Adolescence can take a teenager and his parents by surprise. It is much easier to survive this period by understanding what exactly is happening to the body and mood. We've collected some helpful insights from Phil Wilkinson's How Boys Grow Up and Anita Naik's How Girls Grow Up, which touch on topics that are important to teens and not often discussed.
Play-Doh
Play-Doh
Everything has its time
Some girls grow faster than others, while others develop breasts earlier. Young men also compete to see who can stretch out faster, who can change their voice or grow a mustache first. In fact, everything has its time. And most of the changes are genetic; they cannot be accelerated or slowed down.
At the age of 9-10, girls suddenly stretch out and become taller than their classmates. But this will not last long - over the next few years the boys will gain up to 40 centimeters in height! Growth occurs unevenly: some teenagers first gain weight and then grow actively. Often the arms and legs become longer first, and boys may experience a dramatic increase in leg size. All this is temporary, and by about the age of 16, the full transformation of a teenager into a woman or man will end.
Rules for Teaching Ethics and Morals
Teenagers are at a vulnerable stage when they are trying to determine what is right and what is wrong. Without proper guidance, their line between good and evil can become blurred. Hence, the need for rules is discussed below:
Respect is necessary
This is the golden rule that your teenager should follow.
- They cannot disrespect parents or guardians.
- They must also be polite and respectful to guests.
Confirm and reply
This rule will promote healthy communication between you and your child. Generally, this shouldn't be said, but you should explain that whenever you talk to them, they should acknowledge it and respond whether they agree with you or not.
This will help you establish a healthy relationship with your teen and understand each other's points of view.
Bullying, gossip and insults are prohibited
These are signs of disrespect. Physical or verbal abuse, including pinching, kicking, shouting or screaming at someone, is disrespectful.
- Tell them to be polite and use “please” and “thank you” when they should.
- Teach them how to get their point across without seeming disrespectful.
People in the real world expect these basic signs of attention. As a parent, it is your responsibility to teach your children to treat people with respect. Tell your teens that if they expect respect from others, they need to show respect to others.
Be honest
Honesty is important.
- Teach children to be honest.
- Let teens know that lying is not acceptable.
- They should always be truthful with you, which also means that they should not leave out any details or hide the truth from you.
- Always teach them to be honest. If they make a promise, they must keep it.
Honesty is a trait that your boyfriend will develop by watching. So make sure you and your spouse are good role models for your teen.
Ask before you borrow
- Whether it's a friend, family member or neighbor, teach your children to ask before taking anything from anyone.
- Explain that when they don't ask, it can be perceived as stealing, which is wrong.
- And if they borrow something, make it a rule that they have to pay it back.
Knock before entering.
- Always knock before entering someone's bedroom.
- Children should always wait for an answer before entering a parent's or sibling's bedroom.
- Parents can knock and enter without having to wait for an answer.
Don't peek into the room: Respect the privacy of others, no matter how close you are to them.
What's wrong with my skin?
Pimples and blackheads can greatly ruin the lives of teenagers of both sexes. They are so often annoying during adolescence due to the increased production of testosterone during this period. The sebaceous glands produce too much oil, which clogs pores and causes acne.
Pharmacies sell many skin care products for teenagers. You can try to pick them yourself or consult a dermatologist if there are too many rashes. It is important not to pick at pimples - it will only get worse.
In boys, the rash may appear on the neck, chest and back. This is also normal. Girls are often bothered by stretch marks. They appear because the body grows very quickly.
Carving
This is the art of artistic cutting that came to us from Southeast Asia. To create a beautiful vegetable or fruit bouquet you will need certain skills. If you want, you can learn carving without any problems. No special tools are required for this activity. Most of the masterpieces from fruits and vegetables are made with an ordinary knife. Of course, you can buy tools in stores. But this is for professionals. Almost all vegetables and fruits are suitable for carving: potatoes, cucumbers, pumpkins, radishes, apples, oranges, etc.
Personal hygiene
As teenagers grow older, they face another scourge - increased sweating. In fact, it is enough to follow just a few rules so that the unpleasant smell no longer bothers you. Every day you need to take a shower and use deodorant afterwards. It is imperative to ensure the cleanliness of linen and clothing. Sometimes these rules of personal hygiene do not help, then a doctor will come to the rescue and prescribe special antiperspirants.
We must not forget that the genitals also sweat, so you need to wash them with soap every day.
Right hemisphere drawing
Psychologists believe that right-hemisphere drawing is an ideal hobby for those children who are tense or feel insecure in company. According to scientists, the left hemisphere is responsible for the mind, logical thinking and symbols, the right hemisphere is responsible for feelings and emotions. People rely more on the left hemisphere, pushing themselves into creative boundaries. Right-brain drawing brings instinct and enthusiasm to the forefront. You can learn this way of expressing yourself in activity in just 1 day. This activity provides the child with a great mood and emotional impulse. Teenagers will become more confident and begin to look at life from a positive side.
Hair everywhere
Another sign of growing up is the appearance of hair where there was none before. The transparent fluff on the arms and legs becomes thicker and darker, hair appears under the arms and on the pubic area. This is good, because hair on the body has many important functions: it cools the body in the heat, trapping sweat, and warms it up when it’s cold. They also protect the most sensitive parts of the body.
In boys, hair also begins to grow in the lower abdomen, on the chest, and sometimes on the shoulders and back. At the age of 12-13, a mustache begins to grow, then sideburns and a beard. The color and amount of hair are determined by genes and cannot be influenced.
Some women choose to remove body hair with a razor or wax, but this decision is made on an individual basis. Young men also decide whether to shave their beard and mustache or not. Some people like smooth skin, others prefer to leave facial hair.
It is important to remember that hair grows back quickly, so sooner or later you will have to shave your face every day.
Rock climbing
This activity is suitable for teenagers who like to spend time actively. It is necessary to learn rock climbing from experienced instructors. Training should be carried out in a specially equipped room - a climbing wall. Typically, such premises have various training stands. This sporting activity will develop courage, strength and toughness in the younger generation.
New emotions
During adolescence, teenagers more often begin to think about sex and experience attraction to those whom they had not even thought about before. These could be classmates or celebrities. There is nothing to worry about - new thoughts are completely natural. At the same time, no one is obliged to go on dates and kiss if they are not ready for this. It happens that teenagers do not have special feelings for anyone - this is also normal.
Boys experience erections more and more often during puberty. It may be caused by erotic experiences or have no obvious cause. Another companion of adolescence is emission, that is, ejaculation in a dream. They will stop with age.
The hormonal storm that accompanies adolescence causes constant mood swings. Teenagers can be gloomy, irritable, and whiny. Negative emotions are quickly replaced by joy, laughter, and a feeling of falling in love.
Girls and boys themselves get tired of such jumps, but we must remember that hormones are to blame for them, and this will not last forever. Once the body restructuring is complete, your mood will become more stable.
Kanzashi
This hobby will interest girls. Kanzashi is an unusual hair clip. Its classic version is a sakura or magnolia stick, decorated with exotic flowers made of expensive materials - silk, organza, satin. Previously, only natural materials were used for the kanzashi technique. In modern society, chopsticks are made of plastic. This hobby will not only bring pleasure, but also provide an opportunity to earn money - kanzashi hairpins are popular among girls and women.
Self-esteem body image
Temporary changes in the body during adolescence can be seriously upsetting: boys and girls either seem too short or not thin enough, and acne also does not add self-confidence. It is important to remember that all this is temporary. The body changes rapidly, and reality is often not as terrible as it seems.
Low self-esteem can take a teenager by surprise, but we are more than just what we look like. Here are a few rules to help maintain self-confidence:
- It is important to remember your strengths. These could be achievements in sports or studies, or personal qualities.
- There is no point in comparing yourself to others; this activity will only bring suffering. The appearance of celebrities is also not ideal. Their photos are retouched; in reality they look different.
- If the cause of self-doubt is toxic girlfriends or videos on social networks, they have no place in a teenager’s life.
- The main thing is to believe in yourself and not be afraid to try new things. Low self-esteem should not prevent you from moving forward and developing.
Amigurumi
You shouldn’t assume that crocheting toys (that’s what this technique means) will only interest girls. Not at all. Throughout Europe, many representatives of the stronger sex are fond of this activity. A little patience, agility, perseverance - and a funny knitted toy will be ready. The founders of this type of art were the inhabitants of Japan. "Amigurumi" translates to "wrapped, knitted." On the Internet you can find videos with master classes conducted by experienced needlewomen. A small bright toy, knitted by hand, will be an excellent decoration for a bag, backpack and even a mobile phone. Psychologists believe that this activity has a positive effect on the mental state of adolescent children.
Personal boundaries
At a certain point, teenagers begin to set personal boundaries: they don’t want to change clothes in front of strangers, they prefer the company of their peers to family, they don’t want to share all their thoughts with their parents. This is natural, so you need to discuss the changes and try to make everyone feel comfortable.
Adults often find it more difficult to get used to changes; sometimes they are indelicate, discussing the child’s appearance or habitually going into the bathroom while the child wants to be alone. Brothers or sisters can do the same. A calm conversation will help clear up these misunderstandings.
The books “How Girls Grow Up” and “How Boys Grow Up” are a guide to body and mood changes that can be given to a child as early as 9-10 years old. The publications will frankly and tactfully answer the most important questions of teenagers.
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Mehendi
The new and intricate hobby “Mehendi technique” is becoming rapidly popular in our country. This is a temporary henna tattoo. The technique that came from India makes it possible to develop without obstacles in the field of drawing various patterns. A temporary tattoo is easily washed off, so it can be changed frequently. Such a hobby will reveal the child’s creative abilities, teach him to be patient and assiduous.
Roller skis
This device allows fans of skiing to do what they love even in the summer. You don't need snow to roller ski. The device is made of polyurethane or rubber. The choice of model is influenced by riding conditions. The skis are equipped with four wheels and the platform is stable. This sport is considered international and is used in summer biathlon. In 2000, the first world roller skiing championship took place.
Remember what you want to achieve
Always remember what you want to achieve by saying this or that phrase to your child. Ask yourself – what kind of reaction am I expecting? Why am I going to say this now?
If you ask yourself about this, then in many cases you will understand that you are going to say this phrase solely in order to throw out your negativity, your irritation, your fatigue.
As we have already said before, doing this to a person who is younger than you, whose psyche is still much more touching and much weaker than yours, is simply unacceptable.
Therefore, if you can always ask yourself such a question, I am sure you will avoid many conflict situations and will not say very many words that you would not like to say.
This formula sometimes seems like just some kind of pipe dream. This is a skill - the ability to ask yourself such a question is truly a skill. When you learn to do this, it will help you not only in communicating with your children. This will help you in communicating at work, in communicating with your husband.
Before each phrase, you can take a breath inside yourself and ask: “This reaction now - what will it lead to? What do I want to achieve?
Often this question, like a cold shower, relieves our irritation and we understand that at this stage we do not want to behave in the best way, which gives us the opportunity to choose the right strategy for behavior and communication with our children.
Problem #5 – trying to prove your own importance
The desire to make decisions independently, the teenager refuses to fulfill requests and demands, or does it all out of spite.
Why is this happening:
This behavior is provoked by the presentation of increased demands to children. By not following the rules, teenagers prove to others their own importance.
What to do:
To prevent conflicts, parents should not put pressure on the child. When he does not listen or protests, it is important to listen to his reasoning and allow him to express his own opinion.
Note! This mechanism is also common among peers - everyone forgets that teenagers are demanding of their peers. Both sides must learn to listen to each other and respect each other's opinions.
How to motivate and engage a teenager to make his life more interesting
Imaginary know-it-alls
Lack of motivation, desire to learn something new, communicate with different people is the scourge of the modern generation. Engrossed in gadgets, reducing communication to a few words in correspondence with friends, they feel comfortable. They know everything, nothing will surprise them. Leaving home for school is perceived as an inevitable duty, and there is even no question of spending free time usefully. At the same time, you notice that the child is apathetic, pale and generally does not look entirely healthy.
And sometimes, when you look at a person, you understand that he is of a respectable age, but you even find it difficult to determine exactly which ten you hit, and all because his eyes burn with fire and everything is interesting to him. He uses the presence of modern technical devices not to isolate himself from the world, but, on the contrary, to make the world closer. For example, find out about premieres, exhibitions, sports activities appropriate to his age, or study tourist routes to go on a small but journey.
And sometimes moms and dads are at a loss when their parents are going to the next premiere at the theater, and their son or daughter is sitting, locked in the room and saying that all this is not interesting.
So how to motivate a teenager, how to awaken interest in life?
"I see a landmark"
To begin with, it would be nice to admit to yourself what you really want from your child. That is, it is important for you that he does at least something or something that you want. If you are devoid of selfishness in this case, then offer “trial” lessons. Let him go to training or demonstrations, or take part in a master class. Ultimately, this is your child, and you know exactly what makes his eyes light up, even if only for a short time.
Likes animals? Offer a horse riding section or an animal shelter, or maybe the child dreamed of a dog, but due to circumstances you could not or cannot afford one, for example, because your husband is allergic to wool. Talk to friends who have a four-legged friend, but don’t have time to walk him, ask them to entrust this mission to your child.
Needed and important
The option with a dog is quite good; it will teach the teenager responsibility, because, despite the rain and snow, Tuzik needs at least 30 minutes a day to exercise.
If your child is far from nature and animals, then you need to find him a socially useful activity or assignment for which he would be required. Motivation can be developed. Today he is responsible for watering the flowers and the availability of fresh bread, tomorrow - more. But this does not mean that you need to blame all the household chores on him so that he wants to run away from this house as soon as possible; it is important to let him understand his importance and that active participation in the life of his family, class, and society is normal!
“But I’m your age...”
How do you, adults, react to moral teaching? Like? I doubt it... But despite this, we really love to carry out such executions with our children. Although it is more useful to show your child the diversity of life by example. If you yourself do not read books, do not go to exhibitions and do not play sports, then it is stupid to blame your child for essentially copying your behavior. And no statements like “I’m your age...” are appropriate here. Firstly, if you have devoted several years to music school, but do not remember how to hold an instrument in your hands correctly, or, having a rank in gymnastics, now weigh 70 kg more than normal, then this does not add advantages to you. And secondly, it was a long time ago and not true...
Joint activities unite. Bicycle rides, going to the movies or going to the gym, and even if you go to a book or music store together, your child may open up to you in an unexpected way, you just need to watch a little.
Not in the eye, but in the eyebrow
Is your teenager resisting your initiatives? He thinks that English is boring, and no one needs music, don’t argue, just try to show the other side of the coin. For example, in most schools the language is taught using interesting methods, and the knowledge gained can be consolidated at an international camp or this will allow you to communicate online with children from other countries, and then go to visit them. Even if music does not become a future profession, participation in various competitions raises self-esteem, makes you stand out among your peers and helps you make new friends.
I'll give you a hint!
Nothing helps? And in response to all suggestions, the child snaps, clicks, gets ready and goes somewhere with friends, leaving you alone with your sad “failed” thoughts. Don't give up! Open your home to his friends. There are many advantages to this! You will know that he is safe and cared for. There is no need to judge or give negative assessments to your “difficult” teenager’s friends, even if their appearance makes your hair stand out. It’s better to show interest, not just feigned interest, but real interest. For example, ask what tattoos mean and why this particular choice, whether it was painful to get a piercing, and how to care for dreadlocks. But this is just an example.
Our children are our copies. Most often, those negative qualities that we want to hide even from ourselves or the shortcomings that prevent us from living in childhood are embodied in them in an exaggerated form. Admit it to yourself. And love your child in any way, without judging, but trying to find the key to your “difficult” unwillingness.
Opinion
Hollywood movie original
Elena VOLKOVA, head of the Elite language school:
– Encourage your child to learn a foreign language. And in response to objections like “it’s boring,” talk about the prospects and opportunities that such knowledge provides.
Speaking foreign languages is fashionable and prestigious. In addition, it reveals hidden information: you can read books, watch films and see what the translator thought was unimportant, listen to songs and understand what they are about. Each language carries a lot of unique information, which is very interesting to learn.
A foreign language broadens your horizons, develops your thinking, and helps you take a fresh look at the world around you.
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Expert opinion
Get involved in your child's life!
Dmitry NESTERENKO, educational psychologist, MBU “:
– Based on a survey of schoolchildren (participants of the “Keys to the Future” club in Bataysk), schoolchildren’s interest in certain activities is instilled thanks to the success of their peers in this activity!
An important motive is the desire to succeed, to be able to stand up for oneself, to gain recognition and fame. But if the desire to please parents is at the forefront, there will be no benefit.
Attend various children's demonstration performances together, stay up to date with all the events that are held in Bataysk.
If a financial issue is a barrier to attending the desired club or section, then it is worth discussing it with the teenager himself.
Consider your options. Perhaps the desire is so great that he will be ready to do anything for the sake of his cherished goal. But not only desire should be the determining factor in the choice. Excessive physical and emotional overload can be harmful. It is advisable to talk with the coach, the leader of the circle and make sure that the training will be beneficial. If interest is lost, the task is not to isolate yourself from the problem, but to offer help and look for a worthy replacement. After all, if there is a need, then it is better to fulfill it, otherwise the teenager’s free time may be taken up by not entirely useful activities.
Skateboard, longboard
A teenager will get a lot of unforgettable sensations from riding a skateboard or longboard. A skateboard is a rollerboard mounted on small wheels. To master this sport and perform complex techniques in the future, you will need to practice several hours a day. To master certain skating techniques, a teenager must be well physically prepared.
The difference between a longboard and a skateboard is its higher quality parameters. This is a relatively new sport. A longboard is also a board on rollers, but it allows you to reach the highest speeds and perform the most complex acrobatic tricks.
