of students) with the commandments of a loser. You need to reformulate them and receive instructions “How to become confident.” Each subgroup presents its own options.
Signs of self-doubt
Low self-esteem manifests itself in all aspects of life, but in the early stages of development there may be no obvious signs of such a trait. There are age-related features of increased reflexivity that are worth paying attention to. This is behavior in different situations, facial expressions, emotions, quality of sleep, nutrition and other traits.
The main signs of uncertainty:
- taciturnity, avoidance of answers;
- irritability and hysterical behavior;
- refusal to eat or binge eating;
- sleep disturbance, insomnia;
- the desire to spend as much time alone as possible;
- refusal to spend active time due to far-fetched reasons;
- external stiffness, stoop;
- poor facial expressions and reduced emotional reactions;
- lack of friends and acquaintances at school;
- presence of recurring fears and phobias;
- reluctance to meet new people, including relatives;
- biting nails and lips, expectant posture;
- decreased physical activity, increased body weight;
- causeless aggression;
- constant feeling of shame.
Self-doubt does not always manifest itself in such signs, but it is necessary to pay attention to these aspects of behavior. Often children try to hide the manifestations of complexes from their parents, which makes it difficult to detect the problem. It is important to understand that indirect signs of psychological ill-being are often more important than external qualities.
Learn to laugh at yourself
Laughter is often not only a sign of a good mood, but also a way of protection. When you laugh at your problems, you minimize their importance in your eyes. And now falling in the school corridor doesn’t look so terrible.
Action plan : The worst thing happened and everyone is laughing at you? First, calmly: often this is a laugh of relief that everything ended well and no one was seriously hurt. And secondly, laugh with everyone else.
Result : You will make it clear that what happened does not bother you at all, and at the same time you will show that you also have a sense of humor. By the way, it was this advice that helped Daniela, the main character of the book “10 Rules of Popularity.”
Mental disorders
Sometimes only a psychotherapist can explain to parents how to help their child become self-confident. The fact is that childhood is the period of primary manifestations of neuroses and other mental disorders. Stressful exposure activates the underlying mechanisms of pathology. These can be minor illnesses that can be quickly corrected, or serious illnesses.
Mental pathologies in which the patient is unable to be self-confident:
- Anxious personality disorder. Symptoms of the disease include everyday anxiety, phobias and decreased mood. Against the background of chronic anxiety, psychosomatic conditions sometimes develop. The patient is afraid to communicate with other people and take part in any activity associated with any responsibility. An avoidant personality type is formed.
- Social phobia is a personality disorder in which a key symptom is a tendency to isolate. Children suffering from this disease prefer to spend as much time as possible at home. All aspects of social life are scary and stressful. The adaptation mechanism is disrupted.
- Depression is a persistent decrease in mood, manifested by apathy, weakness, irritability and constant sadness. In this case, the patient refuses entertainment, food and participation in any activity due to decreased motivation. This is a dangerous disorder that often occurs in childhood and adolescence. Children 6-8 years old often show the first signs of the disease.
- Obsessive-compulsive disorder, in which anxious thoughts constantly arise and affect behavior. Specific “rituals” are formed that force one to perform seemingly meaningless actions to eliminate anxiety. For example, the patient may constantly move objects or wash their hands several times in a row. OCD disrupts the quality of social interactions and reduces self-esteem.
Lack of self-confidence can be a cause or consequence of a mental disorder.
What to do if your child is indecisive
- Don't worry or be nervous. You should not use the words too often: “move away - it’s dangerous”, “don’t take it - it’s dirty”, “don’t drink”, “be careful”. Such remarks plant a feeling of inferiority in the subconscious; the child will think that he is incompetent, worse and weaker than those around him. We are not talking about any extreme measures, but it is quite possible to climb a tree under the supervision of your parents.
- Don't neglect. Any overcoming of oneself is a big victory for a child. After a long workout, a daughter did the splits or a son crossed half of the children's pool with the crawl - children are waiting for the approval and praise of their parents. Mom's support is a future gold medal in competitions.
- 3. Communicate as equals. When your child turns 7, psychologists recommend communicating with him as with a friend. Respect from parents determines the child’s attitude towards himself. Ask his opinion on which cafe to go to, where he would like to spend the summer and why he doesn’t want to communicate with Seryozha.
- Don't demand it. Endless demands will not make your child an Olympic champion or a child prodigy. If he notices that he does not live up to your expectations, this will hurt his pride, and his self-esteem will rapidly fall, even great talents will be impossible to revive. Parental praise is motivation, a stepping stone to future successes and great victories for your child.
- Let him do it himself. The feeling of being trusted gives you strength and self-confidence. Give your child age-appropriate tasks: regularly water the flowers, walk the dog, feed the fish. Don’t forget to tell your relatives that you have a real helper growing up. The child will learn to take responsibility and become self-confident.
What to do to become self-confident
You can deal with the problem yourself or professionally. The plan of action should depend on the severity of the condition. Children do not become self-confident on their own if any stage of socialization has already been missed or spoiled by unpleasant impressions. Parents need to recognize the problem in time and take action. Often the first step to solving a problem is to change the educational institution in which children cannot cope with the stress load. However, before taking this action, you need to understand how to prevent another failure. Otherwise, changing educational institutions will turn into a way to avoid the problem.
Recommendations for parents:
- Excessive criticism should be avoided.
- We need to stop sorting out relationships between family members in the form of quarrels and reproaches.
- It is recommended to talk more with children and try to develop trusting relationships.
- Moderate help with homework. At the same time, it is important to teach children to cope with difficulties on their own and not to instill laziness.
- Encouraging communication. If the children have friends, you can invite them to visit or come up with another way to spend time together.
- Don't scream or hit. This form of “parenting” is completely unsuitable for children suffering from anxiety and impaired adaptation to stress.
Proper upbringing helps solve most problems and make children self-confident. To do this, it is necessary to determine which aspects of family life negatively affect the emotional state of children. Often we are talking about regular quarrels, lack of attention and the stressful state of the parents themselves. It is important to provide a comfortable environment at home and surround children with care. You need to learn to talk calmly when any problems arise and explain to children how they can cope with the difficulty on their own.
Working with a specialist
Sometimes it is possible to increase a child’s self-esteem only with the participation of a psychologist or psychotherapist. Not all parents are able to competently draw up their own program for correcting complexes, so turning to a psychologist is a reasonable solution even in the case of minor violations. The specialist will offer a form of individual and family consultations, during which you can identify the causes of self-doubt and find a way to restore social well-being.
Role of parents
In short, it's huge . Parents, like gods, determine almost everything in the life of their child.
First of all, it is important how they treat his independence from the first years of his life. If the mother is afraid that the baby will fall, hurt himself, break something, or catch a cold - and these fears dominate her, then the child will get used to feeling dependent, weak, and sick.
In fact, parents should not do anything for the child that he is able to do himself . And they should not protect him from anything or anyone, from which he either will not be particularly harmed, or he himself is able to protect himself from it.
It is important that the child has the right to his opinion. This also matters literally from the first year of life.
If adults decide everything for the baby, he doesn’t need to decide anything, he will get used to it. It's easier that way. And he will not strive to have his own opinion , to decide something for himself.
Such a person will never become self-confident, because self-confidence is gained only by overcoming difficulties, and he always avoids any difficulties.
It is important how parents evaluate the child’s actions and how they criticize him.
If an avalanche of criticism falls on him for any reason and for no reason (some adults believe that this is useful for a growing person), then this will inevitably lead to self-doubt. But if they don’t criticize at all, the same thing will happen.
You need to criticize a child , but in something like this tone: you did this very well, I liked it, and you did a great job, but here it’s not entirely successful, you should have done better.
And in no case should you criticize the child’s personality itself, but only his individual actions.
If the parents' demands on the child are too much for him (for example, they want him to always do well in all subjects), he will break down and grow up lacking self-confidence.
But you can’t demand nothing: and here the extremes meet - the same thing will happen. Requirements are necessary, but measured and feasible.
In general, childhood is called a “resource place”, that period of our life in which we draw emotional strength for further existence. Therefore, childhood must be happy and joyful.
Only the teenager who has played enough and played around as a child for the rest of his life, who has been imbued with happiness forever, can be completely confident in himself .
How do parents influence a child's self-esteem? The psychologist comments:
What to do if a child is afraid of injections? You will find recommendations from psychologists here.