It is customary to justify polygamous men by nature, which “cannot be trampled on,” by evolution, religion, history, wars, etc. One way or another, in fact, it is proposed to understand and forgive such men, in the worst case, pre-heating them with a frying pan for prevention.
Society is by no means as loyal to polygamous women. At least in Russian realities, “walking” women have always been condemned by the entire village, collective farm and bench at the entrance, hissing after them the name of the most ancient profession and pitying their children, from whom “it is not clear what will grow out of them.” Between marital (maternal) duty and a lover, a woman was ordered to choose the first, prophesying otherwise the sad fate of Anna Karenina.
But many fans of unbridled fun are not stopped even by the fear of being “used and abandoned” - especially since throwing yourself under a train from unhappy love in the modern world is not at all necessary. It is enough to go to a dating site, and in a week there will be no trace of sad memories left.
Anna has a successful career and a loving husband in Yaroslavl. And another one in Vologda. For many years she has been living with two families, masking her travels with urgent business trips. But the heroine cannot hide men from each other forever. And one day her deception is revealed. Will she be able to make a choice? Watch the series “Double Continuous” from December 10 at 19.20 on the MIR TV channel.
What is polygamy?
Before we move on to understanding what polygamy is, its causes, psychological aspects and impact on a person, I will clarify something. There are not many countries where polygamy is officially allowed. Therefore, we will touch upon the topic of polygamous relationships outside of official marriage.
If a man or woman ties the knot with one partner multiple times, and he or she is not married at that time, then this does not apply to polygamy. Such unions, where one man is married to one woman, are considered monogamous. And if a person has several marriages during his life, then this will be multiple monogamy.
Polygamy is, in simple words, a marriage union in which the spouses are: 1 man and several women (more often) or 1 woman and several men (rarely).
Polygamous relationships in the context of the manifestation of instincts confirm that man is part of living nature. Polygamy is a phenomenon that is often found in the animal kingdom. Female marsupial mice mate with several males during the mating season. Dolphins mate with each other several times a day and are not averse to playing these games with other mammals. Rabbits also change many partners during the mating season. The female antelope has only one day a year suitable for conception. And on this day the antelope mates with many partners.
Polygamy or polygamy is a word with Greek roots, literally translated as plural marriage or polygamy.
A polygamous person is a person who is legally married to several members of the opposite sex. Unofficially, this is the name given to those who cannot settle on one partner and are in relationships with several partners at once in order to be able to satisfy their physiological needs with each of them.
In polygamy, everything is far from being so simple and completely ambiguous.
Types of polygamy
Polygamy is usually divided into types:
| Polygyny - male polygamy | Polygamy is a form of polygamy where marriage is between one man and several women. |
| Polyandry - female polygamy | Polyandry is a rare form of polygamy where one woman is married to several men. |
Among North American Indians and some peoples of India, they practice marriage with sisters - sorority marriages. Such a polygamous family is when one man immediately or gradually marries several sisters (siblings or cousins).
Polygamy as a form of relationship indirectly includes the so-called “group marriage”. And although the phenomenon of the “Swedish family” is not a common format of relationships, it cannot be denied that some married couples cohabit or simply meet to exchange partners and introduce novelty into their marital monogamous relationships.
What are the causes of polygamy?
No matter how people feel about polygamy, trying to attribute everything to physiology, this phenomenon has very real reasons and explanations.
The French philosopher and jurist of the Enlightenment era, C. Montesquieu, noted that the format of marriage and family is influenced by the economic situation. The scientist believed that one of the reasons for polygamy was the wealth and wealth of individual men. Another reason for polygamy Montesquieu called a geographical feature - the physical properties of the European climate, according to the philosopher, are less suitable than Asian or African ones for a husband to have several wives.
Here are some reasons that influenced the emergence of polygamy:
1. Cultural traditions.
Polygamy, which is supported in a number of Muslim countries, is explained by religion and the way of society. For example, in Islam there are cases when the widow of a deceased brother becomes the wife of another brother, who is obliged to take care of her. At the same time, the other brother, quite possibly, already has a wife.
2. Survival instinct.
Historically, humanity has experienced a huge number of wars and epidemics. These events led to mass death of the population, especially among men. To make up for losses and solve the demographic problem, men began to live with several women at the same time.
3. Much love.
Synonym: love. It happens that a woman or a man, already in a relationship, falls in love with another. At the same time, I don’t want to break old ties and leave my family. This is where polygamous relationships arise, in which contact is maintained with several partners.
4. Psychological complex.
A common reason for going “to the left” and simultaneous relationships with several partners, according to sexologists, is a banal lack of self-confidence and self-confidence. Such people, with each new “victory,” prove to themselves and everyone that they are successful, loved and desired.
When ordinary people discuss polygamy, there are a variety of reasons. Traditionally, men are considered more polygamous. You may have heard theses that polygamy is “hardwired” into a man’s genetic code, that the natural task of a male is to fertilize as many females as possible, and the like.
Regarding women, there is an assumption that their “harlotry” is inherited: “She is like this because her mother is like this.”
Polygamy instead of divorce
The Maasai graze their herds in a semi-nomadic manner, covering vast distances and moving from one pasture to another. Only those women whose husbands have died and have no adult sons are engaged in herding cows; it is usually a matter of men and boys, with boys beginning to "walk with the cows" from the age of five. In a primitive society, which was constantly in a struggle with neighbors for pastures, the number of “warriors” and “shepherds” determined the strength of the family: the more wives a person has, the more children he has, as a rule, the more helpers and defenders of the interests of the family. Therefore, in addition to the number of cows, the social position of an adult man is determined by the number of wives and children who can preserve and increase this wealth.
Polygamy provides economic and social protection not only for men, but also for women. Among the Maasai there is a clear and rigid social stratification, where the role of each member of society depends primarily on gender and age. The entire life cycle of the Maasai is associated with the transition from one social state to another. Growing up and becoming a full member of society is marked by the rite of circumcision (for both sexes). An unmarried woman is at the lowest level of social status and becomes a full member of society only after marriage and the birth of children.
A Maasai child near his parents' herd
Photo: Tom Kirkwood/Reuters
The socialization of men and women takes place within their status and age groups; men are rarely at home, and the relationship between husband and wife in the form in which we are accustomed to understanding it in Western society does not exist. Everyone performs their functions, has their responsibilities and their rights. In conditions of primitive existence, a woman has many tasks to do - from building housing, maintaining order, cooking, giving birth and raising children to caring for livestock. Therefore, wives often welcome, and sometimes even initiate, the appearance of a second or third wife, with whom they can share both responsibilities and leisure.
Maasai marriage, like all other rituals, is “sealed” by cows: during the wedding, the groom’s family gives the bride’s family a pre-agreed number of cows, and the bride’s family gives the groom a certain number of cows as a dowry. Unlike many Asian societies, where a daughter is perceived by parents as a burden (which still leads to the massacre of newborn girls, for example, in India), the Maasai welcome the birth of girls: the institution of polygamy ensures that most, if not all, women will marry , and their parents will receive a certain number of cows for their daughter.
The Maasai almost never divorce: a man must support his wife throughout his life. Even if a woman is caught in infidelity, this usually does not lead to divorce. Most often, the case is limited to a fine (of course, in the form of cows), which must be paid either by the person with whom the woman cheated, or by her father. Divorce cannot be decided without the advice of elders, and even if the wife is at fault, the husband's family must return the cows received from the wife's family during the wedding, which is an unacceptable condition for most. It is easier to take a new wife without divorcing the old one than to go through a complex and expensive divorce procedure.
If a divorce does occur, the woman finds herself practically outlawed: no one will marry her again, children born after the divorce will not belong to any family and will become outcasts. While a man can leave his wife in exceptional cases, divorce on the wife’s initiative is impossible among the Maasai - once married, a woman remains forever in her husband’s family.
Polygamy in men
Male polygamy has existed almost since the creation of the world. The rulers of the past had countless wives, mistresses and concubines at the same time.
A polygamous man is a common social stereotype. Loving men are not called anything - a walker, a reveler, a womanizer. It must be said that the male womanizers themselves are not very upset by these “nicknames”. Sometimes a man is in a simultaneous relationship with several women precisely in order to confirm his strength and prove (sometimes to himself) that he is a “male.” If I were a sultan, I would have three wives - which man would not hum the words of this song to himself.
A classic example of polygamy is the relationship of an adult, married man with a woman much younger than himself.
This topic is very common among male psychologists. The reasons why a man is middle-aged are different. The main factor pushing serious husbands into the arms of young girls is considered to be the obvious or hidden need of men to make sure of their own relevance and prove to themselves that “I am young, I am strong, I can.” Part of this may be due to the so-called “midlife crisis,” which every man experiences differently.
The words from a song from the Soviet years - “because according to statistics, for ten girls there are nine boys” - are confirmed by statistics. Male polygamy is partly explained by this imbalance. In any case, men sometimes use this inequality as an excuse for their “campaigns.”
Let's now look at male psychology.
A polygamous man gives his feelings and strength to several women. A man is confident in himself, he is loved, and several beautiful creatures take care of him at once.
There is no need to choose - blonde or brunette, thin or plump, modest or not so modest - everything is always at hand. And if there are children from different women, then this is very good - there will be a “trace” in history, and there will be no problems with procreation.
Everything is good and more or less predictable when relationships with several women are allowed and have official status. But with illegal polygamy, along with the celebration of love, jealousy, fear of exposure, torment of choice, lies and other attributes of deception will inevitably come into a man’s life. Add to this a serious expense item, a simple formula works here - more women, more spending. What if suddenly a man loses the opportunity to earn enough money? How will all the heirs divide the property after his departure? There are many such “pitfalls” in polygamy.
I will add that such a life “at the limit” sometimes turns into a breakdown in health. A man rushes between home and new love, between two or several women he loves in his own way, he cannot and does not want to make a choice, he feels good as it is. But not a single woman is ready to put up with the role of the “other,” “second” wife or mistress. This stressful situation can lead to a stroke or mental illness. Many books have been written and dozens of films have been made on this topic.
