Selflessness is the ability of an individual to perform actions that bring benefits (material or psychological) to others, without expecting mutual gratitude, compensation or other benefit from what is done. Unselfishness as a personality quality places the personality itself among the very last points on the priority scale, being anti-striving, anti-possession, anti-dimension. In selflessness there is no expectation of benefit and no calculation of resources spent (neither money spent nor sleepless nights are important).
What is selflessness
By definition, selflessness is the ability to do good deeds without expecting anything in return. People with this quality provide material or psychological assistance without hoping to receive benefits, compensation, or even gratitude. They also do not calculate how much resources they spent.
Selflessness is often associated with inner freedom. This is a state when material calculation and commercialism are alien to a person. He does good deeds just like that, in order to make the lives of others at least a little better. There is no talk here about priorities and plans for the future.
Interesting! “Unselfishness is one of the most praiseworthy virtues that gives rise to good glory.” M. Cervantes
Selflessness is an intrapersonal quality. It manifests itself and is realized exclusively in actions, and not in words. It's being kind to others without expecting bonuses for yourself.
An unselfish person does not obey society and does not evaluate his actions in terms of consequences. That is why sometimes his behavior leads to personal losses. However, in return comes the joy of realizing that someone has become happier.
Many people are deceived into thinking that their actions are selfless. If you carefully analyze the motives, it turns out that they are driven by the desire to earn praise or gain trust.
An example of unselfishness from life
Since we have started writing such an article, it would be wrong on our part not to devote a section dedicated to examples of unselfishness from real life. Consider an incident that occurred in 1892.
The famous Russian artist Ilya Efimovich Repin was on friendly terms with Lev Nikolaevich Tolstoy, the pride of world literature. In the winter of 1892, when the Russian lands were struck by hunger and cold, Repin, without warning, decided to come to Tolstoy in the Ryazan province. Arriving at the appointed place, he saw how his comrade fed the poor and hungry people in the canteens he had organized. As Ilya Efimovich himself stated, the area of Lev Nikolaevich’s canteens stretched over thirty miles, and he himself traveled around them several times a week to check.
Why you need to cultivate selflessness
We are initially born selfless. Doing good deeds for the benefit of others is a normal state. And that is what brings true happiness.
People have the opportunity to go one of two ways:
- Put yourself and your desires first. Show selfishness.
- Cultivate selflessness in yourself, becoming happier every day.
You can choose any option. The responsibility for the choice will still fall on your shoulders. But is it worth arguing with your nature?
For example, imagine a funny situation. The fish moves to land for further life. This is unnatural because it must live in water. Is not it? The same is true with selflessness. Developing it in yourself is natural. Don’t try to change human nature, “go on land.” This is the only way you will experience satisfaction.
Selflessness and love
When it comes to love, raising the question of selflessness, according to philosophers, becomes absolutely frivolous. It cannot be said that a mother who feeds her child commits a selfless act, since her own happiness depends on the well-being of her daughter/son. But you have to be blind not to understand the fact that maternal love is higher than any selflessness.
Selfless - what kind of person is this?
So what does selflessness mean? This is helping other people without benefiting yourself. A selfless person invests energy, money and time in those around him. And these resources are not paid for, they do not pay off.
A person who does not think about benefits has a number of characteristic signs:
- Be honest with yourself and with others. Has no ulterior motives.
- Doesn't manipulate other people, doesn't resort to cunning.
- Shows compassion.
For such individuals, any reward for actions (psychological or material) is akin to punishment.
How others perceive him
Someone takes advantage of selfless people without any conscience. Others appreciate them, showing gratitude for their help. In general, it all depends on the character and personal qualities.
By the way, many people confuse selfless concern for the welfare of other people with altruism. There is a serious difference between these two concepts. The altruist's actions often cause him harm. All because he doesn't see the danger.
According to psychologists, altruists are very sensitive to negative changes in the environment. They let through themselves what is happening to others, their pain, emotions. Because of this, they themselves experience a storm of feelings. Unfortunately, not always pleasant ones.
How relationships with society are built
People who do good unselfishly are always ready to respond to requests for help. They are always for frankness and openness. Therefore, they easily establish contact with others.
Relationships with different social groups for unselfish people develop differently:
- In a family where complete trust reigns, connections will only strengthen. The absence of selfish motives and motives will help people become even closer to each other.
- Selflessness in a team can play a cruel joke. Colleagues often take advantage of kindness and dependability. A person rarely moves up the career ladder. Cannot defend his opinion and interests.
- In relationships with strangers, the situation is much more complicated than in previous cases. Excessive openness and gullibility very often lead to disappointment. In addition, unselfish people can be used for their own purposes and deceived.
A person who is ready to act selflessly for the benefit of others believes that those around him should be the same as him. This opinion prevents him from sensibly assessing the situation and people.
Unselfishness - do you need this quality?
Selflessness in simple words is the absence of self-interest and hidden motives in behavior. Do you consider yourself a selfless person? Are you ready to help, spending your resources and getting nothing in return? If yes, that's commendable. Otherwise, you will have to reconsider your views, learn to be open and honest with people. How to do it?
What is selflessness
By definition, selflessness is the ability to do good deeds without expecting anything in return. People with this quality provide material or psychological assistance without hoping to receive benefits, compensation, or even gratitude. They also do not calculate how much resources they spent.
Selflessness is often associated with inner freedom. This is a state when material calculation and commercialism are alien to a person. He does good deeds just like that, in order to make the lives of others at least a little better. There is no talk here about priorities and plans for the future.
Selflessness is an internal personal quality. It manifests itself and is realized exclusively in actions, and not in words. It's being kind to others without expecting bonuses for yourself.
An unselfish person does not obey society and does not evaluate his actions in terms of consequences. That is why sometimes his behavior leads to personal losses. However, in return comes the joy of realizing that someone has become happier.
Many people are deceived into thinking that their actions are selfless. If you carefully analyze the motives, it turns out that they are driven by the desire to earn praise or gain trust.
Why you need to cultivate selflessness
We are initially born selfless. Doing good deeds for the benefit of others is a normal state. And that is what brings true happiness.
People have the opportunity to go one of two ways:
Put yourself and your desires first. Show selfishness. Cultivate selflessness in yourself, becoming happier every day.
You can choose any option. The responsibility for the choice will still fall on your shoulders. But is it worth arguing with your nature?
For example, imagine a funny situation. The fish moves to land for further life. This is unnatural because it must live in water. Is not it? The same is true with selflessness. Developing it in yourself is natural. Don’t try to change human nature, “go on land.” This is the only way you will experience satisfaction.
Selfless - what kind of person is this?
So what does selflessness mean? This is helping other people without benefiting yourself. A selfless person invests energy, money and time in those around him. And these resources are not paid for, they do not pay off.
A person who does not think about benefits has a number of characteristic signs:
-Be honest with yourself and with others. Has no ulterior motives. -Does not manipulate other people, does not resort to cunning. -Shows compassion.
For such individuals, any reward for actions (psychological or material) is akin to punishment.
How others perceive him
Someone takes advantage of selfless people without any conscience. Others appreciate them, showing gratitude for their help. In general, it all depends on the character and personal qualities.
By the way, many people confuse selfless concern for the welfare of other people with altruism. There is a serious difference between these two concepts. The altruist's actions often cause him harm. All because he doesn't see the danger.
According to psychologists, altruists are very sensitive to negative changes in the environment. They let through themselves what is happening to others, their pain, emotions. Because of this, they themselves experience a storm of feelings. Unfortunately, not always pleasant ones.
How relationships with society are built
People who do good unselfishly are always ready to respond to requests for help. They are always for frankness and openness. Therefore, they easily establish contact with others.
Relationships with different social groups for unselfish people develop differently:
In a family where complete trust reigns, connections will only strengthen. The absence of selfish motives and motives will help people become even closer to each other. Selflessness in a team can play a cruel joke. Colleagues often take advantage of kindness and dependability. A person rarely moves up the career ladder. Cannot defend his opinion and interests. In relationships with strangers, the situation is much more complicated than in previous cases. Excessive openness and gullibility very often lead to disappointment. In addition, unselfish people can be used for their own purposes and deceived.
Reasons for selflessness
Psychologists say that this quality appears either in childhood or in adulthood. Moreover, in the second case, tragic or inspiring events must occur in life.
Selflessness does not develop naturally, because the individual must have healthy egoism and fight for his life. And further. Depending on how you respond to manifestations of unselfishness, the quality develops or is eradicated, like other shortcomings.
Selflessness of a child
Unselfish children really need support and understanding from their parents. They must explain to the child how and why to help other people. This will help avoid two extremes: altruism and asceticism.
Unselfishness in an adult
In adults, quality develops only after a reassessment of values, a revision of priorities, and a change in view of the world.
It is difficult to say unequivocally whether selflessness that emerged in adulthood is harmful or not. Sometimes it is beneficial. In some cases, after traumatic situations, you may need the help of a psychologist or psychotherapist.
What is selflessness worth?
In the modern world, unselfish people have a difficult time. This is because there are those who use them with impunity. Let's give an example. You've probably seen stores that give out free bread to pensioners. For this purpose, a separate showcase is allocated in the sales area. The store owners don't expect anything in return. They just want to help those in need. And if at first the bread reaches its destination, then it is taken by those who do not need help at all.
Unfortunately, such cases happen everywhere. There are people who will not miss theirs. They will shamelessly take advantage of the selflessness and kindness of others.
The correct defensive reaction will help to avoid such situations. Learn to be discerning about your surroundings. And raise your children the same way. Show them that selflessness is not weakness.
How to develop selflessness
First you need to realize the lack of this quality. And then all that remains is to start acting. Look around: there are many people around who need your help. It could be an elderly woman with heavy bags. Or a friend who really needs psychological support.
There are many ways to develop selflessness:
-Feed homeless dogs and cats. And if possible, give someone your care and love. -Get involved in volunteer activities. Help those who find themselves in difficult life situations. -Perhaps one of your neighbors or acquaintances needs physical help. Why not help them clean their apartment or house, clear snow in the yard, or simply bring groceries? -Keep order in your yard and entrance. -Provide all possible assistance to orphanages, hospitals, hospices. -Help those who are struggling with serious addictions. -Cooperate with people and organizations that promote a healthy lifestyle, moral, spiritual, and family values. -Share your knowledge with people on how to become successful. Be an example for them.
Conclusion
By definition, the word selflessness means doing good things to others without expecting anything in return. If you are open, honest with yourself and those around you, always frank, ready to help, you can safely say: you are a person who unselfishly cares about the welfare of others. May you not benefit from your actions. You will gain so much more: true happiness and satisfaction
Reasons for selflessness
Psychologists say that this quality appears either in childhood or in adulthood. Moreover, in the second case, tragic or inspiring events must occur in life.
Selflessness does not develop naturally, because the individual must have healthy egoism and fight for his life. And further. Depending on how you respond to manifestations of unselfishness, the quality develops or is eradicated, like other shortcomings.
Selflessness of a child
Unselfish children really need support and understanding from their parents. They must explain to the child how and why to help other people. This will help avoid two extremes: altruism and asceticism.
Unselfishness in an adult
In adults, quality develops only after a reassessment of values, a revision of priorities, and a change in view of the world.
It is difficult to say unequivocally whether selflessness that emerged in adulthood is harmful or not. Sometimes it is beneficial. In some cases, after traumatic situations, you may need the help of a psychologist or psychotherapist.
What is the basis of selflessness?
The basis of selflessness is
deontological principle of universal justice in the possession of goods. This quality helps to overcome consumerism and resist the selfish and selfish tendencies of some people.
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What is selflessness worth?
In the modern world, unselfish people have a difficult time. This is because there are those who use them with impunity. Let's give an example. You've probably seen stores that give out free bread to pensioners. For this purpose, a separate showcase is allocated in the sales area. The store owners don't expect anything in return. They just want to help those in need. And if at first the bread reaches its destination, then it is taken by those who do not need help at all.
Unfortunately, such cases happen everywhere. There are people who will not miss theirs. They will shamelessly take advantage of the selflessness and kindness of others.
The correct defensive reaction will help to avoid such situations. Learn to be discerning about your surroundings. And raise your children the same way. Show them that selflessness is not weakness.
Selflessness is a sign of a strong personality
Isn’t a disappointed, offended and despising person the opposite of a happy person in relationships with others? It is the selfish person who is the most unhappy, and not only because he collects all these feelings in himself, but also because he is unable to say all his “ I want ” - “what if they misunderstand and then nothing will work out at all, even if “He’s better at guessing hints all his life, and I’ll be proudly offended.” This is how it turns out: “I want it, I wait, I don’t get it, I hate it.” And all this is next to an unsuspecting person, society or the world, which in our eyes are now both enemies and debtors.
To get rid of self-interest, we need only two qualities - originality and compassion . Identity is a combination of:
- patience
- independence
- restraint
- self-control
- self-awareness
But it is as a result of self-awareness that we receive this quality. When we can confidently say to others, “I don’t need anything from you, because I have everything,” then we can feel the beauty of selfless relationships in which there will be not contrived and unnecessary overprotection, but care and support, not the requirement for close relationships , but building a trusting and warm connection and so on.
We, however, should always guard ourselves against such self-interest, for it will be like hunger, trying to satisfy which we will only become more hungry. Only selflessness will help us free ourselves from the entire burden of our claims to others and feel truly free.
Selflessness helps us in our relationships with people, because if we do not expect anything from them, we gain freedom. Having gained selflessness, we can calmly enjoy peace and relationships with others, because now we do not experience resentment or feelings of ingratitude, which are acutely felt in the absence of selflessness. It is important for us to remain clean inside, free from self-interest, which destroys people from the inside. I hope that you can bring selflessness into your heart, which will help not only you, but also all the people around you. Good luck.
How to develop selflessness
First you need to realize the lack of this quality. And then all that remains is to start acting. Look around: there are many people around who need your help. It could be an elderly woman with heavy bags. Or a friend who really needs psychological support.
There are many ways to develop selflessness:
- Feed homeless dogs and cats. And if possible, give someone your care and love.
- Get involved in volunteer activities. Help those who find themselves in difficult life situations.
- Perhaps one of your neighbors or acquaintances needs physical help. Why not help them clean their apartment or house, clear snow in the yard, or simply bring groceries?
- Keep order in your yard and entrance.
- Provide all possible assistance to orphanages, hospitals, hospices.
- Help those struggling with serious addictions.
- Collaborate with people and organizations that promote a healthy lifestyle, moral, spiritual, and family values.
- Share with people your knowledge on how to become successful. Be an example for them.
And the most important thing. Learn to live in such a way that selflessness manifests itself automatically. So that spontaneously helping others becomes the norm.
Selfishness and fears of the wisher
For an egoist, even charity, service, and love itself are selfish. Confusion, worry, prejudice and other forms of anxiety are dictated by the fear of not getting what we want from a person or the world. We treat a beggar more freely than someone who has what we want, just because we don’t need anything from a beggar. Therefore, self-interest finds a place where the desire to get something is stronger than the desire to do good, fulfill duty, make others happy and find happiness oneself through work . The desire for self-interest makes a person’s life unbearable, because the entire environment either “owes” him for certain reasons, or the same environment is perceived from a position of resentment, hatred, anger and disgust, because it turned out to be impossible to satisfy the desire.
Again, let us remember young people who communicate happily without even claiming to own each other. They do this selflessly, pleasure comes by itself, there is no tension in receiving pleasure between two lovers, it arises naturally. From here comes a pleasant feeling of novelty and the creation of a certain sacred feeling in a relationship, which is completely deprived of those who want to receive any specific pleasure, expecting something in advance. This connection is created by selflessness, without claims to any possession of the other person.
Gratitude from society, love from a partner and abundance from the world are what many people really want. However, for selfish people, these desires are only objects of prayer and requests, because it is unthinkable for a selfish person to give, and this is how a person is rewarded with love, gratitude, and abundance.
For this reason, we should not expect anything from others and the world, since otherwise even something good will be perceived as an old debt that should have been returned in an even larger amount a long time ago.
The fruits of self-interest
The fruits of self-interest are obvious, especially in relationships with other people. The brightest and, most often, final fruit of self-interest is disappointment . The hopes we ourselves placed on him did not come true and now we are in a state of permanent resentment towards a selfish world, a person or a society that thinks only about its own good. And not only does this feeling not go away, it also accumulates over the years, hardens and makes us perceive it, if not more acutely, but more thoroughly.
The second fruit of self-interest is resentment . Such a familiar feeling to all of us, which was both inside us and inside our partners. And the resentment directly stems from unfulfilled expectations and unfulfilled demands, and the saddest thing is that, more often than not, these demands and expectations were not discussed. So it turns out that in our heads we are right and we are waiting, but others don’t know about it. After all, most often, in our opinion, they should think about us and predict our desires by reading thoughts. But this, fortunately, is not the case.
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The third feeling of self-interest is contempt . We often expect from society or specific people something that seems right to us. And if we don’t see this, or what’s worse, we see the opposite, this arrogant feeling of contempt immediately arises. “I’m right, but they’re wrong.”
Examples of selfless help
Selflessness is helping the weak, politeness in dealing with a boor, friendly hugs, words of support spoken at the right time.
In most cases, it is not necessary to sell an apartment to buy someone a car. Selflessness manifests itself in simple, everyday situations. You watch a movie and at the climax you get up and happily help your child find a toy. You respond to a neighbor's request to fix your computer without finishing dinner. You see that a fight has broken out among teenagers, and you help stop it, although you are in a hurry to get to work. Examples are everywhere: at home, in the yard, in transport. And all this is selfless help.
If you want to develop such a quality in yourself, you should start small. It is important not to look for other people’s mistakes with the confidence of an expert and help correct them, but to see and feel where help is needed. In response to the help you provide, the person’s eyes will light up with happiness.
