Conversation on the topic “Basics of etiquette and the art of communication”

Basic ethical standards and principles of communication

Human communication is based on certain ethical principles, norms and rules. Without their observance, communication will slide down to satisfying one’s own needs, which will lead to the destruction of relationships between people.

The purpose of all ethical norms and rules of conduct is to unite and unite all members of society.

... the most important rule for communicating with strong people: you cannot publicly doubt their infallibility. Jennifer Egan. Citadel

Every person has a need to communicate with others. Some are more sociable, others less so, but for the main two forms of human interaction - friendship and love - communication is necessary. Any human actions always have some kind of framework, boundaries and rules. What norms and rules govern our communication and determine the culture of speech?

Shall we talk?

Psychologists say that the rules of communication with people are a kind of unwritten code. He helps to become an excellent conversationalist, whose opinion is always listened to and who is always a welcome guest in any home. The ability to communicate is also very important during business negotiations with partners. And in ordinary life it won’t hurt. A person who knows the rules of communicating with people and applies them in practice always has many good friends and acquaintances, he is always welcome.

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Types of ethical standards

The basic principles of communication are divided into mandatory and recommended. The first includes the famous medical concept - “do no harm.” In order for communication to be mutually pleasant and effective, you should not resort to insults when there are differences in points of view, or humiliate your opponent. It is necessary to exclude such behavioral tactics as harshness and rudeness from interpersonal relationships. To interact well with people, it is helpful to maintain self-esteem, modesty, and respect for others. The connection between ethical standards and motives for communication is quite obvious:

1. Emotionally positive motives include bringing joy, satisfying the interlocutor’s need for respect, understanding and love, as well as interest.
2. Neutral motives are often the goals of information transfer.
3. Emotionally negative ones include indignation at an ignoble act and an expression of anger at the unfair outcome of a situation.

All these motives are inextricably linked with high internal moral standards. It is worth noting that actions dressed in an ethical form, but caused by low motives (to deceive, condemn, etc.) are not ethical.

Ask open questions

Open questions require a detailed answer and give the interlocutor the opportunity to express his opinion.

• “What do you think of the speaker?”
• “When does the ski season open here?”
• “Where are the best women's clothing stores in this city?”
• “What bait are you fishing with?”
• “Do you know why that jazz club closed?”

Ask the main questions of journalists (what, why, where and how) if you want to get a detailed answer from your interlocutor. This way you will learn more interesting information and be able to maintain a conversation.

JENNY: What do you think about clowns with balloons?

Video

The perceptual side of communication in psychology
Communication etiquette is a set of rules and speech norms accepted in society and related to the practice of communication. Compliance with it allows you to achieve complete mutual understanding, minimize or completely eliminate the occurrence of awkward situations and even conflicts with your interlocutors.

In society, a person constantly communicates with someone. On the street - answers a variety of questions from passers-by, talks with subordinates or receives orders from a superior, talks with colleagues. On a date, he whispers sweet words to his beloved girl. With the help of communication etiquette, he easily regulates his manners and behavior. Asks the right questions and maintains the generally accepted distance.

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Basic rules for communicating with people

Over time, the rules of communicative interaction change and people are forced to adapt again to the changed conditions.
Only in this case can communication remain sufficiently effective. During the conversation, its participants must listen carefully to the speaker, and also clearly demonstrate their interest in it. To do this, they must periodically clarify the correct understanding of the voiced information and some of its details. Particularly important points should be comprehended and, slightly paraphrased, their meaning should be briefly recounted.

During a conversation, you should not interrupt the speaker, since, first of all, such actions show the bad manners of the person himself and his lack of respect for other people.

The rules for communicating with people indicate that:

• giving advice to the speaker, criticizing or summing up what was said is possible only after the end of his speech and clarification of the information heard;
• During a confidential private conversation, it is advisable to show empathy to your interlocutor and empathize during his story.

Non-verbal means of communication help to establish a good connection with your partner:

• for better mutual understanding, you need to look into the speaker’s eyes more often;
• to show that the meaning of what was said is clear, you should shake your head slightly;
• It is necessary to take short pauses before responding;
• you should show your interlocutors that they are interesting and smart people, any conversation with them is pleasant.

During communication, you need to smile sincerely, unless, of course, it looks natural and does not contradict the information received.

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If you address your interlocutor by name or first name as often as possible, you can smooth out some difficult moments and even prevent the emergence of a conflict situation. The name for any person is the most important set of sounds. A well-timed name will make the speaker more attractive to the listener he is addressing.

What it is

With the help of competent communication, a person exchanges information, avoids conflict situations, and receives advantages. Everyone needs this skill for a successful life.

The rules of cultural communication have changed repeatedly throughout the existence of mankind. This made it possible to generate such personal qualities as politeness, tact, and compliance. Standards of behavior are reflected in the rules of etiquette.

Features and structure

Not every communication will be cultural. Experts identify several specific signs:

1. To be accepted by a certain group of people, a person follows strict rituals.
2. The addressee perceives the execution of etiquette as a social “stroking”.
3. There is a speech act, i.e. communication.
4. Rules of politeness are observed.

The structure of cultural communication is quite simple. With the communicative side of the conversation, information and feelings are exchanged, with the interactive side, an exchange of actions occurs, with the perceptual side, the process of getting to know each other begins to establish strong social connections.

Researchers' opinion

It is the existence of culture that separates human society from the natural world. In axiology, it is believed that this term conceals a set of material and spiritual values ​​that were created by people. The systems approach is different. In it, culture is the concentration of the qualities of humanity. It also includes the products of his activities.

M.S. Kagan believed that culture is everything that makes a person human

In psychology, this term refers to the properties of a person that reflect her worldview, attitude towards other people and the world. The concept can refer to both an individual and a group of people. Cultural communication is an important component of society. Without it, conflicts, quarrels, and clashes will begin among people. Each nation has its own ideas about politeness; this must be taken into account when contacting a foreigner.

The art of communicating with people

It so happens that on the road of life you meet a wide variety of individuals - with some of them it is easy and pleasant to communicate, while with others, on the contrary, it is quite difficult and unpleasant. And since communication covers almost all spheres of people’s lives, learning to master the art of communicative interaction is a necessity of the realities of modern life.

A person who perfectly masters the art of communicative interaction always stands out among other individuals, and such differences relate only to positive aspects. It is much easier for such people to get a well-paid job, they move up the career ladder faster, fit into the team more easily, make new contacts and good friends.

Communication with strangers should not start immediately with serious and important topics. It's better to start with a neutral topic and gradually move on to more important things without feeling awkward.

It is also not recommended to talk about financial difficulties, problems in family matters or health. In general, communicating with strangers does not involve the use of personal topics. Don't talk about bad news either. Since there is a possibility that the interlocutor may be alarmed by such a topic, as a result of which he will find a reason to avoid the conversation. There is no need to discuss the appearance of mutual friends during a conversation. Gossip will not increase your attractiveness in the eyes of others.

Features of formation

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No one is born well-mannered. In order for a person to become cultured, a set of measures is used. It is implemented not only by parents, but also by educational organizations.

Important! The child learns certain norms in the process of interacting with other children.

In kindergarten, children are taught how to treat adults correctly and what polite words to use in everyday life. At older preschool age, children are already able to understand the difference between “you” and “you”, addressed by first name and patronymic.

Education is a slow process, but with constant influence the result will not be long in coming. Parents explain to the preschooler how to behave in public places, how to ask strangers, and other important aspects of existence in society.

Education continues at school age. Children are taught to behave correctly in different situations, they are shown how to demonstrate a culture of communication in writing. For example, how to write a letter in a business style, etc.

Fiction can help in developing ideas. Fairy tales, short stories and other works give children the opportunity to learn from the experience of the characters and analyze the actions of the characters.

Forming ideas about what polite contact should be like is the primary task of education. Without this knowledge, it will be difficult for a person to exist in society.

Use opening phrases

So, next to you stands a person with a friendly look, clearly inclined to communicate. You may have already said hello, smiled at each other, shook hands and got to know each other. Now you need to start a casual conversation to turn this stranger from a stranger into a friend.

Look around and find something to start a conversation about. Any phrase about what is happening around will be a good introduction to a casual conversation. Start with simple observation.

• “This is the new chairman of the PTA, right?”
• "Best speech I've ever heard!"
• “And the title of the slowest elevator in the world goes to... our elevator!”
• “Looks like it's starting to rain again. Guess who didn't bring an umbrella."
• “Is this a portrait of one of the agency’s founding fathers?”

Please note that all statements are impersonal. That's the point: with innocent topics like these, you can easily start a conversation. You will not be considered tactless or an annoying person who pesters you with personal problems.

Linguistic and behavioral means

Speech is mostly words and other sounds, of course, but there are other means of expression. For example, gestures and position in space relative to your interlocutor.

All this is also very important and has significance both from the secular side and in terms of national characteristics, which are also taken into account.

The clearest example of a behavioral tool can be considered gesticulation. This is a completely normal phenomenon - gestures are used by a person as “amplifiers” that complement speech.

They are used to express emotions and send super-fast signals. There are quite strict rules regarding gesticulation, mainly they involve restraining it.

There is nothing wrong with pointing your palm to your interlocutor for a conversation or with a gesture inviting him to enter the room, but waving your arms and closing the distance with a person without his consent is unacceptable.

Linguistic and behavioral means are inextricably linked, but the former exist without the latter, and vice versa - not.

In speech etiquette, the first assistants are linguistic and behavioral means. These include:

• moderate gestures and facial expressions;
• communication distance;
• expressed goodwill and restrained emotionality;
• demonstration of interest;
• avoiding controversial situations;
• non-categorical nature of one’s own statements;
• exclusion of disapproval;
• avoidance of excessive interest in personal details;
• participation in general conversation;
• brevity and uniformity of communication with everyone;
• minimum information about yourself;
• discussion of neutral topics - children, animals, weather, travel;
• helping your interlocutor in a delicate situation;
• expressing disagreement by remaining silent, asking a question, or switching to another topic;
• moderate use of humor;
• ban on sarcasm;
• exclusion of rude and colloquial expressions;
• positive mood;
• compliance with time frames and frequency of communication.

Rules for successful communication

The famous speaker Dale Carnegie published the book “How to Win Friends and Influence People” more than 80 years ago. In it, he described the most effective basic communication techniques and rules that will help introverted and shy people become excellent conversationalists. These rules remain relevant to this day.

1. Genuinely showing interest in other people. Often we find it more pleasant to talk with those who are interested in our personality and ask various questions regarding our opinion and experience. Therefore, be sure to ask questions to your interlocutor. But don't turn the conversation into an interrogation with bias. Everything should be natural and sincere, and for this you must experience genuine interest in your interlocutor.
2. Smile. A person who smiles evokes positive feelings in us. Even if we don’t know him personally. During a conversation, your smile is proof that the interlocutor is pleasant to you and you like talking to him. Just try to avoid a fake smile. Smile not only with your mouth, but also with your eyes, soul, and heart.
3. Proper name. From birth, the sound of our name is the most pleasant sound. Therefore, always address others by their first and middle names if necessary. The name indicates the individuality of a person, his originality and uniqueness. This is the simplest compliment you can give someone. Just call him by name.
4. Listening skills. In conversation, people usually prefer to talk more than listen. Often they simply wait for their turn to speak and do not try to listen and understand what they are told. Especially during an argument. If you listen carefully to your interlocutor, ask him clarifying questions and successfully use phrases that he said earlier during the conversation, then you will pleasantly surprise him. Listening and hearing your interlocutor is much more important than speaking.
5. Interesting topics for conversation. Talk about topics that are interesting to your interlocutor, and finding out about them is quite easy and simple, using rule No. 1 - showing sincere interest. When a person talks about something exciting, his eyes light up. Even if this topic does not seem particularly interesting to you, still try to listen. Surely you can learn something valuable and interesting for yourself.
6. Compliments. Each of us has unique characteristics that are worthy of admiration. Try to notice them in your interlocutor and sincerely express your admiration, approval, and praise. Your compliments should not be exaggerated and resemble undisguised flattery. Falseness always feels good. A timely, sincere compliment will be very pleasant to your interlocutor and will make the conversation even easier and more relaxed.

The importance of etiquette

Speech is not at all a simple formation of thoughts into words and sentences; it is a most complex mechanism in establishing and establishing social connections. The culture of communication affects not only the interlocutor, but also the person himself. The selection of the right expressions and correct manners shape the special mood of your opponents.

The need to master communication etiquette in the business sphere is especially clearly visible. Subject to all the rules of good manners, the employee forms a favorable opinion among others not only about himself, but also about the company he represents. Therefore, if you want to reach certain heights, you need to have good command of your speech.

Books

Competent communication is now at a premium. Already from school, children absorb applications on smartphones faster than communication skills, or even basic expression of their thoughts. Therefore, in our technological age, it is important not to forget to read books. Use a selection of useful books:

1. Mark Goulston “I can hear right through you. Effective negotiation technique.”
2. Philip Zimbardo “How to overcome shyness.”
3. Jack Schafer “We turn on the charm according to the methods of the secret services.”
4. James Borg “Secrets of Communication. The magic of words."
5. Dale Carnegie “How to Win Friends and Influence People.”
6. Robert Cialdini “Psychology of influence”.
7. Larry King: How to Talk to Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere.

Problem

Ethics stipulates the rules of behavior that correspond to morality, and etiquette stipulates only external manifestations and forms of behavior in a given situation. This leads to the main problem of communication ethics, when a person acting according to etiquette does not comply with ethical standards.

In this case, he can be considered a liar and a hypocrite, since his words do not correspond to internal attitudes.

In the same way, a person who demonstrates highly moral behavior without observing the basic rules of etiquette .

Therefore, the concepts of communication ethics and etiquette should not be considered separately. While observing the rules of etiquette, you should always remember the morality of your actions, and when performing highly moral actions, you must not forget about etiquette.

Ethical standards and the consequences of non-compliance

When the ethical principles of verbal communication are absent or partially observed, this can manifest itself in human rudeness, insult, and opposition to others. Indecent behavioral manners are expressed in the condemnation of actions unacceptable for any individual, and the widespread imposition of one’s own opinion. This can lead to misunderstandings and damage on the part of the two parties involved. It is noteworthy that a highly moral person, driven by ethical motives, experiences discomfort not only when he involuntarily does something wrong, but also when he sees negative manifestations around him. Failure to comply with basic norms of behavior in communication can lead to misunderstandings, conflicts and even a breakdown in relationships between participants in communication.

Rules of conduct in public transport

Even if you have long ago acquired a personal car, you should learn the rules of behavior in public transport. And even if you are traveling by bus from the exit of the terminal building to the plane, you should follow these rules:

• Wait until everyone who was going to get off at the bus stop has gotten out of the vehicle, and only then enter the vehicle.
• Wait until the empty seats are occupied by elderly people, disabled people, parents with small children, pregnant women, and only then take one of the remaining free seats.
• You should only occupy one seat if you are traveling alone. Do not place your bag on the next seat, do not spread your legs wide, preventing you from taking the next seat.
• If you see someone you know at the other end of the salon, greet them with a nod and a smile.
• A man should get off public transport first, then offer his hand and help his companion get out.

No less interesting are the nuances of etiquette in establishments where you can have a snack and drink coffee.