I won't be left alone
Being alone is the dream of many. But not those who suffer from autophobia. Moreover, this problem manifests itself in different ways. So, for example, some people simply feel discomfort when they are left alone - they feel uneasy, have nothing to do, cannot concentrate on anything. Others may well panic and feel useless.
Article on the topic
The art of saying no. How not to feel guilty Psychologists often associate autophobia with a person’s childhood, for example, if he suffered a serious loss - a loved one, friend, etc. Also, a similar phenomenon can develop if a child has not received sufficient attention from his parents for a long time.
A person who is afraid of loneliness should not try to cope with the problem by ignoring his condition, believing that it will go away on its own. On the contrary, you need to go somewhere more often, make new friends and look for company. Nothing will happen on its own.
What is fear?
Here's something else you need to remember about fear: having developed into “reasonable people,” we now create almost all of our fears ourselves .
What do you associate your life and your actions with?
We scare ourselves by imagining how bad things will be for us if we do this or find ourselves in such and such a situation.
Psychologists decipher the word “fear” this way:
Associations with the Worst that have become reality
We always have a choice - to remain prudent or to be afraid of something that will most likely never happen. Take risks or stay in your comfort zone.
Insects, away!
Spiders often cause the development of so-called arachnophobia in humans. The nature of fear is simple: they have a specific appearance, in addition, many people extremely dislike their ability to suddenly appear out of nowhere - in just a minute they can appear right in front of your nose, descending on their web.
Article on the topic
It's scary to say! We get rid of the fear of speaking in public. Arachnophobia is also well cultivated by various horror films, where mystical significance is often attributed to spiders.
Refusal from public speaking
Performance anxiety has now been dubbed the scourge of modern times. After all, it is becoming increasingly difficult to find a person who does not have stage fright. According to research, 96% of the world's population suffers from glossophobia. As a rule, it manifests itself in the fear of speaking in front of a large audience. But it also concerns interviewing and passing exams. At the most crucial moment, a person becomes covered in perspiration, gets nervous and even panics, has a dry mouth, trembling all over his body, and his legs become weak.
For fresh air? Will not go
There are also people for whom it is best to stay at home. They are called agoraphobes, i.e. those who experience an obsessive fear of open space. This condition is often observed in those who suffer from panic attacks.
Article on the topic
One among strangers. Will a social phobia be able to live a full life? At the same time, agoraphobia can include several interrelated and overlapping phobias, for example, fear of traveling alone, traveling on public transport, fear of going to stores, leaving the house, etc. The main symptoms of the pathology include disorientation, dizziness, increased heart rate and even stomach upset.
Write in the comments what you chose and why this survey item.
Take part in a psychological workshop from a happiness psychologist to take control of your fears and phobias right now.
Make a list of your fears.
To help you better understand how we bring unreasonable fear into our lives, make a list of what you are afraid to do.
This is not a list of things you're afraid of, like spiders, snakes, or the dark, but of things you're afraid of doing, like being afraid to pick up a spider or going into a dark room.
For example, I'm afraid:
- Ask your boss for a promotion or salary increase.
- Tell a man you know that you like him.
- Jump with a parachute.
- Leave the children at home with a nanny.
- Quit this hated job.
- Take a vacation for 2 weeks and move away.
- Ask my friends to help me open a new business.
- Entrust some of the work to other people.
Reframe your fears as follows.
Now go back to the first fear you wrote down and restate each fear using the following pattern:
I want to _____________, but I'm afraid, imagining ______________.
Key words - I'm afraid, imagining.
You created your fears yourself, imagining (imagining) some negative outcome in the future.
If we were to rewrite the example fears above, it would be:
- I want to ask my boss for a promotion, but I’m afraid, imagining that he will refuse, and even be angry with me.
- I would like to give a compliment to a man I know, but I’m afraid, imagining that he won’t accept it and I’ll look stupid.
- I would like to jump with a parachute, but I am afraid, imagining that my parachute will not open and I will die.
- I would like to leave the children at home with a nanny, but I am afraid, imagining something terrible happening to them.
- I want to leave this job I hate, but I’m afraid, imagining that I won’t be able to pay the mortgage and will lose my apartment.
- I want to ask my friends to help me open a new business, but I'm afraid, imagining that they will think that I only want to scam them out of money and cheat them.
At this step, are you convinced that you are creating your own fears using your imagination?
Conquer your created fears.
Let's look at several ways to free yourself from fears and breathe deeply.
1) Change the image of the future.
One way to free yourself from fear is to ask yourself which image of the future scares you, and then replace that image with its positive opposite.
For example, replace a picture of your boss being angry and rejecting you with an image of him smiling and giving you the promotion order while firmly shaking your hand.
2) Change the physical sensation.
There is another technique that is also effective for eliminating fear - focusing on the momentary physical sensations that fear brings.
Then you need to concentrate on the feelings and sensations that you would like to experience in return - courage, self-confidence, calmness, joy.
For example, replace the tension in the first picture with delight and pride in the second picture from the previous example.
Fix both types of sensations in front of your mind's eye and slowly move your gaze (mentally, of course) from one to the other, lingering on each for 15 seconds. After 1-2 minutes of work, the fear will dissipate, and you will remain calm and focused.
Apply this technique in front of your boss's office when you go to ask for a raise.
3) Look fear in the face.
Remember when you managed to defeat your fear.
For example, remember a time when you were learning something new and were a little afraid, but acted despite your anxiety and won.
Remember the feelings of success and pride. Now transfer these sensations into the image of fear and enjoy your mental victory over this fear.
Have you looked fear in the face and mentally defeated it? Then act without delay!
4) Take advantage of the support of a happiness psychologist.
You don't have to fight your fears alone. Take the support of a professional and conquer all your fears one by one.
For example, you can order an online session with the author of this blog, a happiness psychologist, or purchase his method of getting rid of anxious thoughts in e-book format.
Click on the picture and purchase the e-book of the Psychologist of Happiness “How to get rid of anxious thoughts” at a discount!
Click on me!
Share the technique of getting rid of fear with your friends!
Write in the comments what are you afraid of and how is your fear of living expressed?
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How to cope?
Most people who are susceptible to phobias and are aware of this are ready to be treated for them. In this case, it is possible to cope with the problem in 90%. The effectiveness of treatment directly depends on both the type of phobia and the person himself.
One of the methods is often characterized as “knocking out a wedge with a wedge,” i.e. when a person is exposed to his fear object.
Article on the topic
There is no more fear to be had. Psychologist about mass phobias, zaumi and the benefits of a crisis. Moreover, this interaction often happens for a long period of time, when he does not even have the opportunity to escape and defend himself. The purpose of this treatment option is the idea that until a person looks his fear in the eye, he will not be able to cope with it.
The other method is completely opposite. It is based on opposition. Here, on the contrary, a person is taught relaxation methods that will allow him, in moments of anxiety, to relax and stop being afraid. Thus, he moves away from his fear and calms down.
Naturally, all treatment requires contacting a professional specialist - a psychologist, and in some cases, a psychotherapist.
“I’m afraid to live”: why does this happen and how to help yourself?
We are reading encouraging news. The coronavirus is receding, shops and parks are opening around the world. People go back to work and try to live a normal life again. For some reason, not everyone succeeds. “I’m afraid to live” is one of the most popular requests at doctor’s appointments today. So why are many of us afraid to live?
The risk of contracting coronavirus has not disappeared. Economic problems in the country are growing. Finally, we found ourselves face to face with a brave new world, to which we must somehow adapt: wear a mask even in the heat, sit at a considerable distance from others, apply for a pass to go about our business, constantly remember not to touch your face . And God forbid you sneeze somewhere in a store, because then the “epidemiological police” in the person of pensioner grandmothers from the checkout line will almost come at you with pitchforks and torches.
The first thing you need to do is tell yourself honestly: the crisis is not over yet. In a sense, it has just begun. The rules of the game in this world have become more complicated, and there will be no going back. For some this means looking for a new job, for others it will be necessary to change their qualifications; Some lost loved ones during the pandemic; for others, self-isolation ended in divorce.
Important questions
The personal universe of many people is now in ruins. The first step is to acknowledge this fact. Then you can move on. What to do? To start, ask yourself a few questions.
"What do I want?"
These two months may have helped you listen to yourself for the first time and understand that you are not living the way you would like.
“What exactly am I afraid of?”
The phrase “I'm afraid to live” usually hides some specific fear. This could be the fear of failure or the feeling of the meaninglessness of life, the fear of doing something imperfectly or receiving the disapproval of others. Try to answer yourself honestly: what exactly are you afraid of?
“What can I change?”
We cannot influence the virulence of the coronavirus, so COVID-19 remains highly contagious, and nothing can be done about it. But we can read books, exercise, call loved ones, learn new things, send out resumes in search of a new job, or... do nothing. Yes, sometimes you have to do nothing to change something. If you feel confused and don't understand how to move on, take a short break. If possible, give yourself a little digital detox, spend this time in silence without social networks and TV series. Perhaps it is then that important answers will come by themselves.
How to deal with excessive anxiety
Here are a few simple life hacks that will help your brain overcome feelings of fear and uncertainty.
Move
Movement is the easiest way to “stir up” your mind. Even a twenty-minute walk improves systemic circulation and provides a little dopamine, which means you will be motivated to do something. Seize the moment and do something that will help trigger the dopamine reward cycle and take your mind off your worries.
Make a decision
Often we cannot make a decision, we are afraid that it may turn out to be wrong. However, facing the consequences of an unsuccessful step is better than suffering from inaction and uncertainty.
Just start
There is a well-known saying among yogis that the most difficult thing in yoga is unrolling the mat, that is, starting the practice. This is true for any matter that causes fear. Sometimes you just need to start without thinking that you might not be happy with the result or that you won't be able to do enough. After all, a little is better than nothing. And a negative result is a useful experience that will help you not repeat mistakes in the future.
Use the “two things a day” principle
List two small things to do during the day. Making a cake, helping your child with homework, doing a manicure, or editing your resume are examples of such small tasks. Avoid trying to do everything at once; this easily causes frustration. While two small things will help you feel quite effective and not lose motivation for tomorrow's tasks.
Contact a specialist
Sometimes it happens that behind the phrase “I’m afraid to live” serious problems are hidden. These could be thoughts of suicide against the background of a depressive disorder, the “don’t live” attitude received in childhood, social phobia and much more. And here you cannot do without consulting a psychiatrist, and sometimes a psychotherapist. Don't be afraid to seek professional help when needed.
