Humiliation is most often a purposeful behavior of a person, leading to a decrease in the level of value, significance and positive self-perception of another person. This can be done for a very conscious purpose or as a result of attempts to assert oneself at the expense of another. Humiliation can be a destructive form of education, or it can manifest itself as a personal trait that acquires a significant characterological influence.
For many, the pressing question is how to survive humiliation, since it is often a psychological trauma and the starting point for the development of pathological psychological conditions. The humiliation experienced can change a person’s behavior, causing him to play it safe and expect a blow to his own self-esteem. Humiliation has the most destructive impact in childhood, and affects the formation of subsequent perception of reality and ways of contacting it.
Children who are often subjected to humiliation can grow up to be insecure and complex individuals who are afraid to take on any task and consider themselves unworthy of love, support, and rewards. But development can also occur according to the principle of counteraction, and then such a child, becoming an adult, begins to apply a humiliating strategy of behavior to everyone around him; for him there are no limits and exceptions, since this is the norm for his picture of the world. To regain an adequate response to the world after a severe, complete humiliation of childhood, years of therapy are needed.
Definition
Humiliation is the behavior of an individual aimed at suppressing the sense of dignity both in the person himself and in the eyes of others. This action can be either unconscious or intentional, for the purpose of self-affirmation or in the process of education. It is worth noting that humiliation can cause serious psychological trauma and nervous disorders. For the object at whom such activity is directed, humiliation is a serious shock and a blow to well-being. Self-esteem and humiliation are the fourth step in Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Thus, a person consciously tries to avoid humiliating situations, which often leads to unsociability and sociopathy.
Fear of humiliation
Humiliation is definitely an unpleasant feeling. Fear is largely due to the fact that anyone can find themselves in such an unpleasant situation, which is absolutely impossible to foresee. In this case, much depends on personal psychological characteristics. So, if an individual is self-confident and psychologically stable, he will calmly survive an unpleasant situation (it is quite possible that it will not leave a trace). But humiliation can break a weak personality, which sometimes leads to tragic consequences. Submission and humiliation are unwanted feelings that are especially painful for teenagers. It is during this period that the character and perception of the world is formed. Having experienced humiliation in adolescence, a person is wary of others and withdraws into himself. Trying to eliminate the possibility of a repetition of the situation, he becomes unsociable and aggressive, which complicates the process of adaptation in society.
How to take revenge on your husband for insults and humiliation
When a woman thinks about how to survive humiliation, the thought appears that only revenge will help her feel relief. Behind any desire for revenge lies lost energy and a thirst for restoration of justice, but it may turn out that in any case, forgiveness will come. First of all, you need to honestly answer yourself what exactly you want. If you return the wasted time or make him understand how wrong he was, then revenge is powerless in these cases, it will only inflame your emotions. You need to find something that will calm your soul and fill it. Perhaps for this it will be enough for the man to ask for forgiveness - then you don’t need to scratch his car, but speak directly and honestly about your own feelings and grievances, as well as the need for his apology. There will be more peace after this, but this step requires many times more courage than doing dirty tricks anonymously.
Before developing a plan for any revenge, you need to take care of your own safety and eliminate the negative impact of the steps taken on your own career, communication with friends and your own emotional state. If the first two points can be more or less calculated and secured, then your own psyche may fail you. The fact is that the same amount of energy resources is spent on revenge as on help and self-healing. While there is a thirst for revenge, a colossal amount of energy is given, and after retribution is completed, a feeling of emptiness and dissatisfaction can settle. Even worse, many become addicted to the adrenaline rush that occurs in the body while concocting and implementing a plan for revenge. In such situations, the suffering of another does not improve one’s own perception of the world. This is comparable to drinking alcohol to warm up in the cold - at first there is a feeling of warmth, but in the end the body freezes many times faster.
One way to get revenge without disturbing your emotional balance too much is to start communicating with men who behave differently. Do not arrange romantic affairs, but simply accept signs of attention, thank loudly and in a detailed form for the help provided and courteous attitude. When a husband observes that his woman blossoms next to others, he will begin to track what kind of actions such a reaction occurs to, and the feeling of jealousy will painfully prick his pride. The option is optimal because you not only take revenge, but also show your spouse possible solutions. Plus, you boost your self-esteem.
Any humiliation is aimed at manipulation and lowering self-esteem, and the best revenge would be to disrupt such plans, that is, you need to organize your life in order to be as happy, successful and independent from your husband’s attacks and caustic statements as possible. If he resorts to humiliation, it means that other methods have run out, and the ineffectiveness of this method will make him fight in hysterics. Many people end the relationship after this, unable to recognize the other’s right to their choice and happiness, but there are also those who realize the limits of their capabilities and enter into an open dialogue.
Is it possible to avoid humiliation?
Submission and humiliation will not be pleasant for anyone. It is natural that people try to avoid such situations, even if they have not previously encountered such feelings. Typically, people are humiliated during conflict. If you feel that the situation is heating up, you can use the following techniques:
- Try to understand the mood of your interlocutor. If he behaves aggressively, do not try to express your opinion, even if it is the only correct one.
- Try to defuse the situation by changing the subject. This must be done carefully so as not to offend your interlocutor.
- If you feel that humiliation of honor is the main goal of the interlocutor, you should not even try to prove that you are right. Even if you are overwhelmed with emotion, just turn around and walk away.
How to survive humiliation?
Humiliation of human dignity is a way of self-affirmation, revenge, etc. Nevertheless, for a person who has been subjected to such influence, this is a serious shock that can leave an imprint for the rest of his life. There are cases when a humiliating situation became the cause of suicide (especially among teenagers). To survive an unpleasant situation without serious consequences for the psyche, you should pay attention to the following tips:
- A common technique is “crossing out”. You must live and communicate with others as if the unpleasant incident never happened.
- If you can't erase a humiliating situation from your memory, try using visual images. While in a relaxed state, imagine that your memories and the sensations associated with them are washed away by water or blown away by the wind.
- Find some unnecessary item (for example, a cracked plate, an old toy, a broken watch) and put all your negativity into it. Next, this thing must be destroyed.
- If you consider yourself to be a strong person, accumulate negative energy and direct it to active actions. Your success will certainly cover all the negative emotions caused by humiliation.
- Take the situation you experienced not as a shock, but as a life lesson. Carefully analyze what happened to understand its causes. It is also worth developing a behavior strategy that will help you avoid humiliation in the future.
Why does a man humiliate a woman?
Humiliation of a woman by a man happens quite often, many consider it the norm and pass it by, some fight desperately, but in order to counteract such a phenomenon, it is necessary to understand the reasons for its occurrence.
One of the reasons for such male behavior may be an unconscious response to female humiliation, screaming, insults or claims. Negative statements have a very strong impact on the male psyche and immediately trigger defense mechanisms in it. Sometimes this can mean going on the defensive and remaining silent all evening, and sometimes the temperature of the situation is so heightened that the man immediately launches a retaliatory attack.
Another unconscious motive for humiliation may be the desire to be right in everything and to achieve agreement by any means. If logical arguments for a woman are not significant, and a man’s authority is questioned, then the last resort for achieving one’s rightness and satisfying desire is to humiliate a woman to demonstrate one’s own strength and importance.
This behavior may be a habitual line of behavior that a man learned from his childhood, watching his father constantly humiliate his mother. A man who grew up in such a family simply does not know how else to deal with a woman. It can also be a way to end a relationship when there is not enough courage to end everything openly, and the man chooses to make the relationship unbearable for the woman so that she leaves him.
But it is always the man who is to blame for the manifestation of humiliating behavior, whether his actions are conscious or not. If one day in a relationship a humiliating phrase slipped through his mind and instead of fighting back, expressing dissatisfaction and other signs that were so unacceptable, the woman caved in, did what she wanted and remained silent about her own negative feelings, then the conclusion will be made that this is possible. A man will not guess about his inner experiences, especially if a woman continues to remain silent from time to time and wait for him to understand. In such behavior he sees only that such treatment has the effect of fulfilling what is necessary. When a man learns after a long period of time that such treatment is unacceptable, he is extremely surprised as to why it was not possible to inform him earlier.
It can also be a displaced need for power, which cannot be obtained at work, or a way to relieve nervous tension received during the day. Such a need is compensated for at home by commanding a woman, placing himself above her.
Some men deliberately destroy a woman's self-esteem through humiliation and even develop special tactics for this. This is all done out of fear of losing a woman, because she is stronger in character or because of her own inadequacy. In any case, a man who is spiritually weak and incapable of open and honest dialogue, frank building relationships and with deep psychological problems applies humiliation to a woman.
Should I see a psychologist?
Many people do not take insult to feelings seriously. However, it can cause serious psychological trauma. It is worth understanding that all people are different. Some will calmly endure humiliation, some will come out of their depressed state on their own, and for some, even the support of loved ones will not be a consolation. In the latter case, you should definitely contact a psychologist. A specialist will help you feel like a full-fledged person again. In addition, a qualified psychologist will give you valuable advice for the future, which will allow you to get out of humiliating situations with dignity.
Moral humiliation of a guy or girl who abandoned
The methods are the same as described above. Doing this is strictly not recommended, because the other person has the right to terminate the relationship unilaterally if he is not satisfied with it. Emotions have nothing to do with this. Everyone is free to do what they want, being responsible for the consequences.
In addition, the desire to morally humiliate a guy or girl who has been abandoned is a sign of addiction. A psychologically mature person easily breaks up a relationship and does not want to take revenge. The logic of a dependent abandoned person is this: “If he feels bad, I feel good.” And it should be like this: “I feel good, regardless of the emotions of the other and what they do to me.” Psychological immunity is very important.
Thus, in most cases, humiliating another is an unproductive method, which speaks of the psychological immaturity of the one who wants to humiliate. It may be unpleasant, but it's true. Even if you humiliate someone, then only in a beautiful, cultured and elegant way, without using swearing, physical force and other methods that characterize the person using them from the bad side.
Cultural and psychological humiliation
Insulting feelings can have different implications. Thus, cultural humiliation most often occurs. It is aimed at presenting a person in an unsightly light in front of others, provoking ridicule and persecution. Most often this concerns some features of appearance, behavior, personal life, and so on. However, no matter how strong the fear of social condemnation, psychological humiliation is much worse. It touches on the state of mind, painful situations and topics. As a result, a person may fall into deep depression.
Meaning of the word humiliate
Examples of the use of the word humiliate in literature.
First of all, however, it must be explained that next to the governor on the right hand sat one old man, General von Weyden, an insignificant, miserable creature: he usually frightened the district officials with his friendship with the governor, before whom, in turn, he humiliated himself to the point of meanness, and now with a contrite heart he came to see off his friend and benefactor.
For the most part, people without the slightest education and without any moral concept - the children of scribes and secretaries, accustomed from the cradle to consider service as a means of acquisition, and peasants as soil that generates income, they sold certificates, took two-kopeck pieces and quarters, cheated for a glass of wine, humiliated themselves, did all sorts of meanness.
A crouched old woman with a worn, faded face, the widow of some caretaker in Kremenchug, constantly and strongly smelling of some kind of plaster, answered, humiliated with her eyes and fingers: “Forgive me, father, Ivan Alekseevich, really, I’m ashamed, sir.” yes, sir, in the old fashioned way, ha ha, ha, now the spazhinki.
Why are you, Andrei, humiliating yourself so much, it’s disgusting to look at you,” Gangut said in parting, “he has considered himself one of progressive humanity.”
I did not tell Clara about this, although I felt that she was humiliating herself too much by surrounding her teacher with such reverence.
He hoarded, groveled in distant yards in order to buy, denied himself the leafy things he needed all day long, and one day he looked closer and found something different.
But something prevented him from approaching her: Trenev felt that she would start to quarrel, would not make peace right away, but would pull out his whole soul, and again he would have to humiliate himself, ask for forgiveness, like a boy who had misbehaved.
If we talk about personal dignity, then the young scion of a respectable family, not mediocre by nature, has no reason to stoop to such antics.
Just like the Spartans and Normans valued their independence and their own dignity, which distinguished them sharply from many peoples, their proud self-respect did not allow them to humiliate themselves and bow to anyone.
We Baltic Sea people have never stooped to mingle with this herd.
Even when he suffered setbacks, Sertorius behaved courageously and did not humiliate himself in the face of his enemies; when he won victories, he informed both Metellus and Pompey that he was ready to lay down his arms and live as a private person if only he received the right to return.
Behind Syunyaev’s gloom, an expression of tired hopelessness, some kind of aching defenselessness and shame could not hide from Evteev’s eyes, as if he felt with every cell of his body that he was being humiliated, and just as deeply understood that he had no other way out.
“Your human dignity was humiliated there,” Vera said instructively, explaining to the little-read Tosya what she experienced as a housekeeper.
The indemnity was paid accurately, the continental blockade was carried out punctually, the king trembled and groveled, Hardenberg flattered and humiliated himself, and yet Napoleon did not withdraw his troops from the Prussian fortresses and did not make any reassuring promises.
Only he was taller than the table and taller than Dmitrovsky with his stone church, which seemed huge to him, he did not know the world, and there was no one to envy, no one to humiliate before then.
Source: Maxim Moshkov library
How to humiliate a person (not be taken as a guide to action)?
People are often careless in communicating with each other. They do not even suspect that a carelessly spoken word can cause serious psychological trauma. How to humiliate a person? Much easier than it might seem. The following words and situations are humiliating:
- Demonstrative pointing out obvious things. For example: “You need to brush your teeth!”, “You need to iron your clothes!”, “You can’t slurp at the table!” In this way, the person is trying to hint at the low level of intellectual, physical and social development of the opponent.
- Criticism of the personality of an abstract person, which is actually aimed specifically at the interlocutor. For example: “Whoever smokes tobacco is a fool!” This is the most harmless example. It is not uncommon for people to bring up personal feelings or more serious situations.
- It would seem that giving advice is harmless and even noble. However, there may be some hidden subtext here. When trying to give useful advice, people often portray their interlocutor in an unflattering light or demonstrate intellectual superiority.
- Not only the phrase itself, but also the intonation with which it is said can humiliate a person. Thus, a dismissive or arrogant tone can offend, even if some ordinary thing is said.
- Unconstructive criticism that affects a person’s hobbies and beliefs. For example, by claiming that all boxers are mentally retarded, that all artists are alcoholics, and musicians are drug addicts, a person is trying to discredit your way of life.
- When communicating with a specialist in a particular field, people often praise his competitors. However, this can be regarded as a desire to belittle the professional qualities of the interlocutor.
- Laughter or jokes during dialogue. The person will undoubtedly be offended by the inappropriate laughter that follows a serious and meaningful phrase.
- An unexpected change of topic when the interlocutor is talking about something extremely important to himself. This is a demonstration of neglect and disrespect.
- Features of appearance are one of the most painful topics. It is very easy to insult a person and cause internal complexes in him if you point out figure flaws or some defects.
Reasons for humiliating a person
All the reasons described here are subjective, because other people may not have the desire to humiliate someone in a similar situation. It is much wiser to draw conclusions from an unpleasant situation than to try to cause harm to another without any real benefit from it. Humiliation of another in moderation can be useful in political competitions, where the moral suppression of an opponent can be a good foundation for the upcoming elections. It is also important to maintain a balance here.
Codependency is one of the reasons for the desire to humiliate another
Here are several reasons for desire to humiliate another:
- Emotional dependence. When a person wants to harm another to make him feel bad, he allows the offender to influence his opinion.
- The desire to assert oneself. It can be done in two ways: constructive and destructive. Humiliation of another is an example of a destructive method. It is practiced only by people with low self-esteem who have not been able to realize themselves in life.
- The ability to defend only by attacking. There are people whose only strategy for defending themselves is to belittle the dignity of others. It seems to them that they are always right, and the bearer of a different opinion a priori has no right to it. May try to humiliate others to hide his weaknesses. As a rule, aggressive people are afraid of everything inside and are so overgrown with thorns that others try to avoid them.
- Devaluation of feelings. Often people are afraid to feel warm emotions towards others, so they try to behave more aggressively.
- Negative example. When parents in difficult situations try to blame the other and make him wrong, it seems to the child that this is the most reasonable thing to do.
In most situations, it is unreasonable to humiliate other people, especially when it comes to relatives. It’s just that often people don’t think about the consequences. You can become a successful master of cynicism and moral suppression, but ruin your relationships with all the people with whom such a person communicates.
Manipulative techniques with which a person humiliates others are still worth listing, but it is not recommended to use them yourself. They are useful in stopping manipulation by another.
Still from the movie Class
A humiliated person can go to great lengths. An example is the film “Class”, where one student was very harshly pressed, after which he staged a shootout at school. But this happens not only in films. Due to bullying of children in educational institutions in different countries, many children have died.
Important ! A sharp tongue can only be useful to protect the honor of your relatives, boyfriend or girlfriend. Under no circumstances should it be used against them. Sometimes even bringing another person to tears at once can ruin a relationship for life. Then the attacker may regret it, but it will be too late.
