Author of the material:
Igor Lyadsky
Geneticist, writer, business coach, Doctor of Philosophy (PhD).
It often happens that a certain concept is associated with something bad, but in reality it helps. For example, indifference, which is regarded as indifference to current events and people. Many people are sure that it’s bad to not care. They only use this word in a negative context, when they want to judge someone. Need to figure this out?
Is not giving a damn really a bad quality? Should you avoid communicating with such people? Or maybe, on the contrary, a simpler attitude towards life is talent? Perhaps everyone needs to learn this skill? Is it easy to replace the habit of taking everything to heart with the ability not to bother? Is it necessary to do this? If you don’t care, we suggest you read the article.
Reasons for not giving a fuck
It is advisable to talk about the reasons for not caring only within the framework of the first theory. If we are talking about complete indifference, then indifference can be caused by:
- fatigue;
- burnout, overwork;
- personal, age-related, existential crisis;
- lack of purpose, meaning in life;
- non-acceptance, misunderstanding of oneself;
- life's uncertainty.
In addition, aggressive, unhealthy, cynical indifference can be the result of protective mechanisms of overcompensation and devaluation:
- A variant of overcompensation: a person was worried about all sorts of little things, became disappointed in himself and people, but was unable to consciously cope with anxiety. In response to this, a protective mechanism of the psyche was activated - overcompensation in the form of complete indifference.
- Devaluation option: a person suffered so often, became disappointed in people, that he devalued himself and the whole world. Now the individual believes that everything is temporary and meaningless, and therefore cannot fully enjoy life or experience happiness. He is convinced that the whole world is an illusion invented by people themselves.
In other cases, indifference is not something pathological or dangerous. On the contrary, reasonable indifference is an important part of the thinking of a mature person. This provides the resilience we all crave.
Why is there not enough emotion in life?
According to psychoanalysts, alexithymia is considered emotional dullness , developing as a defensive reaction to a certain negative factor. Throughout life, a person constantly faces stressful situations.
If he is not able to overcome them, gradual addiction occurs. The absence of an emotional reaction to what is happening serves as a defense mechanism of the human psyche.
The reason for the appearance of alexithymia may be certain concepts of upbringing that the individual had to go through at a tender age.
Statements like “men shouldn’t cry”, “public display of emotions is the height of indecency” can lead to the development of the ability to suppress one’s own feelings.
From time immemorial
Philanthropy has taken a variety of forms throughout history, not always pursuing exclusively philanthropic goals. Thus, in ancient Rome, the famous “bread and circuses” were sponsored, as a rule, by wealthy members of the noble class who wanted to gain popularity among the “rabble.” Each gladiatorial game had one or more sponsors - senators, patricians, military legates or provincial governors; they paid for the spectacles, fighters and, of course, the distribution of bread to the tribunes of the plebs. In part, such actions can also be called philanthropic.
In the Middle Ages, philanthropy was no less widespread; in Christian countries it became the basis of a charitable life, part of the fundamental values that were embedded in religion. In a certain sense, it can be said that the knightly Orders of the Templars and Hospitallers were created from philanthropic, in other words, humane motives, because their original goal was to protect pilgrims on the road to the Holy Sepulcher in Jerusalem, for which free hospitals and overnight accommodations were created available to any sufferer.
Not giving a fuck as a defense against stress
A healthy person who doesn’t give a damn knows how to enjoy life, set priorities, relax, and spend their energy rationally. He is always calm, impenetrable, he cannot be controlled, manipulated, pressed for pity or other emotions. But it is emotions and feelings that are the basis of manipulation.
A person who doesn't care only deals with what is really important and useful for him. He is not controlled by envy or comparison, therefore he does not pursue other people's goods, happiness, or makes significant what he does not have. He doesn't waste his time chasing other people; he regularly surpasses only himself. A person who doesn't care lives impartially.
Traits characteristic of an indifference:
- prudence;
- composure;
- calmness in crisis situations;
- slowness;
- equanimity;
- stable mood background;
- stable vision of the world;
- stable behavior.
Obviously, such a person is resistant to stress. He adequately assesses situations, sees difficulties, opportunities, prospects, and does not allow the problem to take over his thinking. A person who doesn't care deliberately ignores petty troubles and threats. The question is what the person ultimately classified as unnecessary, small.
If a person who doesn’t give a damn sees the point in something, can answer the question “why” (“what the hell”), and the answer satisfies him, then all indifference subsides. A person who doesn't care is a source of energy, a person with great potential. You just need to find a few main guidelines “why” in order to achieve success in life, and not become a passive observer of it.
“There is only one way to happiness - to stop worrying about things that are not subject to our will,” - Epictetus, ancient Greek philosopher.
A person who doesn’t like everything can be safely called, for example, “gloomy,” although this word is not used so often in modern speech, it must be admitted. An excellent and more common word for a person of this kind is “grump” (or “grump”, from the word to grumble, that is, to angrily express one’s extreme dissatisfaction); there are also the words “michura” (derived from the word “michura”, that is, to frown, wince, scowl, look angrily), “sevryuk” (in fact, sevryuks are the descendants of the northerners, the Eastern Slavs; apparently, these comrades were distinguished by their stern character), “tukhtyr” (from the word “tukhtyritsya” - this is what they said in some parts of Russia when a person is sulking, angry, pouting his lips silently), “buka” (by the way, buka is an imaginary scarecrow with which some educators used to frighten children) . A person who doesn’t like everything can be called a “grumbler”, as well as a “knucklehead”, “creaky one”, “bummer”, “mizzer”, “cooer”, “creaky one”, “guzzler”. In some companies, such people are called “fish” for some reason. Also, a person who does not like everything can be called “indignant”, “sad”, “murmuring”, “murmuring”, “angry”, “angry”, “grumpy”, “dissatisfied”, “unhappy”, “gloomy”, “not experiencing a feeling of satisfaction”, “gloomy”, “irritable”, “annoyed”, “annoyed”, “sour”, “angry”, “sour-faced”, “spitted on”. They say about such a person that he is “out of spirit,” “out of mood,” “got off on the left foot,” “got off on the wrong foot,” “like he swallowed a fly.” Sources used:
- https://gudi1991.ru/otnosheniya/chto-takoe-bezrazlichna.html
- https://otvet.ws/questions/5068462-kak-nazvat-cheloveka-kotoromu-vsjo-bezrazlichno.html
- https://psychologist.tips/3841-chto-takoe-pofigizm-horosho-ili-ploho-prichiny-iz-psihologii-pofigizm-kak-zashhita-ot-stressa.html
- https://otvet.hi.ru/12752/kak-nazvatj-cheloveka-kotoromu-vse-ne-nravitsya
Theory and description
Due to the widespread prevalence of this phenomenon among the masses, different degrees and varieties are attributed to indifference. The very first and most important word that comes to mind when describing this position is “indifference.” But in fact, this concept does not fit as a synonym - a person who doesn’t care understands what he is doing.
But indifference is usually understood as a complete lack of feelings for something, be it a person, an object or an event. Moreover, this concerns, rather, reflexes, the intuitive and subconscious reaction of a person. But a person who doesn’t care is a person who is able to control this phenomenon. This means that he consciously makes a choice about which things or phenomena to attach importance to and which are not worth wasting his time on.
Aggressive type
Here the situation is a little different, the person is proud of his position in life. And unlike the previous species, a person’s don’t-give-a-fuck attitude extends to everyone except him. In other words, he thus clears the way and accumulates strength to worry and worry exclusively about his Self.
Naturally, this has its own positive side, but it is canceled out by the inability to feel something for other people. It is precisely these women and men who don’t give a damn who create a negative image of the position itself, while openly praising their reluctance to perceive the world around them and take into account the needs of others.
How to overcome the state of apathy - detachment from the world around you
We found out what the state of indifference to everything around us is called, but how to deal with it yourself?
First of all, we need to remember: all experiences and our state depend on ourselves. If you or your loved one is in an apathetic state, it means he likes it that way. Give free rein to your emotions, enjoy such indifference and lack of emotions, and then get down to business. Pull your consciousness out of this abyss.
All sorts of emotional shocks are perfect as doping, such as: an exciting trip, a global move, a change of residence, an image update or a radical change in image.
If apathy has not penetrated so far, to eliminate it, it is enough to take a walk in the nearest park, engage in your favorite hobby, do some shopping or go to the cinema with a close friend.
In any case, regardless of what the condition is called, when you don’t care and life seems faceless, you need to stop in time and give your body a shake-up. The main thing to remember: apathy is temporary. It is very important to “pull yourself out by the hair” so that the situation does not develop into more complex forms, for example, depression.
Reasonable type
It is also commonly called healthy. Recently, many have been trying to develop this trait in themselves as part of personal self-development. This is an independent division of all life aspects into positive and negative, and subsequently the separation of the latter. We can say that a reasonable indifference is a guy who has chosen positive thinking; he tries to see a positive character in absolutely everything. Such people can rejoice, they are sincere and truly happy. They are able to believe in miracles, and the most interesting thing is that it is their belief in goodness that attracts a lot of good things into their lives.
Relative type
Such people choose what in their lives is worth paying attention to and what not. Moreover, things, people and even concepts can fall into this category. Most often, this trait manifests itself in purposeful individuals. Some creative people and entrepreneurs specifically develop this feature in themselves in order to complete assigned tasks and not waste their energy.
Moreover, hobbies can be very different, not only work or creativity, but also sports, the opposite sex, religion, or anything really. This kind of indifference can be equated to determination, which is a completely positive quality. However, the end does not always justify the means, and this is clearly not worth forgetting.
How to become a don't care?
Any skill can be developed. Not caring is no exception. Personality is formed through the interaction of internal and external factors. The first includes one’s own worldview and psychology, the second – the environment. This means that in order to change your attitude towards the world, you need to work on each component.
Surround yourself with calm people
It is difficult to find peace of mind when everyone around you is making noise and fussing. If a person decides to become an indifference, it is advisable to communicate with the same people. This doesn't mean you need to get rid of the rest. It is simply advisable to shift the focus of attention to those who are calmer and more balanced. Then it will be much easier to become like that yourself.
Take a stress test
Explore the issue of not giving a damn
Ignorance often breeds misunderstanding and rejection. If a person thinks that he doesn’t need a skill, he won’t learn it. Before you start developing indifference, you need to be inspired by this idea and understand all the advantages. You can read Mark Manson’s previously reviewed book and draw conclusions.
