Loyalty is a concept that can be viewed from different angles. It is difficult to give a clear definition of this word, because each person’s point of view depends on his experience, age, experiences in life and his own attitudes.
In addition, you can consider different types of fidelity, because you can keep it not only to your loved one. To understand this concept, it is worth not only considering the definition given in the explanatory dictionary, but also finding out what types of fidelity there are, what determines a person’s decision to remain faithful to someone or something.
Definition of the term
Loyalty is steadfastness and constancy in feelings, relationships, in the performance of one’s duties and duty, according to Ozhegov’s dictionary. This is the quality of a person as an individual to once make a decision and follow his choice, brushing aside all doubts.
In essence, fidelity is a line of behavior chosen in accordance with life values. It cannot arise without an object of attention, internal or external. This spiritual need is generated by someone or something. As a rule, loyalty is shown to loved ones, friends, words, God, principles and beliefs, heart, Motherland, family.
Loyalty
mission Possible
In discussions of the problem of fidelity between modern partners, people often turn to the experience of our ancestors. Not so long ago, it was possible to observe, as a common occurrence, couples in which the partners remained faithful to each other, and this did not seem like anything special.
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According to Tanasescu, there is nothing unattainable in fidelity even today. Of course, for this to happen, the participants in the relationship themselves must do some work. For example, be able to solve common problems, not back down from difficult tasks, and be sure to show respect for each other. The psychologist emphasizes that in the process of conversations, when partners reveal their grievances and complaints, it is possible to completely eliminate many risks that could potentially lead to a breakup.
Alternative definitions of the concept
The question of how you understand the meaning of the word “loyalty” can have many answers, depending on the person trying to define it. It could be:
- “the right path” or “the right answer”, i.e. correct;
- “sure thing” means fundamentally reliable;
- “faithful person” - authoritative, serviceable.
Often, accidental or deliberate mistakes lead to a violation of fidelity. And this is already betrayal, first of all, to yourself, your rules, and then to the object of attention. Such cases are associated with certain losses, moral and sometimes physical. And depending on the situation they are experienced differently.
Why is it difficult to remain faithful?
The illusion of a better life.
After a quarrel or any unpleasant incident, an illusory opinion may arise that there will be no such problems with the other partner. I would like to try treason, since similar stressful situations will not happen there. However, connections on the side or deviation from the previous faith and principles bring with them new difficulties. And they are unlikely to be smaller than the current ones.
Lack of agreement.
Many modern families have forgotten how to conduct a constructive dialogue and resolve disputes peacefully. At the first sign of disagreement, scandals begin with selfish attempts to impose one’s opinion. As a result, the desires of the partners suffer, remaining not only unrealized, but even unspoken. It seems as if it will not be possible to achieve support or understanding in the current relationship. But they can be found on the side.
The solution is obvious - frank, respectful conversation. If you exclude shouting, insults, and generalized complaints from normal dialogue, you can clear your union of most problems.
Unjustified debt.
“Betrayal is bad” - this phrase is almost engraved in the mind in childhood. This is what parents, teachers, advertising, books, random speakers say. “Bad”, “dirty”, “unforgivable”, “shameful” and dozens of other negative epithets.
The problem is that rarely does anyone explain why loyalty is so valuable. One fact is given that cannot be debated, but there are few arguments to be found. As a result, adults already absorb this attitude without understanding its deep meaning. And then betrayals are avoided not at all because of the risk of hurting a loved one or getting confused in oneself, but because “this is impossible,” “this is wrong,” “there will be consequences” - what exactly is unclear. The lack of reasons to hold on to devotion forces one to abandon this attitude, as a result of which adultery occurs.
Excessive "optimism".
At the beginning of a relationship, when everything is easy, rosy, optimistic, it is very easy to believe that it will always be this way. That problems are solved quickly, without extra effort, loyalty remains unshakable, and love, even after 10 years, goes hand in hand with passion. Due to a lack of experience or ignoring possible difficulties, partners find themselves defenseless in the face of impending crises. Instead of overcoming them together, the couple chooses the “easy” path - betrayal.
Loyalty to friendship
Loyalty is the main condition of true friendship, which requires a large amount of time, patience and dedication, not demanding anything in return. Not everyone is given the honor of becoming a friend.
Friendship arises on the basis of common interests, mutual sympathy, trust and is the highest moral value. It is acquired for a reason, but lives and develops according to its own scenario. It is very important to have a friend nearby in difficult times. And if he is both in grief and in joy, then wings grow. And then human possibilities become unlimited. Historical victories, scientific discoveries, and adventures are impossible without true friends.
Resource requirement
Psychologist Andre Tanasescu suggests comparing relationships with a living being, for example, with a flower. If you take care of the plant, look after it, water it and feed it, it will live and flourish safely. And on the contrary, the lack of all care and protection will sooner or later lead to the death of the flower.
Relationships also require resources. Instead of water, fertilizers and light, attention, care, patience, the ability to understand and support will be needed. Tanasescu draws particular attention to the fact that these resources must be provided from two sides. A situation in which only one partner gives love is also detrimental to the relationship.
The specialist suggests at least imagining how this or that relationship could improve if they were supported by these important resources of love, including based on the specific needs of the partners.
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Loyalty to duty
A sense of duty goes hand in hand with patriotism. And loyalty to him is the core on which perseverance and responsibility for words and deeds, courage and honesty, constant readiness to overcome all kinds of hardships and hardships, professional, physical and psychological preparation are strung. It cannot be borrowed, imposed or taken away. This is a gift of conscience and steadfastness of soul.
When taking the oath, soldiers swear allegiance to their homeland. In combat conditions, soldiers carry wounded soldiers out from under bullets, true to their sense of duty. Even medals and badges “For fidelity to duty” are awarded to the worthy. This type of loyalty is evident in politics and in religion. Presidents of all countries of the world take an oath of allegiance to the interests of the state. In ancient times, subjects swore faith in kings, and servants kept the secret of the Order. The priests died for their faith, but did not betray it, because faith in God is the basis of any fidelity.
Loyalty as a conscious choice
One of these relationship resources is fidelity. It seems something taken for granted and unnoticed in a healthy romantic union. But its role is difficult to overestimate.
Moreover, Tanasescu points to the awareness of such a choice among partners. He rejects views that fidelity is a consequence of genetics, education or calculation. In his view, fidelity is primarily the result of a personal decision, which is dictated by a certain attitude towards a partner. With this choice we also show our willingness to show care, attention and overall love to one specific person.
Parallel to this view, Tanasescu views fidelity as a general condition for the development of a relationship between two people. By making this choice, the two partners create the basic condition for a long-term union. In the future, there will undoubtedly be moments of various temptations and opportunities for outside hobbies. However, a person who initially made a choice in favor of loyalty to his partner will not agree to such betrayal.
Love and loyalty
The meaning of the word “fidelity” in the relationship between a man and a woman does not allow for compromise or double morality. Deep feelings arise only with complete trust, sincerity and openness. There are no vows or promises needed here. People have found each other, all doubts have melted away, the conscious choice is final and is not subject to outside comments. In this case, the desire to be faithful arises on its own and does not require effort. The need to look for someone better is simply eradicated, because there is no better one to be found.
This is an internal, unconscious, but therefore real decision - to remain faithful. The meaning of this word in this context is beyond doubt - do not allow anyone into your life except the chosen person. And let them say that in modern society this concept is losing its value, that loyalty has practically disappeared. It is unlikely that this will ever happen. Because if a person loves, then he makes a silent decision to be faithful and does everything possible to create a family idyll, peace of mind and sexual harmony.
If two loyalties are combined into one family life, then this will be the key to happiness. This includes freedom from temptations, responsibility for a loved one, and fulfillment of obligations.
Parents have always been role models for their children. And if they are faithful to the interests of the family, this will serve as a good example to the younger generation in their future adult life. Over the years, people become closer, because love is the friend of fidelity.
Why is it good to be faithful in a relationship?
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"Clean" tests.
Perhaps the most common reason is the risk of contracting HIV and STIs during adultery. Not all sexual acts on the side occur intentionally. Often this is the result of alcohol intoxication, a strong emotional outburst, or, finally, a sharp surge in hormones. It is unlikely that at such moments anyone thinks about “protection”. And even more so, no one will demand a medical report from a venereologist.
Calm nerves.
Compromising correspondence, forgotten laundry, slips of the tongue, confusion with names, organizing secret meetings are direct provocateurs of stress. An unfaithful person constantly sees the threat of exposure. At first, it can even evoke excitement, pleasant excitement, and anticipation. However, over time, everything will turn into a banal neurosis. Insomnia, irritability, tremors, blood pressure problems, seizures, lethargy, absent-mindedness are just a few of the possible problems.
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Development.
To remain faithful means to cultivate and strengthen one’s fortitude and discipline. It is unlikely that they will be superfluous in any area. This is not only working on your intrapersonal qualities, but also developing social skills. To remain faithful, you will have to learn to interact effectively with your partner and successfully overcome obstacles together.
Support.
When the trust of a loved one is lost, the cheater is deprived of all the benefits of a healthy relationship - support, care, faith in him. For many, cheating is an unforgivable crime. Even a very difficult situation in the life of a traitor will not force his ex-partner to so easily help him or forgive him for his mistake. And on the contrary, a faithful person receives respect, gratitude, love, and reciprocal devotion, especially in difficult times.
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I wrote at the beginning of the article that in fact, if you ask anyone, everyone knows what fidelity is. But this does not reduce the number of divorces in our country. About 80% of marriages break up in the first two to three years. If people come in solely on sexual desires, you won’t last long on sexual compatibility; it can last from 8 months to two years. But no one worked with convictions or became acquainted with them before marriage, but in vain.
Well, or everyone takes it in unison and accumulates the experience of receiving positive emotions. You can also have a wedding and not spend much money on it, right? Try on a white dress with five different husbands five times in a row. Perhaps our Russian is in a modified form. Maybe by the tenth time you’ll get tired of getting a divorce, but at least the comfort and family will remain. With Vasya or Petya, or whatever his name is. You know, like in that joke. They gave birth to their first child: everyone steamed, boiled, and washed. They drove the cat away.
We gave birth to our second child: we boiled it every other time and washed it as best we could. The cat was nearby. They gave birth to a third. If the cat does not have food in the feeder and the child ate it, then this is the cat’s problem. I think there is something in all this associative series. There definitely is.
How is devotion expressed?
Devotion
relationship requires that partners: firstly, recognize and respect each other's different needs for both intimacy and privacy (there is nothing illegal in asking for one or the other), and secondly, openly discuss their desires and needs.
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2021
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Agreement on the “new” monogamy
The agreement of the new monogamy comes from the understanding that the concept of the old monogamy is based on the ancient desire for uniqueness that we try to recreate in our marriage. It is much better to agree on fidelity as a sign of the spouses’ responsibility to each other.
The desire for uniqueness in relationships must be replaced by the understanding that you and your partner are independent people who approach marriage as a contractual process. Loyalty is about relationships, not individuals.
