None of us can change the past, no matter how much we want to. So we learn to live with the intrusive thoughts of “I wonder what would have happened if...” and try to come to terms with the constant regret that accompanies every mistake we make.
The approach of psychologists Shelley Carson and Ellen Langer, who divide mistakes into “good” and “bad,” will help cope with such an influx of emotions. They differ only in our reaction - we learn lessons from the “good” ones, and are desperately ashamed of the “bad” ones.
To identify your “bad” mistakes, do one simple task - continue the phrase “I regret that...”. This way you will know which regrets you need to work through. And to turn “bad” mistakes into “good” ones, use five basic strategies.
Be kind to yourself
Author of the book “Self-Compassion. About the power of compassion and self-kindness" Kristin Neff is sure that it is self-compassion that helps you accept yourself. She suggests trying a practice that combines inner strength and self-love.
To do this, ask yourself two important questions:
- How can I practice self-compassion when dealing with my mistakes?
- How to give yourself the opportunity to think about the current situation and learn the necessary lessons from it?
The answers will help you understand how to work through past mistakes without blaming yourself for them.
Take care of yourself.
Negative emotions, stress, and constant worries only aggravate the difficult situation. In order to find solutions and understand how to live further, you need to have not only psychological, but also physical health. A habitual daily routine, adequate sleep, a balanced diet, and a daily walk in the fresh air help improve the general condition of the body. And the better a person feels, the higher the likelihood that he will cope with any problems.
Take the test: Self-Esteem Scale
Determine what you can change and what you can't
Not all mistakes can be corrected. Sometimes the worst has already happened and the only thing you can do is accept it. Ask yourself if you can change the situation. Just be honest with yourself: what happened was just one unfortunate mistake or a whole chain of reckless decisions?
“We can’t choose the cards we’re dealt, but we can choose how we play them,” says Carnegie Mellon University professor Randy Pausch.
If your mistake hurt another person, try not just to apologize, but to listen to them. You can then share your thoughts and what the situation taught you and what you plan to do next.
Randy Pausch identified three important parts that any apology should consist of:
- Mentioning what you did wrong.
- An apology for causing pain.
- The question is what can be done to improve the situation.
How to live further if you don’t want to live?
Estimated reading time: 2 minutes.
Marina Filonik, practicing psychologist, psychotherapist
I think that many people are in this state and may ask exactly this question. I really sympathize with you, how difficult and painful it must be when you don’t find vitality within yourself, when it seems that there are no more desires and there is a feeling that it is impossible to find something that makes you happy or gives meaning. There are periods when everything seems to be devalued, devalued, and what used to fill life ceases to evoke at least some response in the soul.
I know nothing at all about you or your circumstances in life, and I also don’t know how long you have been in this state and whether it was different before. I'm almost sure it was. And if it was not always the case as it is now, then there is great hope that the black streak will not last forever. This happens, for example, when depression or grief comes. I can imagine how much courage it takes to choose life again and again every day, so I respect your question.
Perhaps you don’t “don’t want to live” at all, but you don’t want to live exactly the way you are now, in the state you are in now. And perhaps there is some truth in this: the way life is lived, felt now, is not at all what one would like. And then it’s interesting to find out: how would you like your life to proceed, what changes would be good for you? Even if it seems that they are unrealistic now.
I repeat, I don’t know whether some extremely difficult circumstances really happened in your life or whether something happened inside, in your soul, that it lost the ability to feel alive and want to live. Or maybe one overlapped with the other. And maybe even this state has been going on for quite some time. In any case, it’s great and important that you are looking for help! Probably, somewhere deep down there is hope for a way out, or you feel that the way it is now should not be and something needs to be changed.
It’s great if you have a good friend and understanding confessor, a church community or a support group - it’s worth continuing to look for help, including, as it seems to me, professional help. It may be worth contacting a psychologist or psychotherapist, or maybe a psychiatrist, if you suspect depression.
Unfortunately, in our society, over several generations, a rejection of psychiatrists has developed. And many people are afraid to turn to specialists even in an objectively difficult situation; the very thought of it is frightening. But if you try to look for a good doctor, for example, on a recommendation, and contact him at least once, then usually a lot becomes clearer, it becomes more clear what kind of help is optimal for you.
God bless you! With all my heart I wish that those perhaps small drops of life that are difficult to discern in you now will gradually fill your heart with new streams of Life!
Motivate yourself
Find an inspirational phrase that will help you move on during difficult times. You can repeat it to yourself or make it your phone wallpaper, as long as it makes you feel better.
For believers, and perhaps not only them, the prayer of the German theologian Karl Ettinger is suitable: “Lord, give me the calmness to accept what I cannot change, give me the courage to change what I can change, and give me the wisdom to distinguish one thing.” from another."
New life with gastritis
So, you have gastritis. The gastroenterologist will prescribe you certain medications that reduce inflammation and restore the secretory function of the stomach. It is very important to remember that the prescribed medications will not have a traumatic effect on the inflamed mucous membrane, but you should refrain from taking other tablets and powders that are not part of the treatment course. If such a need arises, be sure to consult with your doctor.
However, no drugs will restore your health if you do not follow the doctor's recommendations. Let's list the most important of them.
We follow the diet
Gastritis can disrupt the perception of hunger. You may want to eat all the time or not feel the need to eat at all.
Following a nutritional schedule will help: 4-5 times a day in small portions. This way you will not feel hungry, and your stomach will not be overloaded with excess food.
Many patients agree that eating according to the clock is one of the most difficult elements of treating gastritis. However, a new eating behavior is gradually developed, and you get used to the fact that at a certain moment you need to feed yourself.
An important point: the last meal should be no later than four hours before bedtime.
Chew food thoroughly
Let’s get rid of the habit of eating “on the go” and swallowing pieces as quickly as possible! The more thoroughly we chew food, the less digestive juice affects it and the less it lingers in the stomach. This means that by working properly with our jaws, we will ensure that the gastric mucosa is not subject to such a strong load.
Eliminating a number of foods from the diet
Alas, to cure gastritis, you need to follow a certain diet. The doctor will recommend eliminating from the diet foods that are more likely to increase inflammation of the gastric mucosa than others.
So, what do we say goodbye to during treatment? Of course, with fried, smoked, stewed, spicy and fatty foods (including fatty meat, poultry and fish). We will also refuse canned food, dairy products with high acidity (kefir, sour cream, other fermented milk products), baked goods, pickled vegetables, legumes, and carbonated drinks. We will now brew tea and coffee less strongly. Let’s also say “no” to alcohol. Smokers should, if not completely give up the bad habit, then be sure to reduce the number of cigarettes they smoke.
And we don’t eat dry food!
Stick to a diet
What can you eat with gastritis, you ask? All those foods that do not harm the stomach.
Recommended are puree soups and broths (the main thing is that they are not spicy), dishes from lean fish, especially sea fish, meat dishes from beef, veal, chicken, turkey, rabbit. Vegetables and fruits should also become your faithful friends.
In fact, from all these products you can prepare a huge number of delicious dishes and delight yourself with delicacies.
And it is very important to drink a lot of water - at least 1–1.5 liters per day.
We try to relax
If we are treating gastritis, then we need to try to avoid stress and overwork, which can lead to aggravation of the disease.
Of course, doing this in our time is quite difficult, but each of us knows what calms and relaxes him most. Pleasant music, meditation, trips to theaters and museums, maybe conversations with a psychologist. Life should be comfortable, and gastritis will recede.
Go meet like-minded people
If you have a specific area of interest, a desire to take a new path, or a need for a different job, then start communicating with people who are doing what you are striving for.
The easiest way to meet representatives of the industry that interests you is to attend specialized events. People belonging to any industry or field have groups created to network and discuss professional issues.
Writers meet. Bloggers hold meetings. Freelancers communicate with each other (even if they do it online). Restaurateurs meet. Hey, even morgue owners and insurance adjusters have their own conventions! Grab a friend and go to one of these events to meet new people and learn something about the industry.
Don't correct an alcoholic's mistakes
A typical situation: the son drinks, gets behind the wheel and gets into an accident. Parents immediately go to resolve the conflict with the police, pay fines and compensation, and restore their rights. This should not be done for several reasons.
Firstly, by taking care of your adult relative, you encourage him to take a childish position. A person will not learn to take responsibility for his own actions if problems are constantly solved for him. Gratitude will very soon be replaced by the feeling that the consequences of mistakes are not his concern.
Secondly, you provoke a new relapse. For example, if your loved one has already driven drunk once, nothing will stop him from doing it again. Often such indulgences lead to death - more than half of the crimes are committed while intoxicated.
How to deal with an alcoholic in the family: let them deal with the consequences of their decisions and actions on their own. This will help you quickly realize that a bad habit can ruin your life if you don’t start treatment.
How to overcome mental exhaustion
The most obvious and at the same time the most difficult decision is to take a break and rest. Put some things aside and delegate the rest, write a vacation application, get a good night’s sleep, change your surroundings at least for a couple of days. But this is not always possible. Therefore, psychologists recommend 4 Things to Do When Your Brain Is Tired a few more actions that can alleviate your condition a little.
“Turn off” some of your senses
Large sensory load: light, sound, conversations, tactile sensations - can be very exhausting. Try to exclude some irritants and spend at least a few minutes in silence and darkness. Buy blackout curtains for your room, turn off the TV when you're not watching it, don't leave music or the radio playing in the background, wear headphones when riding the subway.
This is not a radical solution to the problem, but this approach can at least slightly reduce overall fatigue and irritability.
Make fewer decisions
Put off life-changing decisions for at least a couple of weeks, try to reduce smaller ones: eat the same dish for lunch every day, order the same type of coffee, take the same route to work, prepare several sets of clothes in advance so that you can I didn't have to choose what to wear in the morning.
Having to make even such small decisions can be very draining, and taking a break will give you some strength.
Look at the plants
Researchers from the University of Melbourne conducted a small experiment. Participants were asked to look out the window at a nearby rooftop on which a small garden was laid out. Tests showed 40-second green roof views sustain attention: The role of micro-breaks in attention restoration that even after 40-second observations, participants became more focused and made fewer mistakes in their studies during the day. Keith Lee, the author of the experiment, believes that contemplating nature helps us focus and maintain a working mood.
Look out the window from time to time, especially if there is a picturesque view from there, go for a walk in the yard or in a nearby park.
Stop hiding or pouring out alcohol
First of all, it is useless. A person suffering from addiction will still find somewhere to drink. If he himself cannot control his own actions, then another is unlikely to succeed.
But the ban on alcohol often gives rise to excitement and the desire to get booze by any means out of a sense of contradiction. Secondly, such behavior can provoke aggression.
Another option is also unacceptable - to patronize the alcoholic in every possible way. Often wives bring their husbands a “hangover” in the morning or buy alcohol themselves so that it is at hand at any time.
Avoid conflicts with drunk people
Alcohol intoxication seriously changes the perception of external reality, values and priorities of the drinker. Therefore, you should not try to reason with a relative by beating or swearing.
How not to provoke an alcoholic into aggression? Unfortunately, under the influence of alcohol, people often behave inappropriately and see everyone as an enemy. Therefore, it is not always possible to avoid conflict - alcoholics tend to start them themselves.
What you can do: Talk to your loved one when he sobers up. Talk about his unacceptable behavior. Let him understand that if this happens again, it will lead to negative consequences: divorce, moving, etc.
Under no circumstances should you: swear and make a scene, humiliate a person, try to lecture, beat or show violence in any other way. All the same, in such a state a person cannot normally perceive even the most correct arguments.
Don't be self-flagellation
Often relatives tend to blame themselves for their loved one’s addiction. Parents feel that they have given little to their child; children may think that their imperfections are the cause of their elders’ alcoholism.
Social norms also contribute to this - many in society believe that good spouses do not have husbands or wives who become drunkards. But that's not true.
The development of addiction is influenced by many factors: active gene combinations, metabolic characteristics, upbringing, environment and social attitudes. Therefore, it is not the fault of one person.
Content
- Don't correct an alcoholic's mistakes
- Stop hiding or pouring out alcohol
- Do not humiliate an alcohol addict in front of strangers
- Avoid violence towards the drinker
- Replace naivety with realism
- Don't give medications without a prescription
- Stop hiding your relative's alcoholism
- Stop being in total control
- Avoid conflicts with drunk people
- Stop drinking together and stocking up on alcohol
- Keep taking care of yourself
- Don't be self-flagellation
- Don't try to overcome difficulties on your own
Alcoholism is a problem not only for the addicted person, but also for those around him. Under the influence of the disease, the character changes. An alcoholic goes on a long binge and then his work and social life suffer. Alcohol makes him aggressive and uncontrollable.
Alcohol addiction can deprive a person of work and dull his mental abilities. In addition, loved ones suffer: children, spouses, parents. A relative’s illness can cause them to develop their own addiction, neuroses, and severe depression.
Unfortunately, there is no universal solution to how to learn to live with an alcoholic. Much depends on how much your loved one understands the problem and is ready to solve it. The only thing that can be recommended is: don’t live if you don’t have the strength or desire to do so. But this option is not always possible.
If for some reason you end up with an addict, here are some tips to help you avoid some of the most common pitfalls.
Talk to more than just your cat
Your pet can be a great conversationalist and a great companion for watching The Bachelors.
We have no doubt about it! But he has no chance to contribute to your personal growth. If you are interested in a new field or industry, try to discuss it with someone. Take advantage of their knowledge, perspective and advice. If you ask the right questions, people will be happy to tell you how they achieved their goal or navigated the path of life.
Instead of jumping into a new career or launching another "Blow Your Mind" blog, talk to someone about the viability of your idea.
Replace naivety with realism
Psychiatrists who treat chronic alcoholics say that the main criterion for addiction is the drinker’s categorical refusal to acknowledge the real problem. You need to realize: alcoholism is not a habit. This is a strong psychophysical dependence, similar to drug addiction and other types of addictions.
Understand: alcoholism is a disease, just like diabetes or cancer. If left untreated, the person will die. For example, from cardiovascular pathologies caused by large doses of alcohol, or cirrhosis of the liver. In addition, the risk of suicide or fatal accident increases many times over.
Alcoholism is accompanied by withdrawal symptoms and the formation of the body's tolerance to alcoholic beverages. Therefore, it is impossible to stop drinking on your own. Mandatory assistance from narcologists, psychiatrists, psychotherapists is required, as well as a long period of rehabilitation.
