Taking care of someone , helping, providing, feeding, listening, protecting, hugging... All of these actions require courage, generosity and a lot of effort.
Caring , despite its complexity, has many benefits. The thought of being rewarded by caring for people is disconcerting. It is not easy for those who are not used to showing concern for others to come to an understanding of the meaning of caring. Is it possible to only be concerned about your own interests?
Psychological meaning of the word "care"
This concept is the subject of study not only in psychology, but also in pedagogy, medicine, philology and other sciences. Each branch of scientific knowledge views this word differently. There are several definitions of the word “caring.” This is attention, care, activity or thought that is aimed at providing someone or something with well-being. It is clear that these are certain efforts and efforts for the benefit of some object. Some people understand caring as worry, diligence, or generally something burdensome.
How does it manifest itself?
We learn how caring is shown from a young age.
Many people are familiar with the picture of a child crying after a fall, whom his mother is trying with all her efforts to calm. The mother is ready to carry a baby who is sick in her arms everywhere and always, to give him the most delicious and healthy things, as long as he gets well. In prosperous families, mothers are the first example of care and concern, combined into one concept - care. Tender care is manifested in the concern of parents for their children, of wives for their husbands, and vice versa. This concern is not just in words or in the heart, it is reinforced by concrete actions, for example, preparing favorite or healthy dishes for your mother, sheltering your wife on a cold night, making purchases for some lonely grandmother from a caring stranger, and so on.
Self-care
It's human nature to take care of yourself. This is partly dictated by nature. We have basic needs that need to be satisfied. This could be the need for sleep or food. We cannot forget about them, since the body itself reminds us that it is time to sleep or eat. And we don’t eat sawdust or rotten fruit, but look for tasty, satisfying and healthy foods. This is a basic manifestation of self-care. Taking care of your health and proper lifestyle is only commendable.
But there are cases of excessive care for yourself and your body. Such concern borders on selfishness and egocentrism. Such people, as a rule, find it difficult to pay attention to others, as they are completely absorbed in themselves. This behavior has a detrimental effect on a person's communication and personal dynamics, so sometimes you need to switch to the needs of others. Caring for others brings satisfaction, a feeling of need for someone, and gives an internal incentive to carry out other good deeds.
Why do people care about others?
Now let's look at what motives might motivate people who care about others in this way.
That concern for one's neighbor, which we previously called “selfish,” may have several reasons. We will not consider reasons of an exclusively material nature, when the “caregiver” does this for the sake of material reward, but we will try to look at it from a psychological point of view.
A person, as a rule, is not aware of the true reasons why he cares about others in this way; he prefers to think and demonstrate to others that his actions are based on the best intentions, the most sincere and altruistic motives.
Such people often like to show their care demonstratively, and they will never miss an opportunity to tell their loved ones, friends, and acquaintances about it, and they will definitely make it clear to the object of their care.
Of course, this doesn't always happen. It happens that care is not made public, but then it certainly becomes a source of pride and significance for the person who cares.
As is easy to understand, in both cases, care for a person is a reward in the form of approval of his actions either from society or from himself personally. In other words, the person who cares receives a certain benefit for the sake of which he tries to perform his actions.
Such benefits are most often based on satisfaction from social or personal approval of “right actions” (I live and act as I should). Digging a little deeper, we find here a feeling of guilt (I am not what I should be), and the desire to get rid of the feeling of guilt pushes a person to actions that look “right” (atonement through caring).
In addition to guilt, there are several other reasons, for example, the desire to feel your own importance through caring or to eliminate feelings of anxiety or fear through the control of your ward.
So, we can conclude that the basis of one-sided (selfish) care is the desire to solve one’s psychological problems at the expense of the person being cared for.
But is the problem really being solved? Of course not, because the temporary satisfaction obtained in this way in no way affects the source of the problem.
In addition, the situation is aggravated by the fact that a temporary solution is achieved by using another person, who is often not given even a small opportunity to avoid such care.
Attention and care for your children
All parents are sure that their children are somehow special.
For every loving parent, there really is a child who is the smartest, most talented and good. Taking care of children is a big responsibility for parents. First you need to show love and attention to babies, then to toddlers, then to teenagers. At the same time, you need to provide them and constantly solve small or large problems associated with them. Of course, parents are tired of the constant burden of problems, but this does not relieve them of responsibility. While caring for children, they should not forget about the needs of children. There is pseudo-care when mom or dad try to solve some of their problems through excessive care or attention. Sometimes, in their desire to provide the child with everything, they forget about his needs for recognition, tactile sensations every day, love and understanding. Tender caring for children is the manifestation of attention to the moral, physical, social, psychological and material needs of children. Parents should pay equal attention to all these areas.
Caring and selfishness are not compatible, they are antipodes
When the motive for an action is clearly selfishness, it means that we are observing the manifestation of another personality quality, but not caring. For example, a friend asks for help. The motive for action is important here. If, while providing help, a person thinks about reciprocal help or gratitude and service, then this is a selfish act with an eye to the future. When he asks a friend for a favor in return and, receiving a refusal, condemns him for ingratitude, this means only one thing - “concern” for a friend was a disguised form of concern for himself. The following saying is very often said: “They do not seek good from good.”
The correct understanding is the following: do not demand Gratitude or reciprocal service for the Good shown. If the deed was not Good, and this is ordinary self-interest, then this is a business relationship. Get used to calling things by their proper names! Caring lives where selflessness and unconditional love and respect for another person prevail.
Taking care of parents
Everything in life is relative: today you are the center of attention, tomorrow they will already forget about you; Today you are young and beautiful in the care of your parents, tomorrow they need your care. Normal relationships between children and parents involve caring for each other. Caring is actions that help show your affection and love for your family. Older parents especially need care for their children. They no longer have the same strength they had before. They can no longer always move quickly, they don’t have time to do something or for health reasons they can’t do it. There are diseases that deprive a person of the opportunity to take care of himself. In this case, relatives - adult children - come to the rescue. Caring for and caring for elderly parents is the responsibility of every sane adult child. If we remember and evaluate all the sleepless nights, wasted nerves, health and gray hairs of our parents, we will not repay them until the end of our days. Therefore, sharing the news with them once again, wiping the dust from the closet, or washing the dishes after dinner is not at all something burdensome or shameful.
Help at home
Lack of basic help at home is the cause of strong quarrels among many couples
Traditionally, housekeeping and household management falls on the woman. But most women now work equally with men and are very tired from the double load.
What can a man do to relieve his companion :
- wash dishes after yourself;
- put things back after using them;
- hang things up after washing;
- put away your clothes;
- sometimes cook dinners yourself;
- taking out the trash.
will make life together significantly . Women especially appreciate help that they don't have to ask for. This shows that the man understands that she is tired without further explanation, and that it is also important for him to live in a clean and orderly manner.
Helping a woman at home
How do men understand this word?
A man and a woman differ in their understanding of certain actions and words.
The same difference is observed in the understanding of the meaning of care. Most men see the word “care” as material support for their woman and children. Realists and pragmatists, they rarely show their caring through words or gentle actions. Many men find it difficult to understand that providing for children financially will not replace time spent together. Let's do an experiment. Close your eyes and remember the most joyful moments of childhood spent with your parents. It’s unlikely that it will be 10 servings of ice cream eaten, cool sneakers bought, or renovations in the room. Surely the first thing that comes to mind is fun snowball fights in winter, walks in the park or family trips somewhere. In any case, the child remembers the quality of communication with his parents, and not its material component. Dads! Do not skimp on caring for the moral state of children and wives, as well as meeting their psychological needs.
Overprotection
From time to time we have to deal with manifestations of overprotection towards ourselves. This leads to the fact that our actions cause inconvenience to the people around us. Shifting the focus towards one’s own person can be called selfishness, as a result of which there will be disturbances in interpersonal relationships. Communication is an important condition for a person to develop harmoniously. It is in the process of interaction with other people that it is necessary to show care towards loved ones. Thanks to this aspect, it is important to feel needed in order to achieve increased self-esteem.
We all understand that it is the parents who should take care of children. In this case, all the responsibility and joy of the process will be placed on them. It is important to take into account the specifics of the child’s age and immediate development, and the satisfaction of his psychological and physical needs. It is worth mentioning that adults do not always understand that their beloved father and daughter change as they grow up. Quite often there are families in which parents try to lavish their children with toys to compensate for the lack of time they could spend together.
Experts advise paying attention not only to care in material terms. Every child, like an adult, needs physical and material care. It is necessary to show increased attention to absolutely all areas of your child’s life. You should not try to use the substitution of one for the other. Under no circumstances should you express love for your child through increased feeding, which can turn into food abuse.
Our life consists of completely natural changes. In childhood, our parents take care of us. After some time, we ourselves spend time and emotions on pets, toys, and our friends. When we are older, we take care of our parents. Thus, it is completely normal that mutual care is observed in relationships between people. It is also considered sincere gratitude for all the actions that our friends and parents did for us. It is considered the moral duty of absolutely every child to fully care for elderly relatives. It is important to understand that you cannot pay off with money alone in this case either. Our mothers and fathers need to talk to us and spend time together. We can not only buy groceries for elderly people, but also simply come to visit and think about their leisure time.
It is worth considering that women and men understand care completely differently. Representatives of the stronger sex believe that this process includes financial support for the family and earnings. If all relatives are in a safe and comfortable environment, the task can be considered completed. However, they do not realize that children and wives actually need completely different care. It represents communication, time spent together. Children are very bored and angry if their fathers forget to take them to a football match or to the zoo. In no case should you be bored with signs of attention and full communication with the whole family. This is sometimes much more important than the entire material component.
Read further:
Psychology of wealth and poverty
A woman considers completely different aspects to be a manifestation of caring. They relate to actions like preparing breakfast, bringing tea to bed. The fair sex themselves try to take care with the help of neatly ironed clothes, timely medicine, and a lovingly prepared lunch. It seems to them that criticism due to an incorrect action can be considered concern.
Caring in women's understanding
Women intuitively feel what their children and men need. Caring in the understanding of women is all kinds of actions that make their environment happy. In young mothers, the maternal instinct awakens, which helps to feel their children, their needs, and natural care for the babies arises. A woman can create a paradise around herself if she shows sacrificial care for her family. It is precisely because of different attitudes towards caring that disagreements can arise between a man and a woman. But it is important to remember that this quality can manifest itself from different sides. Therefore, there is nothing wrong with the fact that the mother will take more care of her child’s feelings and his physical condition, and the father will care more about buying toys.
Feeling of self-worth
Vika loves her daughter Tanya very much, she firmly believes that she knows better than anyone what she needs. That is why she regularly looks at her computer, phone and is always aware of who the girl is dating.
If Vika doesn’t like her daughter’s next suitor, then she does everything to discourage him - she calls him, meets with him and has soul-saving conversations. Unfortunately, the daughter does not appreciate her care and tries in every possible way to get rid of her mother’s guardianship.
First, Tanya left home and began renting an apartment with a friend, and then she began to live with a guy who soon found himself behind bars on charges of fraud.
Vika stopped communicating with the girl because she believes that her daughter is an ungrateful, selfish person. Despite this, all of Vika’s conversations with her friends boil down to discussing her daughter—to tears and complaints about her.
In fact, such interference in the personal life of another person suggests that Vicky’s own life is empty and lonely. Constantly taking care of her daughter and controlling her every step, Vika feels needed and important.
At the same time, she turns a blind eye to her own problems, loneliness, unfulfilled desires and dreams.
Her daughter’s “ungratefulness” and “bad behavior” allow Vika to justify her inaction towards herself, because she always needs to worry about her daughter, she has absolutely no time for herself!
What to do?
To get started, answer the following questions.
- What problems of your own are you avoiding by delving into the life of another person in such detail?
- What are you afraid of, making your husband and child dependent on you?
Most likely, your main fear is the fear of being alone with yourself.
If you have not realized yourself in life, if you have no other sources of receiving emotions other than caring for your relatives, then most likely you will smother them with your love, and they will rebel against your domestic tyranny, sometimes committing the most inappropriate acts.
Unfortunately, in such cases, a person does not want to see his problems himself, because he has been looking for a way to close his eyes to them for so long. Often, to decide to take care of your life, you need professional help.
If you notice that you have replaced your life with solving other people’s problems (most often invented by you), then find the strength within yourself and let go of the other person, shifting the focus to yourself and the structure of your life.
Believe me, as soon as you find harmony with yourself, realize your dreams, feel that you need yourself and stop interfering with your obsessive concern for your loved ones, then the relationship between you will improve and resistance will stop.
If your relatives need your help, they will definitely ask for it themselves.
If you yourself find yourself in the trap of overprotection, then the only way to get rid of it is to become an independent person. Here it is quite possible to do without rebellion and extreme sports.
Explain that everything is fine with you, that you are an adult and independent person and are able to cope with your problems yourself. Tell them you appreciate the support, but if you need help, you will ask for it.
Try to really solve your problems yourself, distance yourself from your caregiver, gently stopping any attempts to get into your life.
Offer your help to the overly caring person more often, show initiative - thereby you will show that you yourself are capable of taking care not only of yourself, but also of others. Repeat that you really appreciate his concern and that is why you want to respond in kind.
Thus, you shift the focus of his attention towards his own problems, and not yours.
Boundaries of Caring
Oddly enough, real caring has its limits. Overprotection has never been a healthy concern for parents for their children or for children for their parents. It is necessary to surround with care in moderation, since excessive care relaxes, pampers and destroys the object at which it is directed. A person should mutually share love, support and care, and not just receive it all unilaterally. In your care, you need to focus on the needs of the person to whom it is manifested, and not on your ambitions or desires. Then the joy of its manifestation will be on both sides of good actions. Showing tenderness and care is a necessity not only for family members, but also for the environment, because we humans must help each other.
Philosophical definition
What is care from a thinker's point of view? In German philosophy, this term moved from the category of ethics to the category of universal ones. This is especially true for existentialism. Caring in this philosophical direction was first considered by Heidegger, who recognized it as a fundamental feeling of human existence. People are constantly in anxiety and fear for themselves, their loved ones, property and plans. Therefore, care is the main mode and reason for their activity, which is sometimes completely meaningless. After Heidegger, other European philosophers of this direction, in particular Sartre and Camus, began to write about this ethical concept, but they gave it a more practical meaning. The concept of “ultimate concern,” that is, concern about the final goal of life, is also characteristic of the theology of late Protestantism. Paul Tillich, in particular, talks a lot about this. That is why care has, as it were, two definitions - positive (trouble, care) and negative (worry, fear). Both of them are reflected in explanatory dictionaries.
