According to psychologists, all people without exception suffer from shyness, the only difference is how much. All people are undoubtedly different, some are noisy and sociable from the cradle, while others are very shy. But there are situations in which even the most relaxed individual will fall into a stupor, embarrassed.
The imprint on a person’s character is left by the environment in which he grows, life’s trials, and upbringing. The temperament remains, an outright choleric person can overcome himself when speaking in public, but he will still experience a feeling of discomfort. If you are by nature a modest, shy person, you should not choose professions related to public speaking, performances, etc., otherwise you will have to break yourself every day, and this is not very pleasant.
Modesty and shyness, what is this feeling, are modest people really extremely insecure? No, by choosing your path correctly, you can remain a very worthy, confident person, being in your life niche, in which a liberated person will feel an extreme degree of uncertainty. Modesty is a virtue that should be worn with your head held high and is sorely lacking in society.
Showing modesty and shyness
Shyness manifests itself in completely different ways in different people; it can simply be mild discomfort, fear, or even deep neurosis. Some people are always shy, others in certain situations (situational shyness). Data from one of the surveys showed that only 7% of respondents answered that they had never, under any circumstances, experienced a feeling of embarrassment; most likely, they were disingenuous.
The main thing to understand is that if you are shy, this does not mean that you are not like everyone else or that there is something wrong with you. Shyness is in no way a stigma or an obstacle to a happy life. This is part of your inner world, part of you. The negative connotation of the phrase “I am very shy” can be brightened up with the phrase “I am embarrassed when there are a lot of strangers around.” By turning the train of thought around, you can achieve a lot in the fight against labels. Physical symptoms of shyness: sweating, sharp redness or pallor of the skin, tremors of the limbs - not very pleasant.
Causes
Shyness is primarily caused by internal complexes and low self-esteem, the formation of which can be influenced by various factors throughout life. Psychologists name the following possible reasons for its development:
- lack of communication skills;
- conflict between the conscious and unconscious (the procreation instinct dictates that you meet a girl to create a serious relationship, but internal complexes prevent you from doing this);
- an inferiority complex due to a physical disability, excessive spoiling or constant status as an outcast in the team;
- a self-defense reaction from psychological trauma, from which a person closes himself in his own world;
- type of temperament: phlegmatic and melancholic people are more prone to shyness than others.
However, most often the cause of shyness is an incorrect upbringing system in childhood:
- lack of contact and trust with parents;
- lack of care and love;
- overprotection: excessive control of every step forces the child to suppress and keep emotions and desires within himself;
- anxious-suspicious type of education;
- physical punishment, humiliation, constant comparison with other children, excessive demands.
As adults, people rarely become shy. Unless they find themselves in some kind of traumatic situation or under the influence of a tyrant (manipulator, rapist). But most often this character trait is formed in childhood. Both parents (wrong type of upbringing) and school (bullying) can be to blame.
Example from practice. A few years after graduating from school, two friends met, whom life had taken to different cities, and during all this time they had not seen each other. One of them did not recognize the other at all. She used to be an activist, an excellent student, beautiful, sociable and had many friends. Now she has turned into a gray mouse, timid at every word and sparingly answering all questions in a quiet voice. Sensing something was wrong, a friend took her friend to a psychologist. During the sessions, it turned out that she had an unsuccessful marriage. The husband was a real tyrant, he beat her and humiliated her. Despite the fact that she was able to divorce him, her internal complexes, along with her pathological shyness, remained.
Differences between the definition of modesty and shyness
Modesty and shyness, what's the difference? The opinion that these are identical concepts is fundamentally wrong. So, are modesty and shyness synonymous? In the understanding of most people, it should be understood that a modest person can be both liberated and shy, while a shy person can be both vain and modest. These two concepts “modesty” - “shyness” are not related to each other! Their main difference is:
- A modest person simply does not have the desire to show his kindness.
- The shy person is afraid to show it.
Shyness is more likely a manifestation of selfishness; a person is afraid to do something that will make him feel bad. This is good, but within reasonable limits.
Modesty is a reluctance to expose one’s self, and it is also partly useful. The country must know its heroes; silence is not always appropriate. But you shouldn’t talk only about yourself, everything should be in moderation.
At the moment, shyness is more common than modesty, and this is what many people lack. Fear of public speaking (glassophobia) and crowds of people is one of the most common phobias, and the number of people suffering from it continues to grow.
What does modesty consist of?
The word “modesty” appeared in the Russian language back in the 17th century. Its meaning is closely related to the concept of “krom”, which means the ability to keep oneself within limits. Today this word has already been adapted to the requirements of the modern world.
A modest person is not only meek and humble, undemanding, not putting his own “I” ahead of everything. But he also analyzes the environment, comparing his own self-esteem with the assessment of the environment. It is impossible to give this quality only positive or negative meaning.
Modesty dictates to any of us respect for accepted rules and norms, as well as the merits of other people. In addition, an important factor is the lack of special interest in luxury and wealth.
Recently, a modest style of behavior has become profitable and popular, especially in the field of politics. But it's just a game. True modesty is manifested daily in obedience, charity, the ability to listen and hear the interlocutor, in helping those in need, in family education and honoring human values.
Ways to get rid of modesty and shyness
How to get rid of modesty and shyness is a fairly popular question; many modest people would like to become more liberated. And it's possible!
A few steps towards liberation:
- It's important to stop avoiding people! It is so simple and at the same time so difficult. But you definitely have to fight with yourself. If you constantly avoid people, you will never be able to overcome your natural shyness.
- Change the course of your thoughts! You can’t always think that nothing will work out, they will laugh at me, I will look stupid. Refute your own thoughts, do something that you didn’t even think about before, and you will see that nothing terrible or terrible will happen.
- Patterns of behavior must be changed! Get out of your established comfort zone, praise yourself for every step, every word that is not made according to the usual pattern.
- Remember that the people around you have no intention of offending or ridiculing you, these are only your fears and speculations.
- Observe relaxed people, try to take for yourself as many advantages of their behavior as possible. And internally find differences that will speak in your favor. For example: he is so relaxed, but he has a hooked nose, and I have a perfectly straight one! I'm better at this and can speak as well as he can.
These are general tips that a person should definitely use if he thinks it’s time to change something. Men and women, due to their differences, think differently. That's why:
Modesty concept
Modesty is a personality trait of a person, expressed in a reluctance to specifically attract attention, demonstrate any virtues or knowledge that distinguishes him from others.
This is an indicator of good manners, self-control and the individual’s work to improve himself. Modesty is alien to the manifestation of vanity. It has been valued from time immemorial among all peoples. L.N. Tolstoy and J. Labruniere spoke laudably about it. Russian, Kazakh, Georgian, and Japanese folk proverbs are dedicated to this trait.
Modest is one who is not boastful, unceremonious, or tactless towards other people. It does not unnecessarily demonstrate its advantages and features. Modesty contains strength and is a positive trait, a virtue, an advantage.
What is shyness
Modesty and shyness are not the same concept. The second quality is often given a negative meaning. The word comes from an old English concept that means "quickly startled."
Interesting fact: this expression was first applied to horses, and only in the 18th century was it applied to people. If we look at it in more detail, shyness is just a character trait or a feature of the human psyche. Often this quality manifests itself in the form of stiffness, fearfulness, and indecisiveness.
It is difficult for a shy person to fit into any team; this is facilitated by self-doubt and awkwardness. This affects children especially acutely. A child may often come home from school upset because it is difficult for him to get along with his peers.
With age, character can change significantly. If shyness haunts a person throughout his life and does not cause him any particular inconvenience, then one should accept him as such and try to create comfortable conditions for him in the process of communication. Each of us is individual.
How can a shy person change his life?
We see how many negative and sometimes simply depressing situations arise in our lives, simply because we grew up, having absorbed certain concepts that are given a false interpretation in society. Without thinking about it, we begin to believe that in order to be successful, we need to be arrogant, cynical, tough, instead of developing self-confidence, practicality, and discipline. Naturally, we consider ourselves kind, modest and gentle.
The desire to change your life for the better cannot be realized without reassessing your views and values. Among them there are those that bother us, so we first need to identify them in order to understand with what opposite they need to be replaced.
If you consider yourself shy, then think about how your life could improve if you could replace your shyness with self-confidence.
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Psychology RUS
Description.
Shyness is when a person experiences tension, stiffness, discomfort when communicating with other people or simply in their presence.
Excessive shyness and constraint in communication may indicate the presence of borderline mental states. How to overcome shyness? There are soft and reliable methods of restorative medicine. They confidently help people overcome communication difficulties and significantly improve their quality of life.
Modesty is a character trait in a person that makes him feel embarrassed about certain events in life. A feature of this condition is concern about the thoughts of other people, what they might think. Modesty should not interfere with life, but inside a person constantly struggles with himself, which negatively affects health and social life.
Appearance.
Modesty is laid down from childhood if the child constantly felt disapproval from elders for his actions and was scolded for any manifestation of individuality. In this case, children do not form the habit of achieving goals, and they stop expressing their desires. A modest person is difficult to notice in a crowd; he tries not to stand out. Parents should not persuade their child to quit what they love, but on the contrary, they need to help and explain everything. Another reason for this state lies in the desire to be the best, that is, perfectionism. For any failure, a person blames himself, even if the problem was due to external factors. To avoid any troubles in the future, such people refuse new acquaintances and rash actions. They are very afraid of hearing disapproving exclamations or ridicule addressed to them.
Manifestation.
Suspiciousness; Fear of offending someone; Inability to refuse; Inability to make decisions; Stiffness in communication; Serving other people. This character trait is more characteristic of women and there is an opinion that it only adorns the fair sex. But behind the pliable and soft girl hides a person who is afraid of seeming misunderstood. They underestimate themselves, so they have to play someone else's role. There is an answer to the question whether modesty and shyness are synonymous. A shy person is terrified even at the thought that he might be ridiculed and his mistakes pointed out.
Actions.
•difficulties in communicating with people of the opposite sex and, as a result,
•a frequent desire to avoid such communication;
•concern about “how do I look?”, “what will they think of me?”, “doing something wrong”;
•inability to make new acquaintances and contacts with the opposite sex;
• clumsiness, awkwardness, unnaturalness and stiffness in movements in the presence of people of the opposite sex;
•fear of showing your talents, knowledge, strengths;
•increased anxiety, often turning into fear, depression, apathy, loneliness;
•frequently arising thoughts about one’s own wrongness, inferiority, “worseness” in comparison with others;
difficulties in defending your rights, views, •opinions, points of view;
fear of being the center of attention.
Deliverance.
-Authority.
The first thing we need is a relaxed state in society. Just remember: when you communicate with a friend, you don't worry. You are not shy about your words, long pauses and bad jokes. You're kind of in a neutral atmosphere and you're not afraid to screw up.
-Appearance.
Clothes, hairstyle, nails - everything should be at an acceptable level. Of course, if the looseness is strong, you can walk around in rags and enjoy the attention of people, but we are still far from that.
-Muscles.
Your shyness manifests itself externally: crossed arms and legs, finger tapping, awkward postures, small handwriting, etc. Consciously fight this, unclench through force. Somehow, at one time, I myself “did up on this” and it helped me. Subsequently, it turned out that this is quite common in psychology and is called “fighting muscle tension.”
-Environment.
They say that we are a reflection of the five people closest to us. And it’s true: you’ve probably noticed that you and your friends (I’m generally silent about parents) do some things the same way. These can be special phrases, gestures, movements - little things that are not noticeable, but at the same time very important. So, in order to become liberated, you need to surround yourself with as many liberated people as possible. Little by little you will copy their behavior without even noticing it.
-Sport.
Try going to classes for a week - you will become a different person. When the muscles begin to work, the whole body begins to work: digestion and intelligence improve, fatigue decreases, and strength appears out of nowhere. The blood simply circulates through every cell of the body and charges it with vigor.
-Training.
When a person enters an acting school, difficult challenges await him. On instructions from his teacher, he is forced to approach strangers and tell them complete nonsense. At first he feels ashamed and uncomfortable, but then it greatly helps him feel more relaxed on stage.
