How to get rid of falling in love: action plan and advice from psychologists

Love is a wonderful feeling if it is mutual and selfless. But often instead of love comes falling in love, which does not allow you to live in peace and prevents you from meeting true love. How to get rid of falling in love, from this obsessive unnecessary state?

My friend’s son dropped out of a prestigious university because of his destructive passion for a girl who did not pay any attention to him. How much effort and labor was put into studying, and everything went to waste: he was unable to recover at the university. How to get rid of this obsession, how not to ruin your life with unnecessary connections? I want to tell you about this in this article.

When it is necessary

The feeling of falling in love with a man arises due to internal psychological signals from the subconscious that this young man is able to make him happy. However, such attitudes only work if there is positive previous relationship experience.

When first love was destructive or disruptive, the subconscious mind shifted to a new negative behavior pattern. As a result, all subsequent relationships were based on the first experience and also failed, so every second woman in Russia tends to choose young people as partners who cause harm and destroy lives.

READ How to make a guy fall in love with you and ask you to date

To deal with feelings consciously, it is necessary to understand the destructive power of negative attitudes. To assess how productive sympathy is, pay attention to five indicators:

Deterioration of health. In particular, the gastrointestinal tract, nervous and cardiovascular systems are affected. Signs that you need to fight falling in love are acute cutting pain in the abdomen, bowel irregularities, flatulence and bloating, tachycardia, nervous conditions, mood swings and tremors. The presence of at least one symptom indicates excessive worries about the new object of sympathy, which the body does not tolerate well. In the case of a healthy relationship, such reactions should not occur, so you should deal with the emotions that arise as quickly as possible.
Unstable mental state. Weekly breakdowns, hysterics and a constantly negative attitude are another sign that a girl should overcome her crush. If these states appeared after understanding and realizing a new feeling, the emotions are not considered healthy. When this is observed in the behavior of a young man, he, too, should begin to fight the negative state.

Suicidal tendencies that appeared after a declaration of love or during quarrels. Such tendencies are often observed among girls. A man is an emotionally stable creature, however, even among the stronger sex there are individuals who think that ending life is an option to survive a sick condition. If you notice such manifestations in friends or acquaintances, discuss it immediately and consult a psychologist.
Feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy. This is a feature of a man or woman’s relationship with a person who has tyrant tendencies. Such individuals suppress and, unfortunately, quickly feel the tender feelings that arise towards them and the weak points of a potential partner. If in the process of communicating with the object of your desire, you come to the realization that you are not worthy to be around, rather experience the emotions of falling in love. The slightest delay will drag you into a destructive relationship, from which you will not be able to get out without consequences.
The desire to control and be nearby every second. Despite your partiality, you understand that you are not ready to lose sight of the object of your sympathy. Even one day without checking your social media profile feels empty. At the same time, there is no time for dates with friends or for usual activities (going to the hairdresser, going to the gym). This behavior immediately strikes at social life, protects and quarrels with relatives and friends. Relationships in this case will be impossible due to a manic state, even if the object of sympathy shares feelings.

If one of the signs is present in a relationship, learn how to successfully overcome a crush without harming yourself. In this situation, practical advice on getting rid of destructive emotions will be useful.

How to calm your emotions

The emotional sphere plays a leading role in romantic relationships, so it is necessary to work with it separately.

Psychologists advise girls to switch attention from the object of desire to their own figure and begin to fight with it, or rather, with its shortcomings. This activity absorbs thoughts and time so much that there is simply no energy left to fall in love, and the desire to meet will quickly disappear.

Visiting a sports section or fitness club also takes time and also increases self-esteem. Girls with high self-esteem will not humiliate themselves and seek unrequited love.

Go shopping, look for boutiques that are running promotions. Shopping takes energy and time; there will be no time left for suffering over the object of desire. If you don't have enough money for purchases, you can take out a loan.

Sometimes the technique of burning out emotions helps. To do this, you need to stay alone and work yourself up with all your might with memories of your loved one, bring yourself to the point of hysterics. It may take a few days for the emotions to burn out. It is not necessary to do this in front of witnesses, it is better without prying eyes.

The first steps towards getting rid of feelings

Having realized the new state as a destructive emotion that will not bring satisfaction and happiness, determine how to get rid of the obsessive feeling of falling in love. To overcome it, you will need to consistently try different techniques. One of them will definitely help and be effective. However, if you have experienced this at least once, the likelihood that the same methods will help is quite high.

READ Should you tell a man about your feelings: ways to declare love and advice from a psychologist

Unleash your emotions

People tend to hide strong experiences of a negative nature and hide them from others, but internal tension increases. As a result, a person simultaneously feels both his own helplessness and the intensity of passions that are difficult to survive.

To cope with the condition, use one of two methods:

Third-party experiences. To stabilize internal dissatisfaction, use active sports or adrenaline-pumping activities. A trip to a boxing class, a trip on extreme forms of transport or a parachute jump will help throw out the negativity. The main thing is to use life-safe options.
Domestic hysteria. Lock yourself in the apartment and make sure that no one will interfere with the noise in the next 3-5 hours. After this, remember the negative feelings and throw them out in the form of tears, broken dishes or loud screams. This reboot will relieve excess stress.

The first method is more suitable for young people, the second - for women. However, you can use any one if you wish.

Learn to satisfy your needs yourself

To successfully cope with negative experiences, evaluate the basis on which they arose. Perhaps there is dissatisfaction in life in an emotional or physical aspect - a person lacks pleasant experiences or sex. As soon as the reason becomes clear, a way to survive unhappy love will appear.

In the first case, try going on dates with different guys and girls you know and don't know. At first, thoughts will resist such an exit, but over time a habit will arise. In addition, perhaps you will meet a partner who will captivate you much more than the current object of your affection. If the body requires affection, then find someone who has great capabilities and skills in matters of sex. Satisfaction at first will not bring moral peace, but after 2-3 times apathy will arise towards the person with whom you were in love.

READ What is falling in love: how to recognize a magical feeling in time

Work through grievances

Resentment consumes mental strength and takes away the joy of every day you live. If you remind yourself every day about a failed romance, then you will have no energy left for friends, family or a new crush. To work through the emotion of resentment in your head, use one of the following methods:

Write a detailed letter in which you talk about unpleasant experiences and dashed hopes, read it aloud and burn or tear it up. Repeat the ritual daily or in moments when emotions overwhelm.
Talk to a friend, a cat or yourself, cry.
Find a replacement object in hobbies and hobbies - write poetry, music, draw.
Displace the object of love with other people, experiences and events. The busier life is, the less time and energy will be left for worries.

Having experienced an offense, draw conclusions from the situation and mentally forgive the person. You need to remain honest with yourself, because otherwise emotions will sooner or later return to this issue.

Make plans

To take your mind off your crush, start planning for the future. Regardless of what stage of life and career a person is at, thoughts about development prospects will captivate and force him to act actively. If you are studying, seek an increased scholarship, think about a place of practice or a further educational institution. A working person should achieve a noticeable increase in both position and earnings. Set deliberately high goals so that the achievement lasts for a long time.

If we are talking about a married woman or a married man, then the easiest thing will be planning and further search for funds for joint large purchases, moving or traveling with your spouse.

Pay attention to a person's shortcomings

People are imperfect, and this is expressed in inconspicuous little things that betray a flaw. However, the lover idealizes the object of feelings, without seeing obvious negative character traits or behavior. The way to effectively suppress the feeling of falling in love is to focus on the disadvantages that are unacceptable from the point of view of the person who has fallen in love.

Since attention is focused on this person, it is easy to notice traits and habits that you do not want to put up with. This will take some time, but it will help cope with the surging emotions.

Eliminate triggers

A trigger is an external reminder of the presence of a man or woman in life. This is a material thing that reminds of a person. Every time an object comes into view, it evokes emotions and memories of those days when sympathy was strongest. To suppress the feeling of falling in love as quickly as possible, eliminate triggers. First, just remove it from visible places, and after a month, throw it away or give it away.

Even if the item of memory is, for example, a gift in the form of jewelry, take it to a pawnshop and relax with the amount received. The only exception is photos with other people. It is better to save them, but not view them daily.

The nature of love addiction

"Love Pills"

Love addiction is a complex and not fully understood thing. Experts still have not agreed on why some people are susceptible to it and others are not. However, there is a group of people (most of them women) who may encounter this in their life journey.

As a rule, romantic natures, prone to daydreaming and idealization, find an object that at least approximately corresponds to their ideal and themselves add to its image the necessary features that it sometimes does not possess at all. Another and, alas, quite large group are insecure people suffering from low self-esteem. Even routine compliments and light flirting can ignite them and make them fall in love with a person who is completely unaware of the power of his polite smile.

Such women are internally afraid that this is the last person who will pay attention to them and therefore cling to him like a straw. Alas, they have little chance of winning a worthy place in the life of the object of their desire: few people will be interested in a woman who identifies herself with a dog at the feet of her owner.

Practical recommendations

Theoretical methods will not work and will not help if you leave everything the same, so protect yourself not only from thoughts, but also from contact on a physical level with the object of passion. To do this, apply practical recommendations that will help you experience the emotion faster.

Take care of yourself

It is believed that during experiences, women tend to radically change their appearance - haircut, wardrobe and style in general.
They feel on an unconscious level how to get out of stress without loss. The mastered practical technique is used for any difficulties in life. The same practice also applies to men, because a change in image will certainly attract the attention of other women and distract them from their worries. In addition to appearance, there is communication between people, so to change your circle of acquaintances, develop yourself in unfamiliar areas. Go not to the movies, but to an exhibition of contemporary artists, visit a museum, or read a historical novel. This will distract you from negative thoughts and get rid of obsession, and will also allow you to diversify your list of acquaintances. Perhaps among them there will be an interesting person who will captivate you and make you forget about the negative experience.

New way of life

In addition to external changes, use lifestyle change practices. In order to survive unhappy love, add sports to your daily schedule: jogging in the morning will give you a boost of energy, and in the evening it will relieve you of anxiety. Additional active activities will also come in handy. Sign up for dancing, yoga, or swimming. Physical activity will reduce stress and expand your circle of acquaintances.

In addition to sports, you can use natural instincts. If you don’t know how to forget about unrequited crushes, you need to change your diet.

By going on a diet, you will feel hungry, which will distract you from negativity. After some time, the extra pounds will go away and your love will go away.

READ What to do if you fall in love: expert advice

Change your job

If a man is haunted by a crush on a colleague or, conversely, a woman goes crazy at the sight of her boss, think about changing places, companies or professions. Firstly, new working conditions will make you feel inconvenienced and distract you from your love experiences. Secondly, the loss of the object of love will most likely relieve the obsessive negative feeling.

Get over a breakup

Emotions accumulated due to the need to hold back affect health. As a result, falling in love affects the body in a physical sense. This cannot be allowed, so throw out the accumulated ballast. Break dishes, tear things, scream and cry. Emotional relief will be the starting point for getting rid of obsessive thoughts and experiences.

Make a list

To objectively evaluate the object of your love, use the method of writing down your thoughts. Create a table with two columns. On the left, list or describe in detail the negative aspects you noticed in your partner. Take even small details into account. On the right side, briefly list the advantages. Write biased traits (kindness, mercy, determination) if they are actually confirmed by behavior or manifested in specific situations. Add to the list if necessary, but pay attention to the column on the left every day.

Out of sight

Getting rid of your lover's gifts is a mandatory step. In addition, there are other reminders of relationships or feelings that need to be overcome. It is not necessary to change the circle of friends in which you met if they do not cause painful feelings of regret. But delete songs that remind you of the moment of experience. Also get rid of things left behind if the relationship has reached this stage.

Live your life

Searching for possible meetings and seemingly random intersections with the object of love is a waste of time and energy on the past. If a person has expressed the opinion that a relationship is impossible, then such attempts to see each other look awkward, and in the case when the object of love has already paid attention, but lost interest in the process of getting to know each other, they look even worse. Imposing one's society is humiliating, and receiving another refusal can completely destroy one's self-esteem.

Between a potential “chance” meeting and a trip, choose the latter, even if it means going to a nearby store. Engage in self-realization, which will allow you to find a worthy person to create an alliance with.

Find support from friends or family

Talking through grievances and disappointments with oneself does not help in all cases, but an outside opinion expressed by an authoritative friend or relative is sobering. Therefore, ask for help from loved ones who are not indifferent to your fate. Talk to them, reason and share your thoughts. Listen to advice if you receive it. This will help to establish communication and distract, and will also gradually overcome love in the mind.

Fight fire with fire

An expression referring to finding a casual partner for one or two meetings. Beautiful courtship, an unfamiliar restaurant and the need to captivate a stranger with a conversation will distract you from thoughts about the inaccessible object of love.

In addition, a short-term romance may satisfy the needs and force you to face the truth, admitting that the choice of attraction was a bad one.

Talk about your feelings

An honest conversation with a lover or lover is an equally effective method for getting rid of feelings. Sometimes obsessing occurs because of uncertainty. And until a frank explanation occurs, it will not be possible to survive destructive emotions. In this case, there is a risk of receiving a refusal, which will bring worries, but will bring clarity. However, you can also hear a mutual declaration of love, which may develop into a long-term relationship.

Signs of poor attachment

The following signs indicate an unhealthy, that is, dependent, relationship:

Feeling of shame for vacationing separately from your partner, wasting time and money on yourself.
Sadness and anxiety when parting for a day or even for a few minutes.
Fear of expressing your opinion, expressing emotions.
The dependence of your mood on the mood of your partner. There is a similar dependence in actions and decisions.
The desire to please your partner in everything, self-sacrifice.

But the main criterion for destructive attachment to a person is the danger or futility of the relationship. For example, you are unrequitedly in love or you are constantly beaten in a relationship.

Important! A healthy relationship is a union of two independent and mature individuals. Such people are good without each other, but together they are even better.

What not to do

There are ways to forget someone you've had a crush on for weeks. But even knowing how to get out of a traumatic situation quickly, in the process of applying practical methods, everyone makes mistakes that only worsen the situation:

Request for a meeting. Reminding yourself worsens self-esteem, and imposing it will destroy it completely.
Surveillance on social networks. Suitable for feeling abandoned and unhappy; moreover, the intense life of the object of feelings will leave an unpleasant aftertaste in the form of regret that the relationship did not work out.
A pity. If you feel it towards yourself, it will make your self-esteem drop lower and lower; if you feel it towards the object of your emotions, you will have to regret the loss of a potential partner. This feeling is irrational and will not bring results, so it is better to abandon it.
Refusal to help. Friends are needed to accept a person for who he is, with emotions and character traits, so do not reject them, because this will offend loved ones.

Knowing the common mistakes, do not make them so as not to regret the results.

What is attachment to a person?

Attachment to a person is a feeling of unity and closeness with him, the desire to be close to this person and to be devoted to him. Attachment is based on feelings of tenderness, love, empathy, sympathy. Attachment is the desire to take care of someone, communicate and have fun with a person, learn something new from each other and learn something, share joys and sorrows, support each other.

Note! Every mentally healthy person experiences a feeling of attachment.

Psychological techniques for getting rid of falling in love

Psychology defines that falling in love is a positively colored emotion directed at a specific person. In this state, consciousness is not able to objectively determine how possible the continuation of the partnership is, and internal complexes and traumas of the subconscious are often involved in the process.

However, there are methods to stop the negative and destructive effects of feelings on the body:

Focusing on weaknesses. Catch yourself in the trap: if the object of sympathy is ideal, then you must correspond to him both externally and internally. Start taking care of yourself. In addition to the fitness club and diet, consider the internal component. Let every evening after work be devoted to macramé courses, reading historical literature and watching cinema classics. During working hours, break down tasks by the hour, monitoring every free minute.
Forcing as a way to quickly get rid of attachment is also suitable. Over the course of a week, exaggerate your own feelings: cry hysterically because the object of your sympathy is far away, mentally exaggerate the importance of this person. In a short period of time, you will experience enormous psychological stress and possibly burn out.
Realize that struggle is not the most important criterion for feelings. To find a worthy partner, you don’t need to contradict logic, common sense and all your loved ones who dissuade you from a crazy idea. Sometimes “love in spite of” causes suffering throughout life, as well as the need to prove the strength of feelings and defend the rights of the couple. 90% of people know how to manage emotions on an unconscious level, so there is no need to justify falling in love with an unworthy person.

There are many ways to get rid of feelings, you just need to set a goal and start taking action. After just one or two weeks, you will feel the result in the form of a cooling of the object of sympathy.

Allow honesty and truth into your life

Make a solemn promise to yourself today: from now on, you will adhere to a policy of absolute honesty and the pursuit of truth. As you take each next step toward personal growth, remain honest with yourself and with others who can offer you help and support on this journey.

One of the most important aspects of living a healthy and fulfilling life is your ability to show the world who you are. This ability contributes to the formation of intimacy. In the process of recovery, we need to understand for ourselves exactly what intimacy is and exactly what positive impact it has on our lives.

In the case of love addiction, just as in the presence of any other addictions, you constantly adhere to a policy of denial, and in such conditions recovery is, in principle, impossible. If you want to make positive changes, you need to develop the ability to recognize the truth and see what is really happening. Honesty with yourself and a sincere desire to banish the habitual politics of denial from your life is an expression of self-love. On the path to recovery, you need to learn to love yourself, enjoying the newfound freedom and ability to demonstrate the true essence of your personality.

Choosing a policy of absolute honesty is not a task that can be forced upon you. Its value lies in the fact that only you yourself can fulfill it - and solely of your own free will, guided by one single reason: only such an attitude will lead you to the life that you want for yourself. The very CONCEPT of absolute honesty will become the fundamental principle of your life.

Honest perception gives us the opportunity to be proactive in life; such perception is not passive. If you want to free yourself and start living the life you truly deserve, you need to open up to truth and objective reality, even if it doesn't seem very pleasant to you. Once you learn to face reality, it will not be easy for you to fall back into the web of lies and distorted ideas about life. The truth will set you free. It's time to open your eyes and look at yourself and your life differently, and build the healthy and fulfilling relationships that you truly deserve.

Let go of love

Letting go means not accumulating resentment, anger, feelings of pity and jealousy in your soul: despite the fact that it is not easy, you need to stop thinking about the bad. The final result of this exercise should be the following: despite the fact that the love was not reciprocated, forgive and let go of feelings of pain and past grievances. To avoid disappointment, you should kill the desire to provoke jealousy, making every effort to forget your partner.

Forgiveness will help you move to a new stage in your relationship and give you a feeling of peace of mind and completeness of the situation.

If the bitterness of loss does not go away, do not despair! Time is the best doctor: the feeling of jealousy from unrequited love will weaken, and thoughts about the person will pass. It is important to thank yourself for the work that has been done, putting an end to the relationship that causes pain.

What books will help you cope?

Books are one of the ways to better understand yourself and distract yourself from unnecessary emotions. Special literature written by psychologists will help :

Robin Norwood "Women Who Love Too Much"
Gennady Starshenbaum “Addictology: psychology and psychotherapy of addictions”
Dmitry Semennik “How to survive a breakup with a loved one”
Irvin Yalom “The Love Cure and Other Psychotherapeutic Novels.”

Some will benefit from books related to spiritual practices, self-discovery, and awareness of one’s inner world. Of the authors, Alexander Sviyash and Konstantin Dovlatov are interesting.

In addition to specialized literature, it is useful to read works of fiction that take you into a world of fantasy, but at the same time calm the nervous system and smooth out emotions.

Jane Austen "Pride and Prejudice"
Leo Tolstoy "War and Peace"
Mikhail Bulgakov "The Master and Margarita"
Helen Fielding "Bridget Jones's Diary".

Is it worth asking for help from higher powers?

If the desired calm does not come, you can try turning to higher powers. You should resort to this method only when you feel such a need. Remember, no matter how good the magician is, he will not solve anything for you. You will have to work on yourself and your life even after the most powerful ritual.

The simplest spell (to fall out of love) can be done at home. To do this, light a candle and, looking at the flame, remember your ex-man. Imagine that thin threads are stretching from you to it. Now wish him all the best and cut them all with a candle flame. You should feel liberated; if this does not happen, you should repeat the ritual in a couple of days.

Those who do not believe in magic can try going to church. Pray for liberation from mental burden and ask for female happiness in the future. Confession or a confidential conversation with a priest can also help. Perhaps during the conversation you will understand why distance kills love and what is the reason that your relationship has not stood the test of time.

It’s worth visiting church even if you’re skeptical, because even if it doesn’t help you, you won’t lose anything.