“Falsity, lies and false promises. It’s better to live alone than to go through all this” - these are the arguments that can increasingly be heard from both the fair sex and men. An ever-increasing proportion of the stronger half actually suggests that being better and easier on your own, you don’t need to take into account anyone else’s opinion and be disappointed in your other half.
Men's loneliness is talked about much less often than women's. And if it is customary for women in society to be “stigmatized,” then such a position as “bachelor” does not cause any complaints from anyone, much less sidelong glances. However, in both cases, loneliness is a swamp that gradually drags in and over time leaves scanty chances of getting out of it.
How do women feel about male loneliness?
The phrase “enviable bachelor” is quite popular in women's circles. An unmarried, handsome, and even single man of 30-40 years old is perceived by women as a “trophy” that definitely needs to be taken. Unfortunately, in their desires or outright attempts to conquer a lonely man’s heart, women often do not think about why it is actually lonely?
Of course, the thought that such a man simply has not met his woman is much more pleasant than the thought that the “lonely heart” is simply depressed, has loneliness syndrome and other reasons not to commit himself to a love relationship.
Female self-sufficiency
It is believed that one of the reasons for male loneliness is female self-sufficiency. This is quite a pressing issue. Many women are career-oriented, which is generally good. However, they cultivate strong qualities in themselves that do not allow them to express their femininity. As a result, such women become quite tough and domineering. Building relationships with such ladies is quite difficult, and not at all because men are weak. Such women simply discourage anyone from caring for them and pursuing them. It is quite natural that the male reaction to this is alienation.
Is loneliness dangerous for men and what can this lifestyle lead to?
Loneliness is extremely negative for both men and women. The assertion that men are stronger and less prone to anxiety and depression is fundamentally false in this case. So, for example, esotericists and psychologists constantly see examples where a man who comes to terms with his way of life and recognizes it as the only correct one gets a lot of other problems of a very different nature.
Personal problems in love relationships, or rather in their absence, gradually “eat away” life.
The result is self-destruction, attempts to find joy in a glass of strong alcohol, career problems and much more.
Is it bad?
There is no clear answer to the question of whether a man can live alone. Of course, anyone is capable of living alone, but this will have a negative impact on their mental health. People need to communicate, enter into communications and build some kind of connections with each other. If this does not happen, then the person moves away from everything worldly and loses the ability to communicate. He becomes more closed and withdraws into himself. This may result in severe depression or the individual simply avoiding all contact.
Strongly negative attitude towards marriage
Marriage is a reasonable continuation of a love relationship. Men who have a negative opinion about marriage prefer not to get involved with women so as not to give false hopes. Why might this attitude arise? As a rule, if a man had bad examples in front of him, for example, a failed marriage of his parents, constant quarrels in his family, etc.
Loneliness after 30 years
It is believed that up to a certain age people can be in search of themselves. If a man under 30 yearns for solitude, wants moral and physical development, then there is nothing shameful or wrong in that. However, male loneliness after 30 years indicates some kind of violation. Of course, there are exceptions. There are young men who want to engage only with you throughout their lives. Some will say that they are selfish, but in fact such people can bring great benefits to society. They focus on some of their talents or tasks and realize themselves fully.
Male loneliness - positive and negative aspects
Temporary loneliness is quite possible and there is nothing wrong with it. For example, a man may take a break and not enter into a relationship until he achieves significant results in his career, has fun with friends, or is seriously involved in sports. If this period does not drag on, then such loneliness may even benefit future relationships.
We need to clearly understand the line between temporary and permanent, chronic loneliness. In the latter case, a serious struggle will be required, since it is quite difficult to fight accumulated problems and bad habits. Often, chronically lonely men can no longer cope without psychologists.
Negative experiences in the past
For those who have gone through a divorce or had negative experiences in relationships, we can recommend the following:
- If the events happened not so long ago, then it takes time to be ready for a new relationship. As a rule, this is a year; there’s no point in delaying it any longer. After reflecting on what led to this outcome and drawing the right conclusions, you can try to establish new relationships.
- If the question is how to survive loneliness, you should take care of yourself and your self-improvement. It could be anything - a new hobby, sports, music, travel, a change in activity, a lot of activities that are worth spending your time and energy on.
- Traumatic events (divorce, betrayal, or loss of a loved one) lead to feelings of fear or uncertainty about success. Having recognized his fear, a man will understand how to overcome loneliness. Life must go on, and let previous failures become a lesson and experience that will make a person stronger and stronger, wiser and more attentive. If you have the right attitude, then any changes in life will be perceived as a new level.
How to deal with male loneliness - universal tips
It is possible and necessary to fight male loneliness. Fortunately, besides going to a psychologist, there are other ways:
- Sports and a healthy lifestyle are a universal medicine for all occasions. Firstly, it is good for health. Secondly, in gyms and at the stadium you can meet your chosen one with similar aspirations and lifestyle.
- Going headlong into work. Here we note that this method is most effective for young people when climbing the career ladder is just beginning. Gradually, when financial well-being improves at least a little, most men will want to acquire family comfort.
- Getting a pet. Fish, hamsters and even small lizards can “awaken” warm feelings in a lonely heart. But the best option is, of course, a dog that will faithfully wait at home and with whom you need to go out for walks in public.
- Friends, both single and family. True friends will always help you get out of any difficult situation, including depression. And if you still have an example of a warm family relationship between your best friend and his wife before your eyes, this will be the best medicine for curing loneliness.
- Hobby activities will allow you to forget about any psychological problems. It is advisable that the hobby should not be “at home”, but require going out to people and communicating with them.
Consequences
As a result, young people either stop communicating with the fair sex, or simply begin to exist separately from them. But where can one man relax if he avoids female society and has no friends among men? This is a very interesting question that is asked by many women who believe that a man cannot survive without them. In fact, there are quite a lot of options for recreation and entertainment for such a person. Again, this is a matter of awareness. If a person understands the reason for his loneliness and goes into it intentionally, then he knows what he will do, does not waste time and develops himself. If loneliness is caused by pathological reasons, then there can be no talk of any rest or entertainment. Such a man is simply self-absorbed, he has a poor understanding of his feelings and desires and does not work at all on his internal problems.
Fear of loneliness - how to get rid of it
Whatever it is, and no matter how attractive loneliness may seem, sooner or later there will be a fear of the possibility of being left alone with yourself for the rest of your life. It rarely happens that a man does not see a problem in being left alone until the age of 40 and continues to assure himself that as soon as he wants to get married, he will do it literally “tomorrow”.
Loneliness is almost always accompanied by a mountain of fears, complexes and blocks, which can and should be dealt with with a psychologist. The main thing is to understand in time that there is a problem and to seek help in a timely manner, because the more time passes, the more difficult the healing process will be.
Is this possible?
So, is it possible for a man to live as a lone wolf? Of course you can, if this is his sincere desire. But in no case is it possible if he simply avoids responsibility and problems. Through alienation, he will not solve any of his problems, he will only aggravate them. If you have such acquaintances in your circle, then you need to do everything to get them to communicate. At the same time, remember that a person has certain boundaries that you cannot cross. If a man categorically refuses help, then it is better to leave him alone.
If you are still concerned about the question of how a man can live alone, then there is no need to torment yourself if your loved one has chosen this path. This is completely normal and natural, so there is no need to worry. The main thing is not to fall for the stereotypes of society, which claims that such behavior is abnormal. Remember, a person chooses his own path and is free to decide how to spend his life. In addition, many men who spend some time alone are happy to return to normal communication and family circles. Having been alone, they receive a certain energy, and after this period they can live a normal, full life.
To summarize, there is nothing wrong with being alone. If a person feels good alone with himself, then he will feel great in any company. You should not label or draw any conclusions about a person simply because he loves solitude. In the modern world, many people are lonely, they just know how to hide it well. People who openly express their desires deserve respect. A lonely man is a normal phenomenon if such a path is chosen consciously. If we are talking about a slacker or a person with complexes, then only he can help himself if he really wants it. In other cases, any outside help will not be effective.
How loneliness affects the mind and body
Some people believe that loneliness is purely an emotional reaction, but chronic loneliness can seriously affect a person's mental and physical health.
Increased anxiety and stress caused by loneliness cause the body to increase cortisol levels, which leads to a variety of physical and mental problems.
Some of these problems include:
| Mental | Physical |
| Increased risk of dementia and Alzheimer's disease | Sleep disorders |
| Decreased ability to concentrate | Diabetes mellitus type 2 |
| Reducing decision making and problem solving | Heart disease |
| Depression | High blood pressure |
| Obsessive-compulsive disorder | Substance use |
| Social anxiety | Shortened life expectancy |
| Mental fatigue | Increased inflammation |
Inability to forgive
Everyone makes mistakes and even you are no exception to this rule. However, sometimes people simply forget about this when the need arises to forgive another person.
Of course, psychologists do not recommend tolerating anything while in a relationship with your partner: you should not force yourself to accept things that go against your perception of the world. However, if you don't agree with something, it's best to withhold judgment. In some cases, if you are offended by your partner, but he shows sincere remorse for what he did, it is still worth giving him a second chance. However, if you decide to forgive a person and start over with him from the very beginning, do not just expect changes on his part, but also reconsider your own behavior and attitude towards life - something caused your partner to step over the limits of what was permissible.
New acquaintances
To combat the problem you need to make drastic changes, and in case of loneliness, by making new acquaintances. There are several ways to take the initiative to communicate:
- A man needs to get out of his own shell by establishing relationships with society. Interpersonal communication will not replace the Internet and information technology.
- You shouldn’t wait for an invitation, you need to call all your friends and acquaintances, colleagues and classmates, and turn to them more often for advice and help. Those who respond can enter the social circle; a man just needs to invite them to a cafe or home for tea, arranging friendly gatherings.
- If a man likes a girl, he shouldn’t be afraid to take the initiative. Even if the attempts remain unsuccessful, they should be treated without undue self-criticism, since the man will gain invaluable experience that will help him in future attempts to meet.
- You should not expect that friendship will begin immediately after the first communication. Any relationship is a complex and time-consuming process that is built on rapprochement and close communication.
The most pleasant and useful way to combat loneliness is to have a pet. Whether it’s a kitten or a puppy, a four-legged companion will teach a man to responsibility, care, contacts and communication, and spending time together. In addition, a pet, according to psychologists, is an excellent source of positive emotions and joy, that is, an antidepressant.
What makes a person lonely? Three Factors of Loneliness
In one study of loneliness, researchers wanted to isolate the biological and psychological factors that predispose a person to experience greater loneliness.
A 2008 study found that lonely people typically experience a combination of three "loneliness factors." These factors include:
- Level of vulnerability to social exclusion:
Each of us needs social inclusion, and the intensity of this need depends on our genetics. The stronger a person's need for social integration, the more vulnerable he is to feelings of loneliness. - The ability to self-regulate emotions associated with feelings of isolation
: We all have our own mental ability to “wash away” our emotions and states of mind, so some of us can process negative emotions more effectively than others. If you have a weak ability to self-regulate the emotions of loneliness, this can lead to chronic loneliness over time. - Mental representations and expectations of others, and reasoning about them
: Some people have a harder time understanding the reactions and expectations of others. Lonely people have a hard time believing they fit in with a group, causing them to perceive their social skills as lacking.
Unexpected reasons for loneliness
Loneliness isn't always what people think it is. There's a reason why most people who suffer from loneliness live with it for years without their closest friends or family even realizing it.
Loneliness can exist in the most surprising of people for unexpected reasons. Here are some illogical reasons for loneliness:
1) Be extroverted:
There are many extroverts who are lonely, and these are the types who feel isolated in a crowded room. They yearn for deeper connections but fail and return to their superficial and short-term relationships.
2) Male and single:
one study found that women are less likely to be lonely because they have stronger and broader networks to rely on. In contrast, single men are the most vulnerable to loneliness and typically have few or no close friends to turn to.
3) Personality
Type A
: Type A personalities
are people who are more impatient, competitive, ambitious and hot-tempered, and their response to stress is usually more neurotic and frantic. The study found that Type A individuals have more difficulty in relationships and connecting with others, making them more prone to loneliness.
4) Addiction
from Social Media: One of the biggest causes of loneliness these days is overuse of social media. Social media can make people feel like everyone around them is living a perfect life full of social activity, leading to feelings of self-doubt, inadequacy and, of course, loneliness.
5) Chronic illness:
Chronic illness can not only harm your physical health, but it also increases your chances of long-term loneliness. Researchers have found that people have a harder time maintaining a positive outlook with chronic illness, especially in older age, and fall into a spiral of loneliness as they age.
Negative influence of maternal image
Two possible developments suggest the following scenarios:
- A man considers his mother ideal, his attachment to her is too strong, he emotionally depends on her opinion;
- A man is detached from his mother and may not only not love her, but hate her.
In both options, the result is the same: a man perceives women through a maternal image, and his assessment is always negative . Such men are unlikely to make loving husbands - they constantly compare all women with their mother, do not see merits in them, only flaws and imperfections.
Seven troubles one answer
The greatest happiness and the greatest suffering are brought to us by other people. Paradox: when we run away from other people, not wanting to suffer from interaction with others, we thereby doom ourselves to even greater torment from fears, depression and loneliness.
There is no need to break yourself, convince yourself of something, or try to overcome your nature. It is enough to realize the human psyche in its full extent. The knowledge about eight vectors that Yuri Burlan gives at the “System-Vector Psychology” training reveals how the human self works, what dictates our actions, and this relieves psychological stress. By focusing on other people, using knowledge about mental vectors and beginning to understand what motivates other people, the sound engineer ceases to consider them stupid and worthless. He feels the joy of recognizing other people, the joy of revealing the human soul.
By actively becoming involved in the lives of other people, a person suddenly discovers that his life is filled with meaning and joy every day. And inner loneliness dissolved, and in its place came the feeling that from birth to the very end we are all inextricably linked with each other and form a single system, where everyone depends on everyone else, where everyone receives and gives according to their nature.
As a result of awareness, fears, depression, hostility go away, people begin to reach out to you, and you develop a genuine interest in them. And then - goodbye, self-isolation! Goodbye, hateful loneliness!
People who completed the training talk about how the feeling of loneliness and emptiness disappeared:
Symptoms of Loneliness
If you think you or someone you love is suffering from loneliness or extreme loneliness, pay attention to the following symptoms.
Remember: loneliness affects us all differently, and some people may experience different variations of similar symptoms.
- Weak ties:
A person experiencing loneliness is unable to connect with others beyond a superficial level. In many cases, lonely people have friends or family, which makes it appear that they have a normal social life and emotional well-being, but their interactions with the people in their lives do not seem fulfilling or meaningful. - No Best Friends:
All of a lonely person's friends are random or just passing by. They don't have regular close friends with whom they can really communicate. A lonely person feels like there is no one in his life who “understands” him. - Social exhaustion:
Any type of social activity is physically and mentally draining for a person who is lonely. Even when they sincerely try to take part in social activities - even something as simple as just going out for drinks or lunch with friends - they find it difficult to enjoy social activities because they feel so tired. - Overwhelming isolation:
No matter how many people are physically around a lonely person, they experience an overwhelming feeling of isolation. It's as if they're trapped in a bubble and interacting with the world through a filter that makes everything feel heavier and slower. - Physical Effects:
Due to all the other symptoms of loneliness, a lonely person usually experiences physical side effects such as insomnia, poor diet, weight gain, weakened immune system and general malaise.
Lack of self esteem
Can you love a person who doesn't respect himself? Most likely, such a connection will exist only out of sympathy, without the desire to create favorable living conditions for your partner.
In order to find love, some people need to find their own inner support, which will be activated in those moments when a person is depressed. This could be interesting hobbies, certain knowledge, or established guiding life principles - everything that, in a short period of time, will allow you to realize your own importance.
Understanding Loneliness: What is Loneliness?
Loneliness is a long-term feeling of social or emotional isolation in which a person feels separated or separated from others.
They feel that it is extremely difficult for them to communicate with their peers in anything beyond a superficial level, and they become tired of trying.
These feelings are usually accompanied by self-loathing, low self-esteem and self-confidence, and general inadequacy.
Persistent or chronic loneliness can affect anyone, even the most outgoing and extroverted.
Loneliness is a deeply internal conflict that can last for years in a person, and no one around him notices it.
A person suffering from extreme or chronic loneliness will experience negative effects in all areas of their life.
If you don't want to get rid of loneliness...
So, you don't want to struggle with loneliness, but, nevertheless, you want to live in harmony with yourself.
I remember the advice of the broker performed by Vladimir Basov from the film “For Family Circumstances”: get a dog.
- Indeed, get a pet with whom you will not be lonely, for whom you can take care, and for whom you will be the only light in the window. After all, a pet is a responsibility, and any responsibility brings discipline. Discipline in conditions where no one is looking after you will come in handy.
- Play sports. It's a fun activity if you get into it. Sports tend to occupy everyone's thoughts. It will be a pleasure to look at you. Non-professional sports, unlike professional ones, are good for health. By exercising you will prolong your life, move away the state of helplessness and expand your social circle. It’s rare that anyone engages in physical exercise in splendid isolation, much less playing sports. It’s better to choose not general physical education, but a sport that you really like and that you will strive to practice.
- Well, what I already mentioned above: favorite pastime, hobby, hobby. Do something for your soul. The same philately, numismatics or amateur radio - a whole world that is quite capable of replacing many things in your life. Maybe you had a knack for drawing as a child? Or to music? It's never too late to develop. Become a passionate fisherman or mushroom picker. In short, you have a whole alternative universe in front of you, which is not a sin to master.
As you can see, at first glance it is obvious that you can get rid of loneliness on your own and quite effectively. But to study and understand yourself more deeply, avoid pitfalls and even, don’t let this word scare you, dangers, and find your optimal one and, perhaps - it’s not harmful to dream - working with a professional will help you find the ideal option. That’s why he’s a professional, having studied psychology at university for six years, and every day helping people overcome their loneliness.
