Sincerity and honesty – are they always so positive?

• Sincerity and Honesty: Differences
• Myths
• The benefits of honesty and sincerity
• Disadvantages of Honesty and Sincerity
• When is honesty important?
• Honesty in love
• Sincerity and family ties
• Honesty and business connections

In childhood, people are brought up on good fairy tales, where honesty defeats lies, and the truthful Ivanushka fights the intriguer Koshchei. They talk about the power of sincerity in school, citing as examples sentimental stories from Russian and foreign literature. But the children are growing up. The world is getting cruel. Sincerity is killed by indifference, and lies slip from the lips automatically. A person learns the subtle art of concealment, reticence, and deception for the benefit of humanity. Honesty, the unattainable height of morality, everything moves away and becomes an exorbitant feature, gaining value. Sounds sad. But is the situation so bad? Are honesty and sincerity always positive?

Sincerity and Honesty: Differences

Such similar, but different concepts. What is the difference?

Honesty is the truthful reporting of factual information. Sincerity is the harmony of words, actions and internal feelings.

Imagine the situation. A young man cheated on his girlfriend. His former offended passion found out about the offense, quickly collected incriminating evidence and set off to ruin other people’s relationships, hiding behind good intentions. She described the situation extremely honestly and in detail, showed a photo, and shared her story of separation. The girls cried and complained that all the men were... That’s where they parted. The story is true, but what is the intent? It is likely that the good intentions hid not the salvation of the unfortunate girl, but revenge on the ex-boyfriend. There was no sincerity in the honest confession.

Often people are not aware of the reasons for their own behavior. When performing an act, they are guided by thoughts that contradict reality. Modern man is so mired in lies that he cannot admit to himself the true motives of his actions. This is how the mechanism of self-destruction starts.

Myths

Honesty and sincerity cause indescribable dissonance in people's minds. On the one hand, there is a reinforced concrete morality that glorifies the strength, significance and beauty of these qualities. On the other hand, there is pressure from the desire for a well-fed life, which contradicts honesty. From contradictions come extremes, and from extremes come myths.

Sincere = naive

Naivety is an almost despised quality among people. It is considered a sign of youth, inexperience, immaturity. A naive person is pure; he has not yet had time to plunge into the abyss of injustice and cruelty. He is open, he doesn’t need lies “for the good” yet. Such characters appear often. But among sincere people there are those who came to this consciously, refusing self-deception. The world's lies begin with lying to oneself. It brings the inner world into dissonance. Establishing an honest dialogue with your inner self is the first step towards openness to the world. To do this, it is not necessary to turn a blind eye to injustice, deception, human vices, or forget human sins and insidious nature. Awareness of this does not go away with the advent of harmony. It is the attitude that changes, not the vision.

Honesty is the quality of fools

There is no benefit to telling the truth. The world pays for lying. 80% of money is concentrated in the hands of 20% of skilled liars. The more honest a person is, the less likely he is to take an advantageous position in society. According to popular belief, such a person is a fool. But the chosen lifestyle does not depend on mental abilities, intelligence, or education. Are Buddhist lamas, Indian hermit sages and other ascetics stupid?

Honesty is always virtuous

The truth is used by people for gain. An honest story about a competitor is nothing more than a trick and an attempt to hide one’s own sins. Sometimes the truth is harsh and destructive. A fundamentally honest person does not calculate the gravity of the words spoken, bringing down a waterfall of troubles on the head of the listener. He doesn't care what consequences the truth will lead to. He doesn't care about other people's feelings. He is honest because this is the basis of morality and ethics, hammered into his head with the iron staples of upbringing. In this case, there is no question of virtue.

The benefits of honesty and sincerity

Despite the suspicious attitude towards honesty and openness on the part of people, it has its advantages.

To be youreself

An honest person does not need masks. He doesn't play, he lives. Yes, such people do not move in high circles, do not make a fortune, do not build a magnificent career. They find a place where their work is needed without deception and pretense. They start a family, children and go to happiness in a way accessible to them, causing the envy of others.

Way to stand out

An honest person is a rarity. There are millions of beauties on earth, hundreds of thousands of owners of cool cars, thousands of owners of luxurious penthouses and castles, but only a few honest people.

Positive attitude towards the world

Sincerity and honesty are a way of life. When these two qualities are combined in one person, a harmonious personality is born. Inner peace leads to contentment and a positive outlook on life.

Psychological health

Lies are the main cause of neuroses. The more often a person tells lies, the more afraid he is of exposure. He constantly monitors himself, checks, verifies, suspects. It seems to him that the lie has already been revealed, that those around him are laughing behind his back at the shameful truth. An honest person is insured against such disorders, he does not suffer from suspicion, does not check every step and enjoys life.

Which is better: to tell the truth or to lie?

A lie is a statement made deliberately that is not true. Lies are so common in communication between people that we sometimes do not attach any importance to them.

There are no areas of life in which there is no place for deception. Children and adults, men and women almost constantly deceive each other over trifles, and sometimes for more compelling reasons. It’s not for nothing that people say that only fools and angels do not lie. But are lies always harmless?

First of all, we need to understand the motivation for lying. Among the main reasons for lying are:

• fear of punishment - this is why many schoolchildren hide diaries with grades from their parents;
• the desire to prove their independence and self-sufficiency leads to teenagers starting to smoke secretly from their parents;
• verbal aggression – with the aim of slandering and slandering someone you don’t like, causing him trouble;
• to get what you want or benefit - the student lies to the teacher about being sick so that he is not called to the board;
• manipulation of others - children often control their parents like puppets, cleverly pretending to be sick or undeservedly offended;
• helping another person - such a lie is disguised as a good deed;
• approval of others - a complex fat girl can lie to her peers about how many guys pay attention to her.

The reasons for lying may be different, but behind them there is always human imperfection: cowardice, laziness, indifference and disrespect for others.

The more perfect a person is, the less his need to embellish or distort reality.

Someone whose words never contradict his actions is truly respected, because he is confident in himself and decent in his attitude towards other people so much as not to lie to them. And vice versa: someone who lies constantly evokes pity. After all, he developed the habit of lying for a reason, but due to a lack of:

• positive personality traits - self-confidence, femininity or masculinity, talent, independence, courage;
• physical beauty - strength, slimness, attractiveness;
• material assets - beautiful and fashionable clothes, modern gadgets;
• experience of positive interaction with other people - friendship, love, sympathy.

Disadvantages of Honesty and Sincerity

Honesty had fewer negative sides:

Honest people are more often deceived

This pattern affects the young and inexperienced. Deceived boys and girls lose their openness over time. Someone else's lies awaken resistance. At the subconscious level, an attitude is formed: honesty is the cause of problems.

A deceived person withdraws into himself, becomes closed, learns to lie. Society gets another bearer of lies “for the good.”

A sincere person is easier to offend

Sincerity goes along with openness. Such people let others get too close. The blow received brings pain and suffering. This is a common scenario for first love, when the youthful psyche is not ready for such shocks. The result is tears, depression, withdrawal from studies/sports/hobbies. In most cases, sincerity disappears along with the first feelings. This scenario is not uncommon both in family and friendships.

Honesty is a burden for the strong

It is difficult for an open, honest and sincere person to look at human cruelty, deceit and rudeness. Soft people have the hardest time. They are easier to put pressure on and easier to use. They get lost under the pressure of rudeness and worry about injustice. They break under the pressure of social mores.

What kind of dishonesty is there?

It is somewhat difficult to give a precise definition of the word “dishonesty”, because it includes the following concepts:

• lie,
• slander,
• fraud,
• theft.

Lie

It is an integral part of the life of almost every person. Real life is like this: either they deceive you, or you are deceived. A lie is the communication of false information to a person who wants or needs to know the truth. In this way, the liar misleads his opponent, hides important information from him, and embellishes reality.

Read more: What do women like and dislike in men?

Psychologist Natalya Tolstaya about the motives of lying and why people are forced to lie in videos:

Distorting the truth is the main occupation of a liar. As a rule, lying causes censure from society, although there is no person in the world who has not used a lie at least once in his life.

There is a morally justifiable lie when lying for the greater good. For example, a doctor who does not tell a patient a fatal diagnosis in order to protect him from a blow.

There is a whole list of rules that will help you determine whether your opponent is lying or not.

• Often a liar does not remember everything he said, which means that inconsistencies can be found in his words.
• Unexpected questions unsettle a liar and force him to chaotically come up with answers.
• Change in behavior. If a person fussed, became nervous and began to behave completely differently, it means that he is hiding something.
• False emotions are easy to recognize; you just need to carefully monitor your interlocutor.
• Intuition has saved people from mistakes more than once; in this matter you can rely on your seventh sense; as a rule, it does not fail.
• Analyze what you hear. This technique will help separate the wheat from the chaff, in our case, true information from lies.

Slander

This is false information about a person or event, disseminated with the intent to undermine reputation, offend or harm. Slander is often called by another word, namely “gossip.” Both cause harm to the one at whom it is directed. A person who slanderes others may be punished for his false words.

The purpose of slander can be anything, but often a person is driven by envy or self-interest.

Fraud

This is a crime committed with the aim of taking possession of property, a violation of the trust of another person. Anyone can become a victim of scammers; honest and very trusting citizens are considered especially vulnerable. Dishonesty has become the norm, so it is not surprising that the world is full of people who want to make as much money as possible from the misfortune of others.

Theft

People steal for various reasons, among them are: organizational, social, economic and political issues. A person who is engaged in appropriating someone else’s property does not respect law, morality and religion. He may be guided by the desire to appropriate someone else’s property in order to satisfy his own needs, as a result of aggressive behavior or an unhealthy craving for hoarding.

Clinical psychologist Veronika Stepanova on the nature of kleptomania as a form of addiction in the video:

When is honesty important?

Truth, concealment or lies are difficult choices. The modern world is an egocentric universe. What kind of creature is this incomprehensible? An egocentric is a person who depends on the opinions of others. He builds a pattern of behavior in order to appear significant in the eyes of other people. This is an actor. He puts on his face the mask of a happy family man, a person satisfied with life, a respectable citizen. The main rule: control. An egocentric person monitors words and actions and carefully measures the details of the image. He controls the smooth course of a fictional story, whether it is made up or embellished. There are more than 70% of such people in the world. Those who did not learn the rules of the game in childhood learn from their own mistakes in adolescence. This model is generally accepted, fixed and approved for the convenience of all. But is she really that good?

Honesty in love

Sincere first love remains a painful memory in the past. After a series of trial and errors, a person chooses a partner. He does everything to please, attract attention, show his best side - he plays a role, dooming the relationship to failure. And why? No sincerity. Maintaining a mask during close contact will not work for long. It will subside at the first difficulties. A common situation: she married one person and divorced another person.

Concealment causes quarrels. Egocentric fear prevents you from talking about personal and secret things, from admitting a problem, and leads to unexpected conflicts. A man, forced to play the role of a strong shoulder and a stone wall, is unlikely to admit that he dreams of feminine, almost maternal affection and tenderness. A young girl also never admits to complexes that interfere with relationships. But sometimes it’s enough to talk, talk about desires or problems in order to avoid quarrels and misunderstandings.

Imagine Masha, who since childhood has been embarrassed by her contrived fatness. Her husband is pleased with his wife’s figure, but she stubbornly wears baggy clothes, behind which she hides imaginary folds. She closes herself off during lovemaking and goes on diets. Masha is hurt when her husband looks around at the stylish, beautiful women, wanting to pull off his wife’s next robe. Instead of talking, young spouses live alone with their desires and experiences, accumulating fears and dissatisfaction. The marriage is approaching breakdown.

Sincerity and family ties

Deception begins from childhood. Parents love to lie, justifiably or not. Children seem small and stupid, but they copy the behavior of adults. From them the child learns what a lie is and carries it into life. Immediate impulses: joy, laughter, fun, tears are interrupted by adult instructions about the inappropriateness of emotions. Having realized that the behavior is unpleasant for adults, children change tactics. They strive to be liked, to receive the love and approval of adults, and from childhood they lose sincerity and forget about honesty.

The usual family drama. Little Vitalik has felt since childhood that his mother is unhappy with him. Whatever he does, he receives lectures and scolding in response. Vitalik knows one thing: his mother likes it when he recites poetry in public. Realizing this, he begins to use knowledge to achieve the love of his neighbor. He doesn't like poetry, and he doesn't like his mother's friends. When Vitalik grows up, poetry will be replaced by A's in mathematics, and then by the physics department at a state university. The boy dreamed of becoming an artist, but all his life he would hide his “I” and lie to others for the sake of approving smiles.

Honesty and business connections

The choice of profession determines how honest a person can be. In this area of ​​life, sincerity is clearly regulated and driven into boundaries and norms.

The higher a person rises, the less openness he allows himself. Business relationships create distance and limit the range of issues discussed.

Imagine honest Vasya, who at a meeting decided to tell the investor that his company’s project is a scam and not worth the money. Openly, boldly, decisively. And so the unemployed daredevil moves to live with his mother. The career has been sealed.

It’s hard for honest people in the world of sales and advertising. Openness is the enemy of managers. Doctors, teachers, investigators, accountants - society sets limits for everyone.

Honesty and sincerity are positive in dosed form. Openness is the gift of close relationships. But it is achieved only by being honest with yourself. Is it worth fighting against egocentrism and lies? Yes! But extremes in this matter do not lead to good.

How dishonesty affects you

In some situations, it is easier to choose the dishonest, easier path than the correct one, which requires more effort. Dishonesty can be an aid to achieving a goal. But this easy path can cause condemnation and criticism from others, and become a big problem for a person in the future.

Trust of others

As a rule, all relationships are built on trust. Two close people who trust each other feel the security and reliability coming from their partner. But trusting relationships do not appear immediately; they can take years to build. In order to gain the trust of another person, you need to be honest and open; one lie can block everything that has been created for so long.

Many relationships have been destroyed as a result of deception by one of the partners. Once a trusting relationship is broken, it is almost impossible to restore it.

Honesty is the basis of good relationships built on trust.

Dishonesty Begets Dishonesty

Robert Innes, a professor at the University of California, argues that dishonesty is like a dangerous virus that infects everyone around us. He believes that honesty in the modern world is a scarce commodity. In every country, businessmen steal, politicians lie, and ordinary citizens try to get what they want without making any effort.

But not everything is really so sad. Most people try to be honest, it just doesn't always work out.

Being honest does not mean telling the truth always and to everyone, it means not going against established moral principles and laws. Reason is given to man so that he can distinguish when he needs to be honest and when it is better to remain silent.

When a child accepts a lie as the truth, then there is a risk that he will grow up to be a real deceiver who will not see any problem in this.

People who encounter a dishonest, two-faced person can either adopt his attitude in life by following his example, or refuse to communicate with him forever. Maintaining neutrality in this case is quite difficult, since dishonesty is a “contagious disease” that is transmitted from one person to another.