As a rule, I write articles for people who feel resentment or have previously experienced resentment and now want to get rid of it.
However, often resentment emerges in life not in you personally, but in your loved ones, which is also unpleasant. And it’s especially unpleasant if a loved one is offended by you.
This is unpleasant, first of all, because the person does not want to continue communicating with you. And now you’re already offended! It would seem that you are close friends with her, and it seems that you did not end the relationship, but in reality this relationship no longer exists. And now what i can do?
In today’s article I will give you 4 tips that will help you in a situation where your friend is offended by you and does not want to talk.
How to make peace with a friend
Many people do not attach importance to certain words and even actions. Also, everyone understands that this situation needs to be worked out. First, analyze the situation in your head, try to understand what your friend was offended by. Next, write her a message in which you apologize for this or that situation. Of course, we all react differently, and your friend is no exception; if her acute period has not yet passed, she may answer you rudely or not answer at all. Much depends on the degree of offense and on the perceptions of the person himself. If your friend chooses to ignore, you shouldn’t put pressure on her. Apparently not enough time has passed, and she has not moved away from the insult. Wait a while, perhaps she will contact you herself when she has passed an acute period of anger at you.
Get busy working on it
An effective approach to elaboration is to formulate questions.
The first question I recommend you ask yourself is: Why was my friend offended by me?
Think about it, and then write down in an unnumbered list all the reasons why you think your friend doesn’t want to communicate.
I don't know your situation, but as an example I'll give you a couple of options:
- I didn’t congratulate her on X event in her life, but it was important to her.
- I accidentally insulted her at that event.
- She found out what I said about her to our mutual friend at such and such a time.
- I didn’t want to share this and that with her, and it offended her for this reason and that.
- …
Write out as much as you can write out. Then you will need this list.
Second question: Why does it bother me that my friend doesn’t want to communicate with me? At the same time, you can also answer the question: What emotions do I experience in connection with this situation, and why do I feel them?
In the same way as with the first list, write down any possible explanations for why it is unpleasant for you now that your friend does not want to communicate.
Probably, if you dig into yourself, you will see that you are offended by the fact that your friend is offended. And since this is the case, then you should also consider the problem from the point of view of the factors of resentment, which I have been writing about very often lately.
One factor in resentment is a sense of self-importance. It is because of him that you cannot let go of your friend and the probable incident that caused your friend to be offended. Instead of just writing her One Message and letting go of the entire situation, you continue to replay negative thoughts and emotions associated with this situation in your head.
My proposed approach to elaboration will, among other things, also affect work with emergency situations. Therefore, if you decide to work on yourself, which I suggest you do, then after some time, you will see that it will be much easier to let go of any kind of unpleasant episodes in life. You will be less stuck in any kind of worries about how people behaved with you and how you behaved with them.
Another factor in resentment is limiting beliefs. I suspect that the root of the unpleasant feeling caused by a friend's offense is the belief that if I am offended, then I am a bad person.
You may also be convinced that you are a kind and pleasant person, and that you are in no position to offend anyone.
You may also be convinced that it is your fault that your friend does not want to communicate.
Or, on the contrary, you may be convinced that this friend is a fool and is on her own, that she was offended over trifles. And I didn’t care about her at all, it’s not my fault!
You may be convinced that losing friends is very bad, especially if they are offended by you.
You may be convinced that you should resolve this situation by talking and repairing the relationship.
There are many possible limiting beliefs. Here, again, you need to start writing down on paper all the beliefs because of which, in your opinion, you are now unpleasant in the current situation. Next to the beliefs themselves, write how exactly these beliefs cause unpleasant emotions in this situation. My list of beliefs related to resentment will help you.
I would advise you to pay special attention to the moment of fixation on your friend. Yes, fixation can be overcome by working through it, but you can help yourself by communicating with other people.
How to forgive a friend
Not everyone knows how to forgive. Even some little thing can become a stumbling block for continuation with a friend. Also, if your friend has forgiven you, this does not mean that she is ready to continue her friendship with you, this also needs to be taken into account. Unfortunately, it is not always possible to return to the same warm relationship after a quarrel. But, if your friend is important to you and you want to make peace with her. Show her this, show her that you are truly sorry for offending her, that she is an important person to you. Also try to put yourself in her place. What you would do, sometimes helps in resolving this issue. Reconciliation advice does not always work. Because people are all different, and accordingly, they can react differently to the same situation. Some may not attach importance, while others will harbor resentment in their souls. Also, there are people who are quick-witted, and there are people who are vindictive. If you had a quarrel over something stupid, and she understands that you are as dear to her as she is to you, then most likely a message with an apology will be enough to restore communication. You need to be able to forgive insults; this quality is of great importance when going through life.
Share a link to my website
Most people do not even suspect that resentment can and should be worked through.
And if they suspect it, they don’t know how. The best way to notify them of this opportunity is to post a link to my website - . You shouldn’t send the link to your friend, it will be considered bullying. But sharing the link on social networks is a great idea!
If you use Instagram, then come to my channel, @netobidam and subscribe. It is possible that even though your friend doesn’t want to talk to you in words, she secretly monitors what you do on social networks, and thus has a chance to learn about how you can get rid of resentment quickly, on your own and for free.
And if you also put at least 10 likes on my posts, you will send a resonance through the collective unconscious, as a result of which your friend may even spontaneously let go of the grudge and get in touch. By the way, it has been proven by science that anyone who puts more than 10 likes on posts on my Instagram will have fewer problems with grievances in relationships with loved ones...
So by liking me, you are helping yourself.
Ok, now about something more serious.
What is definitely not recommended to do if you quarrel with a friend
Blame only yourself or your friend as a result of the conflict, without identifying the cause of the quarrel. Even if after a quarrel you soon make up without any problems, it is necessary to analyze the cause of the conflict together so that there are no disagreements about this in the future.
Deny your own guilt in the quarrel. Every person needs to admit their mistakes and not be shy to ask other people for forgiveness for this. There is nothing shameful here; on the contrary, this act speaks of you as a mature person who knows how to evaluate and analyze your actions.
Persuade your friend to make peace if it’s not your fault. Mutual friendship presupposes communication on equal terms, and if you really are not to blame for the conflict, but at the same time, because of your friend’s behavior, you feel guilty for what is happening. Then you should think rationally: do you really need such a friendship where you constantly feel tension and guilt?
Psychology of resentment
From a psychological point of view, a feeling of resentment arises when others intentionally or unwittingly hurt a person’s self-esteem. Outwardly, he makes no claims, suppresses his anger, but inside him a real tragedy is playing out. He simultaneously experiences anger, disappointment, self-pity, uncertainty, and also cannot stop remembering the painful situation.
They usually don’t take offense at people they don’t know for a long time - what’s the point if life is unlikely to get in touch with them? They will not be able to strike back, “remember all the good things.” Another thing is close friends, loved ones and relatives. If you forgive them everything and stop being offended by them, then they will become insolent and will constantly indulge in various tricks. This is exactly how the offended person thinks on a subconscious level.
In fact, there are no absolutely non-offensive people; only saints are capable of this. But some quickly forgive the pain caused to them, while others carry it in their hearts for years.
The habit of being offended for any reason is characteristic of several personality types:
- Vulnerable people who are not confident in themselves suffer from various psychological complexes. They constantly feel that others are laughing at their shortcomings and deliberately neglecting their company. Therefore, it is difficult for them to stop looking for hidden meaning in the actions and words of the people around them, and to blame them for showing arrogance.
- Narcissistic people. A person with high self-esteem believes that he is better than others and demands special treatment towards his person. And when those around him do not live up to his expectations, he may harbor a grudge. Spiritual Economics says that resentment is directly related to pride and is its consequence. And pride, as you know, is the first of the ten deadly sins.
- People with a victim complex who like to feel sorry for themselves. To feel good, they need to make others look bad, to blame others for their own problems.
Touchiness as a character quality is formed from early childhood. If parents do not attach importance to this and do not help their child get rid of the habit of being offended, as an adult it will be difficult for him to build friendly and loving relationships, and to conduct a constructive dialogue with colleagues.
What to do if a girl is offended? 6 ways to make peace with her
Find out the reason for her resentment
So, the very first step to take if you see that your friend is clearly offended by something is to find out what exactly. It is possible that this may turn out to be something that was not on the list above.
Don't guess at the tea leaves or just ignore the fact that she's disappointed. Ask directly what exactly is bothering her. Do it gently. By the way, perhaps the reason is not you at all.
Apologize (sincerely)
What to do if a girl gets offended over trifles? First, recognize that this is no small matter. And that what seems small to you matters to her. It is stupid and absolutely useless to tell another person what he “has the right” to be angry about and what he does not.
Therefore, if you see that some action or phrase of yours has greatly upset her, ask for forgiveness for hurting her and try not to repeat this offense in the future.
Prove with action that you can improve
Sometimes words alone are not enough. Especially if you have already failed to keep your promise to her several times. In this situation, your next assurance that “I won’t do this again” will most likely not make any impression on her. All that remains is to prove by actions that her opinion is important to you, and you are ready to work on your relationship.
- M+F How to apologize to a girl if you really offended her and don’t know what to do
Find a compromise
Just because you're dating a girl doesn't mean you have to do everything the way she wants. But also vice versa. If you want to be together, you must learn to negotiate and act so that the desires and needs of both parties are maximally satisfied.
Finding a compromise is a real art, and it can only be learned through a calm and productive conversation, in which everyone not only strives to express their opinion, but also carefully listens to the point of view of the interlocutor.
Give her a pleasant surprise
Of course, not every wrongdoing can be made up for with a gift, especially if it is important for a girl to receive an apology from you or changes in your communication - remember that you cannot “buy” forgiveness.
However, you can always try to please her and demonstrate your love in the way that you both like best.
Give her time to forgive you and respect her decision.
The girl was so offended that she is now ignoring you, and you don’t know what to do? It sounds like your mistake was very serious and she needs time to forgive you. Or even worse, she doesn’t want to do it at all.
Invite her to discuss what happened, but don’t push, and if she responds with a categorical refusal, then try to draw conclusions, analyze what happened, and if you realize that you really were wrong, think about working on correcting your negative habits.
- Author: Maria Minaeva
Snegireva Inna Vladimirovna
Psychologist Astana Was on the site: Today
We often part with friends, pushing them away, not suspecting that we are losing a faithful, devoted friend, one who may no longer be in life.
I am grateful to you, my friend, you showed your real face!
Cheating on a friend is committing a crime; such an offense cannot be forgiven and forgotten.
The one who was with her could not give himself entirely... There was a slight feeling of reticence, expectation of her betrayal, unfounded resentment, misunderstanding prevailed... and she left first.
Best status: We try to spare other people’s feelings, but ours are indifferent to everyone...
– You’re laughing, I’m not like you, I’m different. – And you look like Siamese twins and are no different, and I, in turn, laugh too.
I love to look into your innocent eyes and listen to your chatter, little lies. And you, my dear friend, have no idea about my insight and bitchiness.
It's a shame and a pity that the friends with whom I went through fire and chimneys are left behind in the past.
A sincere friend is a person who holds your hand and feels the beats of your heart, feeling its mood. Take care of him, try to treat him with reverence, being afraid to offend him even with a glance!
Sometimes lies merge so closely with the truth that it’s hard to live in the remaining gap.
The most annoying thing is to wait so long, and at the very end to find out that it was in vain.
I want to do the same as when I was a child – to sit on someone’s lap, roar and complain to everyone.
I trusted you with everything that was most precious, and you stole that most precious thing from me...
It happens that they don’t understand... It’s a shame, it’s annoying, but okay...
You, my friend, are now a master of deception. Tears from the eyes are also part of the plan...
She: That's it, I'm offended, you don't care about me, I'll go to the Internet and cheat on you online! He: Take Kaspersky!
I'm offended. - I do not believe. You didn't pout.
I don’t tell my best friend who I like, I mean, she doesn’t know how to remain silent, so it’s also my fault. She’s offended by me..
Love, hate and love again. Leave and offend, forget and forgive... Come back, look into your eyes, smile for a moment and cry again...
It's hard to offend me!!! - I know. You are difficult to find, easy to lose and impossible to forget - Where from??? How do you know everything???
If someone loves you, but you don’t want to love, then it’s better to say something and offend than to then destroy the person.
Know that if I write “yeah” I’m offended (c)
Oh, just don’t be silent, you’re offended!
It's cool when you tell him you're offended. And in response, he hugs you even tighter, says, “I’ll be offended by you right now,” and kisses you.
Well, yes! As always, you were offended because of some stupidity. And as always, my stupidity...:-(
no. I’m not offended. I’m busy. I’m sharpening the knife.
to my sincere “I love you”, he responds rudely “yeah”... so offensive and painful
female logic: I came up with it myself, I was offended by myself..=)
I wanted to offend you... but nature has already done everything for me...))
- Well, how? Interesting? - What? – Is it interesting to drive while staring out the window? - Shut up. I pretend to be offended
there is pain.. emptiness.. resentment... and some kind of feeling.. I want to hide from everyone.. I don’t want anything... just emptiness...
You are offended by him, you get angry, but he twists everything so that in the end you yourself begin to ask him for forgiveness. Not fair!
She came up with it herself, she herself was offended, she herself made peace. Well, fuck it, complete self-service.
You're offended? -No... -Strongly? -YES!
A girl will leave you - this is stable, but when a guy is a dick, what a shame ((
Women's folk wisdom: I came up with it myself - I was offended myself: -P
Crap. brought me to tears. and writes: “Why are you silent? offended?”
