Breaking up with your lover: tips and recommendations from psychologists for proper separation

There are many stories about a love triangle in life. Situations when a married man has a mistress on the side are classics of the genre. It seems that family relationships are monotony and routine. And a mistress gives additional emotions and passion. But, as a rule, there comes a time when you need to put an end to these relationships. Moreover, the initiator of the breakup is most often the representatives of the stronger sex. And how a man feels if, on the contrary, his mistress leaves the relationship first is a special topic.

Reasons why men have mistresses

Psychologists have identified a number of main reasons that push men to take such a decisive step to change their personal lives.

New emotions and impressions

The main and most elementary reason for male infidelity . Being in a long-term serious relationship, many men begin to lose their zest for life and vivid emotions.

Intimate life with a partner becomes something ordinary, and the relationship lacks sparkle and zest. That is why representatives begin to look for emotional support on the side.

Raising self-esteem

Many representatives of the stronger sex, for various reasons, may experience problems with self-esteem.
It seems to them that they are no longer so good, beautiful and successful . Victories on the love front, in their opinion, can relieve all their worries.

Men throw themselves into a new romance, and this makes them feel more courageous and in demand. A vibrant relationship with a mistress boosts the male ego, so gentlemen feel “in the game” again.

Fear of old age

Many men are very afraid of getting old . And in order to delay this process, they begin to become attracted to younger women. An affair with a young lover makes them feel younger, they begin to feel the drive of life, and the world becomes bright and radiant again.

Dissatisfaction with intimate life and craving for sexual experimentation

Many men at some point in their lives become dissatisfied with their intimate lives. This may be due to the fact that the previous passion in the relationship is long gone or the partner is too conservative in bed (does not have the same sexual needs as a man).

In this situation, a representative of the stronger sex may begin to look for satisfaction of his own desires on the side.

An intimate relationship with a stranger gives more adrenaline and sensations that a bored man so lacks.

Dissatisfaction with life and boredom

Some men decide to cheat simply because they are not in the best state of mind , and an affair on the side or a short-term romance can somehow diversify life.

Men, with the help of cheating, can solve their mental problems, distracting themselves from depression or constant dissatisfaction with themselves.

The psychology of cheating with a married man

Psychologists say that women who constantly enter into relationships with married men have serious internal conflicts. We can say that they unconsciously recognize this and psychologically strive for rare, fickle dates with a lover.

As a rule, a mistress appears in those families where the man tries to find on the side everything that he lacks in marriage:

Monotonous intimate life. Sex becomes mediocre and rare and more like just fulfilling marital duties.
Lack of passion and romance in relationships. Everyday life, children, work, lack of time contribute to the fading of passion and the desire to make romantic surprises for your other half.
Minimum communication between spouses. The couple increasingly discusses only issues related to everyday life and children. Everyone already has their own dreams and plans.

So men want to get new emotions, sensations, passion. They get tired of their wife's constant complaints and discontent, so they seek solace in the arms of other women. The mistress is always in an excellent mood, will listen with pleasure to her married lover, and will not criticize his actions. This behavior attracts and favors a man even more.

If you want to understand the nuances of relationships with married people, psychologists recommend asking yourself a few questions:

What brought me into a relationship with a married man?
What are the benefits and what are the main disadvantages of such meetings?
Was this a deliberate step, or did I enter into such a relationship out of emotion?
Will I be able to build a happy future with a married man?

3 important steps

which every woman should go through

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Take your gifts!

When you begin to honestly answer all these questions for yourself, you will be able to understand, from a psychological point of view, what type of relationship your relationship is:

Practical. For a woman, the main thing is material support, so she agrees to rare meetings, the absence of joint plans, etc.
Romantic. The mistress is convinced that for her sake the man will eventually leave his family, since she is unique and victory will certainly be hers. So she can wait for many years for these serious actions from her lover.

When does the need for separation arise?

More often than not, even the most wonderful relationship with your mistress does not lead to the desired result. The need for separation arises for the following reasons:

The unreality and impossibility of a serious relationship.
In most cases, married men return home to their wives. Mistresses acquire legal status only in exceptional cases.
Emerging social and financial problems. For example, a man has lost a high position, “burnt out in business,” etc., and therefore is not able to support a “slave” of love.
The disappearance of the “technical” (sexual) problem. There is a separate category of men who take mistresses for a short time. For example, if the wife is pregnant, she is busy with a small child, or the wife moves to another city for work.
Disappointment in the chosen one for bed pleasures. The longer the relationship, the more the mistress can turn “into a wife” and, as a result, reveal herself as a jealous and capricious person, constantly demanding something.
Guilt. If a man is a good family man, then he may have a feeling of stealing from his wife and children and, as a result, a real depressive state.

How to understand that your husband has left his mistress

Some signs indicate that a man has ended a third-party relationship and abandoned his mistress:

the husband began to pay more attention to the woman;
he spends more time with his family;
began to give gifts and surprises;
does not hide the phone and computer page with open mail;
does not stay late at work, refuses overtime and business trips.

In a word, the man feels guilty and wants to improve his relationship with his wife.

How can a man properly tune in to the process?

First of all, it must be said that if you have thoughts about breaking up with your mistress, then the relationship is already doomed to failure, therefore:

Act progressively and prudently. It is better to immediately let your friend know that the relationship is limited exclusively to intimacy. Then, when the need arises to separate, it will be much easier to do so.
Accept the fact that the situation cannot be changed, and in any case you will have to end up with a breakup sooner or later.
Make an adequate assessment of your personal time. Why would you waste it? It is more expedient to dedicate it to those people who truly deserve it.

Behavior of married lovers if they want to break up with their mistress

How married lovers who are planning to separate behave:

Even in ideal relationships, there comes a period of misunderstandings and crises. Over time, a woman and a man may get tired of each other, the desire to be interested in the opinion and desires of their partner disappears, everyone tries to prove only that they are right. More and more often, rude and offensive words and disrespect in general slip through. If you notice that your man is trying to make a big quarrel out of every little thing, with clarifications, insults, then this is a reason to think. Is there any point in continuing meetings? As a rule, they last as long as a woman has the strength and desire to justify bad treatment towards her, to endure scandals and humiliation.
Do you notice rudeness from your lover? Perhaps he has stopped showing interest in you and is not trying to develop a relationship with you? He may not call you for several days, has stopped courting you beautifully, does not give gifts, is not interested in your desires and problems. Think about why you need this relationship, what benefit does it bring you? All these actions on his part are aimed at separation. Think about what you need and want.
We can say that a period of indifference and selfishness on the part of your lover is coming. He may allow himself to criticize you, condemn your actions, laugh at your plans and dreams. A man does everything to lower your self-esteem and make you vulnerable and insecure. The main thing is to see this in time and immediately get out of this relationship. Don't forget, every woman deserves care, love and understanding from her partner.

How to report correctly?

Before telling your lover about the breakup, you need to understand that, whatever the woman’s fate, she is, first of all, a person with feelings and a heart. And, therefore, it requires a humane and respectful attitude towards oneself.

Parting is always unpleasant, so it is advisable to:

Be as gentle as possible and not speak rudely.
You shouldn’t stoop to the level of mutual insults or ignoring calls and messages.
It is recommended to say: “I do not refuse a single good word I said to you, but this is the best way out today.”
Try to put yourself in the position of a woman. Yes, it’s difficult to understand a woman’s logic, but try to understand: what would she do to avoid offending you by deciding to break up?
To be honest. Remind the girl that you couldn’t have had any serious relationship in the first place.
Use categorical wording, for example, the template “It’s all over between us forever.” It hurts, but it's fair. But you absolutely cannot say: “Let’s remain friends” - there is no need for vain regrets.
Refer solely to yourself. There is no need to blame circumstances, the child or the legal spouse. Say, “I’m sorry, but this is my decision.” “I thought for a long time and realized that I had to live differently.”

How to get over a breakup and minimize the pain

When turning to a psychologist for help, a woman abandoned by her lover wants to get a clear answer on how to solve the problem. But everyone’s situation is individual and there is no universal solution. Standard expert advice does not help to solve the problem completely, but at least to minimize its negative consequences, to move to a new stage of life, and not to drown in resentment and negativity.

The behavior of a girl who wants to get over a breakup as quickly as possible should be directed towards herself as much as possible:

New hobby, hobby. This could be a visit to the gym, dance section. The more active the new activity is and the more energy it takes, the less time will be left for suffering. If a person has a favorite activity, losses are easier to cope with.
Career growth. Concentrating on work will help you distract from negative thoughts, become more successful and self-sufficient. Additionally, you can take advanced training courses and agree to business trips.
Self-development. It’s worth reading more and learning new things. Trainings and trips to exhibitions and theaters help a lot.
Traveling - a change of environment always has a beneficial effect on the psyche, because the negative fades into the background, leaving room for new impressions.
New frivolous relationships - this step cannot be taken if you are severely depressed. If the psychological state allows, a new young man will help you to distract yourself, perhaps a fresh feeling will arise in your heart.

The main thing is not to be alone with obsessive thoughts. New hobbies will help you abstract from the problem. In the end, a lover is not a husband; you can always find a new one. You need to be strong, accepting the fact of separation as something natural, this will help you overcome the difficult stage and move on.

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What to do if your lover doesn’t want to break up?

In the case of a not too long and exclusively sexual relationship without much emotional attachment, voice to the woman all the most eloquent arguments about why she needs another person as a life partner. It would be ideal if you could name specific examples.

Make it clear that you do not have a future together. Shatter your plans for traveling, buying an apartment, having a child, etc.

Say that your financial situation has worsened , which is why you will no longer be able to give your chosen one expensive gifts.

A woman threatens with blackmail: useful tips

Further communication with your mistress after separation may be different, depending on the woman’s character. Some girls turn on the “heavy artillery” and try to keep their lover by blackmailing him into telling his wife everything or by manipulating him with feelings of guilt.

In this situation, you can proceed as follows:

Try to put pressure on your conscience.
Appeal to decency, after giving the “tiger” the opportunity to release her “claws” on you. After waiting a pause, have a tear-jerking conversation about a pathetic and insignificant person who deserved such treatment with his vile behavior.
If your mistress is married, you can use her own weapon - blackmail in return. If the chosen one is not burdened with marriage ties, intimidate her with what she may be afraid of.
React proactively. Tell your wife the whole truth yourself.
Cheat. Show your acting skills and work on two fronts. Tell your mistress that your wife is “aware of everything,” and just in case, inform your wife about the machinations of ill-wishers who have expressed a desire to destroy the marriage.
Find a way to stop being afraid of blackmail. If a person sees that you are not touched by threats, he will understand that the idea is pointless.

The main mistakes of men

Let's look at the main mistakes men make when breaking up with their mistress:

Indicating the “girlfriend” position. The wording “What do you think you are, you have no right to your opinion” has the effect of an exploding bomb.
Disappearance without explanation. In this case, the offended mistress is capable of any tricks and revenge, which was already mentioned above.
Avoiding frank conversation. By doing this, a man only ruins a woman’s life and gives false hopes. For a representative of the stronger sex who has decided to break up, it is much better for the former chosen one to switch to a new object of passion.
An attempt to make a nice “farewell” present. It is acceptable to call a taxi and put the girl in the car - nothing more. There should be no flowers, expensive “trinkets” and “friendly” kisses.