Many of us are overly amorous people. We can easily fall in love with another person and have a strong desire to be only with him. This can be called emotional attachment. However, let's think about what emotional attachment actually means? I believe that this is an attachment to people, to beliefs, property or some other things. But still, to a greater extent, this refers to attachment to people and the inability to let them go.
This can also, to some extent, mean a lack of freedom. Because you become emotionally attached to the person and their habits. And build your life around this person. And when you lose it, you begin to suffer from emotional loss and other psychological problems. You may feel sad and sometimes even depressed. This phase of depression usually occurs when men and women break up with each other.
What does emotional attachment mean?
Before we talk about methods of recognition and deliverance, we need to understand what emotional attachment to a person means. As a rule, this is a strong attraction and desire to be with the object, to appropriate it for oneself.
Reference! Experts say that this feeling is cultivated in a person from childhood.
Why condition is not the main thing
“Happiness is a state , and a person has no control over the state.
Freedom is an understanding that you can come to by chance and desire.
When you are free, you cannot be unhappy, and you are no longer interested in experiencing happiness - since this will be just another feeling against the backdrop of your freedom.
Therefore, freedom is much more fundamental and limitless than any happiness.
And it is precisely this kind of freedom that is happiness.”.©
Attachment is the habit of receiving good things from outside. But wealth shouldn't be your priority. The condition is always changing and always different. You shouldn't depend on it or get too hung up on it.
Conditions come and go . You don't have to take it from outside, take it from within. The condition should not be based on external factors.
Greater mutual understanding in the relationship between a man and a woman: psychology for building harmonious and happy relationships for both.
Vibrational attraction and love at first sight: an article about why we fall in love and how people are attracted.
How a guy can forget his ex-girlfriend if you broke up - reliable tips.
Is it possible to distinguish love from affection and how to do it
Often in a relationship with another person the question arises of what one individual experiences in relation to another. Can this feeling be called bright and sincere love, or is it an emotional attachment that is not supported by any significant sensations.
Reference! Most often, this question is asked by women, because due to their strong natural emotionality, they are not able to deal with this feeling on their own.
- attachment may appear due to some circumstances, or due to emotional pressure. Love is the kinship of two souls when both are comfortable with each other;
- if a person experiences attachment, he will tend to feel constant fluctuations: today he wants it, but tomorrow he doesn’t. The individual does not understand whether he needs a person. During love, a person is definitely confident in his feelings, he is constantly drawn to a person, regardless of the circumstances, and so on;
- People can experience melancholy both at a moment of strong attachment and when feeling pure love. The main difference is only that, being in love, a person tries to take a step towards, reduce the distance, get close to him as quickly as possible;
- during attachment, you want to constantly change your partner, make him more comfortable for yourself. When a person loves, he accepts all the shortcomings.
Who attaches special importance to attachments?
The owner of the visual vector needs emotional connections with other people most of all. Frankness and trust in relationships, common interests with friends and walks under the moon at night are the values of the visual vector. A visual person lives for feelings and emotions.
The lives of visual people develop differently: due to trauma and bad experiences, they can forbid themselves to feel, and concentrate all experiences on themselves. And demand attention and love from those around you.
In a healthy attachment, the visual person, on the contrary, shows sympathy and interest in the partner, opens up emotionally and receives a response. If you had to get rid of a healthy attachment, the viewer feels bad, but not fatally. He will come to his senses and create more.
In a dependent attachment, a visual person cannot express his feelings, but instead feeds on those of others. Of course, when the object disappears from sight, you want more emotions. And there is nowhere to take them. It remains to feed on poisoned but sweet experiences from an unfulfilled attachment. It seems that this is suffering from which you want to get rid of, and at the same time sweet torment.
What types of attachment exist?
Since this feeling is formed from early childhood, psychologists are accustomed to sharing attachment using the example of children. Temperament, habits and foundations are formed precisely at this age, therefore the main theory of attachment separates several main types of attachment.
Affective type of attachment
Psychologists are accustomed to classify this type of attachment as a neurotic disorder. If we look at the example of a child, this is expressed in a strong and unhealthy attachment to the mother. Like a toddler, teenager or adult child is not able to independently solve a problem or make a decision. He needs his mother's opinion.
It is quite easy to determine. For example, the mother's separation leads to screams and hysterics, and her appearance leads to joy and happiness. But positive emotions are short-lived and soon the child begins to reproach the parent and put pressure on him for abandoning him.
Ambivalent type
This is typical for individuals whose upbringing was very strict and “tight-knit.” Children who did not receive the necessary affection and warmth became hostages of such feelings. This type of attachment can be very dangerous in the future and develop into a more serious type of attachment. The individual will want to receive emotions and love from other, strangers. It manifests itself in the following:
- hyperactivity;
- control of environmental activities;
- severe anxiety and uncertainty in one’s actions;
- tendency to breakdowns and hysterics;
- incomprehensible “emotional swings” in relation to parents and friends.
Strong attachment to a person: how to change a minus to a plus
Below are tips from Hal Shorey, Ph.D., who is a professor of clinical psychology at Widener University.
Write positive affirmations on cards.
An affirmation is a short positive statement, such as “I am attractive to girls” or “There are a lot of good people around me.” In the beginning, it doesn't matter whether you believe it or not.
If you're like many people, you've had a constant stream of negative thoughts running through your head for years. These pessimistic “tunes” play in the background like annoying chatter: “I’m a loser,” “All girls are the same,” “Love is suffering.”
- M+F 5 Misconceptions About Love Men Have to Get Rid of Some of them are toxic and unhealthy.
Often when you read cards with positive statements, you simply rewrite this “background music.”
If you don't believe this works, try to remember a time when you had a song from a stupid commercial playing in your head all day, even though you really didn't want to remember it. Has this ever happened? There is only one reason: repetition. Well, it's time to record a new jingle!
Become your own motivational coach
Many of us spend years uncontrollably criticizing ourselves or thinking negatively about others. When you do this, you reinforce negative, anxiety-producing pathways in your brain. Therefore, try to begin to be aware of these moments and stop the negative statements of your inner voice.
Practice telling yourself things like, “I can do this and everything will work out just fine,” “Happiness is just around the corner,” and “Tomorrow will be a great day.” Researchers have found that people who are optimistic about the future use positive self-talk when tackling challenging tasks.
- FAQs How to become an optimist: 10 tips to help you start enjoying life. Useful recommendations on how to change your way of thinking and tune in to the positive.
Learning to talk to yourself as a friend, rather than a subordinate who always gets everything wrong, will help not only change your attachment patterns, but also improve your overall psychological well-being.
Work with the mirror
Be warned, the next task from Dr. Shorey may sound a little strange. He suggests staying alone in a room, looking at yourself in the mirror, straight into your eyes, and saying as sincerely as possible: “I love you.”
As the psychologist recalls, when he did this for the first time, he could not keep a serious face or stop laughing. However, after some time, I began to say this with genuine sincerity and feel completely natural. Try it too!
Remember that your emotional system only accepts incoming data. She doesn't care where they come from. The main thing is that at this moment she recognizes that someone is looking at you and saying: “I love you.”
- Lifestyle How to accept and love yourself: a guide to caring for a cool guy named “you” Why lack of self-love is harmful and advice from psychologists to help you accept and value yourself.
People have a wide range of reactions to this task, and some of Shorey's clients have told him they could never bring themselves to do it. But he suggests looking at the situation this way: if it's pointless and stupid, then why is it so hard for you to do it? We promise we won't tell anyone.
How to recognize emotional attachment in yourself
Anyone can become a victim of emotional addiction. How to recognize it in time?
Signs
The main signs that will help determine emotional attachment:
- inadequate self-esteem. It can be either overestimated or underestimated. A person cannot appreciate his place in society;
- dependence on the opinions of others;
- problem with defining personal boundaries;
- inability to distinguish real from false emotions;
- experiencing toxic emotions in the form of guilt and shame;
- obsessive judgments and attitudes in the head;
- inability to create a healthy relationship with a partner;
- severe health problems;
- constant manifestation of a defensive reaction in the form of aggression or tears.
These are the main reasons for emotional attachment.
Attachment avoidance model
People in this pattern tend to distance themselves emotionally from their partner. They often try to take a step back to feel “pseudo-independent” and take care of themselves.
“Pseudo-dependency” is actually an illusion because connection is necessary for every person, but this truth is categorically denied by the avoidance-attachment model. Because they deny the importance of having a loved one, it is easy for them to distance themselves from him or her.
Often these people have many elements of self-defense; they can emotionally “close themselves,” “turn off” their feelings and not react at all even to the most heated emotional situations.
If their partner gets angry and says he's leaving, all you'll hear is, "It doesn't matter to me."
Why people become attached to each other
After a person has determined that he has emotional dependence or attachment, he should understand what contributed to this.
Causes
As a rule, the root cause cannot be identified. All problems come from early childhood, when a person with an unformed psyche goes into society. The attitude of others towards him can have a detrimental effect on his self-realization, which later leads to attachment. He is looking for something that he did not receive then, but due to his personal lack of education he cannot help himself.
Secure attachment model
These people are usually happy with their relationships. As children, they saw their parents as a safe base from which they could explore the world on their own.
A person with a secure attachment model behaves in relationships in a similar way - in them he feels security and connection with a loved one, giving freedom to both himself and his partner.
As a result, their relationship is characterized by sincerity, openness, equality and independence of both partners while loving each other.
How to deal with emotional addiction
Some tips to combat addiction:
- reevaluate yourself and the importance of a person in life;
- contact a specialist;
- work through personal problems and overcome them;
- look at your life from a different angle and prioritize more correctly;
- find the cause of emotional dependence.
You can get rid of a psychological problem only by working through it. Otherwise, the individual will receive an unfavorable result, which will have a detrimental effect on the general condition and health of the person.
Hungry baby
The child feels hungry because he has not eaten for several hours . His whole body is telling him that he is hungry. However, the only tools he has are crying. His mother, as the main caregiver in this case, picks up the signals he emits and interprets that he is hungry. Why? Because she learned to identify her child's physical and emotional needs and address them. This will restore the child's physiological and emotional balance.
When a child constantly experiences such experiences, he will always seek physical closeness with his mother. He believes that she can calm him down and restore his balance . Later in his development, the child will be able to experience unpleasant experiences simply by seeing his mother approach him or say, “I'll be back soon.”
Because of this, when something like this happens to you as an adult, you remain calm. You know that in a few hours you will see your relative, partner or friend. Your brain has learned that it can feel calm and that this can be a constant sensation.
If a child's brain has never experienced that sense of peace or belief that you can experience peace after a bad experience, then neither will the adult brain . You won't feel confident in intimate relationships because you haven't learned where to find peace.
In addition, lack of contact and lack of care leads to increased production of adrenaline in the brain. This predisposes us to more aggressive and impulsive behavior. It also makes it difficult for us to control our emotions.
Fear of abandonment
Fear of abandonment is a very deep emotional wound that goes back to childhood. Healing this wound involves accepting and forgiving the past in order to let it go. This is a difficult task. Especially if the person does not know how he was conditioned by his previous experiences. This is often made worse by their defenses. What was supposed to be there to protect them turns out not to be so impenetrable.
In fact, in the most difficult cases, it is advisable to turn to a professional. They will be able to help you, especially in the first important steps . Another aspect to work on is self-esteem. Learning to value yourself is necessary to break the trap of emotional dependence. In addition, with good self-esteem, it will be much easier to manage the emotions and thoughts that are fixed in your past experiences.
Change your emotions
Emotions such as anger, resentment, fear or sadness are very common in people who are afraid of abandonment . You need to learn to reduce their intensity and decipher what they really mean. When you do this, you can turn them into something positive.
Negative assumptions and expectations are also elements that must be taken into account . Most of the time, our thoughts influence and reinforce our fears. They make them much bigger than they should be. If we are afraid that our partner will leave us, we will be more attentive to their behavior and words. We often misinterpret them to confirm the fears within us.
As we can see, treating fear of abandonment involves a process of recovery . This is a process that takes time. We need to learn to prioritize and expose our fears. There is something we shouldn't forget. In many cases, what we perceive to be happening on the outside is nothing more than a projection of what is happening inside of us. If you can identify with any of these symptoms, then we encourage you to find help and healing before it is too late.
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