In this article we will tell you:
- Functions and tasks of the family
- 7 stages of family life
- 3 levels in the psychology of family life
- Factors influencing the psychology of family life
- Crises in the psychology of family life
- Determining readiness for family life
- Signs of a quality family life from a psychological point of view
- Astrology of family life
Marriage, family and love are eternal topics, so the psychology of family life interests many people. There is hardly a person who would not want a harmonious relationship, a long life together, where there is no place for reproaches, quarrels and disagreements. But the reality is that desire alone is not enough; it is necessary to take specific actions to achieve this goal.
Despite the fact that each person is individual and brings part of his personality into relationships, psychologists still identify positive and negative factors that are common to any family. In our article we will tell you how to make your marriage happier, what recommendations psychologists give and how astrology can help with this.
The main goal of family life.
Almost no one asks this question before marriage. Being together is not the goal. This is a desire, a need.
The goal cannot be having children. Children will grow up and leave you, then it turns out that marriage is no longer needed?
Have you asked yourself why you want to marry this woman? Why is it so important for you to do this? Why isn't it enough for you to just live together?
Until you figure out for yourself the main purpose of family life, you will not be able to understand how suitable your girlfriend is for you. Until you yourself know what you want, you will not be able to understand what qualities your ideal partner should have.
Basic functions of the family.
Love is the need of every person. And the easiest way to implement it is in the family. But for a marriage to be successful, other needs must be kept in mind.
What are the main functions of a family?
For example, material need. If there is not enough money for the most important and basic things, problems begin in the couple.
Another function of the family is maintaining a shared household and household. Yes, this seems absurd to you now. But when your wife refuses sex for two weeks because you haven't fixed the cabinet, you'll think differently about this issue.
And another equally significant function of the family is emotional support and communication. Try to be a support for your wife, listen to her problems and spend as much time with her as possible.
First quarrels and misunderstandings
The family is created as a place where there will be warmth, understanding and love, but when the romance goes away, everyday life and the force of habit begin, the personality traits and family stories of each begin to come to light, the grinding begins.
The first quarrels in the family usually happen on everyday topics, but they look quite violent, because everyone tries to tolerate negative manifestations and remains silent, accumulating not only resentment, but also destructive anger. The reasons for such dissatisfaction lie in the different ideas of partners about the structure of family life. Here we are not necessarily talking about pulling the blanket and unwillingness to do something, putting everything on the other; there are couples fighting over who will earn money. This defies planning and logic, but leads to critical emotional upheavals, causes very strong shifts in the horizon of relationships, because when meeting a person you can discuss your goals, but few people discuss the way of the family, because it seems that everyone lives this way.
In the open world, a person can resist the attacks of others, limit any comments and understand that they are devoid of any subtext, but relaxing in the family circle, such objectivity can disappear, and people begin to take offense at even the smallest remarks. This may be from a desire to be absolutely accepted at home and not hear anything negative, or it may be very early complexes that are coming out, which can only be seen by a person who comes as close as possible. We are brilliant psychologists and telepaths in our own lives, and we cannot guess which of our words can critically and painfully hook another. So an innocent comment gives rise to a flash of anger, in response to it a defensive reaction grows, looking like an attack, and as a result we already have a scandal where no one wanted to harm the other, but only the protective mechanisms of the psyche from old wounds were triggered.
Another important point is the appearance of nagging and quarrels - this is any change in the family system, such as the appearance of a child, moving, changing jobs, etc., this also includes all the described chronological crises of relationships. These are the usual stages of adaptation, where everyone’s nervous system and habitual way of life are rebuilt, the person does not understand what behavior will be the best and adapts as best he can. This is a state of reduced resources, so aggression manifests itself faster, and the patience that was towards others is depleted.
The importance of sex in family life.
It happens that after marriage problems begin in your sex life.
Previously, this was new and intriguing. Now you see your wife in a robe at home, without hair and in a bad mood.
The problem is that you haven’t readjusted yet, you haven’t realized that now everything will be different. Because of this stress, sex may disappear. You can’t bring it to this state, because the next step will be betrayal.
Family psychology calls for being frank. Just sit down stupidly and discuss the problem. Perhaps you will say what does not suit you. She will voice her complaints. It's normal to talk about sex and discuss these types of problems. It's not okay to be married and not have sex. Be ready to re-study and discover its hot spots, experiment, be interesting.
Mutual grievances and claims
The psychology of relations between husband and wife deals with solving grievances and negative situations. The critical points are feelings of jealousy and sexual dissatisfaction, followed by financial issues and behavior.
Feelings of resentment arise when spouses do not articulate their own boundaries and acceptable options for treating them. Then the other, sooner or later, will upset the fragile balance and will not understand anything, while the other, instead of expressing claims, usually becomes silent and takes offense, since offense is always stopped aggression.
It turns out that men are more likely to express constant complaints as an open form of aggression, where they can let off steam, relieve tension and get what they want. Women more often become offended because they do not want open conflict due to fear of a man or a break in the relationship, and many people value the very presence of a partner so much that it is easier to suppress anger at unworthy behavior than to openly resist.
This is the next stage of negative development of relationships, when the first quarrels are over. The first misunderstandings are easily resolved, because people still feel strongly that they are in love, are attuned to the other as much as possible and are ready to take more care of him. Over time, small painful jabs, understatements and small complaints accumulate, increasingly closing the space for dialogue.
The psychology of the relationship between husband and wife is such that everyone tries to defend their remaining positions, going into the deep defense of grievances or attacking claims. There is practically no room left for a calm and open conversation here, and it is replaced by shouting, remembering past mistakes and escalating the conflict. Only after going through such a storm do people get the opportunity to really meet, not only with sweet manifestations, but also with negative traits, to become vulnerable and imperfect. Some couples can still find the strength to discuss grievances and complaints calmly and with acceptance, others remain in their positions and do not open up to their partner, choosing to separate.
What is the difference between the roles of husband and wife in marriage.
It is very important to correctly distribute roles in the family. A man is a breadwinner, and a woman is a keeper of the hearth. For so many centuries nothing has changed.
Of course, you don't have to take everything literally. But the general trends remain the same. Everyone in the family has their own area of responsibility.
As soon as a woman begins to manage, earn money and make all the important decisions, we can consider the marriage to be over. Just like your eggs.
In the same way, a man should not sit at home. This will relax him, and his wife will stop seeing him as someone she can rely on. Maintaining balance in relationships is one of the main rules.
Family as a fundamental institution of society and a small group (grades 10-11)
Sociology considers the concept of “family” both as a social institution and as a small social group. A family as a small group is an association of people based on marriage, consanguinity, connected by a common life, mutual assistance and mutual responsibility. The family as a social institution is an association that is characterized by a set of social norms, sanctions and patterns of behavior that regulate the relationships between spouses, parents, children and other relatives.
The role of children in family life.
When you have children, a new crisis may begin in your relationship, which you are not even aware of right now.
For example, your wife can devote all her free time to the child, depriving you of attention. This often happens in young families. And you want affection, support and care. And you can start looking for it on the side.
Cheating with the birth of a child is a common practice, due to which more than one family has collapsed.
You need to understand that you should always come first for each other. You need time that you can spend together. That sex should not disappear from a relationship when a child appears in the house.
Therefore, a nanny is always a good option.
Relationships in crisis
Today everyone already knows that marriage relationships need to be built - they need to be worked on. Two people with different characters/temperaments/cultural needs simply cannot get along under the same roof.
Three types of marriage relationships:
- symmetrical;
- complimentary;
- metacomplementary.
A symmetrical marriage is an ideal relationship in which both partners share responsibility for the present and future together. There is no dominant principle in these relationships; both partners have equal rights and are interdependent, always looking for compromises and meeting each other halfway.
Complementary relationships are more like the relationship between a boss and a subordinate: one spouse makes decisions, the other simply carries them out.
Meta-complimentary relationships are manipulation of a partner, cunning and competent. A spouse who has well studied the weaknesses of the other simply rules through them. Moreover, the manipulator does not take into account the interests of the partner at all, but acts only for his own benefit.
How to achieve an ideal relationship with your spouse? Firstly, don’t let things take their course. There is no need to hope that after the wedding everything will work out on its own, that it will be tolerated and that you will fall in love. It will not happen. Therefore, there are two ways to ensure a happy family life:
- choose a partner taking into account his psychotype, even before marriage;
- work on your relationship immediately after marriage.
In China, they take the choice of a marriage partner very seriously: everything is checked according to the horoscope and astrological tables. In Tsarist Russia, spouses were selected by parents, taking into account their experience of family life. Nowadays, young people arrange their own family life, so every second couple gets divorced. But let's try to figure out this complex issue.
In fact, a marriage consists of crisis turns, of which there will be many throughout life:
- 1st year: two different characters try to get along in the same space;
- 3rd year: this is the time of the birth of the firstborn, so the relationship of the spouses undergoes a test of strength - is the husband ready for dedication; if there is no child, this will be the reason for quarrels;
- 5th year: a woman goes back to work after maternity leave and a new round of crisis relationships begins;
- 7th year: crisis of monotony, partners are suffocating from routine and hope to find a way out of the crisis through divorce;
- 14-15 years old: marriages break up due to infidelity.
So, if a marriage does not break up in the first 3 years of marriage, it may break up after 15 or even 20 years. Men begin to realize that life passes, and with it sexual pleasures. Many people try to “rejuvenate” at the expense of a young partner.
Head of the family.
The first year is the most important for a young family. Sometimes a wife wants to do everything for her husband, makes concessions, takes his side in everything and does not contradict him. But sometimes this can lead to serious consequences.
She wants to please so much that she begins to do everything herself, just to make him feel good. She ceases to be a wife and performs the functions of a mother. And he gets used to not taking responsibility, not making any decisions and just going with the flow.
You must teach your wife that it is normal for her to turn to you for advice, talk about her problems and ask for help in sorting them out. Family is hard work
Introduction
The field of family psychology is quite young. The psychology of the family, as a separate object of research, began to be studied quite recently, about fifty years ago. Moreover, initially the family was studied in connection with the prevention of mental illness or with the shortcomings of family education. And only gradually came an understanding of the extreme complexity and multidimensionality of the family and family relationships. It happens that the beginning of the study of any cultural or social object means removing it from the category of the self-evident, given. Thus, before, raising children in a family, relationships between husband and wife, and relatives were in many ways a natural-traditional process: almost no one thought or focused on how all this should happen (if such a question arose, it could be resolved reference to a sacred text). This did not mean that it was better or worse - everything went in the traditional way. Then, starting from the Enlightenment, a huge field of pedagogy and childhood emerges and develops, and a new understanding of male and female roles arises. Something similar happens to the family as a whole: what previously seemed simple and natural has now ceased to be so.
This is due to the fact that the institution of family throughout the world is experiencing a global crisis. As a result of profound social transformations, many structures that previously supported the family have now ceased to support them: about a hundred years ago, the communal system collapsed, large cities grew enormously, and the connection between parts of the family weakened. The very concept of “family” has changed. Previously, a family was understood as something large, multi-generational, with the closest ties between people, with distant and close relatives, and this was the case both in Russia and in Europe. There was clanism, and there was a lot of mutual support, although difficulties also arose, since the structure was hierarchical and the degree of interdependence was very high. A classic example from those long-gone recent times: until the grandfather takes the spoon, no one else can take the spoon. But the same grandfather (an adult who had his own children and grandchildren) was running from his great-grandfather, who was chasing him with a stool and wanted to teach him something. The connections were tight, they may be lacking now, but at the same time one cannot think that it was a complete paradise - there were other features.
Many people think that the family is a structure that has been set for centuries and nothing new can be invented in this area. Indeed, what else is as traditional as family? If you open any of the books of the main religions or any of the classic works of world literature of different genres, the key concept everywhere is family. You can recall the well-known works of Russian classical literature. In “Eugene Onegin” A.S. Pushkin, himself in the process of searching for a life partner, goes through a variety of options for family life. The entire novel in verse is essentially a string of family structures and situations, filled with the thoughts of a romantic hero, who is simultaneously attracted and repelled by a quiet family haven. And “War and Peace”, where among the many conflicts of human participation in the historical process, the basic layer clearly stands out - family formation, choice, family relationships.
And yet, upon some reflection, this impression may seem deceptive. Because by family, by family relationships, by family members, by their roles, by the configuration of the family in different eras, different peoples understood completely different things. What is family? What does it consist of? If you are in line with biblical thought, it is enough to recall the families of the Old Testament patriarchs, relationships with concubines, polygamy, which in no way fit into either Christian or modern standards of understanding the family. A family in the ancient understanding is a complex structure, an economic unit, often consisting of hundreds of people - the family includes slaves, relatives, unmarried people, the elderly... What is a family still in many eastern countries? These are thirtieth generations of uncles, aunts, brothers - in essence, a clan.
For centuries, the traditional model of a Christian monogamous family with fidelity to the grave, maintaining strong ties with the older generation, has been traditional for European culture. And it is very important to understand the relationship between traditional family attitudes, which have migrated from century to century, and the very large variability of concepts, which has increased enormously in the last 100–200 years.
It can be stated that in the twentieth century a massive transition began to take place from the traditional family to the atomic, urban family. Different countries are at different stages of this movement, but the main trend is that the majority of the population is concentrated in cities, with special rhythms of life, their own values, and special requirements for education and professional activity. By the end of the twentieth century, the atomic family, i.e. mother-father-children, became the leading type. Russia, of course, has its own characteristics that distinguish us from Europe and, naturally, distinguish us from India or China. But if we talk about the average Russian situation, then while a certain degree of closeness remains between the older generation of grandparents and the “parents and children” family, the general vector, of course, is also directed towards the isolation of individual space. Although often the situation can be influenced by some external factors, such as the presence or absence of living space. It is important here to emphasize the main vector, the trend: gradually, grandparents themselves are less and less willing and able to interfere in the lives of families with grandchildren. Grandparents increasingly want to live for themselves, their personal, social, work lives, and more and more families want to distance themselves, live with their own minds, their own resources, and build their own lives. Therefore, now in Russia a family is, first of all, parents and children. We can say that at different moments in life, grandparents can move closer and further away, children will grow up and leave, but the basic, central concept of the family now is the “father, mother and children” unit.
It is obvious that the modern atomic family - dad, mom, children, herded into a city cage on the 17th floor - will differ from the family in the traditional patriarchal sense. Parents run around to work, send their children to kindergarten, and see very little of each other.
We are no longer talking about the fact that after the metaphysical, philosophical, cultural breakdowns and turning points of the 19th and 20th centuries, the idea of man and his social role is gradually changing. And when a person experiments with everything, including his body (artificial organs, transplantation, cloning, sex change), in this situation, naturally, the understanding of the family changes. From the atomic family, which was born in Russia roughly in the 60-70s, and in the West earlier, a transition is already underway, some other family options are appearing, which were difficult to imagine, for example, in the years of our youth, especially more during the youth of our parents.
Thus, thinking about family must take place in the context of the times in which we find ourselves. Now we can state, no matter how we feel about it, that the Christian, monogamous family with fidelity to the grave, traditional for European culture, for Russian culture for centuries, is becoming, rather, one of the options, perhaps even disappearing.
Why then do references to traditional ideas arise within this fluid situation? First of all, this is important insofar as the experience of our ancestors and their life attitudes live within us. It is known that the impact of critical family situations can be traced over several generations. In addition, we are also influenced by general cultural and national attitudes, some of which can be extremely stable and form a sedentary part of the identity of a modern person. In addition, one can observe how, in conditions of sudden changes, a completely understandable desire to stop and even move back arises. Thus, the real picture becomes even more complex, including many different, sometimes opposing trends. Will this situation continue? This cannot be said with complete certainty.
