How to use swear words and remain a decent person

It would seem that the answer to this question is unambiguous and the majority are confident that culture implies the limitation of obscene language in speech. A cultured person is distinguished by an understanding of where one can give vent to feelings and where one should not do so. However, why is swearing so widely used in the modern media space? Perhaps, only official TV channels are free from it, while the work of highly sought-after artists is replete with words that are usually “beeped”, and bloggers are not at all shy in their expressions.

Is no one now embarrassed by swearing and swearing, which is not just an alternative cultural trend, but claims to play a serious role?

What to cover with asterisks?

In the Russian language, unlike many Western European languages, obscene vocabulary is taboo. For the media, Roskomnadzor has compiled a special list of words that cannot be used. It’s easy to remember - there are only four roots: “... An obscene designation for the male genital organ, an obscene designation for the female genital organ, an obscene designation for the process of copulation and an obscene designation for a woman of dissolute behavior, as well as all linguistic units derived from these words.”

Energetic power of checkmate

Defectiveness (and swearing against the background of full-fledged speech is defective) is always aggressive. This format of communication is chosen by losers, people with an unbalanced psyche who cannot find their purpose in life. Swearing destroys - first speech, then personality.

It is impossible to communicate using swear words, because this way people cannot convey their thoughts or express emotions. A person fills in his own stupidity and insufficient vocabulary with obscenities.

Important! Swearing is a manifestation of disrespect for the interlocutor and the whole world. Swearing undermines trust between people, since from the point of view of a normal, educated, cultured person, swearing is unacceptable.

The effect of obscene words on the body

In medicine, it is not uncommon for people stricken with paralysis and unable to speak a word to clearly pronounce entire strings of swear words. This indicates that swearing is formed along different nerve chains, not like normal speech. Agree, this fact makes you think.

Scientists, as a result of long-term research and experiments, have come to the conclusion that the use of swear words in everyday speech reduces the quality of life and worsens human health. Each swear word carries an energy charge with negative energy.

Over the course of several years, two groups took part in the experiment. The first group used the mat, but the second did not. As a result, people who regularly used swear words have worsened chronic diseases, their biological age has increased by an average of 10-15 years compared to the data in their passport.

Man, as a spiritual being, comes to earth to learn, gain wisdom, and gain new knowledge. However, if he begins to behave indecently, gets carried away by dubious pleasures, he will receive a limited flow of vital energy. People who use swear words are essentially vampires. They receive all the benefits at the expense of their loved ones and friends; it is from them that they constantly take energy.

Important! A lack of vital energy leads to problems in all areas of life - human development slows down, health deteriorates, and problems arise in personal life.

The impact of swearing on expectant mothers

Mat has a very strong effect on women's health. Moreover, women who themselves swear, as well as those who regularly hear it, are at risk. Foul language can lead to such a serious problem as infertility in men and women.

A woman, using swear words, blocks her sexual center. As a result, gynecological diseases appear, as well as frigidity. As a result, the woman becomes unable to produce offspring. It is noteworthy that no specialist is able to cure infertility that has arisen due to the use of swearing. The only way to conceive and give birth to a child is to repent and stop swearing.

The harm of obscene language for children and adolescents

Unfortunately, parents do not always think about the fact that swearing in front of children is prohibited; as a rule, they think that children do not understand or remember anything, but in fact, the situation is absolutely the opposite. Mat is dangerous at any age.

First of all, swear words are a conductor of violence and aggression in a child’s life. Swear words always accompany fights, anger, and aggression. Accordingly, the child quickly becomes saturated with negative energy and begins to radiate it to the people around him.

In addition, the child develops a dependence on swearing. Experts tend to draw a parallel between foul language and the use of alcohol and drugs. The sooner a child starts using a mat, the more difficult it will be for him to get rid of it.

Also, swearing significantly reduces the child’s chances of becoming a parent in the future.

Important! The task of parents, first of all, is to eliminate swearing from their own vocabulary, and also to explain in detail to the child why it is forbidden to use foul language.

The child must clearly understand that swearing insults people and disgusts others. With people who regularly use foul language, communication is kept to a minimum.

What does a foul-mouthed person look like?

Judging by the common expressions in our language, this is some kind of uncouth fellow. I noticed this at a very young age. Even if you have white knee socks on your feet and a bow on your head, even if your favorite pastime is jumping rope, but as soon as you come to adults with the question (caused solely by linguistic interest and the ability to read words in an elevator) “What is “x*” **** [bad]?", your bows will turn into nothing. You will be compared to a longshoreman, a drunken shoemaker, or a plumber. And you, by the way, are only six years old.

But a toilet, a drunken sailor and something f***** [bad] will forever be politically incorrectly intertwined in your mind.

When I, already as an adult, told my family that in my glossy magazine editorial meetings were held in an exquisite mixture of English, French, Russian literary languages ​​and Russian obscenities, they were surprised, and in my mind’s eye a greasy plumber’s cap grew on the editor-in-chief’s head, and in his hand he had a plunger.

In order to somehow justify, first of all, drunken sailors, and secondly, editors-in-chief, a lot of research was carried out at universities around the world. In general, they say that a person who uses obscene language in his speech is more pleasant in all respects. In any case, unlike a person who avoids obscene expressions and does not immediately find a rhyme for the word “star,” I want to get to know him.

Swear words, according to psychologists from the Massachusetts College of Human Sciences, account for approximately 0.5% of the total number of words a person speaks per day. Experts also point out that analyzing how the average person swears doesn't help much; it's important to study specific examples, since personality traits are more important. Although the habit of expressive expression is characteristic of people of different genders, socio-economic statuses and ages, men and adolescents are still most often susceptible to it.

Among the traits of the five-factor model of personality, the frequency of using obscene language is positively correlated with extroversion, openness to new experience, and neuroticism, and negatively correlated with agreeableness and conscientiousness. And the aforementioned psychologists from Massachusetts claim that love for strong words is negatively correlated with religiosity and sexual anxiety.

If we simplify and instead of all these correlations we draw two portraits in our heads, two extremes - a foul-mouthed person and a person who never uses obscene language, then we will see on the one hand a sociable, courageous and slightly emotionally unstable hooligan, and on the other - an excellent school student with oblique, bashful and diligent.

Do not resolve conflict in a state of emotional arousal

No conflict will be resolved if you are in a state of passion. Always remember this and calm down first. The easiest way to calm your emotions is to breathe deeply. For some reason, leave the man alone, go out and do breathing exercises. If you don’t have the opportunity to be alone, then breathe in front of your partner. This way he will see that you are trying to control your emotions. If the exercise does not help, move on to more radical methods, for example, stomping your feet or swearing. But you can only do this alone with yourself. To calm down, it can be helpful to breathe, think, and move more slowly for a few minutes. This will help you cool down and remember why you love your partner.

You should not try to resolve a conflict in a state of emotional arousal.

Powerful words and strengths

The findings of experimental scientists also shake the ground under the belief that foul-mouthed people are unpleasant people: a person who uses curse words in his speech is liked more by his listeners. If anything, it seems more convincing and inspires more trust.

An interesting experiment was conducted by psychologists from Northern Illinois University. Almost a hundred students were shown the same speech, although in one version the speaker behaved decently, in the other two he used abusive language. This did not affect the authority of the speaker in any way, but the video where the guy used obscene language impressed the audience more - this time. The second interesting discovery: the listeners were more inspired by his idea (it was about reducing tuition fees).

That is, if you insert a couple of sharp words into your speech at a HOA meeting, you can sound somehow more significant, more authoritative.

That someone might deliberately use profanity to make an impression is nothing new. Looking at Donald Trump, you understand that his political strategy could not do without this. Emma Byrne, an English researcher in the field of artificial intelligence, writes about this in the book “Swearing is Good: The Amazing Science of Cursing.” She draws a line between planned and rehearsed swearing, as they say, on camera, and spontaneous swearing, which sounds at the moment when we, sitting with friends, suddenly remember that yesterday there was a deadline. A phenomenon that would surprise your grandmother: someone uses derogatory words specifically to please her. For example, the expression “fuck” came out of Trump’s mouth for a reason—it’s part of a thoughtful rhetorical strategy.

The researcher notes that the words we say during friendly gatherings - especially when our favorite football team misses a goal - to some extent create a pleasant, sincere atmosphere. She believes strong language helps us build trust and create a sense of camaraderie. Byrne cites studies conducted in Australia and New Zealand.

Those guys who exchange strong phrases in the office reported that they trust each other more.

It works like this: when we decide to share with someone a word that is replaced with the sound “peep” in morning programs, we walk on the edge. That is, with our heads we understand that we are about to blurt out something quite shocking. But at the same time, we have reason to believe that the recipient will not faint or slam the door, but will joyfully nod in response or laugh. So, on the one hand, we take risks, and on the other, we show that we already know the person well, understand his mental model, or, more simply, consider him our boyfriend.

Rule No. 2: convey to the man how solving a particular problem will make you happy

When arguing with a man, you need to focus not on personal reproaches

It is important to convey to him why a broken tap, lack of a car and a vacation make you unhappy, advises Olga Lazareva, a psychologist at the MEDIKA medical holding.

So, to get results from a man, tell him how important it is to you. Speak softly and without reproach

Be weak. For a man there is no greater incentive for achievement.

“Another thing is that it can be difficult for a woman to cope with her feelings, and a quarrel happens by itself. A man perceives conflict as a challenge to a fight, where he must show who is stronger. The head turns off at these moments, only instincts work: we must win. Later, when everything is calm, he will understand that he defeated not a real enemy, but his own woman,” says Lazareva.

“I-messages” work great, they allow a man to understand the logic of your experiences, dissatisfaction and other negative feelings.

“The scheme consists of three blocks: “When you... (we describe what he does, but do not push, strictly facts) stay late at work and don’t call, I... (we describe my emotional state) I get angry and worried, I come up with various horrors, it seems to me you got hit by a train and I’m scared... Please (we formulate a request - what we want from him in connection with these feelings), let me know if you’re delayed. Or do you want me to call you myself, tell me when it’s convenient for you?” The scheme works great. Men usually understand the language of logic well. Therefore, if they know the reason, it will be easier for them to do what you ask,” emphasizes psychotherapist Yulia Kolonskaya.

Honestly

Another explanation for why we like people who avoid euphemisms is that we simply think they are honest. On the one hand, this is strange. Swearing is a taboo, but those who swear don’t give a damn about the norms of decency, and it’s probably easier for them to break other rules of social interaction. But it turned out quite the opposite. American scientists conducted a major study: they interviewed hundreds of respondents and also studied the speech behavior of tens of thousands of people on social networks.

As a result, a stable positive correlation was revealed between the habit of swearing and honesty, both in live communication and in the virtual space.

It seems that our consciousness perceives rude remarks that have not passed internal censorship as intuitive and therefore sincere.

Rule No. 6: if the man is at fault, assess the damage received and ask for compensation

If the man was still wrong and has already admitted his mistakes, experts advise not to be shy about asking for compensation for the suffering or inconvenience caused to you.

“For the first time, there is no need to forgive anything and say: “Come on, everything is fine, my love!”, because the situation caused the woman discomfort

It is important to explain to the man once what the problem is and clearly indicate that you do not like this attitude towards yourself. The best way to demonstrate this is to talk to a man: “This made me uncomfortable and damaged my nervous system and health, and I don’t like to be nervous. Therefore, to atone for your guilt, buy me such and such a thing

Then I will forgive you, but I will no longer tolerate such antics directed at me. I respect others, but I demand the same from myself in relationships.”

And tell (just tell, not ask) the man to buy you something that will be adequately commensurate with the damage caused to you. Not a dish sponge or frying pan. Not a carnation or a single rose. Not a chocolate bar or a diet bar. And something significant that will make a man regret what he did and work hard to atone for his guilt,” says Anastasia Stepanenko.

How to achieve mastery

Another important feature of a lover of obscene language is emotionality. This is also attractive: people like to see displays of emotion, and the stronger their intensity, the more reluctant we are to leave the theater.

Although expressive coloring is characteristic of swearing in general, there are also special studies that conclusively establish a connection between swearing and increased emotional arousal. In one of them, subjects were asked to play computer games. The first group got meditative golf on green lawns, the second - a first-person shooter (this is when the player sees his character not from the back, but as if he were holding a rifle in his hands). After ten minutes of shooting or stomping on the lawn with a stick, the scientists tested all participants' level of swearing fluency. The guys who played the shooter won, which allowed the researchers to conclude: emotional intensity helps us quickly find the right expressions and easily select the appropriate witty word.

Keep your distance

After the conversation, you should not immediately pretend that everything is fine. Keep your distance for at least half an hour. If you don’t do this, the man will decide that the quarrel was not serious. It’s better to be alone with yourself or get busy. At the same time, you should not play silent and ignore your partner. And if a man after a quarrel behaves as if nothing had happened, then tell him that you are still offended and you need time to come to your senses.

It may take a woman anywhere from 30 minutes to several hours for the feelings to really subside.

If you learn the correct behavior during quarrels, your relationship will only become stronger. And remember that all people make mistakes. If you understand and forgive your man, then he will understand and forgive you.

Be careful, comrade Gender

So far, everything looks like swearing will allow you to become the star of the party. However, there is one subtlety here: how the speaker’s speech will be perceived depends on his gender.

In 2001, R. O'Neill of Louisiana State University conducted a study in which he read transcripts of recorded speeches to volunteers in which speakers occasionally uttered the word fuck. If he reported that the speech belonged to a man, everything was fine, but when it turned out that fuck was heard in a female speech, the attitude of the respondents changed.

Why conflicts arise in the family ↑

The most common reasons why people living together begin to quarrel include:

1. Different ideas about family life. If for a wife an exemplary life is quiet everyday life and tireless work for the benefit of the newly created unit of society, and for a husband it is a continuous holiday consisting of trips to nightclubs and get-togethers with friends, disagreements are inevitable. The problem can only be solved by lowering the bar of expectations and agreeing to mutual concessions.
2. Modest budget. Waking up every morning with the awareness of your own poverty is not very pleasant. Spouses, tired of denying themselves everything, gradually become irritable and begin to blame each other for financial failures. There can be only one way out of the situation - an active search for a higher-paying job.
3. Alcoholism or drug addiction. Having decided to throw in your lot with a person with a pathological addiction, you can forget about peace for a long time. Such people are characterized by sudden mood swings, poor health and a disgusting habit of dragging everything that is “bad” out of the house. The only way to influence them is to carry out an effective course of treatment.
4. Treason. Unfortunately, even an official stamp in a passport does not guarantee marital fidelity. Having caught a loved one cheating, you can and even need to give vent to your emotions, but after shouting enough, you need to figure out what motivated him. If it is a banal thirst for new sensations, then this can still be dealt with; it is much more difficult if he has met a new love.
5. Indifference towards children. Many people, seeing this point, will be surprised: “well, how can you not love your child?!” In fact, what we are talking about here is a reluctance to actively participate in his upbringing. By the way, the most common sin of this is fathers, who mistakenly believe that since they bring money to the family, everything else is the mother’s lot.
6. Rare sex. Having been married for several years, it is quite difficult to maintain the former ardor. At first, sex goes from daily to weekly, and then one of the partners begins to evade the fulfillment of marital duties in every possible way. The consequences are quite predictable: reproaches, insults and attempts to convict the draft dodger of treason.
7. Lack of help around the house. Daily household chores are a thankless task, especially if they are completely entrusted to one person. Fatigue accumulated from endless household chores will make itself known through attacks of aggression and nervous breakdowns. Such troubles can only be avoided by a fair distribution of responsibilities.
8. Different faith. Religious intolerance, sweeping victoriously throughout the world, is increasingly penetrating families, forcing two loving people to engage in long theological debates. The only advice that can be given in this case is to respect each other’s faith and then happiness will reign in the house.
9. Bad habits. When falling in love, people lose the ability to sensibly evaluate the actions and behavior of the object of their passion. Loves to eat in bed? Wonderful! Does he smoke without leaving the house? Better! However, euphoria cannot last forever and with its disappearance, discontent appears on the scene, accompanied by irritable reproaches.
10. Heightened self-esteem. There can be no peace in a family where one spouse a priori considers himself better than the other. Full of complacency, he will demand preferential treatment, and not getting what he wants, he will throw hysterics and threaten divorce, which will most likely end the matter.

Individual response phrases

Here are humiliating and threatening responses, as well as conventionally ironic ones.

Examples with different contexts:

The girl is rude beautifully

• in order to talk with you on the same level, I will have to sit down;
• mind like a shell / memory like a fish - three seconds;
• in order for you to convince me, you will finally have to say something smart;
• The only positive thing about you, apparently, is the “Rh factor”;
• your right to your own point of view should not trample on my right to protection from idiocy;
• It’s easier for you to silently pass for smart;
• I'm sorry for not living up to your personal stereotypes;
• your manner of communication brings back memories of the dashing nineties and tasteless crimson jackets;
• the further into the thicket, the angrier the woodpeckers;
• Look, God is not alien to the human, since He approaches the creation of individual personalities with such humor.

The main purpose of all such statements is to repel the attack while stopping further conflict. To do this, you need not to overdo it with aggression, which will become a catalyst for further proceedings. Rather, you need to ensure that the person understands the meaninglessness of the dialogue, as well as your disinterest in it. Or he was simply taken aback by your statements, realizing that he was wrong.

Answers to frequently asked questions from parents

Still have questions? We collected the most popular of them and asked a child psychologist to answer:

“Is it possible to swear in front of a child?”

You can swear in front of a child, but then don’t be surprised that the child uses bad words in everyday life. Children, especially small ones, repeat everything after their parents. What kind of example you want to be is up to you.

“How to react to swear words that come out of a child’s mouth by accident (for example, he hit himself and cursed)?”

Treat with understanding. Swear words are very emotional. And sometimes even the most cultured people in a situation of stress or acute pain can afford a strong expression. Watch your child: if the swearing was isolated, this is not a reason for alarm.

“The child is constantly swearing! It's already a habit! What to do?"

If swearing is deeply embedded in a child’s speech, it’s time to pay serious attention to it. Most likely, with the involvement of a psychologist.

Analyze the reasons for the development of undesirable behavior – maybe it’s the company? Or severe stress? Or the speech style of someone close to you? Or a lot of pressure from parents to “be good and obedient”?

In any case, if a child cannot determine whether it is appropriate or not to use swear words in specific situations, this is an alarming signal. Try to eliminate the cause and help the child wean himself from swearing. But this is only possible with his consent, and for this you need to build a trusting relationship. Most likely, by restoring the bridge to his heart, you will return the culture of speech to his life.

“My obedient, good child, in the company of friends, turns into a shoemaker - not a single censored word!”

If swearing is the worst sin of a given company, you're in luck. Children experiment with language, try different ways to communicate. Talk to your child about how you can do without swear words. Is an ardent swearer always a role model? Will he be valued in the company if he doesn’t express himself? If yes, then why does he need swear words? If not, then why does he need such company?

Do not try to prohibit communication , this will only lead to rebellion and an increased desire to return to friends. Tell your child as sincerely as possible: “I believe that you are a thinking person and can figure out what is right and what is wrong. If you need help, I’m here.” The main thing is that these words correspond to your actions.

“So to scold or not to scold?”

Don’t scold, but explain and show by example. And if a child or teenager tries to speak to you in Russian swear words, it is correct to stop such antics: “I will not talk to you in such a tone.”

Sometimes children find it difficult to find cultural words to describe their feelings and emotions. Help them, expand their vocabulary, read books together. Not necessarily from the school curriculum. Let it be high-quality adventures or fantasy - books in any case will expand your horizons and the range of accessible vocabulary.

Non-conflict reaction

A person can be returned to the zone of facts and evidence. Stop and try to start a constructive dialogue, asking what is wrong. Leading to a joint conclusion about whether his reaction is adequate and whether his assessment is objective. Does a person rely on real or imaginary facts? However, it is not always possible to do this if a person is directly and unswervingly determined to behave boorishly.

Alternative response to rudeness:

The girl tries to keep calm

• maintaining calm;
• trying to understand;
• demonstration of politeness;
• transition to constructiveness;
• trying on the image of a bore;
• ignoring.

The listed points are relevant for their application in the sphere of public life or at work with clients and colleagues. Well, with the most dear people it is important to say in response to a hysterical attack: “I love you.” Of course, there is no need to avoid the problem. You should understand the essence of a person's problems as much as possible if you are interested in continuing interpersonal communication.

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Content:

• Is it normal for children to swear?
• Reasons and characteristics of children's swearing at different ages Preschoolers and parents' reaction
• Junior schoolchildren and demonstration of growing up
• Adolescents and self-affirmation among peers
• Why else would a child start swearing?

Come up with substitute words

Experts agree that synonyms for obscene language will help effectively combat foul language. Almost every swear word has a literary acceptable analogue. By searching for synonyms, you can expand your vocabulary and diversify your speech. It is advisable to read more to raise your cultural level. Often swear words are used by people who have a very limited vocabulary. The more a person engages in self-education, the easier it is for him to choose the right words in his speech.