Easy relationship between a man and a woman: advantages, signs, how to do it, advice from psychologists

Popular author Mark Manson asked his blog readers to share their relationship advice. More than 1,500 people wrote to him about their experience. And using this material, Mark derived the basic rules for sustainable relationships.

However, first it’s worth remembering the reasons why you shouldn’t start them at all:

• Pressure from family or friends.
• Loneliness.
• Naive love. When it seems that love is the solution to all problems and the only meaning of life.
• Self-doubt or complexes. This inevitably leads to unhealthy relationships: we love our partner only as long as they make us feel better. And under such conditions, true intimacy cannot arise.

Be realistic

True love is not at all the same as romantic love, which makes us not notice the shortcomings of our partner. It's a choice. This is constant support for another person, regardless of the circumstances. This is the understanding that your relationship will not always be cloudless. This is the need to deal with your partner’s problems, his fears and thoughts, even when you don’t want to.

This kind of love is more prosaic; it requires much more effort from partners. But still, it gives a person much more. After all, in the end, it brings real happiness, and not just another short-lived euphoria.

Why do relationships deteriorate?

In order to find a solution to any situation, you need to understand why it happened, what led to the current state of affairs, what is the reason for everything that is happening. Only a deep understanding of the reasons allows us to find the right solution. The same can be said about any relationship. For every phenomenon there is an explanation; nothing happens without a reason. If a relationship has deteriorated, there is a reason for it. Most often, the reason for separation is a simple misunderstanding. Young girls have one view of the world, boys have another. Reluctance and inability to recognize the existence of this difference in views, to understand the essence of these differences leads to an inability to understand your partner. A girl at a young age expects romance, tenderness from a relationship, and wants to feel care that does not come from one of her family members. But often girls believe that only beauty is required of them in a relationship. They do not show any initiative, do not show how dear the young man is to them, do not show him their tenderness and care. This approach is obviously doomed to failure. After all, relationships develop only when both partners are ready to give each other more than they take. A fire where both warm themselves, but only one supplies wood, will sooner or later go out. Therefore, the girl should show the young man attention, show sensitivity, tenderness, and care.

But in this matter it is important to show restraint and moderation. Relationships should not be intrusive, leaving no freedom. Psychological studies have shown that girls often strive for complete subordination of their partner. They believe that the young man should belong completely to them. Elements such as control, suspicion, and inflated demands appear in relationships. The guy is deprived of personal freedom, communication with friends and parents. This is a wrong situation and an unhealthy relationship. Nothing good will come of this. Sooner or later the guy will start a real riot. Each partner must respect each other's lives. After all, besides a loved one, everyone has studies, work, friends, relatives. There should be time for solitude. You need to learn to trust and understand each other in order to come to terms with the fact that your chosen one spends time with other people. It's difficult, it's not necessary.

Research shows that what is important for young people in girls is presence nearby, the ability to understand and support in a difficult situation, constant support in any endeavor, and devotion. Of course, not everyone deserves such treatment, but if you have found your hero, then try to live up to his ideal. And our advice will help you with this.

Respect each other

This is the main thing in a relationship. Not attraction, not common goals, not religion, not even love. There will be times when you start to feel like you don't love each other anymore. But if you lose respect for your partner, you won’t be able to get it back.

Communication, no matter how open and frequent it may be, will eventually reach a dead end in any case. Conflicts and grievances cannot be avoided.

The only thing that will save your relationship is unwavering respect. Without this, you will always doubt each other's intentions, judge your partner's choices and try to limit his independence.

In addition, you also need to respect yourself. Without self-respect, you won't feel like you deserve your partner's respect. You will constantly try to prove that you are worthy, and as a result you will only harm your relationship.

• Never complain about your partner to your friends. If you are unhappy with something in his behavior, discuss it with him, not with friends and relatives.
• Respect that your partner may have interests, hobbies, and views that are different from yours.
• Consider the opinion of your other half. Don't forget, you are one team. If someone alone is dissatisfied, then we need to look for a solution to the problem together.
• Don't keep everything to yourself, discuss any problems. You should not have taboo topics of conversation.

Respect is directly related to trust. And trust is the basis of any relationship (not just romantic ones). Without it, a feeling of closeness and peace cannot arise.

Secrets of communicating with men

I will describe the most popular questions that concern any girl at the beginning of a relationship.

What to ask

I recommend talking about topics about profession, studies, hobbies and future plans for life. You can also talk about your favorite books, sports or animals. But you shouldn’t touch on “female” topics and love affairs in the early stages.

How to make a silent person talk

This is not an easy task, but the problem can be solved. Find out what his interests are: with the help of mutual friends or subscriptions to groups on social networks. If you are not knowledgeable in this area, then read the information. As you communicate, intentionally steer the conversation in the right direction. So, you will create comfortable conditions for a man, and he will be able to talk about his hobbies without stopping.

How to talk to a guy and keep the conversation going

To do this, you need to learn to ask the right questions. Avoid phrases that require a one-word answer of “yes” or “no,” otherwise you will quickly end up in awkward silence. And detailed formulations, on the contrary, will help to find other topics.

Also, make it a habit not to interrupt your interlocutor, even if you want to insert a word into the story. After all, cutting off mid-sentence means showing bad manners. In addition, you can lose the thread of the conversation, and you will not be able to find anything else to discuss when this topic is exhausted.

Ask a question

What to do if your boyfriend suddenly stops interacting

There may be many reasons for this: a new passion, loss of interest, difficulties in the service. But since, psychologically, guys are hunters, as soon as they conquer an object, they refuse to contact it.

Many men perceive falling in love as another victory, and again go looking for another victim. Therefore, during the period of communication, it is worth keeping him at a distance and fueling the fuse with changes from showing attention to indifference.

How to make contact

You should listen carefully to your interlocutor and try to understand the essence of the conversation. Don't try to show off your best side and show your intelligence through long monologues and stories about your successes and virtues. It’s better to learn how to easily communicate with men, because that’s what they look for in their chosen ones. Therefore, give up negative dialogues and discuss only good news.

How to talk about the future

The main thing is not to be persistent when talking about frankness, otherwise it will scare the guy away. But if you carefully guide him in the right direction, the partner will open up and become sincere. Start with small topics: vacation plans, goals for the near future. And then ask leading questions on the topic of interest.

How to delicately refuse communication

If the gentleman is too touchy, then you should not directly state this. It is better to keep interaction to a minimum: answer politely and not be active. Monosyllabic phrases will speed up the end of the conversation.

How to contact your ex

If you start communicating again, it is important not to remember past disappointments and grievances. Dissatisfaction, complaints and comments can provoke a quarrel. There is no need to sort things out, otherwise the hostility will only intensify.

How to Talk to a Married Gentleman

In such communication, subordination should be observed. Light flirting, hints and ambiguous jokes are a bad position. In this case, the man will think that you are hoping to become his mistress.

How to have a dialogue about children

There is one rather old joke about how to spot a real bachelor: tell him that you love him very much and want a child from him. But girls should understand that after meeting, it is not advisable to discuss with him what they will name the baby. Otherwise it can be intimidating.

It’s difficult even for experienced dating people to have a conversation about this. We come from afar, but better yet, show by actions that you are ready for offspring.

Discuss all problems

If you are not happy with something, be sure to discuss it. No one will fix your relationship for you. The main thing to maintain trust is absolute honesty and openness of both partners.

• Share your doubts and fears, especially those that you don't tell anyone else about. This will help not only heal some mental wounds, but also better understand your partner.
• Keep your promises. The only way to restore trust is to keep your word.
• Learn to distinguish between your partner’s suspicious behavior and your own complexes. Usually during quarrels, one person thinks that his behavior is completely normal, while the other seems the same thing to be categorically wrong.

Trust is somewhat like a porcelain plate. If it falls and breaks, then with great difficulty it can still be glued back together. If you break it a second time, there will be twice as many fragments, and it will also take more time and effort to put them back together. But if you drop the plate over and over again, eventually it will break into such small pieces that it will no longer be possible to glue them together.

Don't try to control each other

We often hear that relationships require sacrifice. There is some truth in this: sometimes you really have to give up something. But if both partners constantly sacrifice themselves, they are unlikely to be happy. Such a relationship will only harm both of them in the end.

Each person should be an independent person with his own views and interests.

Trying to control your partner to make him happy (or allowing him to control your own actions) will not achieve anything good.

Some are afraid to give their partner freedom and independence. This may be due to a lack of trust or self-doubt. The less we value ourselves, the more we will try to control our partner’s behavior.

How to stay interesting

To do this, you should regularly expand your horizons, show interest in new events and people around you.

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You can become a fascinating conversationalist if you have a hobby. A passionate girl will always share positive emotions and amazing facts.

Please note that feminine themes are unlikely to interest your gentleman. He will be bored hearing about outfits, celebrity romances or gossip.

However, tips on how to communicate with a guy are only general recommendations, since each case is individual. The only thing you definitely need to follow is to preserve your own identity. In the process of interaction, gentlemen are attracted to bright individuals from whom they can learn new things.

Be prepared for both of you to change

Over time, you and your partner will change - this is completely natural. Therefore, it is important to always be aware of the changes taking place and treat them with respect.

If you plan to spend several decades together, you need to be prepared for difficulties and unforeseen situations.

Significant changes that many couples face include changes in religion or political views, moving to another country, or the death of relatives (including children).

When you start dating, all you know is what that person is like now. You have no way of knowing what it will be like in five or 10 years. Therefore, you need to be prepared for the unexpected. Of course it's not easy. But the ability to quarrel correctly can help here.

Seven signs of an easy relationship

An easy relationship between a man and a woman is what partners value in each other. Here are a few points that define values:

• Partners have similar views on things.
• No conflict situations. Minor disagreements have a simple solution.
• Support and care for each other.
• The joy of mutual communication. It doesn’t matter what kind of conversations, the main thing is the opportunity to spend time together.
• A quiet separation for some time. There won't be a catastrophe if they can't see each other for a while.
• The ability to understand your partner. The most ridiculous actions are not met with scandals, insults or tears.
• The ability not to impose oneself. A person is busy. He wants to be alone. For a partner, one “no” is enough, because... the next meeting will take place, you just need to wait.

In life together, not everything is so perfect, but there is always something to strive for.

Learn to quarrel

Psychologist John Gottman has identified four behavioral signs that indicate a possible breakdown in a relationship:

1. Criticism of character (“You’re stupid” instead of “You acted stupidly”).
2. Shifting the blame.
3. Insults.
4. Avoiding a quarrel and ignoring your partner.

Therefore, it is worth learning to quarrel correctly:

• Do not remember previous scandals during one quarrel. This will not solve anything, but will only make the situation worse.
• If the argument gets heated, stop. Go outside and walk a little. Return to the conversation only when you have cooled down.
• Remember, someone being right in an argument is not as important as feeling that you were listened to with respect.
• Don't try to avoid quarrels. Express your concerns and admit what worries you.

Advice from psychologists

Most often, couples break up precisely because of the unwillingness to give in or give up their positions. Therefore, psychologists say: the main thing is not to try to dominate, not to make comments on any occasion, not to be boring or too annoying. Becoming “henpecked” is definitely not part of a man’s plans. His status is important to him. He cannot withstand the pressure and sees no point in continuing the novel.

Independence and attraction to each other at the same time, this is what an easy relationship between a man and a woman means.

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Learn to forgive

Don't try to change your partner - it's a sign of disrespect. Accept the fact that you have differences, love the person despite them and try to forgive.

But how do you learn to forgive?

• When the fight is over, it doesn't matter who was right and who was wrong. Leave all conflicts in the past, rather than remembering them every month.
• No need to keep score. There should be no winners and losers in a relationship. Everything should be done and given free of charge, that is, without manipulation and expectation of something in return.
• When your partner makes a mistake, separate his behavior from his intentions. Don't forget what you value and love in your partner. Everyone makes mistakes. And if a person made a mistake, this does not mean at all that he secretly hates you and wants to break up.

How to learn to interact with the opposite sex

At all times, girls have represented a mystery. It is not for nothing that it is believed that male logic cannot stand up against female intuitive abilities.

Before you understand how to talk to a man, you need to understand his psychology. First of all, these are males. This means that they need to feel like leaders in all areas: from family to small hobbies.

But history does not know a single leader without a support group. Therefore, an important female role is to provide it, but not to abuse it. Doing everything instead of a companion is a bad idea. But many people consult with their beloved before making a decision or a certain undertaking. So tell him that the idea is excellent and he will definitely succeed.

Another factor concerns the fact that the Cavaliers are still children. They just grow up, just like their favorite toys. Cars become respectable cars, soldiers turn into employees.

So talk to him about one of these topics, even if you don’t know anything about it. And if you can remember the features, the conversation will last for hours.

There are a lot of options on how to properly communicate with a guy, but the above rules are basic. You need to take a closer look at your chosen one, observe his behavior, find out about his interests, and then interaction with him will be much easier.

Common Mistakes

Often partners joke about strange female logic. And in order not to become one of these girls, try to avoid the main mistakes:

• Express all the thoughts that come to mind. Not all of them are worth voicing. When thinking about a pressing problem, you need to give yourself time to look at it from different angles and make a final decision. This is especially true when discussing claims to relationships.
• Interrupt. The quality that most guys value is the ability to listen. In a male company, they usually listen to other people’s opinions, and only then express their own. It is advisable to follow their example and learn patience.
• Be a mystery to him. This advice can be found in all recommendations on how to please a man. But it is necessary to take into account that representatives of the stronger sex do not understand hints, so do not walk around, but directly say about your desires. Directness will help build a harmonious relationship where partners will feel satisfied.

Rules for communicating with a guy from psychology

A woman who wants to keep her lover should follow some tips to help the couple reach a new level:

Psychologist Daria Milai

Make an appointment

• Listen to your companion. It is important for him to share his experiences, talk about future plans and simply be heard. And sharing this with your loved one is much more pleasant. Therefore, be interested in his life, ask relevant questions, and also do not be afraid to talk about your views on things.
• Don't try to be “different.” If you decide to change your image, then you need to do it gradually. Because a sudden transition from jeans to minis and bright makeup will cause surprise. It’s better to go shopping together and choose the right things and jewelry. The main thing is not to try to completely reincarnate and be someone you are not. The guy fell in love with you for real. Therefore, it is recommended to take a course towards development, but not to miss your own essence.
• Avoid criticism. Men perceive it painfully, especially when it happens in the company of friends. Complaining can lower self-esteem and cause mistrust.
• Don't "saw". Doubts and dissatisfaction will only worsen relationships. Praise your partner and admire him. Otherwise, it’s unlikely that you’ll be able to keep him around for a long time.
• Don't be smart. Showing off your intelligence to the fullest is a bad idea. After all, conversations with a lover are unscientific discussions. They should be light and not cause discomfort. This also affects his self-confidence.

Be pragmatic

Any relationship is imperfect, because we ourselves are imperfect. So be pragmatic: figure out what each of you is good at, what you like and don't like to do, and then distribute responsibilities.

In addition, many couples advise defining some rules in advance. For example, how will you divide all expenses? How much are you willing to borrow? How much can each partner spend without consulting the other? What must you buy together? How will you decide where to go on vacation?

Some even hold “annual reports” during which they discuss business management and decide what to change in the household. This, of course, sounds trivial, but this approach really helps to be aware of the needs and wants of your partner and strengthens the relationship.

Formula for ideal relationships and scientific approach

Hans-Werner Bjerhoff, a well-known and respected doctor from the Ruhr University in Germany, stated that he was able to derive a formula for ideal relationships. He claims that every harsh remark must be compensated with at least five compliments. It turns out that compliments make relationships stronger and more durable, and also do not allow love to fade away.

Bierhoff says, “Everyone feels great when they receive compliments, which means they feel happier.”

Elk Rokhman helped the doctor conduct the survey. He interviewed approximately one thousand couples in love.

German scientists also talk about problems that can lead to separation. The most dangerous among them is job loss, betrayal, and illness. All this can lead to the destruction of the fragile balance in the relationship, and then to separation.

Different ideals

From early childhood, absolutely every person develops an ideal image of their soulmate. Often this image is borrowed from one’s family, if harmony, mutual understanding, respect and love reigned there. Many men dream that their wife will cook as deliciously as their mother, so that she will give all her warmth only to him. But it also happens that, for example, women want to choose a gentle, kind man, because their father was extremely aggressive.

Also, as each person grows up, he has his own needs, which he wants and strives to realize in his family. To identify them, it is enough to ask yourself the following questions: “Why do I need a family? What will I get from this relationship?

Strong relationships will only exist in a family where the ideal ideas and needs of the spouses coincide.

Types of men in relationships

The following classifications have been identified. For example, the classification of compatibility among the male sex: man-father, man-man, man-son. And among women there is also a very similar classification: woman-mother, woman-woman, woman-daughter.

1. Male father. He always strives to be the head of the family and wants his authority to be recognized by all family members without exception. He wants to keep everything under his strict control, take care of all family members and be responsible for them. The most suitable woman for him would be a daughter. She is the one who does not seek to be responsible for anyone; she needs a strong man who can protect her from all troubles. She may also be somewhat dependent on him, compensating for this by the fact that she is completely protected next to him.
2. Man-man. For a man, the experience of his chosen one, her strength and capabilities are very important. He also really expects someone to take care of him and look after him. Often his woman must take responsibility for making important decisions. The most suitable woman for him will be a mother, because she has a huge potential for care and energy. She strives to give, share her accumulated experience and be extremely active.
3. Man-son. A typical “eternal child” is an infantile goof with his head in the clouds. The man-son is charming, fun to be with, he is the soul of everyone. At the same time, he is almost unable to provide himself with a tolerable existence on his own: he does not stay in any job for a long time (it’s boring and the boss is certainly an idiot, but of course), he prefers to live with his parents or in a rented apartment in the company of the same goofballs.

Remember the little things

Simple signs of attention, compliments and support mean a lot. All these little things add up over time and affect how you perceive your relationship. That's why many people advise continuing to go on dates, going out on weekends, and making sure to find time for sex, even when you're tired. Physical intimacy not only allows you to maintain a healthy relationship, but even helps you fix it when something goes wrong.

This becomes especially important with the arrival of children. In modern culture they are almost worshiped. It is believed that parents should sacrifice everything for them.

The best guarantee that children will grow up healthy and happy is a healthy and happy relationship between parents.

So let your relationship always come first.

Trust gives a feeling of security in a relationship

At first, we do not always see all the character traits that are inherent in the person next to us. However, over time and the life situations we have experienced, we create a new “portrait” of our counterpart. If during this time you have learned to trust your partner limitlessly, then you are very lucky.

A check in such cases is often:

• Lack of money,
• Diseases,
• Other difficult life situations.

If your partner betrayed you, at least in one thing, you will no longer be able to trust him unconditionally and will “keep your stone in your bosom.” And relationships without trust are doomed.

Learn to catch the wave

Relationships can be compared to waves on the sea. Such waves represent various emotions, ups and downs in relationships. Some last only a few hours, others several months or even years.

The main thing is not to forget that these waves themselves practically do not reflect the quality of the relationship. They are influenced by many external factors: loss or change of job, death of relatives, moving, financial difficulties. You just need to catch the wave with your partner, wherever it takes you.

Benefits of an easy relationship

It is possible and necessary to be easy in a relationship with a man. The benefits are mainly received by the woman:

• There are no restrictions on personal space. Being late at work or at a party is not met with reproach from the guy.
• There is no constraint in the domestic sphere. An uncleaned room or a dinner not prepared on time will not cause discord.
• Mutual distrust is eliminated. Freedom of action is not burdened by oaths of fidelity and eternal love. Jealousy eats from the inside - there is no ease in relationships.
• There is eternal romance, love. A simple formula for love. Meetings imply preparation for impressions and surprises. This keeps lovers on their toes.
• Regular sexual partner. There is a common opinion in society that an easy relationship between a man and a woman is free sex. Maybe. But it is the ease in relationships that pushes people towards each other. I want to meet again and again. This model of behavior in a union leads to happy marriages.

In addition, people who are not ready to start a family can easily end the relationship by mutual consent.