What is constructive criticism and why is it so rare?

Each person behaves differently when he is criticized, some calmly listen, listen to comments and try to improve, others, on the contrary, show aggression towards the critic, get offended, give up and withdraw into themselves. In this article I will talk about constructive and destructive criticism, explain what it is, and give some examples. In life we are often criticized, in childhood by our parents, at school by teachers, at university by professors, at work by our boss. Often even the most insignificant reproach makes us angry, resentful or sad.

From the objective

If we consider in more detail, destructive criticism differs from an objective assessment in that the criticizing person does not want to help the opponent. He shows dissatisfaction with self-interest, pursuing the goal of offending him. Destructive judgments are used in cases of personal hostility; they are based on aggression and insults.

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People making negative remarks do not take responsibility for what they say. They manipulate opponents for their own benefit. Even in perfect work, such critics will find flaws due to envy. They don't like it when someone is different from others. You should avoid communicating with them to maintain self-confidence and calm.

What makes a judgment constructive?

not constructive criticism

When assessing, attention is paid not to condemnation, demonstration of superiority and ridicule, but to real help, which will subsequently allow a person to achieve perfection.

You need to criticize where this action is appropriate. If you are sure that the interlocutor will adequately respond to your comments, act, but if you notice any barrier and feel aggression directed in your direction, stop, as your opponent will not support the conversation with you .

When is criticism appropriate?

It’s worth expressing your opinion about a person’s work or actions if you want to help him and not to insult or offend him. If a person posts the result of his activities online or presents them to colleagues, he should prepare for comments in advance, listen to them carefully and thank them for the help provided. When evaluating any subject or activity, a critic needs to determine whether he is the target audience and whether he has the right to evaluate this work, since there is a possibility that the shortcomings he identifies will be insignificant and will not affect anything.

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Criticism is allowed to those people who will subsequently interact with the opponent and deal with his unfinished mistakes.

The main feature of all judgments is the relevance of the opinion and the understanding that it will benefit the person being criticized and will not offend him. This behavior should be followed when commenting on a person’s appearance. It’s stupid to assume that she will immediately make an appointment with a stylist just because she was told about it. Criticism should be where without it complete failure can occur.

Don't push, give time to answer

It has evolved so that our body does not like change, and it is identified with danger. Yes, even in work and building relationships, the fear of new things is present and prevents you from achieving success. That is, rationally one can understand the expected benefits of changes, but even then the body needs time to adapt to a changed, even for the better, reality. Therefore, stop being angry that your interlocutor does not immediately accept criticism, even if your “sandwich” is imbued with care and seasoned with constructiveness. This is pointless and harmful to the relationship. To find out how long it will take to realize, don’t overthink it, just ask. Yes, it was possible.

Areas of application of constructive criticism

Giving an assessment is not as easy as it seems. Sometimes even a very reserved critic can lose his temper and become overly emotional. But there are areas in which destructive criticism is unacceptable under any circumstances.

The first concerns the leader-subordinate relationship. Using constructive criticism, it is necessary to correct the employee’s actions. Otherwise, the person will perform poorly and will have to be fired.

Another sphere is the educator (parent, teacher) - child. Destructive criticism lowers a little person's self-esteem. If a child is constantly told that he does everything badly, then he grows into a weak, insecure person.

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The third area is training. Constructive criticism from the teacher guides the student, helps eliminate mistakes and gain new knowledge. A negative assessment has the opposite effect - the desire to learn disappears, knowledge is not absorbed.

Definition concept

Constructive criticism involves the opponent ethically expressing his personal opinion, which is distinguished by a sincere desire to help. Through his actions, he evaluates the activities of the person he criticizes and strives to contribute to the development of his success. At the same time, he gives clear recommendations.

Objective criticism concerns business relationships between employer and subordinate, adult and child, teacher and student. The boss, using it, corrects the employee’s activities. If this does not happen, there is a risk of losing your job for poor execution of instructions.

This type of criticism does not disrupt the child’s development; he will grow up strong and self-confident. It also has an effective effect on the student: it helps eliminate mistakes and increases the desire to acquire new knowledge.

The critic in this case must understand the area affected by the comments. Only then will he be able to give effective advice. There is no place for expressions of emotion here; it is important to state only specific facts. When criticizing constructively, it is important to note the positive aspects.

The benefits of objective comments

Reasonable assessment is the most important tool with which we become better, and it also allows us to work on our mistakes. Constructive comments should prevail in professional activities; they are important for relationships with partners, colleagues, as well as with friends and relatives. Without the ability to talk about what you don't like, you will not build strong family, friendship, or team bonds.

Being comfortable with our judgments helps us to be more courageous in making smart decisions, and it also makes us realize that for everyone, neither we nor our work will ever be perfect, and there will always be things that need to be improved, no matter how small. Outside comments identify our weaknesses and give us the opportunity to correct our work so that it becomes even better. It is important to hear the assessment and identify shortcomings that can be corrected, rather than accepting the false conclusion that everything is perfect.

Such a thesis as constructive criticism is one of the important tools for the formation of society and the development of human relations. When we are discussed, it means that we represent something.

Why are we so sensitive to criticism?

Many studies have concluded that praise has a positive effect on the result, but various types of comments have a negative effect. We react to reproaches more sharply and remember them faster than compliments. One of the reasons for this phenomenon is evolution. During the evolutionary period, we learned to quickly respond to negative stimuli. In the wild, such signals portend mortal danger, so it is necessary to respond sharply to them in order to survive. Now everything has changed, but we react to troubles in the same way - emotionally and strongly.

Psychologist Daria Milai

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The next reason why we are overwhelmed with emotions when someone criticizes us is a new experience. We have a negative attitude towards stimuli that are unusual for us.

The main differences between these two varieties

Constructive judgments contribute to self-development, while destructive ones destroy aspirations and cause mental wounds. The main feature of valid criticism is the provision of valuable advice for correcting mistakes and improving performance.

Negative reproaches are based on insults and aggression; such appraisers are not responsible for their words, which hurt and reduce self-esteem. If you encounter such an individual, try to avoid communicating with him, this way you will maintain your calm and your confidence will not suffer.

Actions that do not relate to objective judgment:

Intimidation. Not allowed: “If you don’t clean your room, you’ll go hungry.” Allowed: “Clean up the house, while I prepare dinner.”
Insults. You can’t: “You look very bad, haven’t you washed your hair again?” In general, one should not evaluate external data.
Subjectivity. Don't criticize your friend for her taste, dreams and goals.

How to criticize correctly

When you evaluate another person's actions, it is important that he hears what you have to say. The rules of constructive criticism will help with this:

Express your opinion when you are one on one with a person. Respect your opponent, do not make his mistakes public.
Offer options for solving the problem. Help with advice or action, otherwise the meaning of the criticism will be unclear.
Keep calm. The opponent will respond to aggressive statements with aggression.
Evaluate work in a timely manner. If constructive criticism is expressed after a long time, you will be considered a quarrelsome, vindictive person.
Alternate negative moments with praise. The person will feel valued despite the mistakes they have made. He will try to justify the trust and will not make similar mistakes in the future.
Criticism is a dialogue. Let your opponent speak. Perhaps he could not influence the situation that led to the mistakes.
You cannot criticize by referring to others. Be responsible for your words, otherwise you will be accused of spreading gossip.
When the causes of errors and solutions have been found, leave this issue. There is no need to constantly remind your opponent of his mistakes.
If your opponent is irritated and unable to adequately perceive your words, put off the conversation for a while.

Tips for parents

I will list several recommendations that will help teach a child how to properly respond to objective and biased judgments of outsiders.

Convey to your child the importance of remaining calm. He should not contradict the teacher, make tearful excuses or behave aggressively.
Contact him often so that you know about all the abuse he is subjected to. Be honest with each other.
Teach him to stand up for himself and respond correctly to destructive judgments.
Don't raise a perfectionist and don't tell him that he is to blame for something. Bring your life experience, when you made a lot of mistakes, he should understand that every person existing in this world had to make mistakes.

Adequate perception of all comments and assessments of critics is the key to stable career and spiritual growth. Without self-improvement, you will not be able to lead your work and family life.

Destructive criticism

This is an indication of the opponent’s shortcomings for selfish purposes. Such a critic has no desire to help; he does it to offend the person.

The main reasons for such unfounded reproaches.

Manipulation. Manipulative influence on a person is aimed at persuading him to take actions beneficial to the critic.
Envy. Even if it is a flawless job, envious people will still find flaws and point them out, even if it is not true.
Non-standard. If any opponent does everything differently from others, there will be a large number of people who want to unreasonably criticize him.
Bias. The critic is completely confident in the truthfulness of his thoughts and does not give the opportunity to refute them.

One problem at a time

Accumulating complaints is counter-constructive. Most often, this happens when one side does not want to solve problems as they arise, but in the end cannot withstand their critical mass and gives everything away in one fell swoop - also with negative emotions. Tolerating while relying on another person's understanding is harmful - because until he receives feedback, he will not understand that something is wrong and will act as before.

The principle of one problem at a time allows you not only to remove possible stress, but also to move on quickly and comfortably. This approach is also useful in personal relationships: do not remember past mistakes, both corrected and uncorrected. This shifts the conversation from a rational plane to an emotional one, causes a feeling of hopelessness (you can’t change the past) and simply makes you angry.

Where to start if you want to criticize constructively?

We will talk in more detail about how to correctly express critical comments in the next material, but there are several general rules. Ekaterina Sigitova advises that before criticizing another person, count to ten and try to understand your motives. “If they are connected with helping the person being criticized, good. If they are more about you, but the subject of criticism does not directly affect your life, it is better to remain silent,” she notes.

You should not turn your remark into an accusatory monologue: criticism is, first of all, a form of communication. Your comments should always be respectful and friendly. Ekaterina Sigitova considers the “sandwich rule” to be the main rule of constructive criticism: “Place your comments between two positive statements: first praise, then criticize, and finally praise again.” It is important to understand that criticism is a skill that can and should be learned if there is a desire.

Illustrations: Katya Dorokhina

Examples

Before you start criticizing, you need to think about whether you have enough knowledge and experience in a certain area. For example, I didn’t like the dress that the seamstress made to order. It will be difficult to point out shortcomings in such work, because the critic does not have a tailor's education. Judgment should begin with kind words, praise, and a respectful tone. End the same. This will enhance the opponent’s perception of the speech spoken. Sometimes he has something to respond to comments, so there should be an opportunity to do this, because maybe the reason for what happened may be justified. The critic should be prepared to offer possible solutions to the problem.

Praise

Criticism-praise is used when the boss is not satisfied with something in the work performed. The following expressions are suitable:

overall good, but not perfect;
the work is good, but it does not suit our case;
good, but you can do better;
It’s clear from your work that you tried, but it’s not enough;
everything is true, but not on time.

In relation to a child, this method of criticism is used if he misunderstood the task or did unnecessary actions that are not indicated in the task. In this case, communication can be established like this:

you overdid it, there is no such thing in the task, this is already unnecessary;

it’s clear that you tried, but read the assignment carefully;

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ok, but something is missing, let's think about how to fix it.

Concern

Criticism-concern comes to a point when the work is not submitted on time. Personal emotions appear in statements. Dissatisfaction can be explained this way:

I am concerned about your dishonesty;
I am amazed that your report is not ready;
I’m not sure that I can entrust this task to you next time.

Impersonality

Impersonal criticism is expressed when there is no desire to name names. For example, in a work team they say this:

There are employees among us who cannot yet cope with their responsibilities, but we will not name their names;
it turned out that not everyone understood how important this is for us, I hope they understood who I mean;
some employees still do not comply with their work schedule;
let those who did not find the strength to admit their mistakes be ashamed.

Astonishment

When using criticism-surprise, you need to control your intonation. She should not be indignant, but surprised. This is not swearing with ridicule. Here are examples of surprise:

Did you fail to complete the assignment?
I'm amazed the report isn't on my desk yet.
Haven't you seen your shortcomings yet?
I can't believe my eyes. Do you have an error? Not expected.
How so?
Do you really like your job?

If the child did not do all the work, or made little effort to achieve the result, there is no need to scold him. Suffice it to say: “How sloppily written. There’s still work to be done on your handwriting, but I believe you can do it.”

Warning

Wanting to point out a mistake to the employee, but not offend him, for criticism-warning you need to choose a firm, but not threatening tone. The following phrases are suitable: