Anger is part of the self-preservation instinct. He is our internal border guard, protects the territory, defends and defines borders. One of the most highly charged feelings. Do not confuse anger and aggression, anger is a feeling, aggression is a behavior, i.e. manifested feeling.
Anger, like any other feeling, has a functional attribute (a message to act for us) - “take action to stop attacks on our well-being.” Who violates a woman’s internal boundaries and her well-being?
Anger becomes a problem when it is inadequate to the situation and clearly excessive, when it gives rise to more and more new problems and affects a person’s health and well-being.
Consequences of excess anger: muscle strain, hypertension, stomach ulcers, eczema, psoriasis, headaches, asthma (psychosomatic symptoms), depression, endless conflicts, social isolation, anxiety, psychosis.
Let's now talk about the underlying causes and processes, about secondary feelings. When someone hurt you or made you feel unpleasant and you swore only about this, this is normal and natural, but when a child or a cat “mischieves” and you yell at him for twenty minutes “for everything in the world,” it’s time to figure it out reasons. Let's look at some models of anger.
Family anger
Some children grow up in families where feelings of anger dominate and aggression becomes the norm. At first, children are afraid of their parents and their aggressive manifestations, then they learn and internalize this type of reaction to certain events in life, and already in adulthood they consider anger and aggressive behavior an integral part of their personality. Mechanism of identification with the aggressor. Sometimes, even a short period of time is enough when mom or dad were “out of order” (divorced, seriously ill, depressed, completely without work or money), anger towards the child became excessive and disproportionate to the specific situation.
Why does a girl become aggressive in a relationship?
Aggression refers to actions that go against generally accepted norms, threaten a person’s moral or physical health, or cause material damage.
Forms of destructive behavior:
- Threatening phrases.
- Spreading negative rumors.
- Hysterics.
- Physical violence.
- Humiliation of a partner.
Outbursts of rage are more common in men. The beautiful half of humanity evokes associations with gentleness, meek disposition and pliability. But feminist trends in modern society have influenced the behavior of women. Girls have not only won the right to master purely male professions, but are increasingly copying the behavior inherent in the stronger sex.
Psychologists believe that aggression in relationships occurs against a background of stress due to the accelerating pace of life. Negative emotions often appear when a person cannot get what he wants or wants to reduce the significance of an unpleasant event.
In order not to provoke an outburst of anger, it is important to determine why the spouse is belligerent. Aggressive behavior, resulting in scandals and sometimes assault, has destroyed more than one family.
Anger as a way to achieve a goal
Sometimes anger is a motivator to achieve a goal, but in most situations you can do without it.
Many parents are convinced that only shouting and physical force can get what they want from their child. “That’s why when you speak calmly and kindly, no one does anything, but as soon as you start shouting or getting angry, everyone immediately obeys and fulfills all demands.” Both husband and children))) But when in a family parents fulfill their desires through shouting and aggression, children quickly “grab” this model and successfully use it in their lives. Most often, this parental aggression hides self-doubt, accumulated irritation and the inability to express one’s demands without attack.
A female aggressor: who is she and how to live with her?
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Aggression is one of the characteristics of human behavior aimed at causing harm to another person through the use of one’s force. Often, men are the aggressors in relationships between a man and a woman, so the term “female aggressor” sounds unusual and goes beyond perception.
How to distinguish an aggressor woman from an ordinary woman, what are the features of her behavior and how to cope with these negative manifestations while continuing to be close to her?
Aggressive woman – who is she?
The main difference between an aggressor woman and an ordinary woman is that for the first, the main and only interest is the protection and preservation of her own boundaries and interests, and for the second, the boundaries and interests of the people around her, even her own husband or child. An aggressor woman is absolutely indifferent to the needs and interests of other people and religiously ensures that her own desires and needs are fulfilled. And, if someone violates her comfort zone, then all the signs of aggression towards the malicious offender begin to appear.
What does this look like in real life?
Tired after a long day of work, a woman returns home, she wants to be alone and relax, but there is a husband and children who demand her attention, thereby violating the boundaries of her personal space. What does an aggressor woman do? Yes, very simple. She enters into conflict, driving away the household members who are frightened by the aggressive behavior. Everyone runs away with the words: “Mom is not in a good mood today” and does not bother her. Thus, by entering into conflicts, the aggressor woman wins her right to personal space and freedom of action.
And thus, by showing aggression, a woman achieves other goals and gets what she wants.
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Causes of aggression
Why did she become like this? After all, not all women are inclined to show aggression when their boundaries are violated or their requests are refused. Like most psychological problems of the individual, everything stems from childhood, that is, the period of formation of a person’s personality. The reasons for the manifestation of aggression may be the characteristics of the relationship of the girl (the future female aggressor) with her mother, father, brothers and sisters, friends, that is, those people who were the child’s immediate environment. Accustomed to defending interests through conflicts, a woman carries this habit throughout her life and already considers it a norm of behavior.
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How to live with an aggressor woman?
If a woman's behavior does not change over the years, she constantly uses aggression and negativity to defend her position, is it easy to be around her? Everyone wants their interests to be taken into account, and sometimes sacrifices have to be made for this, but an aggressor woman will under no circumstances make sacrifices to protect her interests. She will throw tantrums, use obscene language, perhaps even use physical violence just because she is used to defending her rights in this way. How can I help her? Just leave? This is not a solution, because this will not change her character, and other close people who continue to live side by side with her may suffer.
Psychotherapy will come to the rescue, the proposal of which can also cause conflict and complete denial. But, if a woman values relationships and is ready to change, or at least try to change, going to a psychologist will be the first and very important step towards curing aggressive behavior.
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You can find an approach to any person; for this you just need to try and, perhaps, gain maximum endurance and patience to help the person who needs this help. A female aggressor is not the norm of modern society, nor is the manifestation of any type of aggression towards people.
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This is a blog on psychology from a professional psychologist, in which significant attention is paid to the topics of psychological violence - abuse, narcissism, relationships, personal crises, taking responsibility for one's life, increasing self-esteem, existential problems. The cost of consulting a psychologist is 3000 rubles/hour, in person (Moscow, Maryina Roshcha metro station), or via Zoom About us/Make an appointment
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Protracted separation processes
During pregnancy and in the first years of the baby’s life, the mother is in a symbiotic fusion with him, since for the child it is a matter of survival. It is unnatural for an adult healthy person to be in such a total fusion with another person, which is why nature designed the hormone oxytocin and its increased production in women during pregnancy and infancy. The hormone is responsible for acceptance, emotional attachment, harmony and calm. But when children grow up and become more independent, the woman’s hormones return to normal. She is no longer ready for the level of intimacy and fusion that she had before. Women have a need for their own personal space and a part of life separate from children. If this does not happen in reality, the child does not start the mechanism of gradual separation, separation from the mother, the woman begins to experience a strong and powerful feeling of anger. She realizes it through minor scandals with her husband, irritation with children and others, if of course she knows how to show this anger, or she restrains herself, accumulates anger and gradually unloads it into her body - muscle strain, armor, pain in the back, spine and chest. There is another process when a woman’s body does not have enough of the hormone “oxytocin” and there is virtually no parental instinct; in the first years, pregnancy and maternity leave are incredibly difficult. Those. there are two directions here - acceptance, love and merging in the first years with the child and further gradual separation in subsequent years. Where there is movement with slipping, we work in that direction.
Increased irritability in women: pathological factors
As the site sympaty.net found out, a woman never becomes aggressive without reason. If you suddenly begin to get angry for any reason, if every little thing throws you off balance, most likely, some bad process is taking place inside your body, robbing you of your vitality. Emotional swings can appear when:
- Any chronic diseases of internal organs. An indolent infection does not cause any special symptoms or pain. However, it undermines the body’s immune system, takes away strength, causes lethargy, lethargy, and tearfulness. Due to constant fatigue, a woman becomes aggressive, everything irritates her. In such a situation, it is useless to take sedatives; it is necessary to treat the disease that caused the loss of strength.
- Avitaminosis. A lack of vitamins can cause malfunctions in almost all body systems. A deficiency of vitamins B, E, ascorbic acid, and D has a particularly bad effect on the state of the nervous system. When the body lacks vitamins and minerals, the transmission of nerve impulses is disrupted. Neurons lose their ability to transmit signals, which affects the functioning of the brain. Vitamin deficiency causes lethargy, nervousness, and tearfulness. The causes of vitamin deficiency can be prolonged overwork, an infectious disease, poor nutrition, diseases of the digestive organs, and diet. To eliminate nervousness due to vitamin deficiency, vitamin and mineral complexes are prescribed.
- Mental disorders. Nervousness, depression and other pathologies of the nervous system are manifested precisely by increased irritability. Women suffering from such diseases often break down into hysterics. In such situations, it will be impossible to get rid of the problem without special treatment under the supervision of a specialist.
Disorders that affect the functioning of the nervous system must be treated, otherwise it will lead to serious consequences. Irritability is only the first symptom, followed by insomnia, depression, and chronic fatigue syndrome.
Beautiful and Successful knows how to overcome tearfulness and tears for no reason >>
Nervousness may have psychological causes. Increased irritability does not necessarily indicate illness. Sometimes it indicates that something is bothering the woman.
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- Situation at home
- At work
- Root of Evil
- What can you do about it?
Hello dear readers. It happens that a mother swears at her child for no reason, or a colleague shouts for no reason. Why does this happen and what could be the reasons for aggression in women? Aggression can lead to the destruction of relationships with loved ones and loss of trust. To correct the situation, it is imperative to understand the reasons. This is exactly what we will deal with today.
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Types of female aggression
When the word “aggression” is mentioned, most people associate it with a warlike and angry state that destroys everything in its path. Like a hurricane, aggressive behavior at high speed winds up a woman’s internal state. In psychology, the following types of aggressive behavior are distinguished:
- An open form of aggression.
It can have different manifestations, it is a physical attack, shouting and swearing at another person.
- Closed type of aggression.
A person does not demonstrate his attitude and only accumulates negative emotions in his condition. Most often, it is women who are susceptible to hidden types of aggression, but this does not mean that they do not express their anger openly.
Below are some real life examples.
Example No. 1
Two friends outwardly show goodwill, but in reality they experience competition with each other. The success of one is internally perceived negatively, but, on the contrary, joy and positive emotions are demonstrated. The negative energy that accumulates towards a friend necessarily finds a way out in the form of envy, gossip and gloating when the latter fails.
Giphy
Example No. 2
In a family, passive aggression can manifest itself in the idea of being ignored. The husband and wife quarreled, and the woman may decide that she will punish her husband with her silence. In attempts at reconciliation, he can ask for forgiveness, take the first steps, but if the anger inside the woman is still boiling, then she will continue to remain silent and ignore all his words and actions.
Example No. 3
Manifestation and demonstration of eternal dissatisfaction with the behavior, appearance and manner of communicating to your husband is also considered as passive aggression. The woman does not throw fists, does not scream, no, she constantly criticizes.
As a rule, a woman directs her anger at loved ones, these are children and spouse. This is evidenced by numerous studies where women themselves would like to understand why they show outbursts of aggression towards loved ones, and are looking for ways to manage their anger.
Situation at home
An angry woman at home is a nightmare for a husband and child. A girl can experience aggression towards a man for various reasons. He does not fulfill her requests, repeatedly does not close the tube of toothpaste, does not take out the trash, does not pay attention to her, stays late at work, and much more. One small nonsense can over time develop into a real complication of problems.
This is why it is so important for spouses to talk. If the wife honestly told her husband everything that worries her, then the conflict could be avoided. The main thing here is to learn to listen to each other. Perhaps a woman speaks in riddles and it is difficult for a man to guess what is really bothering her. Be direct.
In addition, the mother may feel angry towards her children. There's nothing wrong with that. Be sure to read the article “How to Love Your Child If He’s Annoying.” Aggression should not spill out on the child. But it takes place inside a woman. Because of this, many begin to consider themselves a bad mother. No. It's not like that at all. Children make noise, ask the same questions, break and spoil things, disobey, and are capricious. All this can easily drive even the calmest mother to the edge. There is no need to accumulate such emotions in yourself. It is imperative to find a way out for them. Just not for a child! Remember this. We will discuss ways to release aggression with you a little later.
